The other part of Christmas

So along with all the drama at work about boilers and steam pipes (and large funerals and budget discussions and other sundry things I didn't mention), I hosted Christmas here this year. Which I was very happy to do. With my work schedule it's easier in some ways not to have to travel, and I have a great house for everyone to gather in. But that also meant that the pressure was on to get the shopping, decorating, cleaning and so on done in a timely manner. I'm awful about being last minute...some of it is intentional--I just refuse to start Christmas as early as many do, some of it is my personality which seems to prefer last minute pressure, and some of it is work--long days mean when I come home I just want to veg out.

This year, Amazon was my friend, and almost all my shopping was done on line in one fell swoop, which was great in many ways. But all those boxes piled up in the back room, demanding to be sorted and wrapped--sort of like they were glaring at me every time I came in the door. I bought the tree in plenty of time--really it was the easiest tree-buying ever: I went to Whole Foods where they had gorgeous Fraser firs and bought the first one I saw and the guys stuffed it into my car. It was the heaviest tree I can remember and it is beautifully fat and full, and just brushes the ceiling. And it took me three nights to decorate.

WW, Mr. WW, and Baby M arrived first, on the day before Christmas Eve, and the Kid came in from the city that night. I managed to have all their presents wrapped and under the tree before they got here, and all the grocery shopping done, and the house was clean because the domestic goddess also came that day. That was also the day that the second boiler went, so I was feeling pretty stressed. On the up side, it meant I could forget about sermon writing, so I spent all of Christmas Eve afternoon wrapping the rest of the gifts. For the first time in at least 30 years I did not have to stay up until the wee hours surreptitiously wrapping while everyone else slept. Amazing.

After the early service at the neighboring church, we all came home and had dinner and then I went back to church, and WW and the Kid started baking...and were still baking when I came home: apple pie, chocolate tart, and a pie crust for me to use the next day,  and sweet potato biscuits for Christmas dinner. So even though I didn't have to wrap presents, I stayed up late with them and helped them clean up.

Christmas morning I got ready for church while Baby M had some breakfast and then he started opening presents. Only he is very very slow and deliberate so he actually only opened two before I left. Which was okay because NSLS, Mr. LS, and Little J were coming in that afternoon after being with Mr. LS's family for a few days. When I got home from church M was napping and I started in prepping Christmas dinner: Baked ham, pineapple and cheese, green beans, kale chips (which Mr. LS made when he arrived) and my contribution to dessert: pecan pie. What I really wanted was a nap, but that was not in the cards.

NSLS and her family arrived around 3, and full on present-opening commenced. J is old enough to really enjoy it now, and is sweetly thrilled by everything. M got into it, too, after he got warmed up. And it was a great Christmas evening.

Everyone stayed until Tuesday, and it's a good thing that was the plan because Sunday afternoon we were hit with the Great Christmas Blizzard of '10. The wind fairly howled, and we felt every draft in this old house, but we also had a roaring fire and we spent our time playing with Christmas toys (at one point we had a great sing along session with M's rhythm instruments) and, after the kids went to bed, board games. J and I ventured out into the snow once, but it was just too windy and cold to stay out.

It really was a lovely Christmas, and I loved having everyone here for a few days. The house is way too quiet when everyone leaves. So Tuesday afternoon, the Kid and I decided to go to see Harry Potter 7.1 ~ we've had a long standing tradition to see those movies for his birthday since that is usually when they come out, but we hadn't managed to see this one yet.  Annoyingly, the projection system wasn't working very well, but the bonus was they gave us all free passes to compensate for the less than perfect picture (really it was fine after they got it into focus, just a bit smaller than usual on the screen but they spent 10+ minutes trying to fix it). I won't say no to free movie tickets, so the next day we went back and saw The King's Speech, which is really excellent--go see it! Colin Firth was really really good as George VI.

The Kid left yesterday to visit his high school friends, and I went back to work--sort of because it was, until late yesterday, still quite cold everywhere except the main office. One boiler is up and running and hopefully Sunday we'll be back to "normal"--whatever that is!

And that's Christmas 2010.

Let me tell you about our Christmas...Part I

~About a week and a half before Christmas, the director of the preschool that rents space in our basement showed me a big wet spot on the carpet and a leak in the pipe that runs along the wall. It's a steam pipe for the heating system and we had to replace a big hunk of it on the other side of the building just about this time last year. Big sigh...we called the plumber and the news kept getting worse. Turns out we have to replace that pipe on the whole length of the building--through the preschool and the food bank beside.  it.The only good news is that the work can be done between Christmas and New Year's while the preschool is closed.

~The Friday just a week  before Christmas, even as the plumber is still giving us an estimate to replace the steam pipe, I look out the window to see a truck from the company that services our boilers in the parking lot. Not good, I think, and later I go over to see what's up. Seems like someone had noticed a lot of steam coming from our chimney and suggested we should get it checked, and sure enough, one of the two main boilers has gone kerfluey and will have to be replaced. The heating guys fix it so one boiler can heat the church for the weekend, and promise to try to get a new boiler in before Christmas.  On Sunday the church is chilly but bearable with just one boiler running. [There is a third boiler but it only heats my office and the church school space upstairs.]

~It takes longer to get a new boiler than we expected but with the one boiler keeping things bearable, we think we'll be okay. Then on Thursday, the day before Christmas Eve, I walk into a freezing church and the maintenance guy says, "Ready for some more bad news?"  Yes, indeed, the second main boiler--the one that is only two years and 25 days old--has failed. We have NO heat in the church or the Parish Hall. And no hope of getting either boiler repaired before Christmas.

~Meanwhile it's getting colder outside, and snow is forecast for the weekend. It's about 40 F in the church and I'm not sure whether to be more worried about the pipes all freezing in an unheated building or folks coming into a freezing building for Christmas Eve services. After consulting with the senior warden, I decide there is no choice but to cancel all the services for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the first Sunday after Christmas--heartbreaking but I see no alternatives. We briefly discuss renting space heaters but fear that they would overload our electrical circuits. There is a large fireplace in the Parish Hall and someone suggested that we just build a roaring fire and gather round that on Christmas Eve but I am skeptical.

~The brand new office manager who has spent her first week perfecting the many Christmas bulletins (which are now superfluous) emails and calls everyone in our directory to give them the news and I call my friend the priest who happens to be the priest-in-charge of the church in the next town over, and ask her if we might join them for Christmas services.

~If there is any good news in this whatsoever it's that the second boiler was likely defective from the beginning and we shouldn't have to pay for it. At that news I'm ready to sing the Hallelujah chorus. And the almost sort of good news is that I can abandon my sermon writing, freeing up some time for other things--like wrapping presents and SLEEP.

~So on Christmas Eve I drive to church [and that's the first time since I moved to NYC for seminary that I've driven to work for services b/c I've always been able to walk] and join the neighboring congregation for a lovely service. WW and Mr. WW and the Kid are there, and baby M sits on my lap as we watch the Christmas pageant. I return the next day, and the next [it's the perfect storm of Christmas with services on Friday, Saturday and Sunday] and some of our parishioners attend as well. It's different but it gives me a new perspective on Christmas services...and lots to think about churches and buildings. And as I drive home after the last service on Sunday the first flakes of the great Christmas blizzard of '10 are beginning to fall.

~The REST of Christmas in Part 2...

Well THAT was a bust

Reverb 10 that is.  It seemed like such a good idea, a way to motivate myself to write after NaBloPoMo was over. But honestly, the prompts were not that motivating. And combined with a month full of craziness at work meant I just never got around to it each night.

December is always a month that elicits a lot of memories and feelings for me, and I still think from time to time "I should blog that," and then don't do it. But as much to get things down for myself as for any other reason, I'll have some year-end wrap-ups in the next day or so.

Meanwhile, happy almost new year!

Community

Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

I've been part of an online community of one sort or another since 1998 when I started hanging out on an Anglican/Episcopal listserve where I made some enduring friendships. (When I was ordained in 2005 people on that listserve came from 7 states and Canada to attend). This year I've found community on FB and the RevGalBlogPals.  I don't think I spend as much time on FB as some people, but I do spend time there every day, and I love it because it allows me to be connected to people from all the many disparate parts of my life--one day I friended  both my fifth grade teacher and my favorite college professor; I've reconnected with people from my old Girl Scout Troop, my high school class, my seminary. It's the main way I keep connected with family members
 
I've never been to a RGBP "Big Event" but I do find community there, especially at the Saturday preacher party. I"m inspired by others' words, and the company is great while I'm writing.

