Priorities

All of us make moral decisions (consciously or unconsciously) when we choose how, when and where to spend our money. Likewise, when the federal government submits a budget, it too is (implicitly if not explicitly) making moral choices. What's more, the federal government is spending OUR money. The budget submitted by the Bush administration for FY 2007 is 2.77 TRILLION dollars. I can't even fathom that that much money exists in the world, let alone for our government to spend. And I think that the enormity of the numbers involved works in favor of the spenders because it does seem so unreal to many of us. Once again, large increases for military spending are included in this budget while social programs are again cut. Even more unbelievable to my eyes is the continuation of tax cuts. I'm no economist, but how can taxes (income) continue to be cut while spending continues to increase? I don't get it.

But I digress...I am a believer in social programs to care for the less fortunate. I believe that those of us who are blessed with plenntiful resources are obligated to share those resources and I think that obligation extends to the government. I grew up in the era of Johnson's War on Poverty, and however misguided some of his policies might have been, the intent in the War on Poverty was a good intent. The Bush administration has slowly and surely attempting to dismantle social programs--not only Johnson's but also programs dating back to the New Deal (look at what Bush wants to do to Social Security). In my perhaps naive view, these social programs were the government's way of meeting the obligation to take care of the less fortunate. If one purpose of government is to serve the people, then this seems appropriate to me.

But are we saving $$ by cutting social programs? NO. Every penny that is taken away from social programs and MORE now goes to military spending, largely to fund a war that a majority of tax payers no longer favor. As a pacifist, I find this morally reprehensible. That's not how I want my tax dollars spent.

Again, I digress; I don't want to start ranting about the war. What I am concerned about is world hunger. In a world of plenty, it is inexcusable for so many to be hungry--in the US and even more overseas. Check out this link to learn more. The article points out that despite Bush's own commitment to fight world hunger, the effort is being undercut by the need for increased military spending, and it outlines ways domestic programs are being cut back.

Bread for the World is a liberal Christian organization devoted to fighting world hunger. I get really impatient with the way Christians are generally portrayed in the media--often as narrow minded, homophobic, and unfailingly right wing--and with Bush's appeal to the Christian Right as reprenting all Christians. All of that is antithetical to my understanding of what and who God is calling me to be; Bread for the World (what I know about it so far) is far more representative of what we should be about in the world. Christians are called in the gospels to feed the hungry, to care for those in need. This imperative is something I believe that we share with other faiths; it's a moral imperative that transcends religious differences. Can't we do something about it instead of fighting more wars?

Just Outside My Window

as I ate lunch today...

Found

Up until tonight, no one in my family except the Kid has known that I have a blog (and as far as I know, he's not interested in reading it). I haven't purposely kept it a secret, but I didn't send out invitations, either. But tonight Lovely Daughter #1 was standing behind me and saw me commenting on another blog, and saw my name and url. "Mom, do you have a blog?" Well, I wasn't going to lie, so she'll likely be reading if she doesn't find it too boring.

When I started reading blogs, I had mixed feelings about the whole anonymity thing--I've used my real identity on email lists for years, and at first thought it wouldn't matter if I did on a blog too. But over time, reading various blogs, I started to get why anonymity could be a good thing at times, and when I started blogging, I decided to be anonymous--well, semi-anonymous because anyone who knows me and found this blog would quickly recognize me, and I've told a few people about it, so they know who I am. And I've appreciated that I could write and not worry that someone in my parish was reading it --not that I've said too much about anyone there. But I never told my kids...why? And when LD said she was going to read it, it made me feel squirmy for a minute, which may be sort of silly.

I've been thinking about it, and I wonder if part of it is that I come from a very non-self revealing family? Self-revelation in my family of origin has never been encouraged, and when it has occurred, it has usually been met with disapproval. So in a sense I've been conditioned not to reveal too much about what I think or how I feel to those who are closest to me. Sad, huh? Somehow it feels safer to have anonymous people read,or people I've gotten to know through blogs, or people whom I've selected because I trust them not to be judgmental.

