My conference ended this morning (and it really was wonderful) and after waving goodbye to my colleagues as they departed by bus for the airport, I had lunch with a seminary classmate who lives nearby and then boarded the train for Disney City where my sister met me at the train.
Now y'all know that I have been anxious about this visit. My sister and I were never close and our relationship is all tangled up in my relationship with mother. The two of us jut don't have that much in common--other than that we're sisters. But I have resolved that as far as I can help it, this visit is going to be non-controversial. And so far it has, I think. We stopped for some dinner and we talked a little bit about our mother and a little bit about our kids.
But it just feels so weird. And my sister said one thing that really floored me although I didn't react or respond in any way. She ssaid being around mother now reminds her of why she disliked her so much when we were growing up.
Huh. Really?
I'm afraid to probe that, but I'm really curious about what exactly she meant. I mean my mother has always been challenging in different ways. But i just don't know if I would say I disliked her. On the contrary what I remember most is always wanting her approval and never knowing how to get it. I found/find her frustrating and puzzling and difficult. So maybe my sister is just saying the same thing in different words. Which is also funny in the not ha-ha way because my sister (after a few years back in adolescence) seemed to be the golden child.
To be fair my sister has shouldered the burden of dealing with my mother since daddy died 8 years ago, and that has become a big responsibility. Huge actually. And she has her own issues to deal with. So I don't blame her a bit if she has negative feelings about dealing with our mother.
I hope when/if my kids ever need to take care of me it's not this complicated and sad.
I'm meeting my mother for breakfast in the morning. So I'm sure there will be more to say tomorrow.
2 comments:
Thinking about you. I hope the visit is not too painful, or that it is even positive in some ways.
I want to say more, or something more meaningful, but I will just leave it at a repeat of what I started with: thinking of you.
((( rdm ))) also thinking of you.
this kind of sounds like a breakthrough with your sister. maybe she will say more. i totally understand the not wanting to charge in there with the "golden child." her perceptions are likely to include some different than yours, and that difference may be difficult. but still, that's an opening, perhaps. xoxo
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