And I found community at the CREDO conference I attended last month. I really enjoyed the people I was with--people of different ages and backgrounds and locations but still with so much in common. Which leads to the kind of community I'd like to find or become part of this year. I'd like a clergy peer group. I miss regular contact with peers--people I can be honest with, commiserate with, complain with, rejoice with.

Make

Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

I haven't really made anything in a long while. I've never been super crafty, but I used to love counted cross stitch and for a while when the girls were little, I smocked things for them. The piece I am most proud of is a romper I made for my nephew with teddy bears smocked on the front. I made piping for the collar and used French seams, and even go the sleeves in pretty well. I'm not sure my nephew ever wore it, but when the Kid was born, my sister sent it back to me and the Kid wore it once. 

I'd love to take up smocking and cross stitch again but I need two things:  more time and a good needlework shop with cross stitch supplies and the ability to pleat fabric for smocking  I've thought about taking up knitting as well, but I'm not sure I'm patient enough to get good at it. 

Let go

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

My mantra over the last couple of years has been "Let it go, let it go" sung to the tune of "Let it be"--and you know, it really helped.  In the last year I've tried to let go of thinking about people in my life who have caused me angst.  Especially my former boss. So much happened the last year I was there that I just didn't understand. As is my wont, even after I left, I continued to think about it and process it to try to make sense of it, but I reached a point where I said, "ENOUGH!" It is over and done--let it go."  

I really needed to do that--because otherwise he and our poor relationship would define who I am and what I do no, and that's not healthy and not where I want to be. That's giving him a power that he shouldn't have. And really, it's over now.

Wonder

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

The sad thing is, I'm not sure I did. Except perhaps for the time I spent with my grandchildren, for whom the world is still ALL wonder. I love being with them, watching their explorations, hearing J articulate her every experience, seeing M learn to navigate more and more independently.  Nothing like seeing through the eyes of a child.

I think my photography helped me cultivate a sense of wonder when I was spending a lot of time with it. Seeing the world through a camera lens gives you a new perspective, captures things you might miss otherwise, focuses on things in a different way.  About the same time I quit blogging every day I quit working on my photography.  And as I learn over and over again in my life...it's really hard to get back into something once I let it go. But maybe it is time to work harder on that.

Jumping on the bandwagon

...the #reverb10 bandwagon that is. I need some incentive to keep writing, and although NaBloPo seems to go all year now, it really only works for me in November.

I'm several days late, but I am going to catch up. So here goes.

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

New...I think my word for 2010 is new, although the newness really began a few months before 2010 began.  I began the new year three months into a new position, three months into living on my own (read alone) for the first time in my life, and still figuring it all out. My routines and rhythms have changed over the year as the newness has started to wear off, but you know, I am still figuring it all out--what it means to be rector of a parish, what it's like to live alone, to parent only adults, to live in a new town without having children to settle in as a way to help me connect. All new.

I can no longer claim newness as this year draws to a close; I can't use it as an excuse for not recognizing someone or not knowing how to get somewhere, or even for not having a social life. The honeymoon is definitely over in my job, and the hard realities are setting in--that's not all bad, by the way, but it is hard in many ways.

A year from now, what do I want my word to be? Happy?  Satisfied? Does that sound trite?  I am ready for a year that just is--no big changes, no big drama, just things moving along. Is it tempting fate to hope for that?


December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)

To quote Songbird, "Aside from working and sleeping?" Yeah, that.

At work I write newsletters and bulletins and correspondence. I view my writing at work at least in part as teaching (this applies mostly but not exclusively to the newsletter).  At home I blog and I write sermons.  After blogging for more than 450 consecutive days, I rather abruptly all but stopped when my work life became unbloggable. I've blogged sporadically since then, but I really lost steam. And the blogging community has changed as I noted here which make blogging less rewarding than it used to be.

My other writing is sermons....and really everything else I do does sort of interfere with that, at least in terms of time. I know some people who are really good as setting aside a writing day during the week, but I'm not. And becasue I *can* produce something at the last minute I often do. To be honest, I write best under some pressure, so writing on Saturday works okay most of the time. The part I don't like is not taking or having adequate prep time during the week.

Now in truth what I do all day also DOES contribute to my writing in that it connects me with my parish who are my main audience, and in that provides inspiration and direction for what I write/preach, and often for what I blog. So it's not all black and white here. 

I'm not an inherently disciplined person, but I sometimes wish I were more disciplined about writing more/better.

ETA:  As I was writing my post on wonder I realized there is something I do now that interferes with my writing and doing other things: watching TV. Ironically I don't even own a TV but over the last couple of years I've begun watching on-line...it was stress relief and then it became habit. I don't watch that much, but even one show a night takes up time that I used to spend doing other things. And when I come home from work late and tired, there's not that much discretionary time. How do people keep up with a full TV schedule and still get other things done?

Skipping December 3 for the moment...

Hey, I did it again

Successfully finished NaBloPoMo with this post. This is my fifth year...now the question is, will I keep it up in December? Only time will tell.

Meanwhile is tomorrow REALLY December 1? In denial here...big time. 

Classic

After posting last night I lay down on the couch "just for a minute" and fell fast asleep. And had a classic anxiety dream. You know the one: I was trying to get ready to catch a plane somewhere and I just couldn't get ready. Couldn't pack. Didn't remember how to get to the airport. Not enough time. At one point something caught on fire and I couldn't remember how to make my cell phone work to call 911. Felt like I was in some sort of time quick sand. Crazy.

Consider the irony of me saying that I was going to try to do things a bit differently and then dream about FLYING somewhere -- since I never fly. The not-enough-time-to-get-ready part--not so ironic--just typical.

I woke up sometime after midnight to put myself to bed. I almost blogged the dream then because it was so vivid, and I kind of wish I had because I'm sure I've forgotten parts now.  But it truly was classic.

Tonight I shall go straight upstairs to bed.

Where in the world has November gone?

This is the time of year that starts getting to me, the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. And I don't ever remember a year where November seemed so SHORT.

Being away for 11 days early in the month really messed with my sense of time. I arrived home exactly a week before Thanksgiving day, and it was a week packed full of work obligations, both to catch up with things I'd missed and to prepare for the immediate future--which included, of course, both Thanksgiving and the beginning of Advent. I love Advent as a season, but I'm rarely ready for it and this year is worse than ever.  I know that Christmas will be here before I can really blink,

So I'm thinking about changing things up a bit. I'm pretty much a stickler about not decorating too early,  not getting caught up in the Christmas crazy, but I think that actually works against me in some ways, so I'm trying to relax my rules a bit. We went to the local tree lighting while we were in VT for Thanksgiving, and I really enjoyed it, and it helped me feel more in the spirit of the season. I'm planning on getting the tree earlier this year, and trying not to let Christmas prep pile up so much. At the same time, I'm already thinking there won't be time enough to get everything done, at home or at work. Couldn't we get an extra day a week or something? Maybe November ought to be where the extra days goes in leap year?

Back, safe, home again

After meeting all the gathered family at a favorite breakfast place and a stroll through a quiet (because it was stii early) downtown with frosty air and dancing snow flurries, we set out for home in time to be here before dark. But the best laid plans...you know how that goes.

By the time we gassed up the car it was snow showers instead of flurries and the farther we went the harder it snowed pretty much the whole way across the state. When we made a pit stop we hit a spot of blue skies and hoped we were through the worst of the snow but I had no sooner gotten out my sunglasses because the sun was glaring on the wet roads than we caught up with the snow squalls. The roads weren't awful buy it snowed hard enough that visibility was poor and traffic slowed way down. Mind you, I'd rather it slow down than for idiots to sped by but it did make for a loooong drive home.

I have to add that it would have been beautiful if I hadn't been driving in it.

Now it is on to the Advent rush...let the new (church) year begin!

Friday five~pies, pies, pies

Songbird had a plethora of pies yesterday, leading to this Friday Five.

Please answer these five questions about pie:
1) Are pies an important part of a holiday meal?

Yes! We had chess pie yesterday (along with coconut cake and cheesecake. Can't imagine not having at least one pie.

2) Men prefer pie; women prefer cake. Discuss.

