I haven't posted anything substantive in a while; in part I've been busy, but the truth is, I've also been in a little bit of a funk for the last month or two, and I wasn't ready to write about it. I've had this vague sense of unhappiness, of sadness that comes and goes. It hits me at odd times out of the blue, but fortunately it's not been overwhelming or long-lasting--but present enough for me to take note of it. This week I took a few days off to spend in The City--seeing friends, walking in my (former) neighborhood, attending evensong at the chapel at my seminary, hearing a lecture by Amy-Jill Levine, a Jewish NT feminist scholar who teaches at Vanderbilt. The three days away were relaxing and fun, but more importantly, I think, they helped to give me some perspective, and to process my feelings a bit. They allowed me to parse what exactly it is I've been missing.
Part of what I miss is the seminary. I miss the community seminary provided for me, the sense of common purpose, the friends I made there. I miss the physical location which is one of the gems of the city.
Part of what I miss is intellectual engagement. I am enough of a school nerd that I like being in classes. Seminary of course is not an end in itself, and many people can't wait to be done with it, and out in the real world. But for me (a former academic and a perpetual student) the classroom is very much part of the real world. I know that I can read and study on my own, but that doesn't always provide the same kind of engagement.
Part of what I miss is having female colleagues. I get along just fine with men, can work well with men, get along well with my boss, but I treasure and miss the female friends, mentors, and colleagues that I had in the city. Where I live now, I have no female colleagues, and I've yet to make good friends, male or female (there's that old injunction about not being friends with your parishioners, combined with the difficulty of meeting people outside of the church that makes this a difficulty for clergy in general). I've been lonely.
Part of what I miss is the city itself. I miss the diversity and the vitality of the people. I miss the activity around me. I miss walking the city. I miss the coffee shops and the bookstores and the delis and the cafes and the museums and the parks. I even miss the sound of the traffic on the street.
I live in a beautiful place, and I have a job I really like,and I've felt guilty even hinting that I might be unhappy here. I've always been a "bloom where you are planted" kind of person, adjusting to living in a variety of different places, and coming to love many of them. Maybe over time I'll come to love this place where I am now, and maybe I won't. The reality of clergy life means that I likely won't be here forever. I've already been trying to appreciate the good things about it--the birds and wildlife in my yard, the historical setting, the nearby ocean and bay, the welcome I've received in my congregation, the demands and joys of my job. The challenge for me now is to try to make up for some of the things I miss. Some things are more easily remedied than others--I can look for classes and lectures in Nearby City more readily than I can conjure more female colleagues in my area, and I can't turn my village into the city. But this trip boosted my spirits enough for me to realize that maybe I need to plan on a trip to the city every few months, and I need to stay connected with my long-distance friends.
None of this is earth-shaking revelation, I guess, but processing it and thinking it through, and talking about it a bit with friends seems to have helped, for the moment at least.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Monday, March 13, 2006
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Dolphin Update
The dolphins left last night at high tide. They really didn't belong in the harbor where they were yesterday, but I'm glad I got to see them.
I added some more dolphin pix to my flickr photos, if you're interested.
I added some more dolphin pix to my flickr photos, if you're interested.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
What I Saw Today
It has been a gloriously beautiful day--warm (50s), sunny, spring-like in every way. I went for a walk with a friend around noon, and we walked down to the harbor in our village. As we walked by the water at the very most inland point of the harbor I caught sight of fins in the water. Yes, it was a pod of dolphins! 
There were 11 as best as we could count, swimming back and forth quite peacefully, sticking their snouts up to chatter occasionally. I don't think it is common for dolphins to be in that part of the harbor, at least from the comments of the others watching them. I came home and got my camera and The Kid, and when we got back there were even more people watching, and the dolphins were clearly playing--for our benefit?
I hope that they haven't gotten themselves someplace they shouldn't be. They have to go through this channel (to the left of the building with the red door) to get back out to open sea. The tide was going out , in fact was mostly out when we left, but the channel is supposed to be deep even at low tide.
