Random Musings on New Year's Eve

It's about 9pm on New Year's Eve. I'm in my flannel jammies and my cozy fleece robe, nibbling on chips and salsa. It's snowing outside, and although it's not expected to accumulate much, it was beautiful as I walked home from church earlier this evening. Unlike other years, I don't mind a bit that I have nowhere to go tonight. I feel perfectly content to sit here snug and warm. I might curl up with a book in a bit, or just sit and read blogs.

Random thoughts at the end of the year:

• Lovely Daughter #1 left for S. Korea almost a year ago (a year in February). I miss her a great deal. She's teaching English right now, but her real love is the labor movement (she was a labor organizer before she went to Korea) and she spends most of her spare time working with a union for immigrant workers. On Christmas Eve she confirmed that she is definitely planning to go to grad school in Seoul next fall, and instead of being home for several months, she'll only be here for a few weeks this summer. I'm sad about that, but at the same time, I'm glad she's pursuing grad studies and since I tried to raise her to be strong and independent I can hardly complain about her choices. I just wish she could be closer to home. Happily (at least for now) we have a much better relationship than I have with my mother. I really like my daughter (well, both of them) and enjoy spending time with her.
• On the subject of my mother, she sent me a note apologizing for hanging up on me on Christmas Day. But in the same note she was quite clear that she hung up because there was no point in continuing a conversation in which I was being so unreasonable. Huh? She was doing almost all of the talking. Perception is reality, I guess.
• In a great bit of irony, the comment I made that set my mother off was about ERD (Episcopal Relief and Development, a wonderful organization IMHO). It seems that my mother disapproves of them for some reason that I don't quite understand (except that maybe she's just angry at the whole Episcopal Church). Anyway, the irony is that, not knowing this, I made donations to ERD in honor of my siblings for Christmas, and sent the cards in my mother's Christmas box (because my siblings were going to be there)--which hadn't yet arrived when I talked with her. So I'm sure there were some interesting comments made about that.
• After almost a week agonizing over my relationship with my mother, I think I understand better one of the deep sources of the most recent friction between us, which is also somewhat ironic. At a point in time that my mother, a cradle Episcopalian, has become disillusioned with the church, feels in fact that it has abandoned her, I am about to be ordained a priest in that church. Those of you familiar with the Episcopal Church (and maybe even those who aren't that familiar with the Episcopal Church) know that it has been through a great deal of turmoil over the last couple of years--turmoil having to do with the ordination of LGBT folks as well as the blessing of same sex unions. I didn't realize until Christmas day the depth of my mother's hurt and disillusionment. I am truly sorry for that, but I fully approve of blessing same sex unions, and ordaining LGBT persons, even as bishops. I don't think my mother has to agree with me, but I think there is a chasm that will be difficult for us to negotiate. It doesn't help that my sister is a "Continuing Anglican" --for anyone who cares, that means that she left the Episcopal Church for a church that not only does not ordain LGBT folks, abut also doesn't believe that women should be priests, or even read lessons in church. IMHO, they are frozen in time at about 1960. My sister hasn't approved of me for years....long years, so her opinion of me at this point is irrelevant, but I have no doubt that she fans the flames with my mother.
• The last irony (and then I'll quit talking about my family of origin, as I've probably already told more than anyone cares to read) is that my sister was much more "out there"--rebellious, non-conformist--as a teen than I was. But she is a card carrying, Bush loving Republican now. I guess that fits the stereotype of boomers who become increasingly conservative as they age. We were both raised as good liberal Southern Democrats. My parents weren't at all political, but their sympathies were firmly with the civil rights movement, the war on poverty, social programs, etc. As I've gotten older I've become much less of a conformist, and much more liberal--go figure.
• Lovely Daughter #2 is getting married in June. I always knew that she would be the first of my offspring to get married-in fact I worried for a while that she would marry too young-- says her mom who married at 19 :( She had a serious boyfriend in college whom try as I might I just didn't like. Their breakup was rough for her, but she came out of it with a stronger sense of herself for which I am grateful. I like her fiance a great deal (see, I'm trying not to say "a lot" because I used to say it a lot). I hope that their marriage will be strong and a blessing for both of them.
• I've pretty much given up making New Year's resolutions because they were always the same (exercise more, lose weight, be more organized) and I never kept them anyway. But I do have some things I want to do in the next year: As I wrote earlier, I've been yearning to do something creative. There are a few things I'd like to do: learn to throw pots on a wheel, learn to turn wood on a lathe, learn a musical instrument, learn more about photography. I am still seriously thinking about taking violin lessons. I keep playing with my camera and I might be able to learn more about photography just with experience. The pottery will have to wait for a bit because the places I've found around here have classes at times that are impossible for me.
• I want to get a pet. The kid wants a kitten, but I want a dog. So maybe we'll get both. I fell in love with a breed called Labradoodles--a cross between a lab and a poodle--but the breeder I found near here was extremely expensive--so much so that it felt almost morally wrong to spend that much on a dog, even if I could afford it. Not only are Labradoodles adorable and supposed to have a good temperament, they don't shed! A big bonus since the kid has allergies and asthma, and I hate cleaning!
• I've been referring to Sk*tr Boy as the kid tonight--he needs a new alias. He saw my blog and didn't like "Sk8tr Boy" (and I manage to mispell it half the time). What's more, he's given up his fascination with with skateboarding, for now at least. He's much more into his guitar for now, and he's improving.
• I've always wanted to write (is that a common theme amongst bloggers?). I'm a competent writer in a technical sense--I can write very good academic papers. But I'm afraid that I'm not very creative and that I don't really have much to say that's new and interesting. I have wonderful (to me at least) conversations and musings in my head (especially in the shower--anyone else do their best thinking there?), but they never come seem to come out as well on paper. I've really been admiring the writing of the blogs I read, especially jo(e) and Phantom Scribbler and Moreena. So perhaps in the New Year I will try to do more than ramble on about my family and try to get some of my reflections down on paper--or on the screen as the case may be.
• 2005 was a momentous year. It began with ordination exams, and let me say, I'm glad that was a one time event. And then there was being on the job market--less fun for clergy positions than for academia, if that is believable. But that worked out, and I got a job offer on the day before I graduated seminary. Graduation was bittersweet because I loved seminary--loved classes, loved my field placement church, loved the city, loved (most of) my classmates. But it was time to move on. I was fortunate enough to get a position with supplied housing in a beautiful place in the part of the country I wanted to stay in. I miss the city tremendously, and I hope to live there again sometime, but I really can't complain about where I am.
• 2006 will start off with a momentous event--my ordination to the priesthood. After more than five years of preparation, it is hard to believe that it is really going to happen. But that is for another post. And I will write more about it this week.
• And if anyone is still reading this long and rambling post, Happy New Year. May 2006 be full of good things for all of us.

My Mother and Me

I have a shaky relationship with Christmas. As much as I love the holiday in some ways, I mostly characterize myself as a scrooge, and it's largely because I've had some emotionally rough Christmases in the past, and I am somewhat estranged from my family. This year just added another entry to the list of not so great Christmas memories. I called my mother on Christmas afternoon to wish her a Merry Christmas, and our conversation managed to deteriorate into another huge argument. No, I'm not a teenager, I'm an adult in middle age with four grown or almost grown children of my own. You'd think we'd be past this stage, my mother and I. But sadly it seems that we may never move beyond it.