Can't speak to the generalization, but I prefer pie if it is good pie. I love pecan, and mince, and peach, and key lime and...well what's not to love if the filling is scrumptious and the pastry is flaky? Otoh, mediocre store made pies are not worth the calories.

3) Cherries--do they belong in a pie?

Why not?

4) Meringue--if you have to choose, is it best on lemon or chocolate?

I don't really care for meringue, but I've had really excellent lemon and chocolate pies sans meringue. Bake the meringue into cookies instead!

5) In a chicken pie, what are the most compatible vegetables? Anything you don't like to find in a chicken pie?

Chicken! Since I am vegetarian chicken pie isn't really on my list anymore. My MiL used to make really excellent chicken potpie with pototaoes and carrots and peas. Fresh veggies are definitely preferable to canned.

I had a roasted vegetable pie from WF a couple of weeks ago and I may try to replicate that at some point.

Suitably stuffed

Eleven adults and two kids around the table and and a bounteous feast make a wonderful Thanksgiving day.

Hope you all had a wonderful day, too.

Over the river and through the woods...

to the grandbabies house we go.
The car knows the way
To take us today
And we're hoping to see no snow.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! We're off in the morning to Vermont for a big family dinner. 

When a short week doesn't feel like a good thing

~When you have to work on your day off to make up for it.

~When after you work on your day off you are still behind.

~When you don't have a parish secretary and despite having a substitute not everything can possibly get done.

~When it's right before Advent and you really don't have all your Advent ducks in a row.

~When you have to have a sermon mid-week and you don't have a spare day to write it.

~When you've barely unpacked from your last trip and you need to pack again.

More random bits

~I've been having some tooth pain off and on for a few weeks, but it never lasted long enough for me to decide to call the dentist. But over the weekend it got worse, and this morning it hurt when I ate, and my face felt a little tender....been.there.done.that. so I called the dentist, and sure enough I ended the afternoon with a root canal.

~The procedure itself isn't bad and my dentist is very good--I was out in less than an hour. But it sort of hurts now that the numbness is gone. The dentist gave me a prescription for vicodin, but I didn't fill it--I've never taken anything stronger than advil or tylenol, and I hope not to start now. We'll see.

~The other reason I didn't fill it is because I apparently didn't have the right insurance card for prescriptions. I have never once tried to used this insurance that it has worked right the first time. It always works out eventually (but I SWEAR they only sent me one card) but why does it always have to be such a hassle? The same thing happened when I went to the eye doctor.  Can we say single.payer.system?  Why is that so hard?

~I've cast my votes AGAINST Bristol on DWTS....have you?

~Monday is normally my day off, but with a short week and having just been gone for almost two weeks, I worked today to try to get caught up--or at least get a start on getting caught up. I wish it were possible to take time off without getting snowed under upon return.

Random bits of Sunday

~First time back in the pulpit in three weeks! Much better at the second service than at the first--I really need a warm-up I guess. Which is different than when I was teaching--I hated teaching two sections of the same class because the second one almost never went as well as the first.

~TOTALLY lazy Sunday afternoon. Although I had thought to go outside and fill the bird feeders and take the chairs off the porch for the winter and change the sign for church, I never made it off the couch. I read for a while, watched an episode of Castle, dozed for a while, and that was the afternoon!

~Even if you've never ever watched an episode of Dancing with the Stars, would you go on-line tomorrow night and vote for anyone EXCEPT Bristol Palin? That she is still there is a travesty. Seriously.  (Ha! Even my mother thinks so, which sort of cracks me up!)

~I  am so NOT ready to think about Christmas. I still have Advent planning to do. Why again did I think it was a good idea to be away the first two weeks of November?

~But I am really glad I went; it was a great experience. 

~I got the sixth season of Lost on iTunes so I could watch it on the train. Which I didn't do, but I watched some last night and tonight and all I can say is wtf?  I am still waiting for it to make sense.

~Loving my iPad, but I still can't make it send email correctly. I mean, it sends the message but without the content. Again, wtf?

~I completely missed my blogiversary last month--I actually thought about it but then didn't get around to blogging it--but I've been here for five whole years. FWIW.

~Maybe I'll stick around for a while long. NaBloPoMo hasn't been as hard as I'd expected, although I haven't posted much of substance.

~I was actually thinking about this yesterday: what's missing in my corner of the blogosphere is the conversations that we used to have, not here so much, but at other blogs where we seemed to gather. (Phantom, where are you? We miss you!) Some of that conversation migrated to FB, or Twitter, but since I don't tweet I miss out on that part.

~And I guess if I started tweeting, it would signal that it's time for people to move on to the next new thing, because that's the kind of trend setter I am :)

Transitions

The 11 days I was away seemed to mark the end of fall and the beginning of winter in my little part of New England. The big maple by the church was still adorned in golden red, and the northern dogwood that hides my back door from the parking lot had just begun to change when I left, and now they are completely bare. The leaves are gone behind the fence, and at night when I look out that way I can see the lights of cars on the highway rushing by, a reminder that I am still in the midst of things. The shops down in the town center become visible if I peer through the bare branches at the edge of the driveway.

One last tree in front held on to its golden brown leaves. This is the tree where, if I were a kid, I would build a treehouse. Its branches spread out just right, and one could sit just so and watch the world go by on the deceptively busy street corner.

It must've been a windy night, although I didn't hear it. This morning the leaves from that last tree cover the front lawn, like an unexpected golden snow fall in the night. The light is different in the living room now. I can feel winter in the creaks of the furnace, in the rustling of the bare branches, in the chill of the air.

Reenty is hard

I pulled into the driveway around 4:30 yesterday afternoon, came in and took a shower, started some laundry and then went over to the church to check the mail and get ready for a meeting.  Almost from the moment I walked in the door, nothing went as I expected it.

Most of it is non-momentous....just more of the same-old same-old things that happen--a plumbing leak, no heat in my office,  a problem with a staff member, all the aggravations that go with running a parish, or a small business for that matter. A couple of bigger, more complicated things thrown in for good measure, the details of which I don't need to go into here, but that are at the very least disappointing and at the most troubling.

Part of the conference I attended involved discernment around one's vocation. I went with some questions to ponder, and I left a clearer sense of how to focus on the next couple of years. I felt--and feel--good about that. I want that positive energy to help carry me over the rough spots that are inevitable. I just wish my bubble of positivity hadn't been pricked so soon. 

Happy birthday to the Kid

Who turns 19 today!!

I haven't said much about the Kid here lately. His first year of college earned mixed reviews But good fortune shined on him with regard to a summer job--a dear friend helped him get a job at a music school in the city and when he decided to take some time off from school, he was able to continue working there. So he's living in the city with friends and working and even singing in a young men's chorus. He's lloking into taking some classes in the city and who knows what will come next.

Only one more year and I'll no longer be the mother of a teen. Wow.

Train blogging 4

Breakfast in DC with a view of the Washington Monument and Jefferson Memorial outside the dining car window, lunch at Penn Station probably and hopefully home by 4. I slept pretty well last night all things considered. When I woke up we were somewhere in Virginia and it was very frosty outside.

I have never misssed Florida since I left it to move to Vermont, but the last 10 days helped me appreciate why people like to be there in the winter. I don't thinK I'll ever be a snowbird--I would miss winter--but I might consider a week or so in the south some March.

Train blogging 3

On the way home at last. I continue to be amazed by how many people are traveling by train these days. Every train I've been on has been full. I didn't get a sleeper car for the trip home which I sort of regret, but I can generally sleep any time, any where so it should be ok.

This whole trip feels a little surreal at this point. The CREDO conference I attended far exceeded my expectations, and then my visit with my mother was totally unlike anything I could've foreseen. Before I left for the train today she let me take her to Starbucks--about a 6 block walk each way. I think the curbs made her nervous in her chair, but the neighborhood is pretty accessible and it went fine.

I've tried not to let work intrude while I've been away but I haven't been 100% successful. I have to hire a new parish administrator and my attempt to post an ad on craigslist failed not once but twice. I'm wondering if the second failure had something to do with me trying to od fit from my iPad--it shouldn't but I just discovered the other day that email isn't sending correctly. Eh. And I have a whole slew of meetings to deal with, to say nothing of sermons etc.

But it is getting quiet now and I'm going to try to sleep.

NOT the day I expected

So I spent the day with my mother.

