Church garden

Unknown flower

City this morning, home tonight

I'm taking the bus home early this afternoon, and barring too much traffic, I'll be home by early evening. I wanted to go out and take some pictures this morning but it's very damp and misty, but I may try in a few minutes.

When I was planning this trip I didn't think I would have time for blogger meet-ups, but as it turned out, I did. Yesterday afternoon I met up with two local bloggers whose identity I won't reveal here, but if they want to, they can. We sat on the lawn and ended up talking for four hours! I was amazed when I looked at my watch and realized how long we had been there.

This morning I went to my favorite coffee shop and sat and looked out the window while I had breakfast, just like I used to do when I lived here. I don't know why that seems like such a restful place to be, but it always has for me. I did a lot of studying there, too.

I really miss this city. I keep telling myself it wouldn't be the same if I moved back, but still...There are no jobs here for me, so it's a pipe dream anyway.

More pictures later.

So I did it

(this of course taken with Photo Booth)

After reading a bazillion reviews and a final consultation at the camera store, I bought the Canon XT. Instead of the kit lens I got a Canon 24-85 mm, which put me over my budget a bit and I hope will be worth it. The staff person who helped me also suggested a moderately priced telephoto lens when I am ready to get one (which I would do now if I thought I could afford it).

The camera store was nuts today. I would guess that Sunday may be their busiest day since they are closed on Friday evening and Saturday for Shabbat. But they are nothing if not organized and I've never been any place with so many staff people trying to assist customers in every possible way, including handing out snacks!

I've taken a few pictures but I need to spend some time figuring out how everything works. I will be playing with it a lot during the rest of my vacation!








ETA this night picture was enhanced with Photoshop, but the others weren't. I just couldn't get this one to come out right--lots of learning to come!

Aaaacck!

Halloween decorations in Rite Aide's window.

On August 5.

It was fine

The engagement party was fine. LFDiL (Lovely Future Daughter in Law) is really lovely and she and Elder Son seem very happy together. Her family likes him.

What is it about my kids marrying into large Italian families though?

I arrived safely back here about 2:30 am. Slept too late for church, but as clergy on vacation, I guess a Sunday sleep in is a rare indulgence. Off to the camera store and other delights of the city now.

More later.

Random bits of being in the City

~I arrived in the city about 4 pm, after being stuck in traffic for a while. The easiest, although not fastest, way for me to get here from home is by bus. But when we hit upper Manhattan I just want to say, "Let me off here, I'll take the subway or walk the rest of the way." And it would be faster, but of course they can't do that. But at least I got here; NSLS's flight was canceled because of "possible" thunderstorms, and she couldn't get another one that was affordable and would get her here in time. So I am bummed not to get to see her and because I have to go to this party alone. And if you looked at my Myers-Briggs score, you'll understand why I'm not so looking forward to this.

~The party in question is of course Elder Son's engagement party. I will be meeting his fiancee for the first time, as well as all of her large family. I'm sure they are all lovely and it will be fine, but it is still a lot of people who know each other and me who knows only Elder Son.

~But I will go with a smile on my face, and have a good time. I've already inadvertently ruffled Elder Son's feathers about this party (I didn't mean to, really I didn't) and I know it is important to him.

~It's amazing how quickly I slip right back into the city--in some ways it feels like I never left. As I was coming up from the subway I was thinking that I wouldn't run into anyone I knew since it's been 2 years since I graduated, but I hadn't gone half a block before I ran into someone who graduated a year before me and still lives in the greater metro area.

~Some things have changed but many are just the same. The scaffolding has moved of course--there's ALWAYS scaffolding somewhere around here--it just seems to move from place to place;I used to joke with the Kid that we ought to invest in a scaffolding company. There are more fancy new apartments, and a couple of familiar places are gone (including one of my favorite shoe stores!) but for the most part it feels the same.

~NSLS and I had planned to have Thai food tonight, but since she didn't get here and I never had lunch , I just went to get a sandwich from my favorite neighborhood deli, a place which deserves its own post not because of the gourmet food (it's more like comfort food) but because of the wonderful person who runs it. Then I headed out to do some errands--to Rite Aid to buy a toothbrush, to Bed Bath and Beyond to get a gift card for Elder Son and fiancee (who need a pseudonym), and ended up just walking around for a while. I really miss that. Those same errands where I live now would mean getting in the car and driving to two separate shopping centers. It might have been quicker but it wouldn't have been nearly as interesting.

~It always surprises me how many stores close at 8:00 in the city that never sleeps. Really.

~As I was walking home about 9:30 it occurred to me that I was very hungry, and that I was only a block from Whole Foods--another place that I miss mightily. So I stopped and got some humus and chips and some blueberries and yogurt, and to just admire all the great stuff Whole Foods has. I know that WF has its warts, but compared to where I normally shop, it is so wonderful.

~It's hot here--not unbearable but definitely sticky. There was a nice breeze stirring as I walked back, and now it is thundering--I think there will be a storm--in fact, even as I write that I hear raindrops starting to fall. Tomorrow will be a very long day, so I guess I should think about going to bed.

Vacation!

I am not much of a list maker usually, but this week I made a list of all the things I needed to get done, and by 4:15 this afternoon I had them all checked off. So I am officially ON VACATION for the next three weeks! Woo-hoo!

Tomorrow I head for the Big Apple where LD#2 will meet me. Saturday morning we'll take the train to the Philly/NJ area for Elder Son's engagement party and then take the train back. Sunday is my day in the city, and camera shopping is on my agenda. LD has to leave Sunday afternoon, and I'll head back home on Monday.

The Kid was invited on this trip but adamantly insisted that he'd rather stay here and work---until this afternoon when he heard me talking about where I might have dinner in the city. Sigh. Bus and train tickets are bought and I think it is too late for him to come along. But he's staying with a friend who has all the right video games, so I don't think he'll mind so much tomorrow.

I would love to have some blogger meet-ups, but my schedule is so tight that I haven't really tried to arrange any. Next time....

I'm so confused!

Or tales of a neurotic shopper....

When I shop, especially for something that is a major purchase, I have to see all the possibilities before I can make a decision. I may very well buy the very first thing I saw, but I cannot possibly do that until I've explored every last alternative. This make shopping with me very difficult unless you happen to be the same way.

