To sleep, perchance to dream

~Yesterday morning after the Kid left for school I turned off the alarm and went back to sleep. And proceeded to have a dream that was both lovely and unsettling in its loveliness. Hard to describe, but when I woke up it was with a sense of deep yearning and a feeling of being slightly--well, the word that came to mind at the time was unhinged. Not in the sense of mental instability, more in the sense of being thrown out of equilibrium, normal order being upset.

~I don't often analyze my dreams. I know that I've had some dreams in my life that have felt significant, but far more often my dreams are random or reflect some aspect of my daily life. I have some recurring dreams, too, that are stress related. But this dream was different. I'm not wont to look for Jungian symbols or Freudian themes. I do wonder though if this dream was related to feelings about my life that I'm slow to acknowledge.

~All this sounds slightly more mysterious than it really is, although I don't feel like talking about the details of the dream. But I will be thinking about it for a while.

~How about you? Do you remember your dreams? Do you analyze them?

Update on the rodent front

~There have been two more mouse sightings--both Saturday night and last night I saw one in the pantry hall--kitchen area. Last night's mouse scurried under the stove, but was trying to get out, ultimate destination unknown.

~I'm still sleeping upstairs, partly because there have been no mouse sightings up there yet, and partly because I've discovered that the blow-up bed--one of the ones that is raised up so it looks like a real double bed--is amazingly comfortable, and I don't have to look at the wall paper in my own room that I am heartily sick of but can't do anything about. But I digress. I think I would've been okay --well, more okay --if it wasn't for the mouse trying to climb into my bed. That was just too much.

~ Jules in the comments to the mouse post suggested that I just live and let live--mice are cute and furry and relatively harmless. Ummm. No. I don't think so. They are indeed kind of cute. And if they wanted to take up residence someplace out of the way and stay there, that might be okay. But I realized thinking about it that it feels to me sort of like having some creepy stranger going through your things to have mice who knows where in my things (and yes, I do know that creepy-stranger-going-through-my-things feeling b/c my house was robbed many years ago and that's what happened.)

~One of the ironies of my freakedoutedness (and one that I'm surprised neither of my daughters has pointed out yet) is that I spent a year and a half working in a neurobehavioral psychopharmacology lab(don't ya know I loved saying that when I answered the phone!)where my primary job was handling mice--feeding them, changing their cages, injecting them with various things (moslty alcohol or saline solutions) and running them in operant conditioning chambers (Skinner boxes). And I got so I was pretty comfortable doing it. But this is different--refer to the creepy strangerness. above.

~During the time I was working in the lab my friends started giving me mouse memorabilia. So I have mouse Christmas ornaments and mouse figurines and a stuffed mouse, and even a Swarovsky crystal mouse the lab director gave me when I went off to grad school. But real mice in the house? Not so much.

Priceless

~I'm not a Saturday Night Live person (no TV for 12 years will do that) so I didn't even know who Tina Fey was until Sarah Palin was nominated for VP. The resemblence is uncanny--but the voice! Wow. She's a dead ringer--and just as annoying as the real SP.

Totally freaked out

~Sitting on the sofa last night with my laptop, I thought I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. Looking up I didn't seen anything, so I went back to reading commentary on the debate. A few minutes later I saw it again--and then I saw a little grey mouse run across the floor in front of the fireplace. Mildly freaked, I nonetheless realized there wasn't much I could do about it at the time and, hoping it would go hide for the night, I went back to the computer.

~A little while later I got up to get ready for bed. My bedroom, bathroom, and a small office are off a short hall from the living room. As I was closing the bathroom door I saw the mouse run under the computer desk in the office. Expletives ensued, but I was still only mildly concerned. When I went in my bedroom I firmly closed the door (unusual for me) hoping to keep the mouse on the OTHER side. Alas. I was reading in bed when I heard some scurrying and saw the mouse trying to get OUT of my room under the door. More expletives. I screamed, the mouse made it under the door. I decided I might as well open the door since the mouse had been in my room anyway. It began to occur to me that perhaps there was more than one mouse.

~Too freaked to turn off the light to go to sleep I read for a little longer. Then I heard more rustling, and that's when I seriously freaked out. A mouse was climbing up the side of my bed right there beside me. Much screaming and more expletives. The mouse was as freaked as I was, I'm sure, but I wasn't feeling much sympathy for the mouse--or mice, I was realizing. At that point I grabbed my pillows and went upstairs to sleep on the blow-up bed in the spare room.

~Normally I fall asleep quickly and sleep well. But I lay there for a long time last night, listening for mice I suppose. I don't know what I would've done if they'd made their way upstairs at that point. Yikes.