What remains to be seen is whether I will feel the need to self-censor more if I know one (or more) of my kids is reading...if it were my mother, or sister, or boss I surely world. My kids--not sure yet.

At any rate, Lovely Daughter #1, welcome to my blog.

Back to Work

Tomorrow my eight days off end and I go back to work. I really like what I do, so I don't exactly dread going back, but I will admit that a few more days without any real demands would be nice.

I don't have an exotic vacation to describe, but here are some highlights of my time off:

1. I spent several wonderful days in NYC seeing friends, having a blogger meet-up, and relaxing. Also wore a huge blister on the bottom of my right foot that kept me from doing much the last day there, but I still can't complain. The weather was absolutely gorgeous, too.
2. Lovely Daughter #1 arrived only hours after we returned from the city. I hadn't seen her in 14 months, so it is great to have her around for a few days. We went to the beach (see pics below), ate some seafood, cooked Thai curry (or rather, she did), looked at her pictures from Korea, Japan, Vietnam, and China. She'll be here a few more days.
3. I slept at least 8 hours every night--unheard of for me, because I often stay up too late no matter what time I have to get up.
4. Skipped church, which I guess priests can only do on vacation. Not a highlight, exactly, but a break from regular behavior.
5. Spent some time reflecting on my job after being here 3/4 of a year--what I like, what I don't like, what I didn't expect, what I might like to change, how I see the next few years. Talking with friends in the city helped me gain some perspective, and time away is always good.
6. Enjoyed the various stages of spring in the city, here, and at points in between. We are definitely behind other places here, but the daffodils and forsythia are in bloom,and shrubs are starting to green up.
7. Started looking for something to wear to Lovely Daughter #2's wedding in late June. I am not a dress-up person, and I hate looking for "semi-formal" clothes, whatever that means!! Guys have it much easier in this respect. (and I am open to suggestions....keeping in mind that I am a short pudgy person...sigh...)

ABCs

As seen at Ianqui and Scrivener...


Accent: Generic Southern. Or perhaps I should say conglomerate Southern, as I have bits and pieces from different parts of the South.
Booze: Wine occasionally. Beer not so much. Hard liquor rarely.
Chore I Hate: Cleaning in general.
Dog or Cat: Love both, have neither at present.
Essential Electronics: Laptop. Digital camera. Palm Pilot. Cell phone.(Am I the last person around without an ipod? Thinking about getting one, though).
Favorite Cologne(s): Lemon Tea Oil or Vanilla Oil from Body Shop.
Gold or Silver: Silver.
Hometown: Always hard to answer because I've lived so many places.
Insomnia: No. Staying awake would be more of an issue.
Job Title: Assistant rector. Episcopal Priest.
Kids: Four--three grown and a teenage son.
Living arrangements: In the Rectory.
Most admirable trait: Responsibility? Perseverance?
Number of sexual partners: At the moment? None. TMI? Well, you asked...
Overnight hospital stays: Four times for childbirth.
Phobias: Spiders, snakes, and flying.
Quote: "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"--Gandhi. That may not be my most favorite, but it's the one I can think of off the top of my head. I have several Gandhi and Einstein quotes I like, as well as Robert Frost, and some scripture passages.
Religion: Episcopal.
Siblings: One older sister, two younger brothers.
Time I wake up: 6:00 am unless I don't have to go anywhere or the kid doesn't have school, then 7:30.
Unusual talent or skill: Can I get back to you on that?
Vegetable I refuse to eat: Mushrooms (do they count as veggies?).
Worst habit: Procrastination.
X-rays: Dental. Lots of them.
Yummy foods I make: Guacamole, sesame peanut noodles, pineapple and cheese casserole.
Zodiac sign: Sagittarius.

Beach

Yesterday we came home from the City, and last night Lovely Daughter #1 arrived for a few days. It was warm and sunny this morning and we decided to take a drive out to the beach at the Point Farthest Out In the Ocean from here. By the time we arrived, the sun was blanketed by clouds, and the breeze was chilly but when we walked up over the dunes, this is what we saw.