I hadn't seem my mother in longer than I care to admit, and the last few times I did see her were rocky. And as I've written about here before, we couldn't even talk on the phone without conflict popping up when I least expected it, although since she moved into assisted living she's been more mellow (but in that mellow state we've had only the briefest of conversations).

Last night my sister prepared me for a mother who was if anything worse--older, grumpier, and not the least bit mellow. That is NOT the mother I met this morning and spent the day with. She was chipper at breakfast, kidding around with her table mates. She asked me to take her for a walk outside, and then to the bible study that was going on when we came back in. (She lives in a Lutheran facility and a pastor is around quite frequently). She definitely shows age related memory deficits--certain things she asked me over and over--but she is not as far as I can tell suffering from serious dementia.

She looks better than I expected, too. My sister said she'd gained a lot of weight--and she has, but not as much as I had envisioned. She's confined to a wheel chair, and she has to have oxygen sometimes. She doesn't wear her teeth (but she never DID like wearing them, ever since she got full dentures befor my dad died.)But for 83 it's not too bad.

I spent the morning being gobsmacked by the difference between what my sister prepared me for and what I had been expecting based on past experiences and how the reality was just SO MUCH better. We spent a pleasant day talking about old times, and she went out of the building for the first time in maybe more than a year.

Maybe I just caught her on a really good day. But whatever the reason, I am so grateful for this day. So very grateful. I don't know what our relationship will hold in the future; I don't know how her health will hold up, but we've had this day togehter without rancor or recrimination, without complaint about ANYTHING. Maybe it it will remain something we can hold onto as we let go of some of the past.

Here I am

My conference ended this morning (and it really was wonderful) and after waving goodbye to my colleagues as they departed by bus for the airport, I had lunch with a seminary classmate who lives nearby and then boarded the train for Disney City where my sister met me at the train.

Now y'all know that I have been anxious about this visit. My sister and I were never close and our relationship is all tangled up in my relationship with mother. The two of us jut don't have that much in common--other than that we're sisters. But I have resolved that as far as I can help it, this visit is going to be non-controversial. And so far it has, I think. We stopped for some dinner and we talked a little bit about our mother and a little bit about our kids.

But it just feels so weird. And my sister said one thing that really floored me although I didn't react or respond in any way. She ssaid being around mother now reminds her of why she disliked her so much when we were growing up.

Huh. Really?

I'm afraid to probe that, but I'm really curious about what exactly she meant. I mean my mother has always been challenging in different ways. But i just don't know if I would say I disliked her. On the contrary what I remember most is always wanting her approval and never knowing how to get it. I found/find her frustrating and puzzling and difficult. So maybe my sister is just saying the same thing in different words. Which is also funny in the not ha-ha way because my sister (after a few years back in adolescence) seemed to be the golden child.

To be fair my sister has shouldered the burden of dealing with my mother since daddy died 8 years ago, and that has become a big responsibility. Huge actually. And she has her own issues to deal with. So I don't blame her a bit if she has negative feelings about dealing with our mother.

I hope when/if my kids ever need to take care of me it's not this complicated and sad.

I'm meeting my mother for breakfast in the morning. So I'm sure there will be more to say tomorrow.

Sabbath time

A completely free Sunday morning is a rare thing indeed for clergy, but that is what we had this morning. Nothing at al was scheduled. Although we had tasks to work on if we chose, how we spent the morning was entirely up to us. Some went to the beach, some read the New York Times or worked the crossword; others watched the Sunday morning new shows. I chose to sleep a bit later than usual, have breakfast on the patio, and then work on my end of conference project a bit.

Tomorrow we all head out. Eight days seemed like forevah when I got here, but now it seems like it went by incredibly quickly. This time tomorrow night I should be at my mother's place where I'll be until mid day Wednesday when I leave for home. Where it will be crazy busy from the time I get back--Thanksgiving week will be upon us--and Christmas won't be too far behind. Yikes.

Another day goes by in a blur

A short and boring post (because it is NaBloPoMo) just to say it's been another crazy busy day here at CREDO. I'll likely have more to say about all this later, but for now suffice it to say that it has given me lots to think about, and I've met some wonderful new friends. AND we went to the beach, and tonight we had a party, so it's not all work and no play. Tomorrow is our last full day; always mixed feelings about something like this ending. Ready to go home and sorry to say farewell. But now it is late and I must sleep.

Friday Five~~Winter is coming

I am currently in sunny Florida (and it has been SO pleasant) but I know that when I arrive back home next week, winter will soon be upon us. Apropos of that, here is this week's Friday Five:

1. What is your favorite movie for watching when curled up under a wooly blanket?
I love a good romantic comedy, some thing like Sleepless in Seattle or You've Got Mail

2. Likewise, what book?
Harry Potter (any of the 7) or a great historical novel like Winds of War.

3. What foods do you tend to cook/eat when it gets cold?
A big pot of soup.

4. What do you like to do if you get a "snow day"?
Sleep in, read, sit by a roaring fire.

5. Do you like winter sports or outdoor activities, or are you more likely to be inside playing a board game? Do you have a favorite (indoors or out)?
I might take a walk in the snow, but otherwise I'll be inside playing Apples to Apples or Scrabble or Bananagrams if there's a crowd, or a computer game if I'm alone.

Living in another world

I've been here at the conference center since Monday evening.It's a great conference--one where our every need seems to be anticipated and taken care of. We are working hard, but we are also well feed- three delicious meals a day , chocolate and healthy snacks in the meeting rooms, wine and snacks at the close of the evening session. I feel quite pampered.

It's easy to forget about the 'real' world out there. I realized tonight that I haven't even glanced at the news since I arrived--no New York Times, no NPR, nothing. it's not for lack of opportunity. I have my iPad and iPhone ( and indeed we are a wired bunch; there are 22 of us and at least half a dozen iPads, and many, many iPhones here. is it a bad thing to feel completely insulated foam whatever is going on out there?

Seriously?

Bristol the Pistol Palin STILL hasn't been voted off DWTS? Despite having the lowest scores for the last four or five weeks? Craziness.

I know it's all about having a fan base but come on--it's past time for her to go.

Thumbs up for the train; the taxi...not so much

The train got me here right on time late yesterday afternoon. I spent a lot of time gazing out the window at the ever-changing landscape as we went first west to Tampa and then back east and south. There were miles and miles and miles of citrus groves, followed by some pretty barren areas dotted with palms and pines and scrub oakes, but very little sign of human habitation. There were a few fields of cattle grazing so there must have been farms but they were not very visible. And then you emerge back into civilzation which grows increasingly congested.

Once I was here I needed to taka a taxi to the confernce center. I had google mapped it, and it was about a 5 minute drive. So I gave the address to the driver, who seemed to know wehre it was but then proceeded to get lost and drive around for about 30 minutes looking for it. It turned into a very expensive taxi ride. I paid it, but I wish now I'd been a bit more assertive about saying that I shouldn't have been charged so much.

The conference has beeen great so far, with a really interesting mix of people. The day has been long, but I can say that I was never bored, nor did I feel like my time was being wasted or manipulated. And the weather here has been perfect--warm and sunny with a gentle breeze. So far so good.


On an unrelated note, I'm typing this on my iPad. Using both a touch screen and an external keyboard is different--I have to stop and think occassionally about doing something that would be obvious with a mouse. But I'm sure it will soon be second nature. It's funny to see how many iPads are here, too--at least half a dozen spotted so far among 22 people.

Train blogging 2

I've lived up and down the east coast, and it's funny how this train trip is passing by or near the places I've called home. Right now we're in northern Florida, where I spent seven years. The view brings back so many mnemories...some good, some not so good. But it is beautiful county in it's own way--the spreading live oakes draped in Spaninh moss, the scrub pines, the lakes and springs and rivers, the palms and palmettos (not the tall impressive kind, but the lower scrubby ground cover kind.)

I've never been south of Tampa, and I only briefly visited there, so I'll be seeing some new country before the day is out. I'm looking foreword to seeing a broad southern beach and beautiful clear water.

We've passed a lot of fields covered with black netting supported on poles...I've never seen anything like it before and I'm wondering what they are growing. Tomatoes?

Okay we are in Winter Park now, farther south than I thought. It looks like a lovely town. Often on the train you see only the outskirts, not always attractive, but not here.

Sleeping on the train wasn't bad...but once the bed is made up you can barely move in the compartment. I'm not sure that two people could easily share this space although it is supposedly designed to fit two. I went to sleep at a ridiculously early hour for me (around 10) and slept until after 7, only waking up a couple of times, and I feel really well rested. Breakfast was grits, scrambled eggs and a biscuit-wonderful Southern fare!