~It rained really hard much of yesterday. I'm theorizing that they might have found their way inside to get out of the bad weather. I'm hoping that's it. I've never in three years had any sign of mice in the house before. Suffice it to say that as soon as my sermon is written I will be off to the store to buy mouse poison. I don't want to get traps because ewwwww--I'd have to empty them. Ewwwwwww. Supposedly with the poison they go back outside to die. And I have no pets or young children to worry about.

~Now I really must go write a sermon. I meant to get up early and start but I left my alarm clock downstairs, and after I finally fell asleep, I slept past my normal wake up time.

~Mice in the house. Ewwwwww. Maybe I need a cat.

~ETA--I clicked over to the comics and the very first thing I saw was this. LOL.

I just have to say

~how refreshing it is to listen to a candidate and potential president who is articulate, intelligent and confident but neither arrogant nor too "folksy"--he seems real.

~It would be naive to believe that everything would or could change if Obama is elected, but I still have hope--and we'll be missing a great opportunity turn things around if we don't elect him.

~Meanwhile, I've been listening to snippets of Palin's interview with Katie Couric. Truly frightening. As one commentator said, it's pretty bad when GWB starts to sound intellectual in comparison.

Friday Five~Johnny Appleseed

Raise your hand if you know that today is Johnny Appleseed Day!

September 26, 1774 was his birthday. "Johnny Appleseed" (John Chapman) is one of America's great legends. He was a nurseryman who started out planting trees in western New York and Pennsylvania, but he was among those who were captivated by the movement west across the continent.

As Johnny traveled west (at that time, the "West" was places like Ohio, Michigan, Indiana, and Illinois) he planted apple trees and sold trees to settlers. With every apple tree that was planted, the legend grew. A devout Christian, he was known to preach during his travels. According to legend, Johny Appleseed led a simple life and wanted little. He rarely accepted money and often donated any money he received to churches or charities. He planted hundreds of orchards, considering it his service to humankind. There is some link between Johny Appleseed and very early Arbor Day celebrations.

1. What is your favorite apple dish?

~Apple pie or apple crisp, or how about Ben and Jerry's Apple Pie Ice Cream (which sadly may not exist any more)?

2. Have you ever planted a tree? If so was there a special reason or occasion you can tell us about?

~For several years running when we lived in Florida we bought living Christmas trees and planted them afterwards. They were Leland cyprus, if I recall correctly, and they grew very quickly. The first year the girls and I were living in an apartment complex, and the landscaping crew planted it for us; five years later before we moved to Vermont we rode by to see it and it was already very tall. I wonder if it is still there. Amazingly that was 19 years ago.

3. Does the idea of roaming around the countryside (preaching or otherwise) appeal to you? Why or why not?

I wouldnt' mind taking a trip and visiting lots of interesting places, but otherwise I'm ready to put down some roots.

4. Who is a favorite "historical legend" of yours?

Molly Pitcher--although I'm not sure I would've remembered that if Songbird hadn't listed her. I do remember reading one of those kid biographies of her and loving having a heroine like that.

5. Johnny Appleseed was said to sing to keep up his spirits as he traveled the roads of the west. Do you have a song that comes when you are trying to be cheerful, or is there something else that you often do?

~Whenever I drove distances by myself I used to put on Carly Simon or Linda Ronstadt really loud and sing along...but I haven't done that in ages and ages. Now when the Kid and I travel we often listen to Harry Potter or whatever music he has on his iPod that we both like.

~When I'm trying to be cheerful, there are phrases and bits of pieces of favorite hymns and chants that come to mind lately. But really, no one favorite--depends on the context.

~Bonus answer: When the Kid was in fourth grade his class did a play and he was Johnny Appleseed. He wore a pot on his head and carried a pack and had a solo which he did very well. So when I think of Johnny Appleseed, that's what I think of.

Blogging for the MDGs

~I was at work for 14 hours today, and this is my 24th day without a whole 24 hours off, and I'm really tired. But it's also the day that representatives of the countries who signed on to the Millennium Development Goals to end extreme poverty in the world eight years ago met in NYC to review the progress made meeting those goals. And months I ago I pledged to blog about the MDGs today, and to do something to support them. I'd sort of decided to skip it, being so tired, but then I clicked over to my friend the caffeinated priest's blog and read this, which prompted me to go over to the Episcopalians for Global Reconciliation blog and read this, which made me realize that my tiredness is really nothing compared to what much of the world has to deal with, and I need to honor my pledge. Not that me blogging about the MDGs is going to change the world, but if each one of us speaks up and affects even one person, and that person affects even one more, maybe...just maybe it will matter. So here goes.