I should be used to this now. It's been happening on a semi-regular basis for most of my adult life, but it's become more frequent lately. The content of these blow-ups varies, but the format is always the same. We start out having what I think is a reasonable conversation; at some point I express an opinion about something, my mother disagrees and she is off and running. Her rant always works around to how selfish/uncaring/stupid/un-understandable I am. Since I started the process towards holy orders she's like to throw in unpastoral and not worthy of being a priest as well. And I am supposed to sit there and hear exactly what she thinks without replying--and if I do try to say anything she'll just hang up on me.

I've gone over and over in my head what I said yesterday, and while I know I can't be truly objective about this, I don't think I was being argumentative or pushy or controversial. In the grand scheme of things, what we were talking about doesn't matter all that much. It just seems like there is nothing we can talk about anymore that doesn't get her upset.

At least on piece of truth was spoken yesterday: She said, "I just don't understand you!" And my retort was, "I don't understand you either. And this is the story of my life!'' which I feel like it is, because this is such a recurring pattern. I shouldn't have said that, because it just made her madder.

I want to be understanding of my mother; she's in pain from her arthritis and osteoporosis, she misses my dad since he died, maybe she's earned the right to be a bit cranky. But I come away from these conversations wondering how it is that my mother can still make me feel like shit, or why I let her make me feel that way. I wonder how to resolve the discrepancy between the way she sees me and the way I way I think I am, and I wonder if the me she seems to see is the "real" me--am I just fooling the people who seem to actually like me? I wonder how much of what I've done in my life that I am proud of is over compensation, trying to win her approval, and how I can still be the "black sheep" in the family. I've worked so hard over the years to be "me"--to figure out who that me is, to live in a way that reflects my values (values, by the way, that I think I learned in my family so why are they so out of sync with the family now?). I've spent time in therapy over mother issues, and I thought I had a better handle on this, but today it feels raw, it hurts. Do we ever get over wanting our mothers to approve of us? Or to like us?

My sister and brother will arrive at my mother's house today for a few days, and I'm sure my latest unreasonable attack on my mother will be rehashed. And then they will lament that I don't come home for the holidays any more.

Sigh......

How is it that families can be a source of such pain? Why is it that we hurt the people whom we should most love? I know I am not the only one with difficult family relationships, but it's especially hard at the holidays. When I hear about wonderful family gatherings other people have I just want to cry.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Holiday Wishes for Everyone

Hope that there was some joy and delight in everyone's holiday, no matter what you're celebrating.

The last couple of days have been crazy busy, but here is what I did for Christmas:

• Finished the shopping Thursday; finished the tree Friday evening (I always put my tree up late, but this was very late even for me), gave the house a "lick and a promise*" to use one of my mother's old sayings, made Sk8tr Boy clean his room (which was a major undertaking, believe me)
• Four services at church: three yesterday (4pm with pageant, 6pm and 11pm, one today at 10am at which I preached)
• Wrapped and then opened presents--they stay wrapped for such a short period of time I sometimes wonder if it's worth it.
• Talked on the phone with Lovely Daughter #1 in Korea, Lovely Daughter #2 in Nothern New England, my mother (less than pleasant conversation but that's for another post) and left message for Soccer Coach Son who is spending Christmas with a new girlfriend.
• Went to see King Kong this afternoon in lieu of cooking dinner--we had planned to cook a mini-feast (it's just Sk8tr Boy and me as the older kids are all elsewhere for Christmas) but I was so tired I couldn't muster much enthusiasm for the project, so we opted to go out for a movie and then have salad for dinner. Sk8tr Boy loved King Kong--he had seen the original version in his animation class in school, but found this version to be far superior. Too much violence for me, I hate to say. Maybe I'm weird, but I just can't take too much fighting/shooting/etc. so I sit with my hand over my face wincing at the sounds. And it makes me a bit queasy to see someone standing on top of the Empire State Building.

Tomorrow is a bonus day off; I have to work Tuesday and Wednesday and write a sermon for next Sunday, but it will be a light week barring any unforseen emergencies. And next week I am off all week--a week that will be culminated by my ordination to the priesthood on January 7!

*a lick of cleaning and a promise of more

Spiritual Progressives: Yes, Christmas Was Stolen, But Who Is to Blame?

Quite by accident I found this website and on it a wonderful article by Rabbi Michael Lerner, Christmas Wars Again? The Jews and Secularists did NOT steal Christmas, but it WAS stolen!!! Rabbi Lerner articulates many of the concerns that not only I as a progressive Christian but also it seems Jews and secularists share about Christmas.

The Network of Spiritual Progressives is an interfaith group whose vision is to:

1. Changing the Bottom Line in America

2. Challenging the misuse of religion, God and spirit by the Religious Right

3. Challenging the many anti-religious and anti-spiritual assumptions and behaviors that have increasingly become part of the liberal culture

This sounds like a group I want to learn more about.

(The website says the groups is welcoming to "spritual but not religious" secular folks, too)..

How Low Can We Go?

I keep NPR on much of the time in my TV-less household, but I can hardly bear to listen to the news these days. But I've been following Scrivener's commentary on the most recent shennanigans of the current adminsitration with interest--he relieves me of having to come up with my own rants becasuse I can just read his and go "Uh huh". "No shit". Etc.

How many times have I thought since 2000, "well, things certainly can't be any worse than this" only to be proven wrong yet again?! I do not understand how people can still back Dubya with his prevaricating and misleading and outright lying. Get a grip people. We need to get this guy out of office. The only problem with impeaching him and giving him the boot (not that I thinkthat is going to happen) is that then Cheney would be (completely) in charge.

For the New Year

For the last couple of months I've been yearning to do something creative. I've never been really creative or artsy--I used to do lots of counted cross stitch and some smocking, but that's about it. But that went by the wayside with grad school and teaching and then seminary. I'm loving taking pictures with my digital camera, but I want to do something else. But I have no real talent....I'm not artistic, or musical....

Anyway, when I went to the music store to buy Sk8tr Boy's Christmas present ( a new guitar...shhhh, don't tell!) I saw that they teach violin lessons there. It just so happens that is one of the things I've been thinking about doing. I took violin for one year waaaaaayyy back in 5th grade, but my mother made me quit because I didn't practice enough, and I've regretted not sticking with it.

So, if the budget looks okay after the 1st of the year (when the new, even higher student loan payments kick in) I'm going to sign up for violin lessons. I may totally suck at it, but I'll never know if I don't try.

While I'm on the Subject

Of Christmas...

I have really mixed feelings about this whole "is it Christmas or is it a Holiday" kerfluffle. On the one hand it is CHRISTmas. On the other hand, the way the holiday is celebrated has very little to do with its religious origins. I could be perfectly happy, I think, if it became the Winter Holiday, celebrated with gifts and decorations perhaps, and the religious holiday was completely separate. I have little patience with the Christian right's pleas to boycott stores that don't use "Christmas" in their advertisements.

And I think we need to get over the idea that the United States is a "Christian nation". It's not, and it wasn't meant to be, IMHO. I'd be happy to think we were a moral nation....as long as its not GWB who is defining what "moral" is.

Okay, I'm just being cranky. End of rant.

Could I Have Another Week....

before Christmas?

If I had another week, I might actually get everything done....I might actually get some real Christmas spirit.

Or not.

I've never been one to shop or decorate early. Part of it is my temperament--I do everything best at the last minute. Part of it is that I really don't want to celebrate Christmas as early as the dominant culture wants me to. Part of it has been time. When I was a student, and then when I was teaching, I would finish up everything around Dec. 15-20, and hit the ground running. I would shop and cook and decorate, and somehow in that whirlwind of activity I usually ended up feeling at Christmasy by the time Dec. 25 arrived.