I really do like traveling this way. It takes time for sure. The Kid and I were talking about this--we've both recently (re)read The Winds of War, a novel about the two years leading up to WWII. The characters all travel a great deal, but they take it as a matter of course that it will take them days if not weeks to get where they are going. Now we expect to be there in hours or it's not worth it. We're so rushed. I am grateful for being able to travel at this slower pace.

Train blogging

On the train to Florida...

So far so good. The compartment is smaller than the Amtrak website made it look, but it's okay for one person. We'll see how it sleeps; the food in the dining car is not gourmet, but it's not bad either, and because I have a compartment it's included in the price.

I had a lzay, dozey kind of day; read the NYTimes on my iPad, did a little last minute CREDO paper work and relaxed, and I'm tired enough to go to bed very early.

I like traveling this way.

Leaving on a jet plane....um. train

I'm leaving at o'dark thirty in the morning to board a train that will take me to Florida. I know that people think I'm crazy to take the train for such a long trip, but I HATE to fly. And the stress of having to deal with airports and take-offs and landings would completely undo any relaxation I might get from this trip. As it happens, Amtrak goes right to the place where my conference is, and it stops in the city where my mother and sister live, too, so it works out.

I splurged and got a sleeper for tomorrow night.The conference starts about thirty minutes after I get there, so I thought having a place to really sleep and change clothes might be a good idea. I didn't get the sleeper for the way home, but I've slept on a train before and ti wasn't too bad. Overall, I like traveling by train; I can read and watch movies (even as I type I'm downloading Toy Story 3 and Lost Season 6), and I have a little bit of prep work for the conference left to do, so I won't be bored.

I'm pretty sure I'll be able to keep up with NaBloPoMo because I splurged a bit and got an iPad this week--with 3G and wifi. In fact, I'm typing on said iPad right now with a spiffy wireless keyboard--so much easier than the built in one, on which (like on my iPhone) I make multiple and stupid typos. I can justify the iPad because I will be able to use it for work and the keyboard makes it that much easier. The only thing I can't do is download any pictures I take because I didn't buy the adapter I need for that (which at this point seems silly but whatever.)

So I still have a stack of ironing to do--ironing before packing is always at least a partial exercise in futility, but I do it anyway. Glad tonight is fall back night!

Friday Five~~It is well with my soul

From kathrynjz at the RGBPs:

We lead privileged lives.

True, some are more privileged than others but the fact that we are communicating right now via technological devices puts us in the privileged category.

There are many perks in my life for which I give thanks and then there are some that make everything right in the world during the moment I am enjoying them. I'm wondering what a few of those things - five to be specific - are for you.

1. I can pay my bills every month and have something left over.  That sounds pretty basic, but honestly, I've had times when that wasn't true, and those times suck--not to put too fine a point on it. So knowing that I can support myself (and I live not luxuriously, but really pretty well) feels great.

2. I have techy gadgets that make my life easier and more fun. An iPhone. A great camera. And, now thanks to some sweet perks at my job (see below), an iPad.

3. I have a job that is not only just what I want to be doing but also has some sweet perks.  Like a fund for professional expenses. And time and money for continuing ed. And four weeks vacation. And health insurance. 

4. I get to live in a cool Victorian house. Also related to number 3 above.  I've always wanted to live in an old Victorian house.

5. Dark chocolate with ginger.  Available at Whole Foods.  And salted caramel hot cocoa at my neighborhood S*bux.

So.....going to see my mother

On the way back from CREDO, I'm stopping in Disney City to see my mother.

I'm sort of embarrassed to admit how long it has been since I've seen my mother...eight years. There, I said it. The biggest reason is that I live at one end of the east coast, and she lives at the other. Or maybe that's the second biggest reason; the real biggest reason is that we don't get along all that well. (See this post ....and this one...for details).

Ever since my mother moved into assisted living, our interactions have been brief. When I call her, she only wants to stay on the phone for a few minutes--just long enough to say that we're both doing fine, and the kids are all fine and then she says she has to go. On the plus side she sounds reasonably content to be where she is--in assisted living and confined to a wheelchair. I sort of think that they must have her on some good drugs. Dunno. And there are no arguments. But it also feels like I'm talking with a casual acquaintance, not my mother.

Apparently what I didn't realize is that my mother has some dementia going on. When I emailed my sister to tell her that I was coming, she was very surprised because my mother not only didn't remember that, she didn't even remember that she'd talked with me.

So the mother I'll be visiting is not the mother I last saw. I'm not really sure what to expect. I know it will be sad on some level. I just hope it is not contentious.

Not as bad as it could have been...

...but still bad enough.

The mid-term elections, that is.

I am mightily relieved that we don't have the (former) head of WWE wrestling as our senator--what an embarrassment that would have been. She spent something over $40 million on her campaign, about $15 million from her own pockets, and yet dared to say in her ads that she "understood" how regular folks live....really?

I'm also relieved that some of the most rabid Tea Partiers lost as well--like the nutcase running in Delaware.

But elsewhere, things look more grim. I guess I should have known that all our optimism of two years ago would evaporate before it came to anything. I don't blame Obama so much. I haven't agreed with everything he's done, but for the most part, he's done as well as he could with what he's got to work with. And the economic mess we're mired in isn't his doing--he was just left holding the bag. Not sure it's going to get any better any time soon.

30 years ago today....

NSLS was born. That makes me OLD.  Although I was younger than she is now when she was born.

NSLS was double footling breech. I've joked that she wanted to walk out, and that she continued to want to do everything the hard way. She was born by C-section though, because the ob thought it was too risky to even try a natural delivery. And she was my biggest--9 lbs +

Now NSLS is expecting her second baby! When we skyped this afternoon Little J was wearing a "Big Sis" shirt, and proudly informed me that she's a "big sister." So cute!

NSLS was born in a large Navy hospital on a Sunday afternoon. I'll never forget all the doctors walking around that Tuesday (election day) shaking their heads and saying, "I never thought Reagan would get elected." Hmmmmm.

Happy birthday, NSLS!!

NaBloPoMo

Despite the fact that I've haven't posted in almost two months, I just signed up for NaBloPoMo again, for the fourth year. I decided I needed to either sign up, or just admit that my blogging days are over, and I wasn't ready to do that. So here we go. Keeping up this month will be complicated because I'm leaving town Sunday for 11 days--on my way to Florida for a CREDO conference (clergy wellness conference sponsored by the Church Pension Fund) and a quick visit to my mother and sister. Long time readers will know that I'll have LOTS more to say about THAT.

Needless to say, I've been busy the last couple of months. Work has been.....well, work. With lots to do. So I come home often well after dinner time, sit down and watch an episode of TV on HULU or read, and that's about it. I spend some time on FB and reading blogs--although Blogrolling completely
disappeared for a couple of weeks, and because I never used a feed reader I was scrambling to find my links.

There are a few things going on around here, but I'll save them for future posts....I'll need something to talk about for the next thirty days!  :)

Existential angst

This week marks my one year anniversary in my current position. It's been a pretty good year, overall, and I'm still happy to be here. But during my vacation (most of August) and since I've been home, I've been experiencing some existential angst.

Part of it, I know, is just realizing I've been here a year. I've moved often enough to know that at the year milestone I have to readjust myself somehow. I'm not "new" anymore; I have no excuse for not knowing how to get around or who people are. But I'm not "seasoned" either--I really haven't had time to learn everything I need to know about a place. And inevitably at the one year point I realize (again) that all my friends are somewhere else--not only have I moved (again) but I'm slow to make friends in most circumstances, and my job makes it even harder to have real friends as opposed to people I am friendly with.

Another factor is missing other places I love. Every time I go back to Vermont, I get homesick. I really loved living there, and at one point I thought I'd live there forever. I can't be sorry I left, because I wouldn't give up having gone to seminary, or living in NY, or all the friends I've gained, or the work I do now, but oh, I do still miss Vermont. And I miss being closer to my grandchildren and my daughters. I love spending time with Little Miss J and Baby M, and they are just far enough away that I can't go for just a day. It does help that I am closer to my other favorite place, and can hop on a train to the city almost any time I want to, but if I had the opportunity to move back to Vermont, I think I'd jump at the chance.

