Her Bags are Packed and She's Ready to Go

Tomorrow morning I will rise at 5 to drive LD#1 to the airport for her flight back to South Korea. She's been back in the US for just three months (well, two actually because she spent most of May in South America) and she's ready to go--partly because she needs to get back to work, but more, I am realizing, because that is where she feels most at home right now. She really has her feet in two worlds--but for now, I think her heart is in Korea.

My older daughter is a beautiful, intelligent , articulate, compassionate, strong-willed woman. I am incredibly proud of her--of her commitment to the things she believes in, of the her commitment to family in a family that isn't always easy to part of, of her courage. I am happy that she is able to follow her heart. But I really miss her when she is so far away.

Looking at my children gathered here for the wedding, I feel a little nostalgic for their childhoods. I know there were times when I could have been a better mother. I wish I could go back and fix some of the things that happened; I wish I could have protected them from some of the hurts they experienced. I wish, too, that I had held tighter to some of the special moments. But I can't relive the past; there are no "do-overs" in the real world. What I can do, however, is treasure my children as adults. If I have one hope for the future it is that I will have a better adult relationship with my children than I do with my own mother.

SoI will hug my beautful daughter good-bye in the morning, and I will tell her how much I love her and send her on her way. And then I will start counting the days til she will be home again.

Godspeed and good travel LD. I love you.

A Wedding Homily

Part of my role as officiant at the wedding was to preach a short homily. I like preaching, but I am never sure how well a sermon or homily is going to "work" until it is delivered. I am always aware that what I mean to be saying may be heard very differently. Doing this wedding homily made me more anxious than usual about all this--I would be preaching both to old friends and family who know me well but had never heard me preach, and to new acquaintences and new family. Scary, and humbling as well.

Here is what I preached. It was, I think, well received.

The Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage
June 24 2006

We come here together today in this beautiful and holy spot to celebrate and bless the marriage of M and J, an occasion we’ve been eagerly anticipating for some time now—anticipating because those of us who have come to know M and J as their parents, their grandparents, their godparents, their siblings and cousins and friends see in them so much promise—promise of love and caring and hope and passion, promise of a life together that can be rich and full and nourishing. Seeing that promise we want to nurture and support them as they forge their lives together.

Weddings are wonderful occasions for celebration —celebration that brings together family from near and far and that is certainly true at this wedding where family is present in full force. Families are complicated structures—tangled webs of relationships, weaving together individuals with distinct and characters and quirks into something new, something that both preserves and enhances the best parts of each individual. These webs of family at their best provide a network of love and support, of friendship and companionship for those who are part of that web. But the frailties of human nature mean that those same tangled webs can be the source of tremendous stress—from the aggravations of everyday life, from the mixing of people with different personalities and different backgrounds, from dealing with the unexpected bumps and bruises that life can bring. Being family is not always an easy thing.

The marriage of M and J signals the beginning of a new family—the weaving of a web of new relationships that brings together the family webs they are already part of, but that also is new and fresh, vital and growing, one that will no doubt change and develop its own character over time. At its best this new family web is one that will nourish the lives of M and J, bringing them joy and a sense of completeness. But realistically, we know that this same new family may at times bring them pain and sadness. As Madeleine L’Engle just reminded us, to marry, to become family is to take the biggest risk in human relations one can take. One cannot take the risk of great love without also taking the risk of great pain.

The words we speak today as M and J marry remind us that we are members not only of those complicated family webs created through birth and marriage, but also of the family of God. God our creator calls us to live fully, to embrace life with all its joys and sorrows, and God our parent nurtures and protects us, supporting us as we attempt to do so. God’s love for us is unconditional, yet God also calls us to live in a particular way, a way that reflects the boundless love God bestows on us. And how might we do that? One of the best pieces of advice I’ve seen comes from one of the readings suggested for weddings in the prayer book. This reading comes from the Letter to the Colossians and it says in part “…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience…bear with one another…and forgive each other. Above all, clothe yourselves with love which binds everything together in perfect harmony”.

M and J, I give you these words as you come together today before God and this gathering of friends and family to pledge your love for one another, and your promise to live out that love in your lives together. Each of you comes as a fully formed individual, unique and special in your own way. You are choosing to go forward together in marriage, to weave a new web of family as you become partners on life’s journey—a journey that will no doubt be filled with joy and with sadness, with good times and bad, with rough waters and smooth sailing. My prayer for you as you proceed on this journey is that you may be open to an awareness of God’s presence and God’s love in your lives, not only in the times of joy but also in the times of sadness, and that that love and the love you have for each other may sustain you as you become individually and together more fully who God is calling you to be. May your life together as a new family in the family of God may be richly blessed.