Whales! The pictures aren't very good, but it was still so cool to see them.




And LD #1, now officially the shortest memeber of the family, took advantage of that with her baby brother. Oh, how they grow up!

Spring on the Close

Glorvina, the resident turkey on the Close, also seen here chows down on the newly scattered grass seed.











Meanwhile, the apple tree next to the Deanery is in full bloom.

Blogging from the City

All last week I kept thinking about things I should blog, but honestly, there was not a spare minute to actually do it. Holy Week meant a service every night, plus the Easter Vigil Saturday night and two services on Sunday. It also meant writing three sermons over a five day period, as well as last minute liturgical planning. In the end it was all good--some wonderful moments and some not so wonderful, but overall good. But also exhausting. Very exhausting. And on top of that Good Friday was the last day for our parish administrator who has been there nine years. While we are all happy for her since she is following her dream and beginning to work as a sous chef, it's a hard time to lose the person who knows everything there is to know about keeping the place running.

Now that Holy Week is over, I get some time off, and since The Kid is on break this week, we are spending a long awaited few days in the City. We're staying with my friend who blogs here and just enjoying relaxing and being here. Last night we were treated to an incredible home cooked Indian meal, prepared by my friend's partner, who is a fabulous cook. Today, the Kid hung out with one of his friends, and I spent most of the day walking--to Chelsea Market this morning to pick up a few things, to Chinatown midday to shop for a Chinese jacket with a friend (she got one, I didn't), back up Broadway through Union Square, then late afternoon back to the Village for a blogger meet-up with Ianqui, who is every bit as smart and interesting in real life as she is in her blog. And finally to dinner also in the Village at a favorite eatery.

I have two more days to enjoy the City before we head back home on Friday. Other than meeting another friend for coffee in the morning, and taking our hosts to dinner tomorrow night, I have no real plans. Maybe I'll go to the Met. Maybe I'll go to Central Park and take pictures. Maybe I'll just sit outside and soak up the wonderful spring sunshine. It's just great to be here.

Hope everyone is having a good week.

Mr. President, how do you sleep at night?

The Indigo Girls, via Karen at Kinesis,

Check it out...

Thinking of Daddy

Yesterday marked the fourth anniversary of my father's death from lung cancer. He died a little over a year after his initial diagnosis, and after more than 50 years as an unrepentant smoker. I think on some level I always expected one of my parents to die of lung cancer--they were both heavy smokers--but still, when Daddy became sick, it took all of us by surprise. He had the genes and family history to live well into his 90s and he'd always been healthy, while my mother had long seemed more fragile. Today, at 78 however, she is stilling hanging in there.

My father exemplified for me a "good death". He fought his cancer for as long as it seemed like he might extend his life in a meaningful way, and when it was clear that was no longer possible, he finished up those things that he needed to do, and then faced death, which came quickly. He did so with sadness for not being able to be with us longer, but also with gratefulness for the 75 years that he had.

My father was a child of the depression, the only surviving child of my grandparents' marriage. My grandparents eloped, and from what I can piece together, were somewhat estranged from their families. My grandmother used to tell us stories of her childhood, and of my father's, but now as an adult I recognize that they were carefully edited, and she took many family secrets to the grave with her. Daddy didn't talk much of the past, and he had been raised not to talk about feelings or problems either, so there is much of his life that I will never know about.

I do know that my father was a person of integrity. My father was a good liberal Southern Democrat, and a gentleman in the best sense of the word. He was kind, he was gentle and he cared about people, and these characteristics helped to form me and inform the way I see the world. His views of women, though,--his wife and his daughters--were old-fashioned. Although he never said it straight out, it seemed to me that when my mother was depressed and sometimes irrational, he excused it as "just the way women are." He expected my sister and me to do well in school, and to go on to college, but marriage (of course!!) would be our ultimate goal, and our husbands would (of course!!) take care of us, so there was no need to think of career goals. He was delighted when I married young to a "responsible young man" who could take care of me as my father had, and he was disturbed when we divorced 12 years later. Although he was proud of my accomplishments as I put myself through school, I don't think he was ever really sure that I could manage on my own, and my perception that he didn't see me as competent was a source of great sadness. In my early adult years I longed for my father to talk to me as an intelligent and independent person, but that rarely happened. Why, I wondered, could my father have these conversations with my female cousins, with family friends, but not with me? Years later I try to understand that his view of women, especially of me, was a product of his generation, of his up-bringing more than a real reflection of my intelligence and capability.