This year there isn't any end of the semester. In fact my schedule gets busier and busier as Christmas gets closer and closer. So I've been trying to get things done a little at a time--with three of four kids grown and scattered around the globe, we've cut way back on gift giving, so shopping is relatively easy. I've got most everything but some stocking stuffers bought. I need to wrap and mail some things, and I need to finish printing pictures for the album I'm making for my mother.

The house is a mess, though, and we just got around to buying the tree today (not unusual for me for it to be this late, but I didn't anticipate trees being almost gone by now! That wasn't the case in Seminary City or my previous New England location). And there's no food in the house, so a major grocery run is in order (how I do miss Fresh Direct!). I'm preaching Christmas Day, and I need to get that sermon written before Christmas Eve for sure, since we have three services that evening (4pm with pageant, 6pm and 11pm). I've long since given up on sending Christmas cards, and I'm choosing not to bake because neither Sk8tr Boy nor I need to have all those cookies around the house.

I'm really not as scroogish or sad as I've been some years. But I just don't have any enthusiasm for the holiday. I've been thinking a lot about my state of mind this time of year. Maybe it's not so much Christmas itself (although I think it's secular expression is way out of control) as it is all the associations that are linked to the holiday for me. There were some Christmases that were truly bad...like the one when all my kids were away with their father, and I was snowed/iced in (in Florida no less) and and the person I was seeing was being a jerk and I spent Christmas day all alone, and the one when I knew my father was dying. And there were the Christmases when finances were such that I didn't know how I would buy presents for everyone (it always worked out in the end, but it was extremely stressful). But Christmas is also the time of year that I most miss having a spouse/partner to share things with, and it's when I most feel my semi-estrangement from my mother and siblings.

This year I am also badly missing the city. It's funny how I only lived there for three years, but miss it more than just about any other place I've lived. I live now in a place that people flock to for vacations, and to retire; it's beautiful and all that, but I'm not sure it's a place I really want to stay. It' s hard for me to say that--I like my job just fine, and I've always prided myself on being able to adapt to new places and be happy anywhere and I have much to be grateful for here. But so far I just don't like it all that much. All this is compounded by being lonely. A clergy person can't really be friends with parishioners, and I haven't really met anyone outside of the congregation yet.

So this is turning into a major whine.....not sure I meant it to be that, but there it is.

Snow Day Meme

Meant for yesterday, but oh well,


In honor of the first good snow:

1) Snow: love it or hate it?
Love it for the most part. Love to watch it falling--nothing is more peaceful to me. Love to see it piled high and deep with the sun shining on it. Love to see the late afternoon sun reflecting off the mountains, turning the snow lovely shades of pink (a driving home sight where I used to live before seminary).

But I don't like shoveling, or slush, or mud season :(

2) First snow memory
May not be the very first, but it's early. We lived in NC, and it rarely snowed. It didn't take much to get a snow day, but this was a pretty good one. Only one problem....I had these little bumps on my chest, and I knew chicken pox were going around. But I knew if I told, I wouldn't get to play in the snow, and I didn't feel sick....so I didn't tell. My grandmother lived on a hill, and, lacking sleds, she provided cardboard boxes for us to slide in. Such fun. But that night my mother found out about the chicken pox. The snow was gone the next day anyway.

3) Best Snow Day ever (actual or imagined)
Actual--and it was snow days! I was in seventh grade and it snowed and snowed and snowed. In my memory we were out of school more than a week. We sledded every day, and all the neighborhood kids gathered at my house for hot chocolate and hanging out afterwards. We had a fire in the fireplace everyday. And I spent a couple of nights with my best friend. It snowed every day or so to keep things fresh.

We had to make up missed days on Saturdays--but then we only had to go half a day. Not a bad deal.

4) Best use of snow in a movie, song, book or poem
Well, can I go for worst use? Making "Frosty the Snowman" a Christmas song.

5) What you are planning to do today, with or without snow
Friday--staff meeting to plan for Christmas services (on my day off ...)
Saturday--various meetings--all canceled!!

Twenty-four Hours Off the Grid

Twenty-four hours and six minutes to be exact.

That's how much time elapsed between our power going off on Friday afternoon and coming back on this afternoon. It's not the longest I've ever been without power--I survived the Great Blackout of 2003 in NYC when it was out for 30 hours in our neighborhood. But it was considerably warmer then.

Phantom Scribbler has written about her 15 inches of snow so early in the winter. I'm located in a different part of her fair state, one that juts farther out into the Atlantic ocean, and our weather can be vastly different from that just a few miles away. Yesterday was a prime example. Although we had a bit of snow yesterday morning, it mostly rained; rained enough, in fact, to wash away the snow left from a small snowstorm earlier in the week. Around 2pm the sun came out, bright and clear, and I thought we had missed the worst of the storm. Boy,was I ever wrong.

By 2:30 the sky was quite dark and menacing again, and the wind picked up alarmingly. And then the snow started--snow that was so thick we could hardly see across our yard. The wind howled--gale force. And a little after three the power went out. I wasn't too concerned; I retired to the couch for a nap, certain that the power would be restored within the hour. Wrong. When I woke up around 4:30 the wind was still howling, the snow was still falling, and it was dark. I collected the candles and the flashlights, and snuggled in to read for a bit. Sk8tr Boy started a movie on the laptop, but unfortunately the battery no longer holds a charge very long, and the movie didn't last very long either. He quickly became antsy and I finally suggested he call a friend so he'd have someone to talk to. That lasted as long as his cell phone battery. We ate leftovers for dinner, and finished the ice cream so that it wouldn't melt :)

By 6:30 the sky was clear and starry, the moon shone brightly on the new fallen snow, and it was quite beautiful--but still no power. The candles were numerous enough to let us read still and Sk*tr Boy fell asleep on the couch with his book before too long. I finally blew out the candles and went to bed, sure the power would return by morning.

No such luck. By this morning, the temperature had dropped considerably in the house, and it was quite chilly. One thing I learned in the Great Blackout was that I needed a corded phone, so I was still able to communicate after my cell conked out. Checking in with my boss about various meetings scheduled for today I learned that about half the people in this area were without power and that a number of large trees had fallen right after the wind picked up yesterday. I also learned that the cafe down the street had power and was open. Yippee! Hot food and a warm place to be. Brunch was great. However, it was crowded and we couldn't linger too long.

Finally, just when I was resigning myself to another cold dark evening, the power came back on. Hurrah! I quickly put on the kettle for tea, and switched on the computer.

Once again, how very dependent I am on electricity was brought home to me. There was very little of my normal daily routine that I could carry out without power. No heat. No lights. No cooking. No hairdryer. No laundry. No vacuum. NO COMPUTER !!!! Sk8tr Boy noted that if terrorists really wanted to paralyze the country they should go after the power grid. I'm sure they've already thought of that, and I think he's right. We are dependent on power. I didn't even know how to get my garage doors open! [I have learned that now--this is the first time I've ever had a garage with automatic door openers, and who knew about the little rope you can pull to open the doors!]

On a different note, I also realized how very connected to this blogging community I have become. When I got the computer back on, I wanted to see how Annika was doing, whether Casey had delivered yet (anyone heard?), how MJ, an older friend who, on top of a recent cancer diagnosis, just broke her hip, was doing. I wanted to know what LG and Baby Blue were up to, and all the rest.