The internet is really a good thing for people who shop like I do-I can explore all the options in the comfort of my home, and often I can purchase whatever I decide on online as well. Since I don't always enjoy shopping, especially if malls are involved this is a Very Good Thing.

So, as I mentioned, I'm thinking about buying a DSLR, and I've been soliciting opinions and doing some research. This afternoon, my brain already being somewhat on the vacation that really doesn't start until Friday, I read camera reviews online while I waited for a 5:30 meeting. Even though I've narrowed choices to three, the more I read the more confused I get!

Okay, I don't really need 10 megapixels, but if I only get 6.1 (the Nikon D40) will that matter? And does it matter that the Nikon only saves JPEGs in 'basic' format? If I buy the Olympus E500 I can get two lenses for the price I would pay for just one with the other cameras, but are they really any good? And when the reviewers mention that the view finder is too small, is that a fatal flaw? Do I want to spend the extra $100 and get the D40 with two lenses? Are they any better than the ones with the E500? And is image stabilization in the camera body (Nikon and Olympus) superior to image stabilization in the lens (Canon)? Should I just buy the one that is clearly the most popular (Canon)? Oy vey!*

I've made up my mind and changed it a dozen times already. But here is my current plan. Sunday afternoon I'm going to the camera store and hold each of these cameras in my hands, check out the things that have been mentioned to the extent I can, and ask for recommendations. Then hopefully I can make a rational choice. Or more likely, go with my gut, because as a good INFP, that's what I usually do.

Meanwhile, I'm still open to all comments or recommendations.

*I do realize that any of the three cameras I'm considering will be more than adequate for my needs, but that doesn't stop me from obsessing!

Confirmation

Monday morning

~I got up early today, for a Monday. I hate it when the clock goes off; I just want to curl up and sleep some more, but once I am actually out of bed, I prefer it if it's early. How contradictory is that? This morning I had to run down to the church and make a correction on a funeral bulletin before it got copied. The funeral is this afternoon, the second in four days. When I was in seminary I dreaded the thought of doing funerals but there is really often something very grace filled in planning and participating in those services.

~It's been very muggy here. Everything feels clammy. Not too hot, but the humidity makes it feel hot. I only got out our two window fans yesterday, because the temperature has stayed mostly in the 70s or low 80s at the most. Having grown up in the south, that doesn't seem too hot to me. We just had a brief (5 minute) shower. The air felt wonderfully cool for a few minutes; I wonder if it will be the kind of shower that clears the air, or if it will turn out to just make it stickier?

~I'm still debating on the camera, but based on people's comments and some further research, I've narrowed my choices down to the Canon XT or the Nikon D40. ETA I just found an Olympus that looks very attractive --the E500--anyone know it? I really want to buy one, but the Kid pointed out to me yesterday that we probably will need to buy another computer soon. He (mostly) uses our almost 5 year old desktop, and he thinks it is developing some problems. And we really can't share a computer--jeez, how spoiled does that sound?!

~Now it is raining while the sun is shining. My mother used to say something funny whenever that happened, "The devil must be beating his wife behind the door." That makes NO sense and I have no idea where it originated, but it's something she learned growing up.

~Yesterday was the last of my four Sundays as a solo priest while the rector is on vacation. I really did enjoy doing the services on my own, and preaching every week, and things went well. The next three Sundays I will be on vacation. This coming weekend I'm going to Seminary City and the City of Brotherly Love (where Elder Son's engagement party will be--actually that is in NJ, but anyway...) and then after a few days back home we're going to Maine--yay! And when we get back from Maine, the Kid will only have a few days before school starts. Where has the summer gone!?

~Somewhere along the line I dropped my Project 365--well, not intentionally, it just sort of happened. But here is a picture for today:

Advice wanted: DSLR owners

~I've wanted a DSLR for a while now. I can't really afford it, but I've been toying with the idea of just biting the bullet and buying it anyway, and next weekend I will be near a very good camera store. The one I've been considering is the Canon Rebel XTi but I know there are other options. So camera owners, tell me what you think. What do you have? What do you like? What should I be considering or need to remember before I buy (if I do)?

Down the rabbit's hole

I had all sort of plans to get caught up on errands and such today. But I slept in a little (til 8:00) and then started reading blogs after I checked my email. You know how you can read one blog and follow a link and then follow another link and then another, and suddenly you really don't remember how you got there? That's what it was like this morning; I was reading really interesting stuff and it was making me think, but when I looked up and it was after noon, I felt a bit like I had fallen down the rabbit's hole.

So I spent the afternoon and evening trying to catch up with the errands and chores, and mostly got them done, although there's still laundry to do, and I owe a friend a phone call.

My vacation starts in two weeks--yay! This week is already shaping up to be much busier than I'd hoped, and my list of things that I MUST GET DONE before I start vacation is getting ever longer. And I'd like to blog some of the stuff besides Harry Potter that has been churning around in my head the last few weeks. We'll see....

Whew!

I'm done--finished about 30 minutes ago. I would've finished sooner except for that pesky business of having to go to work this afternoon.

No critique here. I liked it fine. Maybe I'' be more critical later. But if you want critique, go over to Phantom's. There is a lively thread going on there.

I haven't had a marathon reading session like that since....well, since HP6 came out. What are we going to do now?

One prediction fulfilled--no spoiler!

As I predicted earlier The Kid finished HP7 at 9:15 this morning (having slept from around 4:45 to 7). He says it's worth it.

Back to reading (also as predicted I fell asleep after about 30 pages).

Live blogging from Midnight Madness

It's 9:30 and we're in the cafe at Barnes and Noble. Lots of people here, some in costume. I see a few Harrys, some Hermiones, generic witches and wizards. We brought the Dumbledore costume, but no one has donned it yet.

It's unreal how excited people are about this. On the NYTimes webpage there were pictures of Potter parties all over the place. I wish I were in the city. Apparently in SoHo there is a full scale model of the Whomping Willow, and in Union Squire there is a very realistic looking Hagrid.

I've been thinking about how excited the Kid and his friends are, and I realized that they are the generation that really grew up with Harry Potter. The Kid started reading the books in second grade, and now at 15 he's almost the same age.