My father was the fastest reader I've ever known. On weekends he would sit down with a thick novel, and he wouldn't leave his chair until it was finished. Daddy was also one of the smartest people I've ever known, although he didn't excel at school, and dropped out of college before graduating. On the day of his funeral, one of his high school classmates came by for a visit. He said to my mother, "You know, I was the valedictorian of our class, but we all knew that Joe Bennett was the smartest one in the class."

When my dad retired at 55 (mandatory for his job) he and my mother returned to the same small Southern town where he was born and raised, and ultimately lived for all but 20 years of his life. He remained close to his high school friends, and had gathered a group of them to meet for lunch once a month the last 10 years or so of his life. He took on the task of making sure that each of them received a birthday card each year, and after he started using a computer, he made the cards himself. When he died, he left on his desk a box of cards, already addressed and in chronological order for the next year of birthdays for his remaining classmates.

He also left an anniversary card for my mother--he died just two weeks before their 53rd wedding anniversary. My parents' marriage was rocky, and they came close to divorce at least once. Their worst period began when I was in high school, and I sometimes wished they would just divorce and end the constant underlying angst and unhappiness that permeated our family at that point. I will never know, I suppose, the depth of their problems, nor why they ultimately stuck it out, but in their later years they did seem happier, and I believe that they loved each other.

In an ironic twist, I received my acceptance letter to seminary the same day that I received the letter my father wrote to each of us kids when he realized that he was dying, and that time was short. My parents were not happy with my decision to go to seminary and to seek ordination. On one level I understand their concern--I was giving up tenure and financial security for a less certain future. I think he was still uneasy with the idea of women's ordination. But it also hurt, because it reflected my father's continued concern that I wasn't really competent, and worse, that I made foolish choices and that I was selfish. It revealed once again the gap that seems to exist between how I see myself and how my parents see me--a gap that we'd closed just a little bit when I finished grad school, but that had reopened.

It is a great sadness to me that Daddy died before he could really see what my life at seminary would be like, before he could see me take on this new part of my life--because I think he might have been proud. I'd like to think that we might have attempted to reconcile the difference, and that he might have seen just a glimpse of the me that I think God is calling me to be.

Daddy, I'm still thinking of you.

About Time

Did you know?

This Wednesday morning, at two minutes and three seconds after
1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't ever happen again.

Wikipedia

In another forum I've been engaged in a discussion of Wikipedia. I've been intrigued and a bit dismayed recently by the extent to which people are relying on Wikipedia for information. I mean, if you need to look something up quickly, it's fine. But as your only source or main source of info? What really surprised me is the response I got when I said that if I were still teaching I wouldn't let my students use Wikipedia as a source. "Why not?" is the somewhat incredulous response I got back.

I'm all for using electronic sources and all the internet has to offer, but when it comes to research assignments and papers, shouldn't college students have moved beyond encyclopedias and things like Wikipedia? High school students, too? Do we really want to rely on a source that is anonymous and that ANYONE can edit at any time? And shouldn't we be encouraging students to use primary sources?

So, you academic types, what do you think? Am I hopelessly behind the times? Would you/do you let your students use Wikipedia when doing research?

The Traveler Returns

Lovely Daughter #1 landed in the United States a few minutes ago, after almsot 14 months in Asia, mostly in South Korea. She's horribly jet lagged and in need of sleep, but it was so good to hear her voice again, and to know that she is at least in a neighboring state. We are way excited to see her, but I don't know when it will be....sigh.

Funny how you want nothing more than for your children to grow up to be independent and follow their hearts, and then when they do, you just want them to be home again.

Meanwhile, here's one of her pictures from China...