I'm also aware that I was just mildly inconvenienced by this power outage, and I have little to complain about in the grand scheme of things. But I wonder about the effects of global warming on our weather patterns. Yesterday's storm was flukey, but how many more like that might we have, and ones far worse. Look at this year's hurricanes. And last winter was the snowiest in memory for this area. Coincidence? Maybe. But I wish the powers that be would take global warming more seriously.

Edited to add: And now, late Saturday night, it is warmer than it has been the last couple of days, and all the snow is melting. What gives with the sudden shifts? And more rain tomorrow....

Lovely Daughter #1

I might have mentioned that Lovely Daughter #1 is in South Korea. She has been there since February, teaching English to kids from K-12. In her spare time she travels and, true to her background as a labor organizer, she is active in the labor movement in Korea. This is her blog. LD#1 developed a strong social conscience when she was in high school. She says that she was influenced by me, but I have learned a great deal from her activism, her ability to articulate her strong political views, and her compassion for the poor. I'm grateful to have such a daughter.

Decorations

Sunday will be the second Sunday in Advent, and bucking the cultural trend, the only decorating I've done so far is an Advent wreath and an Advent Calendar (and I have a couple of others still packed I need to get out). I won't decorate for Christmas til at least Dec. 20, but from the RevGalPals, here's the Friday Five on:

Decorations

1) Do you display a nativity scene, and if so, where?

A few years ago I began to collect nativity scenes so I have several that will be scattered around. Since I am in a new house, I don't know where I will put them yet. This one stays on my bookcase year round. A good friend spent a summer in Israel and brought me this one from Bethlehem. The oldest one I have is one given to LD#2 by her godmother when she was a toddler. And this one I bought at a craft fair last year; it's from Ecuador.

2) Do you put a skirt under the Christmas tree? If so, what does it look like?

Yes, and it's a patchwork quilt design in red, white and green. Unfortunately it got wet a couple of years ago and the red bled onto the white, but I still like it.

3) Do you hang lights on the house or put them in your windows?

No lights on the house, maybe candles in the windows. But we have a lot of windows in this house, so we'll see...

4) White lights or colored lights on the tree? Big bulbs or the small, pretty ones?

Small white lights, and lots of them.

5) Do you have a tree topper? What sort? Who puts it on top of the tree?

When I was a child we always had a star and putting it on was a big deal. But we don't have any thing that seems that special. For a while I had a dove that I liked, but it wore out. Now I have an angel, but I was looking at stars the other day....so we'll see. And I put it up there, although Sk8tr Boy could probably do it now.

Life in the Rectory on My Day Off

I live in the Rectory. I am hugely grateful for this; where I am located there is no way I could afford to live in a house this large otherwise. No, I'd be in an overpriced and undersized apartment--not that I mind apartments--I don't, but living here is nice.

BUT....

The Rectory sat empty for three years, and was too often neglected for 20 years or so before that, so it needed lots of work. The vestry is committed to doing all they can to make it a nice place to live. They gutted the kitchen before I moved in and completely redid it. They pulled up all the awful wall to wall carpeting to reveal the very nice wood floors. They replaced all the windows. They landscaped the back yard.

Did I say I was grateful? I am.

BUT....

It is a work in progress, and often they neglect to tell me what is going to be repaired next and when. So it's my day off, and I'm sitting around in my jammies, blogging, drinking tea, paying bills on line, and not one but TWO different repair guys show up to work on the plumbing and the furnace.

And it's not the first time. Oh, no. Almost any day I decide to sit around in my jammies, someone is bound to show up for something.

Oy.

But I'm still grateful.

Fives

So, this meme has likely been around a while, but I just ran into it over at Bad Alice's. And it seems that memes are all that I have time/energy for right now (sigh). So, with some modification:

Gord's 5 Meme

15 years ago: Newly married and in the middle of my grad program. Had just moved to rural village outside of Grad School Town. Two of those three things turned out to be big mistakes.[Hint: school is never a mistake].

10 years ago: Newly separated, in my second year of teaching at St. Somewhere's in northern New England. Heading into another Christmas that I wasn't prepared for emotionally or financially.

5 years ago: Had just finished my tenure file and simultaneously was in a discernment process to test my call to priesthood in the Episcopal Church.

5 yummy things:
Indian food
Thai food
CHOCOLATE
Anything pumpkin
Fried green tomatoes
Ice cream (oops, that's 6--oh well!)

5 things I would do with a lot of money
Pay off my student loans, and those of my children
Buy an apartment in NYC
Endow a scholarship
Give money to my alma mater(s)--well a couple of them anyway
Go shopping just once and buy whatever I felt like without looking at the price

5 things I would never wear
A fur coat
A bikini
A miniskirt
Stiletto heels
Shirts that expose my midriff

5 favorite TV shows
Ummm......I don't have a TV

5 things I enjoy doing
Reading books
Sitting in coffeeshops (esp. my favorite one in Seminary City)
Reading blogs
Taking pictures
Walking in the city

And I Always Thought I Was a Romantic...

The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick

You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times. Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness! Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Happy Birthday, Sk8tr Boy

Today is Sk8tr Boy's 14th birthday.

It is such a cliche to talk about time flying, but you know what? It does. Fourteen years ago just about this time I was on my way to the hospital, contractions 5 minutes apart. Of course they stopped as soon as we got there, but because I was having a v-back and because I lived 45 minutes from the hospital we decided not to go home. So we walked the mall, and we went for a drive, and we walked the mall some more, and I had a corndog for lunch (what was I thinking?) and finally late afternoon I was admitted, and he was born in the early evening.

I was in grad school at the time, and since he was born in November, I was able to take off until after the Christmas break. I thought that I would be able to do some reading for quals during those weeks. What was I thinking? Sk8tr Boy was one of those babies who preferred night to day, and who never slept longer than 30-40 minutes. I could just barely get a shower in between nursings.

For lots of reasons I won't go into here, the next couple of years were mega-stressful. He was two and a half when I finally finished my Ph.D. and we moved to New England for my teaching job. He thrived there. My college has a wonderful daycare--I can't say enough good things about that and how important that was for me. But the stress wasn't over because his dad left the picture for good just a year later, and he's had minimal contact with him since (actually he hasn't seen him in 7 years, nor talked to him in over two years).

Sk8tr Boy started kindergarten when he was still four. His preschool teacher thought he would be bored, and the public school had a wonderful full day kindergarten. He was in a multi-age K1 class with fantastic teachers, but it was still a hard transition in some ways. His fine motor skills probably weren't up to par for a kindergartener, but he coped, and eventually he flourished. He learned to ride his two-wheeler, tried soccer but preferred baseball, became a Little League catcher, read voraciously, took up computer games in the absence of a TV, took up the guitar and trumpet, spent lots of time with his older sisters, especially Lovely Daughter #1 who stayed in the area for college and afterwards.

When we moved to Seminary City, he was starting middle school--public middle school in the city, traveling by public transportation. Luckily, he loved the city, and adapted to public transportation (becoming the resident expert on the subway system). But school was a trial because he was picked on a lot in sixth grade. The school was very slow to respond to my complaints, too, believing that he should advocate for himself more. Well, yes, maybe he should have, but when it's your kid who's being bullied you want someone to stop it NOW! The saving grace was that there was a great group of kids his age at the seminary with whom he spent his out of school time, and the others students in my class were very good to him as well. The next year the bullying stopped--not sure why, but he was much happier in school. He also took up black nail polish and blue hair, but chickened out about getting his ears pierced.