It's about 10:20 now and the crowd is still growing. The line to pick up wristbands is very, very long. I'm very glad we got our earlier. We are in the "B" group-the groups go all the way through the alphabet and then into numbers, I think. Could be a very long night for some folks.

I temporarily lost possession of my computer and my table to a gaggle of teenage boys. After wandering around for a while I reclaimed my computer and found a new table. The number of boys at the other table is growing.

I tried listening to JK Rowling, but it's too noisy in here, and I didn't bring any earphones. Next to me a group is playing "Apples to Apples, the HP version" but, honestly it doesn't sound like they are having nearly as much fun as we have when we play Apples to Apples.

At the risk of sounding cranky, it seems to me that B&N could've sprung for some better costumes for their employees. Most of them are pretty lame.

There is someone walking around upstairs who totally has Lucius Malfoy's hair. She really should have dressed up! I'm regretting not getting out my witch costume now, but I think the Kid would have objected to me being that conspicuous. Once we got here it became very clear that I was on my own. I sort of miss being here with a kid --the small k kind.

11:00 now and the costume contest is about to begin.

Just a minute ago two parishioners walked up behind me and my pseudonymous blog. Fortunately, I don't think they really noticed what I had on the computer. I had not foreseen that possibility when I decided to blog here tonight.

Oh, good, I don't have to move to see the costumes...I am reluctant to give up my table in the cafe at this point.

BTW, it's freezing in here!

Apparently the Kid's friend who has my Dumbledore costume decided not to participate in the contest. Too bad, because I think he would've won. But it was mostly younger kids.

Crap. The Kid just called me---he and his friends went outside to get a drink from the drink machine and they won't let them back in. Signing off to see if I can rescue them.

Okay, it's 11:25 and I'm back. They finally let the kids back in after they started lining people up at their stations around the store. I'm letting him stand in line...he has the bracelet anyway. But I only paid for two hours of internet and it will probably be up soon.

This is my third "Midnight Madness, " each at a different location. Again, at the risk of sounding cranky, this one is the least well done of the three. I would've thought with the last book they would've gone all out. Then again, they probably knew they didn't have too.

It turns out the Kid's friend wasn't in the costume contest b/c they were shut out then. Too bad. The prize was getting to get the first book.

I'm so pathetic...I just paid for more internet....it was only $3.99 but still...

A few minutes ago a guy standing behind me said, "Are you blogging this? Cool."

Not sure why they made people get in line 45 minutes before the books will be released. There are a lot of people here, but not so many that it would take that long to get people in line. They just closed the cafe, too. I know it's beyond their regular hours, but they are losing a lot of business.

WHY does it have to be so cold in here?! I have on a long sleeve shirt and jeans, and I'm freezing.

The Harry Potter glasses they are passing out are WHITE. What were they thinking?

Fifteen minutes to go, and it's starting to quiet down.

I'm sure this running commentary is the most boring blog post ever, but it's kind of fun, and I don't have anyone to talk to.

I'm starting to yawn now. I really really want to stay up and read but I know I will fall asleep not long after I sit down....no matter whether I read in the kitchen or the living room or in my bed. That being the case, I might as well go to bed where I'll be comfortable!

Just over 5 minutes to go now! The anticipation is palpable. Will there ever be another book that causes excitement like this?

Two minutes to go!

Okay, the countdown is about to begin, and people are yelling. This is it!!!!

Now how long will it take the Kid to get through the line?

The first people in line just got their books and they are being cheered. But really some people are going to have a pretty long wait. They do have their checkout lines pretty well organized.

It does appear that being a "B" is a distinct advantage. Okay, the Kid wants me to get in line with him; he's worried about using my debit card without me.

UPDATE: 12:45, and we're home with our books. We were out of the store with books in hand by 12:10, and I have to say it was pretty funny watching 3 teenage boys literally running to the car with their books. In the 30 minutes it took us to drop off the friends and get home, the Kid read 32 pages and said "oh holy crap" at least three times.

So I'm off to read now...

The countdown has begun

I spent today writing my sermon so that tomorrow would be free for reading. We've already been to Barnes and Noble to pick up our wristbands; at 6:15 the place was already a zoo. We (me, the Kid and two of his friends) are going back around 9:00. They have suggested that I "live blog" the event. If B&N had free wifi I would, but I don't know how willing I am to pay for that privilege.

I actually have a great Dumbledore costume that I wore a few years ago. I pulled it out and one of the Kid's friends may wear it. If he doesn't, I may. Surprisingly, the Kid didn't seem mortified by the prospect. I could dress at McGonagall, but that outfit just looks more like a plain old witch. I may still do it, though.

We're all such geeks :)

Potter obsessed?

At least I'm consistent ...as seen at APL's What Harry Potter Character are You? Hermione Granger You are a smart and intelligent person. You use your smarts to help out friends. You can be emotional at times but you always seem to be in the mood to help someone out. Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

I'm not really surprised *

*

You scored as Hermione Granger, You're one intelligent witch, but you have a hard time believing it and require constant reassurance. You are a very supportive friend who would do anything and everything to help her friends out. Hermione Granger 75% Severus Snape 65% Remus Lupin 65% Albus Dumbledore 60% Ron Weasley 55% Harry Potter 50% Ginny Weasley 40% Sirius Black 35% Draco Malfoy 35% Lord Voldemort 10% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com

Hitting my stride

My boss is on vacation! So ever since I came back from Vermont after July 4, I've been on my own. Yesterday was my second solo Sunday, and a number of people quite solicitously asked how I was doing by myself. I appreciate their concern, but the truth is, I like being solo. I will hasten to add that I have not had any pastoral emergencies, and it's a fairly quiet time of year, but that said, I like what I'm doing. I like preaching every week, and I feel like after stretch since Easter when I've felt like my sermons were lackluster, I'm hitting my stride right now. And I like leading the service, presiding at the Eucharist, so doing all three services on the weekend doesn't feel burdensome at all--it feels like a privilege.

Yesterday's main service was "good church"--the kind that felt like we were community, that felt uplifting--good music, good singing, the sermon seemed to go over well, God's presence was palpable. It's not always like that; as a priest I can come away from a service so distracted by the details that I don't feel like I've even been to church. But not yesterday. I'm grateful for those times.

Wotcher, Harry!