The.Best.Wedding.Ever

LD#2 and SiL were married yesterday afternoon at an outdoor chapel overlooking the lake. I know I am biased, but I have to say that it was truly The.Best.Wedding.Ever. LD#2 and SiL planned and organized everything, and they did an incredible job, making a wedding weekend that was welcoming and hospitable for family members and friends who traveled great distances to be here. They cooked dinner for family on Wednesday night Friday after the rehearsal there was a pizza dinner for the wedding party followed by a dessert cruise on the lake for the wedding party and all the out of town guests--such fun and it was incredibly beautiful on the lake. And the wedding itself was breathtakingly beautiful. We could not have asked for better weather. The bride was beautiful and happy, and the groom glowed. Tears and laughter were part of the ceremony--tears in the eyes of many of us as the bride walked down the aisle and laughter as she mispoke part of her vows--she led the laughter, and it was a great moment.

And the reception was one rocking party. I am not much of a party person, and I'm really bad in large groups, but I had a wonderful time, dancing more than I've danced in years (and apparently without embarrassing my children too much!) It was my great pleasure to spend time with my dearest and oldest (not in terms of age but in terms of time) friends during the weekend festivities. One of these friends was my labor coach when LD#2 was born, and is her godmother, and she gave a very moving toast. SiL's family are warm and friendly people and I like them a lot. On top of all this, I am with all four of my children at the same time for the first time in several years, also a wonderful thing.

I filled up both my memory cards with pictures, but I don't have the right software on my laptop. So pictures will come later.

Coming Home

It's no secret to readers of this blog that there are two places in this world that lay claim on my heart, and I am writing from one of them. We arrived Wednesday afternoon, and I as drove across the Green Mountains I had this strong sense that I was coming home. My family of origin finds it perplexing that a southern born and raised girl like me would be most at home in this state far, far to the north, but in fact I do feel very much at home here, and have since I first set foot here for a job interview twelve years ago.

The weather has been absolutely perfect since we arrived--warm but not too hot, sunny with just enough breeze. LD#2 , whose apartment I am staying in, lives in the city where it is possible to walk many places, and I've really enjoyed that. Rehearsal night festivities included a cruise on the lake, and it was incredibly beautiful.

I am so full of nostalgia and longing. I knew that when I chose to go off to seminary, to follow my call to ordination, that it would mean leaving this place. Being in the city that I came to love so much made it much easier to be away from here. But now I am living in a place that doesn't feel like home to me, that I don't always like even though it is a beautiful place sought by many. I've long prided myself on being adaptable, on being able to live happily where ever I found myself, and I want to do that now. But my heart is pulled to another place.

My Bags Are Packed and I'm Ready to Go

Well, almost. House isn't clean, but it isn't going to be. The Kid has some last minute things to do in the morning, and I have to fill the bird feeders. But I think I've packed everything except toiletries which I'll do in the morning after I shower. And then, we're outta here!

Tomorrow we'll drive to Vermont, picking up elder son at airport midway between here and there. And then the celebrating begins, culminating in a wedding! Lovely Daughter #2 and her fiance will be married on Saturday afternoon, yours truly officiating. And while they are off to honeymoon, the Kid and I are staying in Vermont for 10 days to hang out and relax. My introverted self will need it after 5 days of being with lots of people, many of whom I don't know. I am so looking forward to some time off. We'll spend a few days with LD#1 who will be heading back to S. Korea a week from Thursday after almost 3 months in the states (well, 2 months here and one in South America). And we'll just enjoy summer in VT. The Kid will also be enjoying the World Cup on s-i-l's 50" HDTV--something we certainly don't have here!

I hope to post some pictures after the wedding, but I'm not 100% sure of internet access. My laptop doesn't have a wireless card--yeah I know, but it's 3 1/2 years old, and I'm not putting any money into it, because I'd really like a new one in the next few months.

Always one to procrastinate, I've spent way too much time on the computer today, following GC, responding to email, and blogging. That's probably why the house isn't clean :( I hate getting ready to travel--it makes me very anxious. Maybe that's why I don't travel that much. Once I'm there, it's great...but getting ready, not so much.

Now it's off to bed. I'll be kicking myself for staying up so late when the clock goes off in the morning.

It's All About the Patriarchy

or why I am feeling both angry and sad about the thing I've been celebrating.

I am wonderfully excited about the election of a woman as the Presiding Bishop; she is eminently qualified to do the job, and her initial statements have been exemplary in their emphasis on reconciliation and healing in the church, something we badly need these days.

But from all sides--and primarily from men on all sides--I hear so much negativity, so much criticism, so much b***s*** about how the church isn't ready for a woman leader, we need to think more about the consequences of this action, this is a slap in the face for Anglicans who don't accept women's ordination as priests to say nothing of women as bishops.