It was very hard for him to leave the city. Schoolwise it was good timing--he finished middle school there and started high school here. He likes his school, and for the first time ever is GETTING HIMSELF UP IN THE MORNING. You cannot imagine what a big deal that is. But he still misses the city, and considers himself a city boy, and not a week goes by without a lament about what is missing here (Indian food, coffee shops, subways...the list goes on).

I can't believe how quickly this has all sped by. In just a few years he will be out of the house and on his own. When I am frustrated by the trail of debris he leaves behind him and his taking procrastination to a new level, I need to remember that.

Happy Birthday, Sk8tr Boy.

Friday Five: Kiddie Lit Edition

From the RevGals:

It's a Children's Literature Friday Five in honor of the opening today of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

I just love this topic. I read all the time when I was a kid, and when my older kids were growing up I read to them and then generally read whatever they were reading, if I had the time. So I've read a lot of schlock, but also some really wonderful books.

1) Earliest book you remember (read to you or by you)--I remember my father reading to me on a rainy afternoon; I'm pretty sure it was a Little Golden Book, but I don't recall which one. It's a special memory, though, because I don't have many memories of my dad doing things with us.

My grandmother read to us a great deal. I still have a book that she read to us from, and that is probably the earliest one I remember--The Gateway to Storyland. It had some classics (The Three Little Pigs, Peter Rabbit) and some stories I've never seen elsewhere. Also she read Uncle Wiggly stories to us, and lots of Little Golden Books. My favorite Little Golden Book? The Postman of Bayberry Lane.

I also have a very early memory of Captain Kangaroo reading Make Way for Ducklings and Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel.

Despite being read to all the time, and loving books, I didn't start reading on my own til I started school. Actually, I think it was discouraged. And our reading books were "Dick and Jane". Ugh. But I quickly made up for lost time. Early favorites: "childhood biographies" of famous figures. Had to have been mostly fiction but I loved them.

2) Picture Book you would like to climb into--Not so much into picture books so this is a hard one...hmmmm....I'll have to come back to this one.

3) Favorite series of books (then or now)--when I was in 3rd grade we moved to West Virginia, and the library in our town was in an old stone house. I spent many hours there where I read through the Bobbsey Twins, the Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, and Trixie Belden. There I also discovered a mystery series I've not seen before or since: Judy Bolton mysteries. I liked them much better than Nancy Drew (I liked Hardy Boys better than Nancy Drew, too). I remember that in one of them, the protagonist was married, and her bridesmaids wore dresses the colors of the rainbow. Also, iirc, she had a baby in the series, but continued to be a detective--progressive beyond it's time! (this was the mid-sixties, but the books were old then).

My own kids read Babysitters Club (boring!) and Goosebumps (worse than boring!), and a little bit of Hardy Boys (didn't age well!). Sk8tr Boy learned to read just as the Magic Treehouse books were coming out--much better than other current series, imho.

I continued to read aloud to Sk*tr boy much longer than I read to the older kids. Because there is an 11 year difference between him and his closest sibling, he is much more like an only child, and I had more time to read to him than when I had three little ones. And when he was in kindergarten we discovered that he preferred to listen to chapter books over picture books. Our TV died about then (never replaced) so we read a great deal, and we read through all of the Little House books (where I discovered a great deal of racism which I edited as I read) , all of the Indian in the Cupboard books, all of the Castle in the Attic books, and the time series from Madeleine L'Engle--which I think is my favorite series now (although it is not a series in the way that Hardy Boys is/was). I don't know why I never encountered L'Engle's books when I was a kid. They were published then, but I never read then til I became an adult. Some of her references are out of date now, but I still love her writing.

4) Character you would most like to meet--Professor Dumbledore; Proginoskes (cherubim in The Wind in the Door by M. L'Engle)

5) Last childhood book you re-read (for yourself or to someone)--Harry Potter books, Madeleine L'Engle time trilogy, Narnia books (which I didn't read until adulthood, either).

None of those are books from my childood, though. I haven't read too many of those lately. One thing that comes to mind is finding, at a church rummage sale, a copy of a book I got from Scholastic books in 3rd or 4th grade called Father's Big Improvements. It chronicles a family at the turn of the (last) century when cars, telephones, indoor plumbing and central heat began to come into people's lives. And it's still funny.

Long answers, I guess, but I couldn't just do a list.

Harry Potter

I have to confess: I am a big Harry Potter fan. I've read all six books more than once. I've been Dumbledore and McGonagle on Halloween. We were at Barnes and Noble at midnight to pick up our books when the last three books came out (and Sk8tr Boy was quoted in the NY Times one of those times about why he was there). And we bought multiple copies so that Sk8tr Boy* and I could both read at once. We own most of the books on CD or tape as well, and we have the first three movies on DVD.

So it is with great anticipation that we await the opening of the next movie (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire) the end of this week. It just so happens that Friday is Sk8tr Boy's 14th birthday, and we are celebrating by going to see Harry Potter. I can't wait.


*Sk8tr Boy announced the other day that since he was never going to be any good at skateboarding that he was going to quit devoting time and money to that and devote it to his guitar instead, so I may have to come up with a new pseudonym for him.

The Fine Art of Procrastination and Other Ramblings

I am sitting at my desk at work--not that I am doing anything productive. I have two sermons to write--one for Sunday and one for an interfaith service next Wednesday--but does that motivate me? Oh, no. And a couple of adult forums to prep for. Nope, that doesn't motivate me either. I'd rather blog. It was probably are really bad idea for me to start reading blogs at work--and now I'm writing them here as well.

And a bit of irony: my (almost) 14 yo's most irritating trait? Procrastination. Is this some sort of pay back? I swear, though, that he takes it to a new height (or perhaps a new low is a better descriptor). I, at least, am motivated by a bit of perfectionism that means that I will finish whatever needs to be done. Not that perfectionism is a really positive trait, either, but it does somehow help to mediate the last minute thing. He, on the other hand, really could care less about quality most of the time, so slipshod at the last minute is usually okay with him.

That may be changing a bit. He's a smart kid, and he's in all honors classes this year for the first time, and he's found out what it is like to be with a bunch of high achievers. On his last English project he did a credible job, but when he saw what other people had done he was kind of blown away. His response--they all went way overboard. But I do notice that he is more concerned about how his next project turns out. It's due Monday. Hopefully it will be finished before midnight Sunday.

Day in the City

Sk8tr Boy had today off for Veteran's Day, and since it was my day off as well we made an excursion into Nearby City. It was only my third time in this city (one of the previous two being more than 5 years ago). We drove to the nearest train station and then took the train into the city and met some friends from seminary at the Aquarium. Of course, I forgot that if my kid had school off, so did everyone else, and the place was packed. We still had fun. My favorite: the penguins, especially the ones with the feathery yellow "eyebrows". When the sprinklers on their rocks were on, the largest of these "eyebrow" penguins stood on the very highest rock, and the others stationed themselves at various points around him/her. It looked as though they were standing at attention--some with both wings extended, and some with only one extended. They stayed that way for the longest time--in fact we left before they moved. Also very cool was the 70 year old sea turtle, Mabel, and the dragon seahorses which looked as if they had leaves growing out of their heads and backs. (I would post pictures, but unfortunately I left my camera at home).

After a couple of hours at the Aquarium we walked over to what seems like the World's Largest Food Court which is located in an historic old market. Way too many choices! But delicious--have to go back there to sample more goodies.