1. Which Harry Potter book is your favorite and why?

I can't choose one as a favorite; I really like them all. The first time I read Order of the Phoenix, I thought Harry was way too whiny, but I didn't think that the next time I read it, so I'm not sure that I have a least favorite, either.

2. Which character do you most resemble? Which character would you most like to get to know?

I think I most resemble Hermione or McGonagall. I would really like to get to know Dumbledore.

3. How careful are you about spoilers?
a) bring 'em on--even if I know the destination, the journey's still good
b) eh, I'd rather not know what happens, but I'm not going to commit Avada Kedavra if someone makes a slip
c) I will sequester myself in a geodesic dome to avoid finding anything out.

I may sneak a peek at the end--I've been known to do it before--but I don't want anyone else to tell me.

4. Make one prediction/share one hope about book 7.

I hope that neither Harry, Ron, Hermione, nor Ginny dies. I hope there is a happy ending.

5. Rowling has said she's not planning any prequels or sequels, but are there characters or storylines (past or future) that you would like to see pursued?

I'd like to know more about the prehistory--what was Hogwarts like when Dumbledore and McGonagall were students? And I'd like to know what happens after.....do Ron and Hermione end up together? Harry and Ginny? Who goes back to teach at Hogwarts? What happens to Lupin and Tonks?

Truth be told, whenever I read a book or series in which I really feel engaged with the characters, I want "more" and that's definitely true in this case.

Harry Potter and other stuff

~First things first: Shiny new water heater installed Monday morning. Hot showers resumed. When I was a kid I thought "living in the old days" sounded like so much fun. However, I don't find heating water on the stove to get a warm bath too fun.

~Sunday I preached about the Millennium Development Goals, and it did cross my mind that my taking hot showers for granted was a definite sign of my privileged status in the world.

~The Kid and I saw HP5 tonight. I thought it was really well done considering how much they had to cut out for time. The Kid thinks that they should make 4 hour "geek" versions that leave everything in. I'd watch if they did.

~Our books are preordered (2 of them) and we will be at the bookstore at midnight to pick them up. We've picked up the last three books that way; the Kid may have had his 15 minutes of fame last time. We were at a large Barnes and Noble in Manhattan and he was interviewed and quoted by the NY Times.

~Prognostications are being made all over the internet about what will happen. I only have two things to say: Harry can't die, and Snape is evil. Of course, I could be wrong.

~I will predict that the Kid will have the book finished by mid-Saturday morning. I, on the other hand, can't stay awake that long. I just need to get my sermon written that Friday so I can read all day Saturday.

~I want to know how things turn out, but damn, I really don't want this to be the last book.

No.Hot.Water

~And apparently no plumber either, since he hasn't returned my call.

~Do you know how much I hate this?

~We discovered the lack of hot water this morning when the Kid went to take a shower before going to work.

~Not only is there no hot water, the water heater is dripping on the basement floor. Can't be a good sign.

~The Kid only has to go wash dishes. I have to preach and preside at a Eucharist. So it will be a cold shower for me.

~Sigh.

Back Safe Home Again

~We arrived home from Vermont about 30 minutes ago. It was a longer trip back than there by at least an hour--more traffic, more construction, heavy rain in a couple of spots--but still not a bad trip.

~But I hate it that it always seems depressing to be back here for the first little while. I'll get over it, but after two years here (as of yesterday) I would've thought that this would feel more like home.

~We had a wonderful albeit too brief time in Vermont. Tuesday night we had a picnic by the lake and watched the fireworks. Wednesday Mr. LS, assisted by NSLS, his mom and a host of "grill watchers," cooked an incredible feast. Me, I was out of my element among so many good cooks, so I spent time on the computer downloading and reformatting some of NSLS's wedding pictures. Yesterday we were pretty lazy--did a little shopping and had dinner at our favorite pizza place-which will never be the same, I'm afraid. LD#1 worked at this pizza place through high school and college, and a bit beyond, and we're all attached to it. It will still be there but the owner is moving to Utah in September.

~Today the Kid and I headed home after a stop at our favorite bagel shop to pick up sandwiches for lunch. Both of us have to work this weekend.

~I emptied the ice maker before we left Monday morning, and apparently when I put it back, it didn't slide in all the way, because the freezer door was not quite tightly shut. Argh. Nothing feels really thawed completely, but it definitely wasn't as cold as it should have been and there was a little bit water on the floor. At least there wasn't much in it--frozen dinners mostly.

~Guess I should finish unpacking now, and think about the sermon I need to write.

Happy Fourth of July

On the road

~The Kid and I left home yesterday morning and drove to northern VT to visit LD#2 (known to some of you as NSLS) for the Fourth of July holiday. We'll be here until Friday. I love this part of New England. It still feels like home, even though I moved away five years ago to go to seminary.

~It is chilly in New England....61 degrees as I write (about 9 am). It's chilly where I live, too. I forgot to pack my sweater, so if we're going to watch fireworks tonight I may have to go buy a sweatshirt.

~LD brought some old pictures back from my mother's house...some I don't remember ever seeing and some I haven't seen in years. Oh, the memories! I want to scan them, and if I do, I'll post some.

~I have a whole list of places to go....mostly to get things I can't get where I live, and to some of my favorite places I miss. My main stop today will be the bookstore at the Cathedral. I miss having a bookstore with a serious religion section where I live. I order things on line, but I want to browse...

~LD's in-laws are arriving this afternoon. We are going to have a picnic by the lake and watch fireworks tonight. Should be fun. I got some great pictures last year and I hope I'll get some tonight.

~We were chatting last night while LD and Mr. LS prepared dinner, and the conversation turned to blogs...perhaps some of your ears were burning. Really, it's like you're our neighbors or something. Mr. LS and the Kid, who aren't blog readers, just rolled their eyes.

~I really appreciate everyone's kind comments to my post below. It means a great deal to me.

Deep Sadness

My phone rang last night as I was walking into Borders. I didn't recognize the number, but something told me I should answer it. It was my brother, the same brother with whom I haven't talked since the week of my dad's funeral five years ago. He had called to update me on my mother, who, as it turns out, isn't doing very well. When Elder Son and LD#2 were there a couple of weeks ago, she had just fallen. She went to the emergency room and they found nothing amiss, but she was in pain. She has osteoporosis and arthritis and she's always in pain, but this was worse. After everyone left, she went back to the emergency room and was eventually admitted, and after three days, sent to rehab because she was having so much trouble moving around.