I expected to hear this from the conservatives, who have been spoiling for a fight ever since convention began (actually ever since GC last met in 2003). But it's similar responses from moderates and liberals that I find most disheartening. At first I was just sad, but right this minute I am burning with anger. The response that put me over the top was a criticism by a male priest of the "triumphalism" of the responses of women to this election. He went on to say that it was clear that women wanted a woman as presiding bishop and didn't give a sh*t about the consequences (his words).

This is absurd beyond measure. A committee comprised of men and women made the nominations. But the election itself occurred in the House of Bishops--a body that is 99% male. 188 votes were cast; of those 188, a total of 12 were women. That's right--12 out of 188 bishops present were women. So clearly, it wasn't just women wanting a female presiding bishop.

I won't apologize for celebrating. I don't celebrate because I wanted a woman presiding bishop at any cost. No, I'm celebrating because the House of Bishops was able to discern that +Jefferts Schori was one called to be PB at this time, and they didn't let gender get in the way. I am celebrating because this is a validation of women's ministry through out the church. I am celebrating because I remember when I couldn't even be an acolyte because I am a girl, and now a woman is presiding bishop. I am celebrating because this is a glorious thing.

As for the consequences, yes there will be some. But I'm increasingly convinced that the Episcopal Church cannot stop in its tracks to accommodate the beliefs of the Archbishop of Nigeria, and other who might disagree with us. Unity in the church worldwide is important. But membership in the world wide Anglican Communion is not worth sacrificing what we as a church believe we are called to do and be. That applies to women in holy orders, and that applies to full inclusion of LGBT people in the church and the blessing of their relationships.

I've always been concerned with women's issues, but I've never considered myself a radical feminist, nor an activist feminist. But this may push me over the edge. It becomes clearer and clearer to me that despite the strides we've made in terms of rights and justice for women, we are still firmly ensconced in the patriarchy. Perhaps I'm incredibly naive not to have realized it before. And sadly, my life in the church--where women have come a long way in my lifetime--has helped me reach this point. So much of the controversy in the Episcopal Church, and likely in the larger church as well, is tied up with men--mostly white straight upper-middle class men--who feel their power being threatened. They couch it in terms of biblical and theological arguments, but it still boils down to the same thing.

Twelve years ago when I was hired for my teaching job, I was the first woman to be hired on the tenure track in my department--the department with either the second largest or largest number of majors every year. The women faculty formed a women's caucus and worked hard for equity--representation on committees, fair hiring, equal treatment in the tenure process. The response of men, especially in the administration, was 'why do you need to do this?' That they had to ask that is indicative of why we had to do it. Over the 8 years I was there, the balance shifted and women approached 40% of the faculty (shocking, I know). The balance in the student body shifted as well, and women comprised 51-52% of the student body--and they comprised the majority of the honor graduates. All of this at a college that was not coed until 1975. The last two years I was there, a great hue and cry arose about the threatened status of men on campus. We needed to recruit more men. We shouldn't try to hire women faculty. We needed special tutors for male students becasue clearly the academic enviroment was not friendly for them. I just want to shriek. And I see that reflected in the church in large and small ways. There are more women priests than ever before, and women have become bishops. Women are good at ministry. The patriarchy is threatened again. And worldwide it is even worse.

Some of you are probably thinking, "didn't she know this before?" Well, on some level I did. I got angry when I was teaching, too. But the criticism of our "triumphalism" today was like a slap in the face. I won't kow-tow to the partiarchy. I won't become like them to succeed. (and I am tempted to write...I am woman, hear me roar, but that would be cheesy wouldn't it?) :)

This has turned into a rant, and I don't have time to really edit it, but ya know what? I am going to post it anyway....and then back to packing for VACATION and the WEDDING (more on those later!)

Celebration Going On!

History was made today in Columbus OH. Meeting in convention, the House of Bishops of the Episcopal Church elected the Rt. Rev. Katharine Jefferts Schori as the 26th Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church. I never expected this to happen at this point, and I am so excited. I've been getting a flurry of emails--women--clergy and laity alike--all over the church are celebrating.

I know gender should not matter; in fact, I believe the best candidate for the position regardeless of gender was elected, but this is nonetheless very exciting. To put this in context, the Episcopal Church has only been ordaining women as priests since 1976, and the first woman bishop was elected in 1989. There are still some in the Episcopal Church who do not accept women priests, sadly.

According to the Episcopal Church website, the Presiding Bishop "is elected every nine years to serve as the Chief Pastor and Primate of the Church. In this role the Presiding Bishop is charged with responsibility for leadership in initiating and developing the policy and strategy in the Church and speaking for the church as to the policies, strategies and programs authorized by the General Convention." The Presiding Bishop also respresents the Episcopal Church in the wider Anglican Communion. Her election is bound to be controversial in that respect as the Anglican Church in many areas will not ordain women at all.

Oh, happy day!

Just Because I've Been Complaining So Much

about the weather, let me say that the sun is out today and it's (almost) 70F. Hurrah!