And then, alas, time to go back to the train and back home--not nearly enough time in the City.

I've mentioned before that I have lived in a variety of different places. I never lived in a city before I went to seminary three years ago, but I often thought I would like to. I visited a friend in Seminary City a long time ago, and fell in love with it then, never thinking that I would have a chance to live there. When I started seminary, I was entranced by the city. It was a difficult adjustment for some of my classmates, but I felt right at home. I love being able to walk most places I go, and to have public transportation for those places I can't walk to. I love the diversity, and the hustle and bustle, and the way each neighborhood has its own character. I love the trees shading the side streets and the varied architecture, especially of the older buildings. I love the green markets and the street vendors and the parks scattered through the city. I love the coffee shops and the bookstores--especially the one with "16 miles of books".

When I went to seminary I knew that I would not be in the city forever, but I didn't anticipate how hard it would be to leave. If I could have found a job there, I would've stayed, but it really wasn't an option. So I moved back to New England, which I also love, to a part of New England I'd never visited before. It's beautiful here, and a place that attracts thousands of visitors each year, and I'm glad to be here. But I still miss the city horribly. Nearby City is some consolation, and I hope to spend more time there, but it's an hour to the train, and another 40 minutes into the city, so it's not something I can do just any old time.

The nature of my work means that I will more than likely move again in a few years. When the time comes, Seminary City will be at the top of my list of places to look. Meanwhile, I'll be planning more excursions into Nearby City.

Let Them Eat Pie

From the RevGalBlog Pals:

Share a story about a special pie in your life.

I would rather have pie than cake, but I come from a family of cake makers. So not too many pies stories.

1) Apple Pie--I love apple pie, warm with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. No stories, just enjoyment.

2) Cherry Pie--my mother has always belonged to a bridge club. The only time I ever remember her making cherry pie was for the bridge club. Actually they were little cherry tarts, and it was George Washington's birthday I think. They were really cute, and luckily my siblings and I got to eat the leftovers.

3) Pumpkin Pie--I never even tasted pumpkin pie until I was an adult. In my family we had sweet potato pie instead. Once I'd tasted pumpkin, I was a convert. I love all things pumpkin--pie, bread, bagels, soup, cheesecake.

4) Chocolate Cream Pie--although I love chocolate, and I love pie, I don't love them together. So no chocolate cream pie.

5) Pecan Pie--now we're talking. Pecans were always plentiful in my childhood, and we always had pecan pie at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I continued that tradition. I make it with a little maple syrup in addition to the corn syrup-yum. Favorite of Lovely Daughter #1.


Bonus Question: Do you have a favorite kind of pie not on this admittedly short list?

My grandmother was an innovative cook, in the style of the country cooking of the Piedmont and mountains of North Carolina. She made a wonderful lemon pie with Eagle Brand milk and whipped cream, but my favorite concoction (which I've never seen anywhere else) was Grape Hull Pie. She used grapes with thick skins--scuppernongs I think-- and squeezed the insides out (I think she made jelly with them), then cooked the hulls with sugar and lemon juice to make pie filling. It was soooo good. My siblings don't recall it as fondly as I do, and most people I've mentioned it to have never heard of such a thing. I would love to have it again.

Peach pie and blackberry pie are the two pies my mother made with some regularity when I was a child. Even today they evoke memories of hot summer days and juicy fresh fruit.

Why Do I Feel Guilty?

Subtitle: And should I?

When I was in grad school I swore that the first thing I was going to do when I got a job was have someone to clean my house. But I could never really justify the expense, so I never did it. Now I am living in the biggest house I've ever lived in, and I'm thinking that it would be really nice to have someone to vacuum and dust and mop and clean the bathrooms every couple of weeks. Really, really nice.

But then I start feeling guilty....Shouldn't I be able to keep up with this myself? Isn't' it awfully indulgent to pay someone to do my chores for me? Don't I need to just get away from the computer and get to work?

On the other hand, I'd be giving work to someone who needs it (is that the lamest justification yet?). It would be so nice to come home to a clean house, and to have a day off when I didn't have to think about all the cleaning chores that I ought to be doing.

Sheesh, why do I have to make everything so difficult?

Totally Random Stuff...

Because Thursday and Friday are my days off, today is my "Friday". And Wednesdays are always super busy because we have a mid-morning service, then a staff meeting which always runs at least an hour, and then I meet with the rector (my boss). Then I try to tie up all the loose ends so that I really WILL be off the next two days. It's amazing how all the little detail things pile up.

Tomorrow instead of being off, though, I have a "Fresh Start" meeting. This is a program for newly ordained and/or newly placed clergy--sort of a mentoring/support group kind of thing. It's mandatory, but I think it will be a good thing--tomorrow is only the 2nd meeting, so it's too soon to be completely sure.

Last week's days off were partly taken up with Diocesean Convention--Episco-speak for all the clergy and lay representatives from each church in our diocese (judicatory/geographical area) to get together and hear the Bishops report on what's happening. This diocese is MUCH bigger than the one I came from and I don't know many people in the diocese yet, so the crowd of people was a bit much given that I'm an introvert. But interesting to hear what's going on.

But on Friday Sk8tr Boy is off school and we are going to Nearby City for the day--our first trip there for fun since we moved here in July. We both miss seminary City a LOT so being in any city should be a good diversion. What will we do? Meet a friend for lunch, perhaps go to the aquarium, just walk around. I've not spent much time in this city, so I have a lot to learn.

I totally forgot that there was an election yesterday. No state offices up for election here, and I know nothing about town politics yet. It's cheering to see that Maine managed to fend off attempts to overturn a law guaranteeing civil rights for LGBT folks. And a thumbs up to CA voters for defeating all of Ahnold's propositions, and to VA voters for electing another Democratic governor in a mostly Republican state. If only we didn't have three more years to bear GWB.

And speaking of Bush, this editorial in the New York Times gives a pretty grim appraisal of the Bush presidencey and the chaos at this point. Looks like he's used up the political capital he was so loud mouthed about last about this time.

Getting to Know You

As seen at Badger's and various other blogs...