Then there's my job. I'm not unhappy, and I think things are going well for the most part, but it is lonely sometimes. I'm grateful for colleagues, both in real-life and in cyberspace, and for my clergy coach, because there are aspects of where I am that are very challenging, both in positive and negative ways.

And part of it is just me. I never planned to live my life this way, but I've ended up as a bit of a tumbleweed. I've always had one eye on the present and the other on the next thing to come, and that almost always involved being somewhere else. The one exception was when I moved to Vermont to take my tenure track job. I quickly fell in love with the place; the next thing to come was tenure but it would mean staying, not leaving.  Of course, the huge irony is that at the same time I got tenure I was discerning my call to become a priest, and that did mean leaving, at least for a while. And now it's not clear if I can go back, at least in the forseeable future.

Lest this come across as whiney, I'm not meaning to whine, and I'm not unhappy. More reflective, and perhaps a bit wistful at times?  I know this is part of my process of being in a new and different place, and it's not a bad thing. And honestly, I can't imagine what it would be like to have always lived in the same place. I'd bet that creates its own angst.

Friday Five~~Storms of life edition

The east cost has been riveted on Hurricane Earl this week, and in that light:

1) What's the most common kind of storm in your neck of the woods?

Snowstorms and nor'easters of the rain or snow sort. And truthfully, having had to do both, I'd much rather prepare for a blizzard than a hurricane.

2) When was the last time you dealt with a significant power outage?

The last place I lived (one right in the track of Earl) was prone to power outages; the old oak trees that lined the road I lived on not only made it lovely but were also likely to blow down with every big storm, taking power lines along. At least three times in the four years I lived there we were without power for 24-30 hours. And I guess I'm a little slow (or overly optimistic) because I was never really prepared.

3) Are you prepared for the next one?

Eh. I have a good flashlight/lantern and plenty of candles. I have a corded phone, which I learned was a necessity when I lived through the Great Blackout of 2003 in NYC.  I try to keep my cell phone and laptop charged. But I don't keep extra food or water in the house as a general rule.

4) What's the weather forecast where you are this weekend?

It was supposed to be rainy tonight, but as Earl has gone further west than originally forecast, I'm not sure we're actually going to get much rain at all. It is a little breezy now, and supposed to be windy tomorrow and sunny. Thankfully the stretch of 90+ degree days seems to be at an end, too!

5) How do you calm your personal storms?

Stew for a while, think about the situation from all angles, talk to a friend, and then try to let go of it.

Friday Five~~Dog days of summer

Hard to believe that summer is starting to wind down; I'm on vacation this month and all too aware that when I get back to work, fall will be upon us! So here's to summer:

1. What is the weather like where you live?

I love summer in New England, but this has been a hot and sticky one (hello, global warming!) I've been in Vermont all week where it has been very pleasant, and I'm going on to Maine in a couple of days, where I'm hoping for more of the same.

2. Share one thing you love about this time of year.

Just one?  I love the fresh vegetables, long days, cool nights, time off with family, a (slightly) slower pace.

3. Share one thing you do NOT love about this time of year.

Humidity.

4. How will you spend the remaining days leading up to Autumn?

I am on vacation until August 29, and I'm trying really hard not to think about work right now. But I know that when I get back I will need to hit the ground running--the September calendar is already way too full!

My vacation so far has been a few days in the city, and a week in Vermont. Next up is a week in Maine. The Kid has to go back to work after that, but I still have another week off (what to do then is yet to be determined.) Besides visiting family I've been reading and trying to get back to photography which I've really neglected for the last year.

5. Share a good summer memory.

Sweet Baby J isn't so much a baby anymore!

Spending time with my two adorable grandchildren.

Baby M is almost 1!

Bonus: What food says SUMMER to you?

Nothing says summer like a fresh vine ripe tomato, and fresh sweet corn on the cob.

Itsy bitsy spider (web)

Friday FIve~~Love the one you're with

I haven't done a Friday Five in forevah...I'm not off on Fridays anymore, and I tend to not think of it when I get home from work. But I'm doing this one quickly on my lunch break. 

Name five things you like about where you are living now... and as your bonus - 1 thing you don't like.

As of Thursday, I've lived here 11 months, so I'm a relative short timer here...

1. I like that I am on a commuter rail line to the city. It's a mere two minutes to the train station and then about 2 hours on the train--not bad at all! (although I wouldn't want to do it on a daily basis!)

2. I like the house I live in...built in 1876, it's fairly modest by Victorian standards, but quite spacious to me, and just suits me. 

3. I like my commute: out the door and across the lawn, and I'm there! And so far, the congregation has been very respectful of my privacy. 

4. I like that (contrary to the last place I lived) I can drive 20 minutes in any direction and find anything I might need. Target, WF, TJ's, Ikea, and the like all fairly close by (the minus is also the 20 minute drive...but you can't have everything, right?)

5.  I like that I am close enough to a major university with a divinity school (25 minutes or so) to take advantage of its offerings, as I did earlier this summer when I took two great classes. 


Bonus:  I dislike that although this is technically a "blue" state, in my area people are generally MUCH more conservative than I am. I don't think everyone needs to agree with me, but I find that I have to be pretty careful about voicing opinions (I avoid politics at work as a general rule, but outside of work as well...) and I hear some pretty outrageous comments from time to time. It kind of wears on me after living in 3 places that were by and large pretty liberal. 

Sweltering...and other random bits of "yes, I'm still here!'

So for the first time since I started blogging almost 5 years ago, I went a whole month without posting anything at all. Not intentionally, really. It's funny how I think I have a routine going, and then I look up one day and it's totally changed. Blogging used to be how I spent my evenings, reading and writing. And then came FB and my time was divided between the two, as were my cyberfriends. And then I started watching more tv shows on-line, especially since the Kid went off to college, so time was divided between that and FB. And fewer and fewer of the old "gang" of bloggers I felt part of are writing, and I suddenly realized I was going days without ever checking the blogs. And so it goes...

The latest piece of my routine to morph is that the Kid convinced me that I should watch Lost on netfix. Mind you, the whole six years it was on the air I never saw but one episode, from season 4 I think, and I so totally didn't get it that I never went back. But I started from the beginning this time,  and b/c it is on netflix I can watch one episode after another. In fact, in the last month I've watched three seasons, and I'm a third of the way through season four. Yeah.

 Oh, the sweltering part?  I went to the city Sunday after church to see the Kid who is working there this summer. Hot town, summer in the city and all that. Came home on a midday train--it's hotter here than it was there--103 when I got here. I don't use my central a/c if I can help it, but today seemed like it might be a good time so I turned it on. And the temperature has not budged a single degree. No repair person available until tomorrow. Sigh. Hopefully it will cool down enough tonight that fans will suffice.

Hot as it was, I loved being in the city for a couple of days. I've been in twice this summer, not to do anything special necessarily, but just as a getaway. The Kid is staying with friends while he works there this summer, and this time he and I went out to eat at a couple of favorite places, walked around in Brooklyn Sunday night, avoided the fireworks crowds,  and spent yesterday afternoon at the Museum of Natural History where it was cool. And crowded. Coolness was at a premium, I guess :) but it was okay. 

Vacation is in a month! And I am really ready for it.  Spending time in Vermont and Maine is always the best part of summer!

Work is good. I'm in such a better than this time last year in so many ways, but that is probably subject for another post.

So what's new with you?  Anybody still stopping by?

A Sermon for Independence Day

The Sixth Sunday after Pentecost

July 4, 2010  Independence Day

Matthew 5:43-48

"But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven. . . Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

Today’s gospel, the one set in the lectionary for Independence Day, comes from one of my favorite parts of scripture—the Sermon on the Mount, that long discourse in Matthew’s gospel where Jesus lays out for his audience just what it means to be a disciple. For me, it is truly a handbook for being a Christian. Not everyone views it that way, of course. Figures as illustrious as Martin Luther have argued that the Sermon on the Mount puts discipleship out of the reach of ordinary people by setting an impossibly high standard for behavior, what with the “turn the other cheek” and “love your enemies” and “do not store up for yourselves treasure on earth.” I prefer to think of it as setting the bar high; as giving us an ideal to strive for: being perfect as our heavenly father is perfect.  And although we could spend our time lamenting that of course we will never be perfect, or excusing ourselves by saying that since we will never be perfect we may as well not try, it seems to me to be more profitable to strive for becoming more like the God who created us than to dwell in the ways we fall short.