Once in rehab she apparently got worse before she got better, but that did earn her an appointment with an orthopedic specialist who found new damage to one of her vertebrae. He wants to do a surgical procedure to cement the vertebra in question to ease the pain. That should take place Monday. Meanwhile, physical therapy has begun to help her regain her strength.

I wouldn't have known any of this if my brother hadn't called. I'm glad he did call, but I feel a bit helpless to do anything. And here is where my guilt kicks in, I guess. I am not inclined to rush down to see her, for complicated reasons. I'm not really sure she wants to see me. Of course she'd say she does, the same way on one level I want to see her. But I always end up upsetting her, no matter how hard I try not to. And I come away in emotional shreds. Is it selfish of me to want to avoid that? Yes, probably it is But is it wrong?

I feel a deep sadness in all this. Sadness for my mother who is dealing with both physical pain and the emotional upheaval of "breaking up housekeeping" to move into a nursing home. Sadness for my family, for the closeness we lack. Sadness for all the "never agains" that inevitably come to mind at a time like this. Just a deep sadness.

Gifts and Talents

A Friday 5 from the RGBPs:

1. Personality tests; love them or hate them?

I've always thought personality tests and aptitude tests and the like are fun. And I think they can be useful. I've taken batteries of aptitude tests at two different points in my life that provided very fruitful insights, and I've worked with Myers Briggs types in different settings for a number of years. But I also know that there is a limit on what any personality test can reveal, and I worry that sometimes people expect too much or think that a test can explain EVERYTHING, and it can't.

2. Would you describe yourself as practical, creative, intellectual or a mixture ?

I think I'm a mixture of all three.

3. It is said that everyone has their 15 minutes of fame; have you had your yet? If so what was it, if not dream away what would you like it to be?

If I have, I haven't known it! My dream would be to write something that would matter to people, that would make a difference somehow, or at least that would be thought provoking.

4. If you were given a 2 year sabbatical ( oh the dream of it) to create something would it be music, literature, art.....something completely different...share your dream with us...

I think it would be either some kind of writing, or perhaps photography, or a combination.

5. Describe a talent you would like to develop, but that seems completely beyond you.

Wanting to develop it assumes that I have it already. But never mind that....I wish I could sing or play an instrument really well. I'm not sure I have any musical ability at all, however.

I am an inveterate doodler, too, and wish I could learn to draw.

Bonus question: Back to the church- what does every member ministry mean to you? Is it truly possible to encourage/ implement?

Every member ministry (or to use the term that is in favor in the Episcopal Church--ministry of all the baptized) is the recognition that all of us are called to minister in the world, not just our ordained leaders. Is it possible to implement? I think it's easier some places than others. In my denomination at least, especially in established congregations, there is sometimes the attitude that the staff is there to do all the ministry FOR the congregation. But I think it is important to encourage the ministry of all.

A whole week?

Can it really be a whole week since I last blogged.? I honestly cannot tell you what I've been doing over the last week to be so busy, but I've only read a few blogs and haven't written anything at all.

Today, however, I had a fun day. Two friends from seminary are visting and we went to the Point Farthest Out in the Ocean from here. We went to the National Seashore and walked on the beach and then went into town and had a lovely lunch overlooking the harbor, and the walked around and shopped a little bit (fudge, Crocs and a frisby, all for the Kid), stopped in another Quaint New England Village by the Water, and then came home. The weather was just perfect today --bright and sunny and breezy and not too hot.

Unfortunately I have no pictures because I left my camera at home! How could I go off without my camera?!

Monday morning bird blogging

Books, books, books

A Friday 5 from the RGBPs, on one of my favorite subjects:

1. Fiction what kind, detective novels, historical stuff, thrillers, romance?

~I love fiction, but these days I have trouble picking it and don't read as much as I used to. I like historical novels, and some detective stories (the Julia Spencer Fleming novels featuring a female Episcopal priest, for example). Just good stories.

2. When you get a really good book do you read it all in one chunk or savour it slowly?

~Read it all in one chunk and then if it was really good, start over again. We've ordered two copies of HP7 because the Kid and I will both be wanting to devour it right away.

3. Is there a book you keep returning to and why?

~Lots of them. They feel like old friends--they are comfortable but they can still surprise me, make me think, or just entertain me. I've read Winds of War and War and Remembrance at least 10-15 times. And most of the Madeleine L'Engle books multiple times. And some of Gail Godwin's novels. And all the Harry Potter books.

4. Apart from the Bible which non-fiction book has influenced you the most?

~The Book of Common Prayer. There are others but it is hard to name just one.

5. Describe a perfect place to read. ( could be anywhere!)

~Anywhere comfy--curled up on the sofa or in bed or outside under a big tree or laying on the beach. The only place I can't read is in the car.

End of another week

~A trip to the doctor on Monday resulted in antibiotics for bronchitis and "voice rest" for laryngitis. I'm better, but I still have a cough and I still don't have full voice. I'm generally not sick very often, and I'm impatient when I don't get over it (whatever it is) right away.

~It's very difficult to go to work and NOT talk. Even if I'm just going to do paperwork in my office. It's difficult not to talk in general, and I'm not that talkative a person.

~It doesn't feel like summer here. At least the sun is out today, but it is still cool. We shouldn't be wearing sweaters in the middle of June even if it is New England.

~Which is why I am surprised by the number of people who come here for vacation in June. Do they know what they might be in for? It's not exactly beach weather.

~LD#2 (NSLS) has written movingly on her blog about her trip south to see her grandmother. She and LD#1 have always been good relating to their grandparents. When their paternal grandmother died, it was LD#1 who went to be with here and help out and now LD#2 is stepping up. She has managed to maintain relationships with the "difficult" people in the family, especially her father and my mother. But it is hard for her. Hard for all of us. More to say about this later, perhaps.

~School's out for the Kid. He has a part time job as a dishwasher which he is pretty excited about. And friends to hang out with. Only two more years of high school--yikes!

~As happens all too often on my day off, I have a meeting I need to attend--a luncheon, really. so it's sort of okay. And sort of not....oh well.