100 Things about Me

1. I have four children.
2. Three of them are self-supporting adults.
3. I’ve lived in 10 states and one foreign country.
4. I’ve never lived in any one place more than 8 years.
5. I’ve lived in 21 different houses/apartments.
6. My father lived in the same town all but 20 years of his life.
7. I’ve had gray hair since I was 25.
8. The older I get, the more liberal/progressive I become.
9. Jimmy Carter is one of my heroes.
10. I paint my toenails in the summer but not my fingernails.
11. I’d rather live in the city than just about anywhere else.
12. Although Vermont is a close second.
13. I’ve always believed in God.
14. But I haven’t always gone to church.
15. I had my first “mid-life crisis” at age 30.
16. I started college the next year.
17. I’ve been to school for a total of 28 school years—more than half my life.
18. My ears are the only thing I have pierced.
19. I love to read, but I don’t read as much as I used to.
20. Madeleine L’Engle is one of my favorite authors.
21. I own more than 40 of her books.
22. I haven’t had a TV in nine years.
23. I’m afraid of flying.
24. I’m afraid of snakes.
25. I don’t like spiders much either, and I detest cockroaches.
26. I love chocolate—the darker the better.
27. But Tootsie Rolls and Skittles are an abomination.
28. And I can’t stand grape soda or grape gum or grape candy.
29. I’ve studied Latin and Greek.
30. I hate to clean house.
31. I don’t cook much either.
32. I used to do counted cross stitch and to smock.
33. I wish I could sing.
34. I wish I were artistic.
35. I am a klutz.
36. I am a kick ass “Trivial Pursuit” player—the original version at least.
37. I’ve not been successful at marriage.
38. But I don’t want to grow old alone.
39. Libraries were my favorite places when I was a kid.
40. But now I prefer bookstores.
41. I like iced tea with sugar and lemon.
41. Okra is one of my favorite vegetables.
42. I like Brussels sprouts, too.
43. I don’t like carrots.
44. I can’t roll my tongue.
45. But my fingers are double-jointed.
46. I like silver better than gold.
47. I don’t wear high heels.
48. Blue and purple are my favorite colors.
49. I like snow.
50. My mother-in-law was one of my best friends.
51. I have three siblings.
52. I share the status of “black-sheep” in the family with my younger brother (but for very different reasons).
53. I’m an introvert.
54. My Myers-Briggs’ type is INFP.
55. I love trees.
56. I’m rereading the Narnia series now.
57. I’m a semi-vegetarian.
58. I love ice cream.
59. I’ve never smoked.
60. My oldest child was born in Iceland.
61. My grandmother let us eat ice cream for breakfast.
62. I had the measles during summer vacation.
63. I had the mumps during summer vacation (different summer).
64. When I had the measles my dad bought me the sound track of “The Sound of Music” to make me feel better.
65. My grandmother had red curly hair (all natural) when I was a kid.
66. I hoped one of my babies would have red curly hair.
67. But all of them have plain brown hair like mine.
68. And three of them are getting early gray hair like I did.
69. I like to preach.
70. But writing sermons is hard.
71. My younger son and I have names that sound the same but they are spelled differently.
72. The only bad grade I ever got on my report card was in gym.
73. The second worst grade I ever got was in hand writing in 3rd grade.
74. Because of that I learned to write very well.
75. I won the DAR Virginia History Award in 7th grade.
76. I’ve never been to the west coast.
77. I remember when the Beatles were on Ed Sullivan.
78. I saw John Denver in concert twice.
79. And Linda Rondstadt once.
80. I’ve been on a submarine (but just tied up at the dock).
81. But I’ve never been on a sailboat.
82. I like old things better than new.
83. I once invited an Icelandic family to Thanksgiving dinner and cooked the turkey with the plastic bag of innards still inside.
84. There are no turkeys in Iceland, so the turkey dinner was a big deal.
85. Luckily we carved the turkey in the kitchen so they never saw the bag.
86. I’ve seen the aurora borealis.
87. I had one C-section.
88. Thai and Indian food are my favorites.
89. And seafood.
90. Tomato sandwiches in summer are the food of the gods.
91. But the tomatoes must be vine ripe.
92. And you must use mayonnaise.
93. I don’t like scary movies.
94. I am a pacifist.
95. I am a cradle Episcopalian.
96. If I weren’t Episcopalian I might be a Conservative Jew.
97. I like happy endings.
98. I cried when I finished the last Harry Potter book.
99. My facial expressions always give away what I am feeling.
100. I am finally done!

Friday Rant

President Bush is apparently threatening to veto a military appropriations bill because it was amended to require prisoners ("detainees") to be treated in accordance to the Army field manual on interrogation and the UN Convention Against Torture and Cruel Treatment. Read more about this here. Bush and Cheney have proposed all sorts of other "compromises" that would basically allow them to permit torture whenever they feel like it.

I am ashamed to be an American when things like this come up. How low can we sink? How can we argue that torture is acceptable when is works to the advantage of the US and not acceptable when it is others doing it to us? This just sickens me.

Meanwhile the Senate passed spending cuts yesterday that will have a serious negative impact on Medicare and other social programs. Supposedly this is to pay for Katrina relief. But how about rolling back those tax cuts? How about bringing our troops home from Iraq? How about paying for things that way?

For All the Saints

Today is All Saints' Day, one of my favorite days in the Church year. One of my favorite hymns is associated withAll Saints' Day. It's not great music but it is one that has stuck with me since childhood--I remember singing it in children's choir. It begins:

I sing a song of the Saints of God
Patient and brave and true.
They toiled and fought and lived and died
For the Lord they loved and knew.
And one was a doctor and one was a queen
And one was a shepherdess on the green.
They were all of them saints of God, and I mean,
God helping to be one, too.

Now the "toiling and fighting" part doesn't speak to me so much, but what grabbed me even as a child is that saints are not just "holy people", not just the figures of scripture, not just story book myth and legend. No, the saints are everyday folk, struggling just as we all do, to live the lives to which we are called. We encounter the saints, often unaware, in the midst of out daily lives--on city streets or country lanes, at work, at school, in our families--wherever we go about our life and work.

Today I remember the saints in my life--all those who touched me in various ways, who loved me, who nurtured me in ways large and small and helped me to become the person that I am. I remember especially my father and my beloved mother-in-law, both of whom died too soon. And I remember those saints whom I never met, but whose lives nonetheless shaped mine--especially today Rosa Parks whose fortitude is an example to all of us.

Who are the saints in your life?

Today

Fall found.

Oh, I Was Afraid of This....

Disclaimer: I claim absolutely no political savvy, no expertise; I just know what I think.

When Harriet Miers was nominated for the Supreme Court, I didn't quite know what to think. I am inherently suspicious of anyone GWB likes, and it smacked of croneyism for him to nominate one of his own counsels. But the fact that the right wingers disliked Miers made me wonder if she was the best we could hope for.

Now she's stepped aside, and Bush has nominated a Real Conservative. Yikes. The glee of the conservatives on news reports today was palpable. There will be a knock-down drag-out fight in the Senate, but I'm not really sure it will make any difference in the long run.

There is a part of me that wonders if this isn't what Bush planned all along...nominate someone he could pass off as a moderate to look conciliatory, knowing she'd never be approved, and then bringing in the kind of candidate he really wants.

Sadly Bush's legacy will remain long after he's back on the ranch. I worry about the world my children and (future) grandchildren will live in. I am ashamed that my generation has moved so far away from the liberal ideals we grew up with.

Friday

Today is supposed to be my day off (well, yesterday was, too, but I had a deanery meeting, so it didn't seem like it). I've never had a job with regular 9-5 hours, nor one where I didn't always have SOMETHING else to do so I'm not that used to having regular days off. But since I started my current job (my first position as clergy) I've tried to really have my days off be "off." Since Saturday and Sunday are work days (we have a service on Saturday at 5pm and we often have meetings during the day), the rector takes Monday and Tuesday off, and I take Thursday and Friday.

It works fine in theory. But I am finding it increasingly hard to have a true day off without feeling totally swamped when Saturday arrives. For better or for worse, I write best at the last minute, and this means that when it is my turn to preach I'll being doing sermon prep on at least one of my days off. Plus I have to prepare for an adult forum each week--and the last minute thing applies here, too. And meetings that I really need to attend seem to be more often scheduled on Thursday and Friday. Sigh.

Then there's that pesky matter of house work......argh........I've never been one who likes to clean. But now I live in the biggest house I've ever lived in (it's the Rectory and it has four bedrooms and 3 1/2 baths + living room, dining room, and kitchen). It's a wonderful house and I am very grateful I get to live here, but I'm never going to be able to keep it clean. And my 13 yo son is a walking disaster area--he leaves a trail of debris behind him. And I confess that I am not the neatest person in the world either, although I try to contain my clutter to my desk and my bedroom.