~Like many people of faith (and those of no particular faith as well), I have complicated feelings about poverty and my obligation to others. Before I went to seminary I volunteered for an organization supported by a number of local churches that provided what we referred to as "band aid help" --we had food vouchers and gas vouchers and bags of groceries and diapers and formula, and we could give referrals to local social service agencies and knew where the best thrift shops were--we tried to fill in the cracks in peoples lives were in a pinch. We had regulars--people who came month after month when their food stamps ran out or their bills were due--and we had drop-ins who came once or twice for an emergency and that was it. My job was basically to sign them in and then be hospitable while they waited their turn since there was always a crowd. So I heard their stories--how hard they worked, how grateful they were for help, how unfair life could be. Some were resigned and some were angry. Some were trying everything they could to make their lives better, to get out of the poverty trap and some were beaten down and defeated. Some were embarrassed to ask for help and others felt entitled. But the one thing they all shared was their poverty.

~The question of where God is in all this poverty was never far from my mind, but there are no easy answers. I suppose I could rail against God for allowing people to live in poverty, for not making a more just world. Or I could write God off entirely. Although both of those impulses have flitted though my consciousness at times, neither of them is really a satisfactory response for me. Nor do they help make anything better. I'm a Christian though, so I hear Jesus calling, saying "Whenever you feed or clothe or care for the least of these, you do it to me," and that moves me. But not only Christians are called--people in other faith traditions also have the holy obligation to care for the "other," to make the world better. Sometimes this feels like an impossible task, and it is for each one of us individually. But together, together we can make a difference, can't we? Mustn't we?

~If you've managed to read this far, you might be saying, "But what does this all have to do with the MDGs?" Here it is: Most everyone reading this blog occupies a place of great privilege, no matter how deprived we might feel at times. It is up to us to make the world a better place. And we can make a difference. We did make a difference in our little organization; we did in some small way alleviate the suffering from poverty for a few people for a little while. But there is so much more we can do. As bad as it was, the poverty of the people I encountered was still insignificant in the face of the abject poverty prevalent in some parts of the world. Eight years ago the United Nations pledged to do something about that abject poverty and some of the factors contributing to it by 2015. Many people and many organizations have worked to achieve those goals; the Episcopal church has made them a mission priority. But we are nowhere near achieving them.

~It's ironic perhaps that as we focus on these goals--all aimed at reaching out to the world's poorest, least privileged people--our government is embroiled in figuring out how to salvage our financial institutions, institutions that have supported some the world's most privileged. I could tell you all the reasons that feels so wrong to me, but I've rambled on too long already. So just think about this: What might the world look like if we took that $700, 000, 000, 000 and instead of using it to save Wall Street we used it to feed hungry children and support schools for those children and buy medicine for those children and provide health care for those who need it. What might the world be like then?

~That isn't going to happen. But each one of us can do something: make a contribution to an organization working to achieve these goals (such as Episcopal Relief and Development) Each one of us can pledge to live on a little less so that others might have a little more. That's not asking too much, is it?

Eats shoots and leaves*

~Apparently today is National Punctuation Day. Who knew? As it turns out, I spent much of the day editing the church newsletter, and realizing again that punctuation is not a strong point for many people. Of course, I knew that, having spent much time grading first year college students' writing in my past career.

~I've always been a little bit of a grammar geek myself. I loved diagramming sentences when I was in seventh grade, like solving a puzzle. And I liked figuring out the intricacies of correctly punctuating a complex sentence. I understood that commas, not colons preceded a quote, that exclamation marks were best used in moderation, that semi-colons weren't an excuse to run just anything together. Somehow those things (mostly) stuck with me.

~My personal pet peeves? Confusing it's (it is) with its (possessive), you're (you are) with your (possessive), using 's to make things plural, and too !!!!! many !!!! exclamation marks !!!

~How about you? Do you have punctuation pet peeves?

*yes, I do have the book

No words necessary

Shouldn't we be outraged

~that the government is prepared to spend $700 billion to bail out financial institutions? The same government that doesn't believe in regulation of the private sector?

~that McCain can STILL consider cutting taxes for the wealthy?

~that McCain and Palin lie with impunity about things large and small, and even when the media call them on it, people believe them?

Ch-changes, they are a-comin'

Woman Warrior leaves for Nepal in just a little over three weeks. The Kid has a folder full of paperwork to fill out for college apps, letters of recommendation, and yearbook stuff. I'm discerning where my next position might be. Life is changing so fast my head is spinning.