They looked like they were having such fun, but I suppose that could be me, totally anthropomorphizing. I remember reading in
Madeleine L'Engle's Ring of Endless Light about the dolphins playing, and that has stuck with me.
It was incredibly hard to get good pictures, but we did get a few. I'll post more on Flickr later.
There were 11 as best as we could count, swimming back and forth quite peacefully, sticking their snouts up to chatter occasionally. I don't think it is common for dolphins to be in that part of the harbor, at least from the comments of the others watching them. I came home and got my camera and The Kid, and when we got back there were even more people watching, and the dolphins were clearly playing--for our benefit?
I hope that they haven't gotten themselves someplace they shouldn't be. They have to go through this channel (to the left of the building with the red door) to get back out to open sea. The tide was going out , in fact was mostly out when we left, but the channel is supposed to be deep even at low tide.
They looked like they were having such fun, but I suppose that could be me, totally anthropomorphizing. I remember reading inMadeleine L'Engle's Ring of Endless Light about the dolphins playing, and that has stuck with me.
It was incredibly hard to get good pictures, but we did get a few. I'll post more on Flickr later.
Hair, Beautiful Hair
From the RevGalBlogPals, a meme for Friday:
1) Do you like your hair?
Actually, I do like my hair, but I haven't always.
2) Have you ever colored your hair? If not, would you consider it?
Background: On my 25th birthday, heavily pregnant with my 2nd child, I went to get a hair cut. As the hairdresser was cutting my hair he remarked, "About time we do something to cover up the gray, don't you think?" Argh....
But I didn't, and I don't now. It just seems like way too much trouble. During my last couple of years of grad school I colored my hair a couple of times, but always with the stuff that washes out over a few weeks. And except for one time, it didn't really look colored, just a little highlighted. The exception was notable, however. My hair (before it turned gray) was just plain ordinary brown. My grandmother, however, had red hair--red curly hair--and I always loved it. So I decided to try a color that would add some red highlights to my hair. And because in my previous attempts, there didn't seem to be much change, I decided to leave it in my hair a few extra minutes. BIG MISTAKE--it came out REALLY red, almost orange--and clearly not me. Never again.
My hair is a mixture of silvery white, gray, and dark brown underneath, and it actually is quite nice, and I've had a lot of compliments on it. I've also had random people stop me in the store and tell me that they hoped I wouldn't color it, which is kind of weird.
The only time I've really minded having gray hair was once when the The Kid was younger and someone asked him why his grandmother picked him up after school every day :(
3) What's the longest you've ever worn your hair? The shortest?
In high school and for a few years after I wore it as long as it would grow...but it never made it past the middle of my back....long and straight and parted in the middle, just like everyone else.
The shortest is the way it is now...very very short. And I like it that way. It really looks a bit like my avatar.
4) When and what was your worst. haircut. ever?
The first time I had it cut after high school--in the "shag" era. But my worst hair disasters were REALLY.BAD.PERMS--the worst one shortly after The Kid was born.
5) Tell us a favorite song or scene from a book or movie dealing with hair.
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair. I loved that story when I was a kid.
1) Do you like your hair?
Actually, I do like my hair, but I haven't always.
2) Have you ever colored your hair? If not, would you consider it?
Background: On my 25th birthday, heavily pregnant with my 2nd child, I went to get a hair cut. As the hairdresser was cutting my hair he remarked, "About time we do something to cover up the gray, don't you think?" Argh....
But I didn't, and I don't now. It just seems like way too much trouble. During my last couple of years of grad school I colored my hair a couple of times, but always with the stuff that washes out over a few weeks. And except for one time, it didn't really look colored, just a little highlighted. The exception was notable, however. My hair (before it turned gray) was just plain ordinary brown. My grandmother, however, had red hair--red curly hair--and I always loved it. So I decided to try a color that would add some red highlights to my hair. And because in my previous attempts, there didn't seem to be much change, I decided to leave it in my hair a few extra minutes. BIG MISTAKE--it came out REALLY red, almost orange--and clearly not me. Never again.