~This feels like a very whiny post, and I don't really feel that whiny. Really.

~Have a good weekend, everyone.

Good for you, Massachusetts

The Massachusetts legislature did the right thing today.

Cough, cough, sneeze

I've been coughing and sneezing for 10 days now, in what I had interpreted as an allergy attack brought on by record amounts of tree pollen. I'd actually thought I was better on Friday morning, but Friday afternoon my throat started hurting badly, and by Friday night I couldn't speak above a whisper.

Not being able to speak is a problem when you're scheduled to preach, as I was this weekend. Saturday morning when I was, if anything, worse than Friday night, I called my boss and asked if he could cover for me at the Saturday evening service. And then spent most of the day in bed. I stayed home today, too. I feel much better but I still have no voice, and I'm still coughing. It's quite annoying.

I hated being sick, too, because my friends D and J were here to collect their furry family who had been with us for the last two and a half weeks. J was sick, too--sicker than I was--so it wasn't exactly the best of times around here. But it was still wonderful to see them, and we shared good conversation between coughing fits.

It's way too quiet here now--no people and no animals. It a lovely early summer afternoon here, though. Now if only the stupid cough would go away...

Friday Five~~the getaway fantasy edition

The mission, should you choose to accept it: Pack essentials for a fantasy trip to get away from the hustle and bustle of every day life.

Describe your location, in general or specific terms.

I can imagine several (since this is the fantasy edition)~~ the city, or the big old beach house in a southern state we used to rent when the older kids were little, or my favorite city in Vermont.

What book(s) will you bring?

Harry Potter 7, the next Julia Spencer Fleming mystery, and something from my to-be-read pile.

What music accompanies you?

I don't really have essential music, but pushed to choose it would be classical, and maybe some classic rock.

What essentials of everyday living must you take (as in the health and beauty aids aisle variety)?

I'm vain, so it would be the stuff of my daily routine, and no I'm not going to list it all here, but I pretty much follow the same routine no matter where I am.

What technological gadgets if any, will you take with you or do you leave it all behind?

Camera, cell phone and laptop. Always.

What culinary delights will you partake in while there?

Now that depends on where this getaway is....if I went to the city I would have an eggplant panini at my favorite sandwich shop in the Village and some Thai food from Spice and some Indian food. If I went to the beach in the south that I remember fondly from years past I would have fresh tomatoes and corn on the cob and okra and shrimp and grits. If I went to Vermont I would have pizza from the pizza shop where LD#1 worked in high school and college, and Ben and Jerry's, and iced latte at my favorite coffee shop on Church Street.

Bonus question, what makes for a perfect day on vacation for you?

Nice weather, relaxed atmosphere~~I'm not hard to please; I generally just enjoy being away, wherever I am, and go with the flow.

Dogwoods

Scoundrel outside the window

This is right underneath my feeder--the birds drop a fair amount, and there is usually a squirrel stationed there to seach for tasty morsels. But one afternoon last week I looked out to see the racoon, who normally limits his/her visits until after dark.

Questions, belatedly

Six or so weeks ago Yankee T sent me these questions to answer. And very belatedly, I am going to tackle them.

1. How did your parenting style change from Kid 1 to Kid 4?

~I was a very young 22 when Elder Son was born. I knew that I wanted to do some things very differently than my parents had done (specifically, not use any corporal punishment and be less authoritarian), but really, I was flying by the seat of my pants. By the time the Kid came along I was a seasoned 38-year-old who'd learned the hard way what works and what doesn't. So I guess the biggest change is being more relaxed and more sure of myself. With the older three kids, I let other people convince me that what I was doing wasn't right--so for example, I only nursed Elder Son for six months because the nurse practitioner insisted that he'd be healthier on solids and he lost interest in nursing; I was inconsistent because I got a lot of badgering from my sister and mother about being "too lenient;" with each child I trusted my own instincts more and when I did we were all happier.

~I'm sure that all my kids would say I'm too strict, and I don't think that has changed, although on the hypothetical "strictness" continuum, I would place myself somewhere in the middle: all my kids had chores, had curfews, I had to know where they were going and with whom, they couldn't have friends over without my knowledge (and usually my presence), I didn't allow drinking (unlike some friends' parents) and so forth.

~The biggest difference, I guess, is that for most of the Kid's life, it's just been him and me. There are 11 years between him and his closest sibling (LD#2/NSLS); LD#1 went off to college when he was in kindergarten and LD#2 when he was in 2nd grade. So he's had lots more one-on-one attention which (most of the time) has made things easier than when I was solo-parenting 3 kids.

2. What has been the biggest challenge for you in your ministry?

~I'm an extreme introvert, so making hospital visits or home visits to people I don't know is always a challenge. Being patient with opinions that are STUPID is also a challenge (okay, that sounds really bad but you know what I mean, right? We all have to do it....) Learning to work with my boss continues to be a challenge.

~In my almost two years doing this, I haven't had to deal with any real crises yet; I've always worried that I wouldn't know what to do or say, but I haven't been tested that way yet.

3. If you could live anywhere in the world and money was not an obstacle, where would it be?

~Probably New York City. I love being in the city--the activity, the hustle bustle, the people, the sights. And if money were no obstacle I could work part time or volunteer and take classes or whatever. And if money were really no obstacle I'd probably have a pied a terre in Maine or Vermont, too.

4. What got you started blogging?

~I started reading blogs probably 3 years ago; I've been part of a cyber community/email list for almost ten years, and people there started talking about blogs. I feel into a blogging community populated by academics, mommies, and clergy types quite accidentally and since I have ties to all three of those groups I was hooked. I created my persona "Rev. Dr. Mom" when I wanted to comment on a blog that didn't take anonymous comments. A few bloggers I read suggested to me that I should start my own blog, so a couple of months after I moved here I did, but not believing anyone would actually read it. And I'm still surprised that people do. I've grown quite fond of my blogger community. Isn't funny how you can feel attached to people you've never met f2f?

5. What's your favorite ice cream?

Do I have to pick just one? Yikes. Let me just say that my favorite kind is Ben and Jerry's. As much as I love chocolate, I'm not as fond of chocolate ice cream, but anything with chunks of chocolate or toffee is good, and banana, and peach, and lemon. Last summer Ben and Jerry's had Key Lime Pie which was to die for. Honestly, though, I don't eat "real" ice cream that often.