So today I need to clean at least a little, work on my sermon, work on the adult forum, do some laundry, go down to the church and make sure that I can work the portable mike that I have to use this week, take some clothes to be hemmed, and take the car to be worked on. A little grocery shopping is probably in order, too. Does that sound like a day off ?

And what am I doing about all this? Sitting here blogging. I've always excelled at procrastination.

Looking for Fall

The rain finally stopped, and just after noon the sun timidly peeked out from behind the lingering clouds. The wind is still gusting, but that seems normal for fall. I love fall--it may be my favorite season. I have wonderful memories of walking home from school shuffling through fallen leaves, of collecting bright leaves to press between sheets of waxed paper, of raking up huge piles of leaves and jumping in them.

This is my first fall in this part of New England, so I'm not sure what to expect. Not too many maple trees here so I know I won't get the wonderful reds of Vermont. We've had so much wind and rain that lots of leaves have fallen with not very much color at all. But when the sun peaks out at just the right angle I can see hints of gold and orange in the trees around the pond behind my house.

I've lived all up and down the east coast and I've learned that fall will come eventually, just about everywhere (on the east coast anyway)--you just have to know what to look for. And you have to be patient. In N. Florida the changes are subtle--less vibrant colors, things dying back and bit, and in late November, leaves falling--but more gradually rather than all of a sudden as they do farther north. And the live oaks--those majestic sprawling giants--they lose their leaves gradually over the winter so that they are never bare.

Vermont and Northern New England are the best though. No wonder leaf peepers come from all over. In early September there are hints of color, and then suddenly you wake up and the world is red and gold. There's a briskness in the air that holds the promise of apple picking and ripe pumpkins. The trucks that will eventually bear the plows don their bumper stickers that say "Let it snow". And even though it means getting ready to hunker down for a long winter it feels hopeful somehow.

I'll be ready for spring when March rolls around, but right now I'm looking for fall.

Thanks everyone

For stopping by.

I've signed up for RevGalBlogPals and for Blogging Episcopalians.

This could be addictive....wait, I knew that already. How much time do I spend reading blogs each day?

The good news is that the more time I spend here, the less time I have to spend reading conservative blogs that raise my blood pressure but that I sometimes feel compelled to read to try to understand where they're coming from.

The Cast of Characters

May I introduce, for future reference:

Elder Son: Soccer coach at small Liberal Arts College on East Coast; impoverished and looking for the next gig.

Lovely Daughter #1: Intrepid traveler and political activist; after several years as a labor organizer, she is now in S. Korea teaching English to kids K-12.

Lovely Daughter #2: An admissions counselor at small New England College; engaged to be married next summer (and yes, I will officiate at the wedding!).

Sk8tr Boy: Almost 14, first year in High School. Likes to read, play guitar, spend time on the computer, and skateboard.

Future S-I-L: Works in sports administration at New England State University; loves my daughter and is a good guy (and he cooks!)

Stormy Weather

We're having a nor'easter here. Lots of wind and rain, the perfect day to snuggle under the covers with a good book. Unfortunately, also a work day. I woke up sniffly and coughing today and briefly considered just staying home (oh, it was sooo tempting) but "good girl" that I am I went to work anyway--to find my morning meeting canceled, and not much going on. So I indulged in a verrry long lunch break with a nap. There are definitely some benefits to living right next to where you work.

And soup and grilled cheese for dinner.

Sometimes I forget how much pleasure comes from the simplest things.

The wind is still howling...but tomorrow promises sun.

School Daze

This is the first year in many years (22 to be exact) that my life has not been governed by the academic calendar. And it is a bit strange. In August, I missed the flurry of activity that accompanies getting ready for the "new year"---whether that means preparing syllabi and checking book orders, or buying books and checking class schedules. In September, when classes started, I missed the classroom, the promise of a new semester, new challenges. Now that it is mid-semester, I can't honestly say that I miss writing or taking exams, and I certainly don't miss grading them.

I'm not sorry I left academia; I was called in a new direction. I enjoyed teaching most of the time, and I like research, but I don't think I'm driven enough to maintain a rigorous research program. Truthfully though, I miss being a student more than being a teacher. I loved being in seminary. Yes, I complained just like everyone else about the pressure of papers, reading, exams, too much to do. But truth is, I'm a school geek, and there is a part of me that will always feel most at home in a classroom.

Now I move to the rhythm of the church year instead of the school year. To a certain extent, the fall is still the "new year"; as summer winds down, activity at church picks up. But the real "new year" is coming: Advent, which not only anticipates Christmas, but also marks the beginning of a new liturgical year. So instead of preparing for final papers and exams, I'll be making Advent wreaths, and teaching about Jesse Trees, and preaching on holding on to the anticipation that defines Advent. I'll be planning Christmas pageants and Christmas sermons. And just like any other year, I'll be crazy busy.

Why the Name?

I've done most things in my life out of the "normal sequence" (hence the Robert Frost quote in my title). When I began my undergrad studies in earnest, my children were 2 , 5, and 8. When I started grad school four years later, we joked a lot that they would have to call me "Dr. Mom" if/when I ever finished. (They never did, but some of one daughter's high school friends called me "Doc"). Fast forward through my relatively brief academic career. When I started seminary my kids were 27, 24, 21, and 10 (the fourth one was born while I was in grad school). My daughters especially kidded me about what they would call me when I was ordained, and thus "Rev. Dr. Mom" was born. (Other choices tossed around: "Mother Mom" or "Father Mom", but none of my kids is "high church" enough for that!)

A Work in Progress

This blog, that is...

Despite having a fairly decent web page when I was teaching, I really know nothing about html. (I used FrontPage because that is what the college supported, and even though it wasn't a great program, my pages turned out okay and I didn't have to learn html). So I just spent an hour figuring out how to edit my template to list the blogs I read (and it's just a partial list so far). Some of you have such great looking pages--I know I have a lot to learn.

I'd like to post some pictures next, but which ones to post will be affected by how anonymous I want this to be. When I started reading blogs, I was a bit surprised at the lengths some bloggers go to in order to protect their anonymity. I am a member of an email list where we are quite open about who we are, and it seems to work out well. We've had many F2F meetings (we call them 'listmeets') and it's great fun. After reading blogs for several months, and starting a new job, I have a greater appreciation of the anonymity issue. So for now, I will remain anonymous, and see how it goes. And thus will pick my pictures carefully.

Well, Here I Am

Well, here I am....first blog post, and who knows if anyone will actually read it. I've been reading blogs for months now.....religious blogs, academic blogs, parenting blogs. And leaving comments. I finally signed up for Blogger because I wanted to leave a comment on a blog that didn't allow anonymous comments. And a few other bloggers have suggested to me that I should be blogging myself.

So who am I? Currently a transitional deacon in the Episcopal Church, to be ordained to the priesthood in January. Assistant rector at a medium sized New England parish. Mother of four--three grown (all college graduates and self-supporting) and an almost 14yo son who just started high school. Single. Recent graduate of urban seminary in Great City. Southerner by birth and raising, but would probably not go back there now. Liberal/progressive politically and theologically. Late bloomer (started college at age 30) and former college prof at small Catholic liberal arts school in New England.

Things I love: Chocolate, good books, dogs and cats, walking in the city, coffee shops, bookstores, good preaching, good liturgy, my kids, friends, trees, brisk fall days, snowstorms.

Things I detest: The current political climate in the US, mushrooms, malls, having to drive everywhere, war.

Enough for now.