Of course, life is always changing...what's that old saying? Nothing is so constant as change? But somehow it is hitting me harder right now than usual. I was laying in bed the other night and it suddenly hit me how soon it was that the Kid would be leaving. And when a planned family get-together before WW left didn't work out, I took it worse than I might have other times, because it is getting hard and harder to gather us all in one place, and I just don't know when it will happen again.

And maybe small things are looming large for me right now because of the enormity of the changes that are coming. Here's the thing. I've never lived alone. I've had at least one kid at home for close to 34 years. While no one could ever accuse me of being a helicopter parent, and I've enjoyed the brief periods I've had when all the kids were away, their presence was still always palpable in the house, and they were never gone more than a few weeks (and rarely that long). I never thought that I would worry about being an empty-nester. Nonetheless, realizing that this stage of my life--being a mother with a kid at home--is about to come to an end gives me pause. I've had that identity longer than I've done anything else in my life.

Here's another thing--one I've never really talked about here. I've been single for 13 years, and I've not had a single date. Not one. Not that I've tried very hard. When I first separated from the Kid's father I thought about it--strategized with my therapist even about what it would take to find another relationship. But I was always bad at dating, and it was too much effort somehow to try and as time passed I thought about it less and less. But now, when I think about growing old alone, it makes me kind of sad. When I see people my age with partners, people to share their lives, I feel a little envious. On the other hand, I've lived on my own so long, I'm not sure what it would be like accomdating another person, learning to live with someone (other than my children). So I feel ambivalent, too.

And finally, at some point in the next year and a half I will be moving someplace new. I've done it lots of times, I know how to move, to pack, to settle in, to learn about a new place. But this is the first time I've ever done it all alone. I don't have to think about schools, or where I'll be when the bus comes, or kids' activities. That ought to be freeing, but it doesn't really feel that way right now. Of course, I'll be excited to go to a new place, and hopefully it will be one where I'll feel at home, and have a position I'm excited about. But it will be very strange not to share it with anyone.

So I have to mentally prepare myself for all these changes--I need to look for all the positives. And there are many. And my kids will still be around. And maybe I'll get a dog. Or who knows, maybe I'll even go on a date. But right now, it all seems a little be overwhelming.

Life's journey

I wrote this last spring for a church publication with the theme of "renewal" that apparently is not going to be. This weekend I've been pondering all the changes that have been taking place and will continue to take place in my family. I have a blog post brewing on that, but in the mean time, I thought I'd post this, which is certainly related to the theme.

“Mom, I have something to tell you—I’m pregnant!” These words heard via my cell phone as I walked down a hot New York City street last August ushered me into the world of being a grandmother. I wasn’t supposed to hear them over the phone—NSLS was supposed to meet me in the city but bad weather had caused her flight to be canceled, and she couldn’t wait any longer to give me the news. I responded with all the right words, and of course I was thrilled, but I was a little relieved that she couldn’t see my face, because along with the excitement there was a somewhat incredulous little voice inside that kept saying, “Me? A grandmother? But I’m not old enough!”

I’ve long taken the metaphor of life as a journey seriously, but I’ve made my own journey down a long and circuitous path, often doing things out of the normal or expected order. I was on a developmental path, but it was not one shaped by chronological age. Beginning a new career at a time when many of my peers were starting to look forward to retirement meant that I ignored some to the milestones they ticked off. And it meant that I often identified with people who were closer to me in interests and career trajectory than in actual age.

So the news that I would become a grandmother jolted me a bit. I might not have felt old enough, but in fact I am, whether I think of it that way or not. Slowly I began testing out that identity. What did it mean to be a grandmother? I wasn’t a little old lady with blue hair and sensible shoes, the way grandmothers were when I was a child myself. I wasn’t approaching retirement and ready to spend my time baking cookies and quilting the way my own mother did at this stage in her life.

As the months of NSLS’s pregnancy unfolded, I tentatively began to try on the identity of “grandmother.” I picked my granny-name, “Amma” (Icelandic for grandmother) both because I like the way it sounds and because it allows me to shape my own grandmotherly persona in a way a more typical name might not. I began sharing the news with others—all of whom were thrilled for me, and who began to share their own stories with me—their joy at becoming a grandmother, their anticipation of when they might assume that role, memories of their beloved grannies. I shopped for baby clothes, and was drawn to the kids’ section of Borders like a magnet to iron filings.