Any more questions?

Hopes and dreams

From the RevGals, in the month of graduations and movings on...

1. Think back to the time you left High School, what were your hopes visions and dreams for your life/ for the world?

~I grew up during the Civil Rights era, the War on Poverty, the beginning of the women's movement, the end of the war in Vietnam. Always idealistic, I wanted to make a difference in the world. I dreamed of a world where there was peace, and where no one had to live in poverty. I thought a great deal about joining the Peace Corps.

~I also wanted a big family--lots of kids. I had a very idealistic vision of what that would look like, too. And I wanted more education.

2. Have those hopes visions and dreams changed a lot, or are some of them still alive and kicking?

~I still want to make a difference in the world, and I'm still idealistic, but I'm less optimistic about the chances for peace and an end to poverty.

~Personally, my life has been very different from what I would've predicted when I graduated from high school. I've gone back to school twice, and pursued two different career paths. I've lived lots of interesting places and I have wonderful children, but none of it has been the way I would've imagined. And who knows what is to come?

3. Hebrews 11:1 " Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. " Comforting, challenging or frustrating?

~Challenging.

4. If resources were unlimited, and you had free reign to pursue a vision what would it be?

~I've always wanted to endow scholarships--especially for women whose education might have been interrupted and who want to go back to school. And I would like to give two of my alma maters big ol' hunks of money. Lots of money.

~I've also dreamed about buying old houses and making them into nice but affordable apartments for people with moderate incomes. In the city where NSLS lives there are lots of old Victorian houses divided into apartments but they tend to fall into two categories--crappy places run by slumlords or very expensive places. I'd like to make something in between.

~On a personal note, if resources were unlimited I would live some place (probably in the city) where I could work part time and take more classes. I don't know if I want to earn another degree but there are things that I would still like to study, and I do better in classes than on my own.

5. Finally with summer upon us- and not to make this too heavy- share your dream holiday....where, when and who with...

~I would love to spend a summer in Iceland. Or even a winter. And I would love to travel through the British Isles and Austria and Germany. Again, if resources were unlimited...and if I had someone to go with.

~My more realistic but still very good holiday for this summer is to spend some time in Vermont and Maine with family and friends.

It's been too quiet around here...

~Mostly because I've been too busy to write, or even keep up with reading.

~We've had a spate of funerals. The usual bunch of meetings plus end-of-the-program-year programs and lunches and the like. Liturgies to be planned. A new newsletter format to work out. All the normal stuff and then some.

~And because I don't want this place to turn into a constant stream of whining about my mother--which resulted in two posts being started and discarded after further reflection. Suffice it to say that all conversations about her up-coming move have been true to form. And I even got to talk to my sister last week. (Phantom, perhaps you can appreciate how much fun THAT was).

~I did have a lovely overnight visit from my friends D and J who brought their furry family (two dogs, three cats) to stay with us while they visit family in the UK. And now I am walking the dogs three times a day, which is really good for me. Plus I really enjoy having the animals here.

~The dogs love to chase the squirrels in the backyard, but I never thought they would actually catch one. But today they did! Eeek! Not sure what to do, I yelled at them and they let go of the squirrel which ran (or tried to run) up the tree. I fear it was mortally wounded, but I really really didn't want to watch them finish it off. And is eating raw squirrel good for dogs anyway?

~Yeah, I know--the natural order of things and all that. I heard that from the Kid, too. But still.....eeewww.

~The raccoons totally wrecked one of my top-of-the-line squirrel-proof birdfeeders last night. I cannot figure out how they did it--the chain and hook which held it are still in place as is the baffle that makes it impossible to get it on or off the hook without two human sized hands. I don't think I want to let the dogs tangle with the raccoons around here.

~I live in a beach town. I don't think I've ever said that directly, but if you've looked closely at some of my pictures it's been pretty obvious. I live in the old historic part, not the really touristy part, but there has still been a marked increase in traffic the last few days since "the season" starts this weekend, and we've had the weather to match it. Last year it was cold and rainy for Memorial Day weekend, but this year, it actually feels like it could be summer. Too soon to say if it will last, though.

~And now it is time to walk the doggies one last time tonight.

Mom stuff*

~The Kid has been taking AP World History (referred to as 'whap') this year, along with his closest friends. Today was their AP exam. The Kid loves history, and quite out of character for him, went to every single review session for this exam. I picked him and his friends up after the exam and they all agreed it was "awesome". An awesome exam? Who are these kids?

~It was interesting listening them talk about the topics covered on the exam. World History is certainly a different class than it was back in my high school years; thankfully it is far less Eurocentric and "great person" oriented now.

~Their discussion shifted to cars about half way home--they are teen aged boys, after all. Speed and performance were of course part of the discussion, but so was impact on the environment and comparison of various hybrids with all electric cars. Gives one hope.

~I've never thought of myself as a 'cool' mama; I'm not young and hip and fashionable, nor am I all that fun. But I've learned that I've earned a modicum of coolness among the Kid's friends because I 1) have a MacBook; 2) know how to text with my cell phone; and 3) have a blog. Who knew I was so cool?

*as opposed to Mother stuff

Mother stuff

Maybe it was just a coincidence that it was two days before Mother's Day when my mother called me. My mother has called me maybe two times in the last 18 months, and I'm not sure what to expect when she does, so when I saw her number on the caller id I immediately had a sinking feeling--which is sad, actually. She had news-- she is moving into a retirement home in the city where my sister lives in a few weeks--not quite a nursing home yet because she will have a studio apartment, but a nursing home is part of the complex. I'd heard rumors that this might be coming from Elder Son, so I wasn't totally surprised. My mother is almost 80, and she has osteoporosis and arthritis and heart problems, and getting around was getting to be a problem for her. She's been alone in a big house since my dad died five years ago, probably longer than she should have been.

Those of you who have been reading here for a while may recall that my mother and I have a difficult relationship. I haven't had a real conversation with her since Christmas of 2005 (a call chronicled here)--I call her on her birthday and holidays, but we don't really have a conversation because there are very few things we can talk about without her getting upset with me. So it's mostly a "how are you?" kind of conversation and she never wants to stay on the phone long.