My hair is a mixture of silvery white, gray, and dark brown underneath, and it actually is quite nice, and I've had a lot of compliments on it. I've also had random people stop me in the store and tell me that they hoped I wouldn't color it, which is kind of weird.
The only time I've really minded having gray hair was once when the The Kid was younger and someone asked him why his grandmother picked him up after school every day :(
3) What's the longest you've ever worn your hair? The shortest?
In high school and for a few years after I wore it as long as it would grow...but it never made it past the middle of my back....long and straight and parted in the middle, just like everyone else.
The shortest is the way it is now...very very short. And I like it that way. It really looks a bit like my avatar.
4) When and what was your worst. haircut. ever?
The first time I had it cut after high school--in the "shag" era. But my worst hair disasters were REALLY.BAD.PERMS--the worst one shortly after The Kid was born.
5) Tell us a favorite song or scene from a book or movie dealing with hair.
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair. I loved that story when I was a kid.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Is It Wednesday Yet?
Because I'm usually (and thankfully) whineless when time comes for the Wednesday Whining Pixie Party over at Phantom Scribbler's, I thought I'd post my whines--minor though they may be--now while I've got 'em. So with a tip of the hat to Phantom Scribbler, here are my Monday-instead of-Wednesday whines:
Whine: Laryngitis. I can hardly talk. I don't feel that bad, just a little cough, but often my job requires me to talk so it's a bit of a pain. To avoid having to talk to anyone else I came home early (maybe that should be an anti-whine).
Whine: Car trouble. Yesterday afternoon we picked up a friend to spend the afternoon with the kid and on the way home,this loud beeping starts up, and I notice the temperature light was flashing. I was close to home, so for better or for worse I kept on driving. This morning AAA came and towed the Beetle off to the VW dealer to get checked out. Maybe not a big deal, but this is the third car repair in the 8 months I've been driving since I left the city. I hate car repairs.
Anti-whine. At least I got my tax refund back so I can pay for it.
Whine: That's not what I wanted to spend my tax refund on :(
Whine: I just noticed that this page looks weird, and that there is a message saying I'm not actually connected to blogger. Great. This may be a pseudo-post.Edited to add: Guess that was just a false alarm.
Major anti-whine: I'm going to the city in two weeks! Just for a couple of days, but I am SO looking forward to it. Even if part of the reason is to get one last piece of dental work done at City U. Dental School.
Whine: Laryngitis. I can hardly talk. I don't feel that bad, just a little cough, but often my job requires me to talk so it's a bit of a pain. To avoid having to talk to anyone else I came home early (maybe that should be an anti-whine).
Whine: Car trouble. Yesterday afternoon we picked up a friend to spend the afternoon with the kid and on the way home,this loud beeping starts up, and I notice the temperature light was flashing. I was close to home, so for better or for worse I kept on driving. This morning AAA came and towed the Beetle off to the VW dealer to get checked out. Maybe not a big deal, but this is the third car repair in the 8 months I've been driving since I left the city. I hate car repairs.
Anti-whine. At least I got my tax refund back so I can pay for it.
Whine: That's not what I wanted to spend my tax refund on :(
Whine: I just noticed that this page looks weird, and that there is a message saying I'm not actually connected to blogger. Great. This may be a pseudo-post.Edited to add: Guess that was just a false alarm.
Major anti-whine: I'm going to the city in two weeks! Just for a couple of days, but I am SO looking forward to it. Even if part of the reason is to get one last piece of dental work done at City U. Dental School.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Clearly I 'm an East Coast Kinda Girl....
Maine is on the agenda for summer and then I will have the whole east coast...
create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.
create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.
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