And yet, there was some part of me that still resisted the notion that “I” would be a grandmother, that I was actually at that stage on my life’s journey. As wonderful as taking on that role seemed in some ways, as joyful as the anticipation of the birth was, I couldn’t quite grasp that it was really me who would be the grandmother. Because acknowledging that, fully accepting that would mean recognizing where I was in my own life journey—no longer a young mother myself, but becoming a “senior”, not just in chronological age but in status. Acknowledging that required me to face my age, and not just my age, but also my mortality. And I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to hold on to the mythology of being ever young—as laughable as that might seem with my silver grey hair!

I don’t believe in a “puppeteer” God who has everything all planned out and is just pulling the strings, but I do believe that God acts in and through the fabric of our lives to offer opportunities for redemption and grace at every turn. And so it was that this expected child—a granddaughter!—was due to arrive in the spring, just a week after Easter. In the dark and somber season of Lent there were plenty of opportunities to ponder my life journey, my spiritual path, what lay behind me and what lay ahead: on Ash Wednesday when I murmured, “Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return,” as I made the dark sooty sign of the cross on the heads of those kneeling before me; while praying the stations of the cross each week, and contemplating the loss Mary suffered; in the midst preparing for the Great Vigil with its multilayered celebration of new life. Lent prepared my heart for Easter, to be sure, but it also brought my impending grandmotherhood into focus.

In what will always be for me both a moment of irony and fodder for a great birth story, my granddaughter made known her imminent arrival on the day before Easter. Anyone who knows me at Saint Somebody’s knows that the Great Vigil of Easter is the highpoint of the year for me—a wonderful celebration of rebirth, new life, renewal—starting with the new fire, the lighting of the Paschal candle, the joyous alleluias and resounding music, and me dancing down the aisle for the gospel procession. I was still on my adrenaline high from the vigil when I received the phone call. “Mom, I’m on the way to the hospital!”

And so, fittingly we welcomed our Easter baby—my granddaughter, born on Sunday evening. When I held that precious little girl, that gift from God in my arms, being a grandmother became a blessing realized. How appropriate it is to welcome a new life on the day of New Life, the day of the resurrection. Suddenly it felt just exactly right to be at this point in my life’s journey. Somehow it all fit in a new and wonderful way.

Friday Five~Fall equinox

Five favorite things about fall:

1) A fragrance

~The smell of the wild grapes that grow between my house and the church--heavenly.

2) A color

~The red and gold of the maples leaves, the intense blue of the fall sky

3) An item of clothing

~A warm sweater--I always love putting sweaters on in the fall.

4) An activity

~Apple picking in Vermont

5) A special day

~We have birthdays starting in November, but that seems like winter to me. No other special days in the fall--but I always loved Halloween as a kid.

I could get used to this

~Tonight when I came in from work, the Kid had dinner all cooked. Macaroni and cheese (from scratch) and broccoli--yum. That's the third night this week he's cooked. I've been working long hours, and it has been so nice to come home to a meal I didn't have to think about. I really could get used to this.

Could someone please explain to me...

~...this whole messed up economic situation we're in? I mean, what does it mean for the feds to "take over" or "bail out" a bank or other financial institution? Does the government run it forever? Do they sell it to someone else? Just loan them money so they can keep on what they were doing already? Or what?

~And where does all the money come from? Seriously.

~And why is it okay for the government to bail out private businesses, but the idea of the government helping out just people is an anathema? Or doing something useful, you know, like universal health care.

~And if oil is down considerably ($99/barrel from $140+) why is gas going back up?

~And why did this event not get any media coverage? Go look at the pictures--they're great!

~And why do I have to go back to a vestry meeting tonight? Oh, wait, I know the answer to that one :)

End of summer blooms

~There's a feel of fall in the air, but still the last vestiges of summer linger, too.

Being productive...

~I've been so busy at work ever since vacation ended that in the evenings I've just sort of collapsed and done nothing. Which is alright in the moment, but eventually makes me feel like a slug. So the last few days I've been trying to do more non-sluggish things.

~Saturday night the Kid and I baked 8 dozen cookies-- four dozen orange chocolate chip and four dozen oatmeal raisin chocolate chick--for Sunday's ministry fair. Of course we sampled some and they were tres delicious! It's just as well there were no leftovers to bring home---I would've been hard pressed to stay out of them. It did make me want to bake some more. I haven't baked much in years!

~This afternoon when I got home from work, I finished going through the piles of mail that accumulated while I was on vacation--so much mail, so little substance. And stacked up all the (months worth 0f) recycling in the garage for the person who takes it to the dump for me.

~And at work today I updated the web site, something I fear I don't do as frequently as I should, and I worked on service leaflets for our two new services that will begin this weekend.