There is no doubt that Jesus does set high standards for us. He begins the portion of the Sermon on the Mount from which today’s gospel is drawn by claiming that he has come not to abolish the law and the prophets but rather to fulfill them, and then he outlines a number of different ways that his followers are called to go beyond what the law would demand in their relationship with others. It’s easy, he concludes, to care about the folks we like, but if we are to enter into God’s kingdom, we must also care about those we DON’T like, and the ones who don’t like us. No small task, that.

Jesus is not the only one to set high standards. The founders of our country did so as well, and as we celebrate our Independence Day we do well to recall just what those standards are:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

In a society in which the divine right of kings was largely unquestioned, in which there were clear social hierarchies and in which power was invested in those with means, these ideals were, like the injunctions in the Sermon on the Mount, almost impossibly out of reach.  And the rich irony is, even the author of these words and the endorsers of the declaration from which they came applied them selectively. Most of the signers of the Declaration of Independence owned human slaves. It took almost 100 years before black men in America were accorded the right to vote and close to another 100 years before it was safe for them to do so. And although women asked for the vote in 1848, they didn’t receive it until 1920, almost 150 years after those words were enshrined in the founding document of our country.

The founding fathers, you see, were defining “all men” as “people like me.” To be fair, they were no different from the major philosophers, theologians and scientists of the day in believing that white males were the epitome of creation, and white males were the group they defined as “all men.” The beauty of what they wrote, of the principle they established, however, is that it is expansive and inclusive enough to take in all of humanity, as we come to grasp that humanity is not limited by gender or race or orientation or any of the others human categories we use to make sense of the world. Just as we must care about those whom we don’t like, so too must we uphold the rights of those who may not be just like us.

And though we’ve made great strides, we still struggle with both standards. We seek to include all of humanity under the umbrella of liberty and justice, even as we nit-pick and argue about how to do so. And we labor as well with loving those we really don’t like—loving our enemies, loving those who don’t see the world we do, loving those whose desires for us are not always good ones.

But love them we must. Care about them we must. Because God does—God loves each and every one of us without prerequisite. God makes the rain to fall on the just and unjust alike.  And our call is to be perfect as our heavenly father is perfect.

We won’t make it, of course, not in this lifetime, just as this great nation will not live up to its ideals of liberty for all. But that’s no reason not to try, not to strive to be the people we are called to be. As a nation that means endeavoring to be true champions of justice and beacons of equality; it means welcoming the tired, huddled masses who yearn to breathe free; it means defending the rights of the least among us.

And as followers of Jesus, children of God, it means aiming always to live into the image of God in which we were created; it means turning the other cheek when we’d rather fight back; caring for others who might not care for us in return; giving to other when we’d rather hoard for ourselves; it means loving God and our neighbor and putting that love ahead of everything else.

Easy?  Not at all! But think about this: We do this for the God who created us to delight in us and who loved us enough to become incarnate among us, to live and die among us, to take on our pain and our suffering. We do this for the God who continues to love us beyond measure even we when we are utterly unlovable. We do this so that the Kingdom of God might flourish now and forever. Is that not reason enough to try?

Amen.

Look! Babies!

I think there are three babies; I'm still working on getting better pix...if you click on the last one you can see little open beaks waiting for papa to feed them.

Optimism

~I put out grape jelly and oranges for orioles today; now to see if any orioles pass by this way!

Random bits of Monday

~For the third weekend in a row, the weekend was jam packed with extra work-related stuff. It's all been good, but exhausting. This weekend was the busiest of all, with consecration of our new bishop, which was awesome, and a reception to meet a visiting bishop from a South American diocese with which we have a mission relationship. 

~I miss having two days a week off. And two days in a row would be even better. But I don't see it happening.

~Although I accept friend requests on FB from parishioners, I think I may have to stop actually looking at their pages. I really don't want to know if they happen to be fans of Glen Beck. Argh.

~I went to Borders this afternoon, and everywhere I turned there were books about "doomsday" in America. Get a grip people. We survived 8 years of GWB. I didn't expect this kind of hysteria now. It's scarry!

~For the first time in about 15 years I live in an area where a significant proportion of the population is more conservative than I--much more conservative in some cases. Didn't expect that in New England. And don't really like it. I mean, I can be friends with people who disagree with me politically, but some of the stuff I hear is over the top.

~I made Ianqui's Balsamic Brussel Sprouts tonight and they were delicious!

~Last week I bought a new scale. And weighed myself for the first time in at least 3 years. On the one hand my weight was only a couple of pounds more than last time I weighed, which I suspected because my clothes still fit, but on the other hand, I weigh the most I ever have. Sigh. I've been trying to eat intentionally and healthily this week, but I need to work harder and try to shed some pounds.

~And that will mean exercise of some sort. Ugh.

~Mama Cardinal is still sitting on her nest.  I can't help but think that it must get boring!

Nesting

 Can you see her?  Mama Cardinal has a nest right outside my kitchen window. Not a great picture, but taken from inside, looking out into the bush where the nest is hidden away.

ahhhh...

How about this one?

hmmmm.....

So I like this new template, I think, but there are two things messed up that I can't seem to fix...the posts are dated (even though in the layout it says they should be) and the navbar is missing (also seems to be there in on the layout page. The former is bad for the long term; the latter is just annoying because I have to open blogger in a new tab to access my profile. Ick. If I can't fix these, it may be on to another template.

EDITED : Uh, yeah so I fixed the first problem and so mucked up the template trying to fix the second that I am sadly back to the drawing board. Which means, chances are you never SAW the new template now linked to above, which was quite lovely. This is, I think, "above my pay grade."

It's a double-edged sword

So I've been reflecting a bit in odd moments about this state of living-aloneness that I find myself in now. Between FB and blogs, I keep up with a number of clergy-moms* and I find myself thinking about how hard it is to balance it all, especially in this wow-it's-busier-than-Christmas week, this week during which (beginning with Palm Sunday and ending today) I presided over 13 services and prepared 7 sermons, among other things. And I'm surprisingly torn in how I feel about it.

I have, after all, been in the single parenting shoes. For most of my parenting years--as a student, as a professor, as a student again, and then as a priest. I KNOW the kind of tight-rope walking that is required to do-it-all, even if you can't ever really do-it-all. I have less experience (sadly, far less) doing it with a spouse/partner. It's tough, either way.

And so I find myself thinking how much easier it is since I only have myself to think about on the home front--no one else's schedule to consider, no one else's meals or laundry or needs to worry about. If I need to stay at work until 10:00 pm to finish bulletins after the Maundy Thursday service, well, who will know the difference? And if I find a morning when I can sleep just a half hour later to prepare myself for the marathon that is Holy Week, I'm not throwing anyone else out of sync.

On the other hand, this week, more than most since I've embarked on living alone, I've missed having someone else around. The mere presence of someone else to keep me grounded, to make me go home at a reasonable hour because there is someone there who needs me or who cares if I'm there. Selfishly perhaps, I've wished more than once this week that there was someone else to get groceries, to make sure there was dinner cooked when I got home late, just to say "glad you're home."

After the last service today, the marathon run (successfully, I might add), the bulletins recycled, the lights out, the door locked, I needed a nap more than anything. And I took one--a long one, grateful that I didn't need to worry about dinner for anyone. But at the same time, I missed my kids, I missed family, I wished for eggs to dye and hunt, and dinner to eat together, and a collective wow-we-made-it-through-the-week sigh of relief.

It really is a double-edged sword.

*truth be told, this applies to academic moms, too, in a different context; really any working-outside-the-home moms

Yes. We. Did.

Finally passed health care reform!

Of course, it's not the reform we'd really hoped for. It's not the reform we really need--not all of it, anyway. There's no public option. Far too many compromises. But it's a start. A much needed, very overdue start.

And as relieved as I am that it passed, I am almost more grateful that the Democrats in Congress finally got a spine and acted. Come on, people! Stand up for what you believe in!

Finally, message to the mass media: Many of us are GRATEFUL for this health care reform. We welcome having health care reform "rammed down our throats,"(ugh, I am so sick of hearing that!), or more delicately phrased, passed, so pay attention to us, too, not just the naysayers.

Housecleaning

I'm totally bored with the way my blog looks, hence the new template. I'm not completely happy with this one, but blogger doesn't give you many choices. And I need a new picture in my header; the current one captured perfectly where I used to live, but it doesn't fit where I am now.