But boy, do we ever have water problems at church. Yesterday we had one drain cleaned out because we believed that it was backing up and causing part of the library flooding, and things were looking good. Today when I arrived at church, water was spewing out of the toilets, yes backing up into the bathrooms in the undercroft. Apparently the water table is really high (should we be surprised?) and forcing water back into the church. Ready Rooter was there when I came home, but I don't know what the final verdict on a solution is.

Moral of this story: don't build on a wetland. Wish they'd known that in 1888.

The Sound of Thunder

coming from the Weather Channel icon on my desktop is not a good omen, and it just rumbled again. Each rumble indicates an update in the "severe weather" watch in effect; this week of course that is for rain and flooding. So the good news (NOT!) is that heavy rain is expected late this afternoon and evening with the potential for more flooding. And the weather system producing that rain apparenlty will be centered right over my neck of the woods.

And the 10-day forecast? The sun is expected to come out on three of those 10 days, and the temperature will get above 70 four times. Hello....it's June!

Lest you think I am a weather wuss, I lived in northern Vermont for 8 years, and June was never this cold. I can handle blizzards--bring em' on! I can deal with late spring. Chilly falls are fine. I love it when it is cool at night. But this is JUNE! School will be out in a week. People are coming to the beach. Temps in the 70s with some sun is all I ask. Sheesh.

And LD#2 will be married in two weeks--outdoors. Could we please have some nice weather in New England by then?

Yes, I'm feeling a bit curmudgeonly today. It's been one of those weeks.

The Calm after the Storm

As the pixies over at Phantom's know, yesterday's rain and wind caused a little excitement here at Chez Rev. Dr. Mom. I'm happy to report that the tree




that caused most of the excitement has been removed, leaving behind some fire wood for next winter, and a couple of small dents in the gutter. It could have been much worse.

I didn't get a picture of the flood in the parking lot yesterday, and luckily, by this morning it had subsided, so no flooded church nursery or office. Yet more rain is forecast for tomorrow and Saturday but hopefully not as much as we got yesterday.

I should add that the church is built on a wetland. It was built in 1888, before such things were regulated, but it means that drainage is always and forever a problem on parts of the property. The rectory, where I live, is on a hill above the church, so I don't have to worry about flooding. I know that what we've dealt with is so minor to what other parts of the state had a few weeks back, I really shouldn't complain.

But it really would be nice to have some warm, sunny weather for a while.

Book Lust

Madeleine L'Engle has long been one of my favorite writers, and about 10 years ago, I began to collect her books. It began innocently enough...wandering through a used book store one summer afternoon, I found a signed copy of A Severed Wasp for the very reasonable sum of $10. I'd read it previously and enjoyed it, and how cool to have a signed copy, even if it wasn't signed for me!

Of course, this wasn't my first L'Engle purchase. I already owned some of her children's books bought to read to/with my own children, along with some of her adult non-fiction. But I'd never thought about intentionally acquiring a collection of her books. That summer I spent a lot of time in used book stores. The Vermont city where I was living has several good ones, and they were a wonderful way to spend a summer afternoon. Mostly I was browsing, always on the lookout for an interesting old psychology volume (at the time I was collecting books by B. F. Skinner, as well as books on child development). And I began to look for L'Engle books as well, and bought a few, nothing rare, nothing valuable. Over the next year or so I picked up a few more of her books--some I'd read before, and some I hadn't. I began to look at her list of published books and count how many I owned. The book lust was growing.

A year or two later I discovered on-line used book sellers, and my quest became serious. I began to look for L'Engle's more obscure works, and over time I acquired a few of them. But there was one--Ilsa--that seemed to be totally unavailable, no matter how hard I looked. It was her second book, not very successful, and according to the few people I've encountered who ever read it, not very good. But I still wanted to have it.

When I started seminary, I gave up my L'Engle book quest--too many other books needed to be bought, and I have about 40 of her books now. Hadn't really thought about it lately. But tonight I clicked on an email from one of the better on-line booksellers and found myself searching for L'Engle books again. And what should they have listed but FOUR copies of Ilsa!

Ah, but they are not cheap, these copies of Ilsa. Nor should they be, I guess. One is a signed first edition--for $900 dollars. Not terrible for serious book collectors I suppose, but way out of my price range. The least expensive is a little over $200--still out of my price range this summer, which means, I guess, that I am not really a serious collector. But oh, I would like that book.

Living Vicariously

LD#1 just returned from a month in Bolivia, and she put up a fascinating photo essay on her blog. I figure the only way I'm going to see most of these places is through her eyes. Luckily she is observant and smart and funny.

Friday Photo Blog--A Walk in My Neighborhood

The marsh by the bay...




































Shells on the beach








































Flowers in the 'hood...
































































And a Red-bellied woodpecker in my yard....