~Tonight we planned meals for the next week and bought the necessary groceries. In a moment I need to finish straightening things up for the cleaning person who comes tomorrow. And then I'm going to bed--I'm tired. But it has felt good to be a bit more productive.

Palin redux

Another great piece on why Sarah Palin is not a feminist and not a good choice for VP.Thanks to Deirdre at On Not Being a Sausage for the link.

Remembering Johnny

~Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of Johnny Cash's death. I'm not a big country music fan, so this isn't something I"d normally remember, except that Roseanne Cash happened to be a member of my field placement church when I was in seminary and so we prayed for him when he died. And a year later, I atteneded a requiem mass held for him there on the first anniversary of his death.

~So tonight the Kid and I were baking cookies and the radio in the kitchen was on NPR as usual, and a program was on featuring Johnny Cash, which reminded me of the anniversary. I actually enjoyed listening to his music, too. My dad used to listen to Johnny Cash as did my mother-in-law, but I'd forgotten a lot of the songs I used to hear. And tonight I learned something I'd never known: Shel Silverstein wrote "A Boy Names Sue," Johnny Cash's biggest cross-over hit.

In his memory, two clips of Johnny singing with classy ladies:)

Friday Five~Back to school

I've spent more than half my life in school as a student or teacher, so now that I'm NOT on an academic schedule spring and fall feel very different to me--I really miss the rhythm of the school year. And this is my last year to have a child at home, going to school. So this Friday Five from the RGBPs is very apropos for me. (And honestly I'm so glad to think of something besides work and politics!)

1. Is anyone going back to school, as a student or teacher, at your house? How's it going so far?
~The Kid started his senior year of high school, and so far, so good. He has a pretty rigorous course load, but he likes his classes so far, and the fact that it's senior year is starting to sink in for both of us--maybe even more for me than for him, since he is my last kid at home. He's doing the typical senior year things--senior pix, yearbook stuff, getting ready to do college apps (!) so there's a lot going on.

2. Were you glad or sad when back-to-school time came as a kid?

~I was generally glad to go back to school, although the end of summer held a tinge of sadness, too. I was always excited for a new year, a new teacher, new books, new school supplies. And I love fall, and somehow even though fall is a season of winding down in many ways, I associate it with the 'new start' feeling of the beginning of the school year--fresh and crisp somehow.

3. Did your family of origin have any rituals to mark this time of year? How about now?

~For a person who loves ritual in liturgy, I am remarkably low ritual at home. As a kid we had no rituals for the beginning of school, and I think I was sort of surprised when I started sending my kids off to hear that other people did have rituals. Of course both in childhood and as a parent there were new shoes, new school clothes, new school supplies, but really, no ritual.

4. Favorite memories of back-to-school outfits, lunchboxes, etc?

~I really don't remember any. Perhaps linked to the lack of ritual?

5. What was your best year of school?

~5th, 6th and 7th grades were the halcyon years of my childhood, in school and out. And I loved my undergrad years and seminary. Before I started my grad program people told me that it would be the best time of my life, but truly, it didn't measure up. And for whatever reason, I struggled less with the adjustments of seminary than many of my classmates, and I felt so lucky, so blessed to be there--at seminary and in the city--that I really treasure that time.

Still scary

She is appalling.

That pretty much sums it up.

Random bits of ....well, just random bits

~I should just put a sticky post up that says work is crazy because, well, it is. And I don't see it changing any time soon.

~Wow, it's chilly tonight. I closed most of the windows and I have on my sweatshirt and furry slippers with my pjs. Another reminder that fall is upon us.

~The Kid comes home every day with new bits of "senior year" stuff- to take care off-senior pictures, signing up to retake the SAT, reference letters for college apps, fundraisers for his trip in January. Hard to imagine that this time next year he will be at college and I will have an empty next. More to come about that, I'm sure.

~And did I tell you about his trip in January? He's going on a school trip to the inauguration. Let's just hope the right person is being inaugurated. Hint: no lipstick. No pit bulls, either.

~I got a Christmas catalog in the mail today. I am not ready to think about Christmas.

~Like pretty much everyone else, I am tired of campaign commentary. And also worried about the outcome. Very, very worried.

~I've had a couple of substantive posts floating around in my head (yes, really!) if only I could muster the energy to produce them...

~After saying I was going to bed early last night, it was still after midnight. Likely to be the same tonight. I can't seem to help myself. All these years I've thought I was more of a morning person--maybe I'm not.

Incoherent thoughts

~Long day at work--mostly productive, but long as we get ready to start the "program year" next week--a program year that includes two new services, and a vastly reduced staff. More long days to come, I'm sure.