The other thing I need to do is edit my blog roll. So many of the bloggers on it aren't writing any more, but I hate to get rid of the links. Silly, but I don't like breaking connections literally or figuratively. But life does go on, and people move on, and that's that.

Meanwhile, the sun is trying to peak out here, and it's windy and cold. Very much like March--and how did it get to be March already?

I am so glad it's not this time last year.

Lenten Discipline

Taking on a Lenten discipline is something I preach about every year. I write about it in the newsletter and in our special mailing for Lent. I provide materials meant to support such disciplines. Yet I am terrible at maintaining such a discipline myself. Oh, from time to time I manage something; in 2003, along with several of my seminary classmates I gave up sweets, especially chocolate. In 2007 I finished my transition to becoming a vegetarian by giving up eating chicken (and didn't resume at the end of Lent), and in 2008 I gave up Diet Coke. But last year my Lenten discipline--which I actually spent more time thinking through than usual--was a spectacular FAIL. Half way through Lent I publicly acknowledged that it just wasn't going to happen. And given my stress level last year, that may have been the healthiest choice.

Nonetheless, I feel a little hypocritical about the whole thing, and so this year I resolved to do better. Only then Ash Wednesday came and I was still dithering about what to do. SO when my seminary friend Caffeinated Priest listed a set of spiritual exercises, one for each day of Lent, it seemed like a wonderful idea to take them on myself.

I like these exercises because they are thoughtful and intentional, and they cover a whole gamut of behaviors and practices. Many of them would make excellent practices to adopt regularly. Each of them requires thought. And mostly they don't focus on giving up things.

Intellectually I know that Lenten disiciplines aren't just about giving up something. And if you give up something it should be because it's a healthy choice to make, or because doing so makes your life better or allows you time to spend on other things more important. Not to prove that you can--to yourself or to others--which is how it often ends up feeling, at least to me, and that is just not the point. So this year, I'm not giving anything up for the entirety of Lent. But even though I've gotten a late start (and I won't make lame excuses for that), beginning today I'm going to follow these spiritual practices, and I'm going to try to blog each day on home I'm doing.

Today's exercise is: Read the beatitudes, Matthew 4:25-5:10.

Matthew is my favorite gospel, and the Sermon on the Mount is one of my favorite parts of that gospel, but funnily enough, the beatitudes, which are the opening verses of the Sermon on the Mount are NOT favorites--partly because people are sometimes too glib about them. So I've read today, but I think some rereading and reflection is in order.

Friday Five~~FAB February

1. When February comes along, how do you feel about the coming month?

~It's a meh month for me. Not my favorite, but not my least fave either. When I lived down south, in February I would start to anticipate spring in February, but it is WAY too early for that in New England!

2. What memories do you have about Valentine's Day? Are you doing anything to observe it this year?

~Valentine's Day was fun when I was young enough to decorate my "mailbox" and make valentines for my friends, but as an adult I find it highly overrated, and no, I'm not observing. It used to make me kind of sad, highlighting as it did my singleness, but I'm mostly over that now

3. It is interesting that Monday's "Presidents Day" is not officially called that in every state. It is a U.S. federal holiday entitled "Washington's Birthday." Which is your favorite president and why?

~I remember when Washington's Birthday and Lincoln's Birthday were observed on Feb. 12 and 22. Guess I'm officially old.

~It's easier to say my least favorite Presidents (GW Bush, Nixon, Reagan) than my favorite (Obama, I guess,because he comes closer to sharing my liberal ideals than anyone in recent memory, although I think highly of Jimmy Carter, more as a person than as a president).

4. Will you be celebrating Shrove Tuesday or Mardi Gras? How?

~Yes, I will, with a Pancake Supper and Mardi Gras celebration at church. And we'll burn palms to make ashes for the next day, play games, and put away the "alleluias" until Easter. Lots of fun.

5. Any other ways to celebrate in February?

~Not so much. Except for Shrove Tuesday and the beginning of Lent, it's a pretty quiet month.

Okay, about that submarine...

Mibi asked me about the submarine I mentioned in my last post--honestly, it's not nearly as exciting as it could be.

As it happens, TFoMC was in the Navy, and served in submarines--Fleet Ballistic Missile submaines (FBMs or "boomers")to be exact. Which meant, among other things, that he was gone for a stretch of three months at a time, and then on land for three months--on and off, on and off, for a three year sea rotation. Although we were stationed in Rhett Butler's City, his boat tied up farther south in the peach state. So when the boat came in, families would often travel down to meet it and we were invited to come aboard.

Submarines are not spacious quarters by any means. And they smell funky--especially after they've been submerged for close to three months full of sailors who have to take "navy showers." And you have to climb up and down skinny ladders, and go through narrow doors. Frankly, they'd make me quite claustrophobic if I had to be on one for very long. But it was definitely interesting to see how the guys lived, and to imagine what it would be like to be sealed up inside, deep beneath the sea.

At one point the boat (and subs are "boats", not "ships" -- don't ask me why, but submariners are quite explicit about that) came into the base at Rhett Butler's City, and families were invited on for a "dependent's cruise." I was nervous but willing to go, but the weather turned stormy, and the event was cancelled and never rescheduled. Stormy weather doesn't normally phase a sub--they are below it literally--but you have to get out far enough offshore to submerge, and I guess they didn't want a bunch of seasick civilians before they got that far. Honestly I think I was both relieved and disappointed to miss it!

Friday Five~Planes, trains, and automobiles

1) What was the mode of transit for your last trip?

Car--to Vermont at Christmas

2) Have you ever traveled by train?

Yes, often. Trains are my very favorite way to travel, and I take them whenever I can. The longest train trip I've taken was from NYC to Greenville SC, but I'd love to take a cross country train trip someday.

3) Do you live in a place with public transit, and if so, do you use it?

Not in my town, but there is public transit in the region. You can take the bus to nearby Ivy League City (although I'm not sure how convenient it is). And you can get the commuter rail from here to several destinations. You can take the long distance bus from two nearby towns,and you can get Amtrak from Ivy League City. So not bad at all.

I'm pleasantly surprised that the Kid can get to his college from here by public transit (bus) and from there to Beantown by bus or train, given that his college is out in the boonies. And he does travel that way frequently.

4) What's the most unusual vehicle in which you've ever traveled?

Ummmm.....not sure I've ever traveled in anything that unusual. But I have been on a submarine. Didn't get to go out to sea on it because the weather turned bad.

5) What's the next trip you're planning to take?

To NYC for the day, soon. And by train. :)

I don't live there anymore, but...

I am incredibly sad and disappointed in the outcome of the Massachusetts senate election. For a blue state (some would claim the bluest state) to elect a Republican to take Ted Kennedy's senate seat is a travesty. I just don't understand how it could happen.

Oh, I know...Coakley didn't campaign well, the independents came out in favor of the Republican ...and so on. But I still don't understand it, on many levels. I don't understand people being against health care reform. I find the quote that I hear so often that it's being "crammed down our throats" ludicrous.

And you can't live where I did in Massachusetts without being infected by the Kennedy mystique--for better or for worse. I may just be an old lefty liberal, but as I've probably said here before, it delighted me to have Ted Kenndy for my senator for the time I lived in MA. I know some people think it's ridiculous to say it was 'his' seat, but still, after all he did for health care reform, for it to turn out this way....well, it's sad and depressing.

Brrrrrr.....

~It is cold outside, and I'm learning that means it's cold inside, too. My house is drafty, at least in some places! Especially the "sunporch" which won't stay warm no matter what I do. Doesn't matter too much now, because I have very little furniture there now, but it does mean the heat runs all the time TRYING to get it warm.

~I've never understood why, if the thermostat is always set at the same temperature, say 67, it feels colder inside when it is colder outside....I mean, it's still 67 inside....but it definitely feels colder. Weird.

~It has snowed off and on for the last couple of days. And I am amazed at how many times the snowplow went up and down my street today. I live in a residential area, but at the corner of two streets that seem to be used as short cuts to get to a major road. And I'm at the top of a steep hill. So I am glad they plow a lot, but it is still surprising.

~I'm glad I have new boots and a new down coat...I promised myself last year that if I stayed in New England I would get a new down coat this winter and I found one when I was Christmas shopping. It is very cozy. And I got these boots last week when I was in Vermont. Just in time, apparently.