~The Kid is taking AP Spanish and he has about 9000 vocabulary words to learn. Pages and pages of them. Suffice it to say that I might not remember any Spanish grammar, but I am learning some vocab with him as I quiz him each day on the words he needs to know for the next day.

~Where has all the excitement about Obama gone, all the hopefulness? Has Sarah Palin's nomination really sucked it all away?

~I read an interesting piece about her lack of interviews. No doubt they don't want to turn her loose until they sufficiently program her response. Cynical? Yep.

~Now I am going to close the computer and go to bed (relatively) early. Really. I know I say that all the time and then I sit here and read more or think of "one more thing" that I need to do b4 bed. But really, I'm going to bed...right now.

I can tell fall is coming

~because a few trees were beginning to change in Vermont last weekend.

~because lots of dry leaves fell in my yard during the storm.

~because the school buses are rumbling by again.

~because I can smell the wild grapes when I walk up my driveway.

Policies not parenting

~I've been trying to get over my knee-jerk reaction to Sarah Palin, and to learn more about her values and positions on the issues. It's been interesting, but it's not making me like her any more than I did. This op-ed piece (with lots of links) pretty much says it all. But if you still want more, here's a piece from the Boston Globe.

All I can say is having Palin a heartbeat from the presidency is not something I want to consider.

Waiting for the storm

~The hurricane tracker on weather.com says Hanna should pass through here between Sunday am and Sunday pm, but the forecast for tomorrow is partly cloudy, so I'm assuming that means it will go by tonight in the wee hours. We had some heavy rain this morning, but since then it's just been hot and muggy. The wind is starting to pick up a little now, but it's still just a strong breeze. The weather map shows rain all around us, so I'm sure it will be here soon.

~I'm hoping we don't loose power, but I'm also trying to be realistic: we almost always lose power when there is a storm with lots of wind. So we'll see. At least my sermon is written and printed. All too often we have lost power when I am working on it, and that is a time for panic! And my laptop and phone are charged. (Priorities, after all...). And we have a few things we can eat without cooking, if need be.

~I'm wondering if I need to go out and move things around in the garage to make room for the car. In the winter I always keep the car inside, but this summer, with workpeople in and out, the garage has gotten to be a bigger mess than usual, and which means no room for the car. Eh, we'll see what it's like when I pick the Kid up from work in an hour or so.

~I'm very grateful I'm not getting ready for Ike instead of Hanna! Hurricanes are nasty creatures, no doubt about it.

Youthful thinking about politics

~We had an 'end-of-summer' cookout for the youth at our parish tonight. These kids are between 12 and 15, nice kids, pretty normal young teens. I was sitting with them as we ate ice cream and the talk turned to politics. It was fascinating to me to hear these kids discussing who they supported and why, what bothered them about politics and the campaigns, who they thought would win, and the like. I think I'd forgotten how kids this age think, how naive they can be (and I mean that with no negative connotations--more a reflection of their innocence and inexperience).

~The Kid grew up around political discussions--especially around Woman Warrior and her friends. So it has been a long time since he displayed that level of innocence and naivete. He and his friends are actually pretty politically astute even though they are only a year or two older. Not sure if that is the result of a big developmental leap or just experience (or both).

~I'm pretty sure that when I was their age I was more idealistic. There was a fair amount of cynicism in these kids' opinions. I recognize that being idealistic is part of my personality, but I wonder how much role the media has playing in increasing these kids' cynicism and skepticism.

~I also ran into the 'I used to be for Hillary but now I'm for McCain' sentiment in one or two of the teens. Surprised me, actually, but it wasn't really a time or place for me to argue or reason about that kind of thinking. And I'm not sure that it would have mattered, anyway. But the logic of that still defies me, no matter what the age of the person who says that.

Just can't do it

~Not listening to John McCain's acceptance speech. I just can't listen to any more. I OD'd on Republicans last night. So it's early to bed for me. I'll read about it tomorrow.

Liveblogging random bits of the RNC

~Am I naive to be surprised to hear a Catholic bishop praying at the convention? Did they do this last week at the DNC? Okay so the NY Times says an Episcopal priest prayed last night. But really, is this appropriate?

~Mitt Romney has a lot of chutzpah to stand there and claim that Washington is liberal now. After 8 years of Bush/Cheney? I'm not sure I have the stomach to keep listening to this.

~So we called Sen. Clinton "Hillary" because she wanted us to (supposedly anyway). Now I hear everyone referring to Gov. Palin as "Sarah"--but I sure don't hear anyone referring to "John" or "Joe" or even "Barack". This makes me nuts.

~I'm remembering again why I don't listen to political speeches, having now sat through the Governor of Hawai'i, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, and now Rudy Guiliani. Not sure I'll make it through Palin.

~Palin's talk is very heavy on scare tactics--and it's working, although not the way she wants. She really does scare me with her "tough" talk. And there she goes again--"There is only one man in this election who has ever really fought for you." The emphasis on fighting and militaristic images seems to be a theme for her.

~Clearly Piper Palin loves the spotlight. And she's a cute kid.

~McCain's out now; I'm done.

Weighing in regardless

~There has probably been too much said about all this already, including bloggers who've spoken eloquently about it, but this whole Sarah Palin thing keeps niggling at me. I will admit to having something of a knee jerk reaction to her political leanings: anti-choice, NRA member, advocate of teaching creationism, advocate of drilling in ANWAR, and so forth. I doubt that we could be more different in our political leanings.

~That said, there is more to my discomfort at her nomination than that. As much as I don't want to judge her on criteria that most likely wouldn't be applied to a male candidate (like what kind of parent she is), I can't help but wonder about her priorities. Much has been made of her decision not to terminate her pregnancy when she learned that her youngest child would be born with Trisomy 21--she's been called "heroic", a label I (and others) find inappropriate--but what about her decision to leave that child to return to work when he was just 3 days old? And what about her decision to undertake a national campaign when that child is only four months old? As I watch my daughter with her 5-month-old, I'm reminded how challenging it is to parent an infant, how much time and energy it takes. Of course that doesn't mean that a mother shouldn't pursue her career. But how does one juggle caring for not just an infant but a special needs infant while jetting about the country promoting one's campaign?

~Add to that her willingness to thrust her pregnant 17-year-old into the national spotlight. Being 17 and pregnant must be hard enough no matter how much support your family gives you without being held up to public scrutiny. Palin knew her daughter was pregnant long before McCain approached her about the vice presidency. Surely she must've considered the impact that this would have on her daughter and on the father of her baby. You'd might think that a parent would want to protect them from that kind of pressure.

~So I question Palin's judgment, her decision making, as well as her political positions. And I question John McCain's judgment and decision making skills as well. Apparently his VP pick was make on the fly, without much vetting of Palin. As I noted last week, his choice to me smacks of opportunism, of wanting to grab the spotlight away from Obama and the democrats in the most dramatic way possible. To me it feels almost like a cyncial choice. Knowing that he can't really compete with the magnetism of Obama's campaign, he makes an attempt to woo disgruntled Hillary supporters with a flashy VP choice. But in doing so he manages not only pick an outrageously unqualified candidate, but also to insult the intelligence of women by assuming that female voters would choose gender over substance. Some might, I guess, but most are smarter than that.

~Then there was that thankfully short-lived notion that perhaps McCain and Palin should give their acceptanc speech from the gulf coast. Huh? Let's just suppose for a minute that Gustav had devastated New Orleans like Katrina did. Is it really helpful to have presidential candidates lurking in the area with their entourage of security, staff and press? Bad enough that GWB thinks it's being "presidential" to hang out nearby (in a weak attempt to compensate for his abysmal failure to help after Katrina). Luckily for everyone, Gustav was not the "mother of all storms" it had the potential to be, but the idea that one might use such a storm for political gain in the guise of being concerned is reprehensible to me.

~And the worst part of all? McCain and Palin might actually get elected. I'd like to think that the electorate would be better than that, but after all Bush and Cheney were elected twice. I don't want to think about what this country would be like after four (or eight--shudder) years under a McCain/Palin administration.

Monday morning

~It has been an absolutely gorgeous weekend here in northern New England--the best of the end-of-summer, beginning-of-fall. We've spent time downtown walking around and doing bit of shopping, we've hung out with the baby, we've eaten good food. Saturday we had brunch at the inn that is part of the complex where WW works--she works on the farm as an educator. And yesterday we went to church at the church where I was ordained to the diaconate three years ago. It's not my 'home parish' but I know people there, and it is the closest church to where NSLS lives. Baby J did really well in church and it was wonderful to be there.

~Speaking of Baby J, she is having some fussy times now when it seems like she wants to eat but she doesn't nurse very well--instead she cries. It is hard for NSLS and Mr. LS. Otherwise she is a cheerful and perky baby. She loves sitting in her exersaucer, and is really good at putting her pacifier in her mouth when she wants to. She scooches around on the floor when you lay her on a blanket. Of coursed I'm biased but I think she's wonderful in every way.

~This morning we are going to make two quick college visits, and then we must head home. The Kid has school and I have work, and summer is really over.