Today was no different. She wanted to tell me she was moving and to tell me that if I wanted anything from the house I should let her know. I know this is a loaded conversation because she has brought it up before. I mentioned one or two things I'd like, and predictably she had reasons why that might not be okay. And then she had to go.

Even in a brief conversation, the subtext is always there. I haven't been part of the conversations my sister and brother have been having about my mother's future because I'm not involved, and I'm not involved because I'm the bad daughter, the one who lives far away and doesn't stay in touch, the one who is selfish and who is too liberal and not a caring person. I get it. The message hasn't changed much over the last 10-15 years. And I'm willing to accept responsibility for some of it. I don't go back to visit. I don't call often. I don't because it's too painful--for both of us. I spent years of my life trying to please my mother and although there were a few years when I thought we could get along fairly well, I know that I will never please her.

It makes me sad. It makes me sad, but I don't know how to fix it. Being around her, or evem talking with her on phone is like navigating a minefield--one misstep and there's a huge blowup but there are no signs to help you avoid that misstep.

As for my mother's things--truly, there are a few things that I would like to have, and that she's told me over the years that would be mine--my grandmother's silver, my mother's wedding china, a quilt that she made. It's not really about the stuff, though--I have plenty of stuff. It's about the connections, the attachment, the family ties. It's about being part of something bigger than just me. It would mean something to me to have something of my mother's, something of her mother's. But I honestly don't know if I can jump through all the hoops, navigate through that minefield, or if I should even try.

Maybe it was just coincidence that she called when she did. But our conversation was the lens through which I saw Mother's Day this year. And it was definitely out of focus.

Orioles

When I was little, I spent a great deal of time with my grandmother. She was teh original fun granny, letting us do many things my mother would never have allowed: ice cream for breakfast, "science" experiments mixing up whatever we could find in the kitchen, lots of messy crafts. We did lots of paint-by-number projects with my grandmother; most of them were regular pictures, but one summer she had bird figurines for us to paint, and mine was a Baltimore oriole. It was much more difficult to paint than my sister's robin, and it was very messy. But because I had never actually seen an oriole, it seemed very exotic to me.

Fast forward many years to last summer. I had been paying attention to the birds in my yard for almost a year and had become acquainted with finches and woodpeckers and nut hatches and flickers, all new to me, but I still had never seen an oriole. I knew from my bird book that they did live in my area during the summer so I set up an oriole feeder (they like oranges and grape jelly especially) and waited. Within a few days I noticed bright flashes of orange as birds flew by--orioles! But for some reason they were only here for a couple of weeks.

This spring I moved the oriole feeder closer to the house. Orioles are supposed to arrive around May 1, and it was only a few days after that when I saw my first glimpse. I've had my camera at the ready, but the orioles (and the humming birds) have been amazingly elusive--by the time I get the camera on and aimed they are generally gone. Yesterday while I was writing my sermon I kept the camera right beside me and turned on, and I was rewarded with these:





I don't know if it's because of the link to my grandmother, or because they seem more rare, or because of their bright colors, but the orioles make me especially happy.

Twenty years ago

this past Thursday I graduated from college.

In the grand scheme of things, 20 year anniversaries of college graduations are not all that noteworthy. For me, however, graduating from college was a significant milestone, coming as it did 16 years after I graduated from high school.

I've told bits and pieces of my college story here before, I think, but never the whole story of how I went back to school. I always expected to go to college, although I had no idea of what I wanted to do or be when I grew up, and no one ever encouraged me to think of being anything other than a wife and mother--if anything, my mother and my sister always pointed out why I couldn't possibly do anything I considered. (As an aside, I did very well in high school, and later I spent several years angry and resentful because NO ONE--not my parents, not my teachers, not my guidance counselors--encouraged me to apply for scholarships or to think about career possibilities, but I finally got over it). At any rate, mostly for financial reasons I went to the local state college for a year after graduation while my high school boyfriend went through Navy boot camp and training in electronics. I loved my classes, but I was horribly lonely because not only was my boyfriend gone, but all but one of my friends had gone away to school, and the friend who didn't go got married instead. Since I lived at home instead of on campus I never felt like I was part of college life.

At any rate, the high school bf and I married a year after graduation and I dropped out of school. Since he was in the Navy we moved around a couple of times before ending up in Iceland where Elder Son was born. By the time I turned 30 we were living in the south and I had two more babies, LD#1 and LD#2. As much as I loved having babies, it was a challenging time. TFoMC was serving on a submarine by that time, so I was a solo mom for three months at at time (three months at sea followed by three months at home, such was the life of a submariner).

Around the time I turned 30 I began to be depressed. I wasn't happy and I didn't know what to do. I remember vividly waking up on my 30th birthday and crying because I didn't know what to do with my life. I'd always wanted to go back to school, but it seemed impossible. Until I read in the paper about scholarships the local college offered for people who wanted to go back to school. The scholarship would pay for one class, as much to build confidence as anything else. So without telling anyone I applied and received one, and found a friend from church who would babysit while I went to class.

I was so excited, but my husband was furious that I had done this without telling him. Nonetheless I registered for a class, and nervously went back to school. And LOVED it. Seriously loved it, and did well. The next semester I took out a loan and took two classes, and decided that I wanted to go full time the next year, which created more friction in my marriage. To be completely honest, there were other problems as well--we'd married too young and now I was changing and he was away a lot and it was hard.

I started classes full time the next fall, and that same fall TFoMC and I separated--yeah, now I was a full time student AND a full time single mother. My mother tried to convince me that I couldn't keep going to school, but honestly what were the alternatives? I couldn't have gotten a decent job with no degree and no experience. So I took out more loans and got some scholarships and went to school and worked very hard to be both student and mother. I made friends. I found mentors who encouraged me to think about grad school. I did well. And I graduated right on time, twenty years ago with a 4.0 gpa.

Somewhere I have a video of graduation. Graduation was outside under the big live oaks in front of the oldest building on campus. We wore white dresses--yes very old fashioned, but kind of fun--and the guys wore tuxes. My kids (ages 6, 9, and 12) were in the front row with my parents and my mil (who remained my friend). I got a standing ovation when it was my turn to get my diploma and the President announced that I was "first honor graduate" and in the video you can hear my kids yelling. It was awesome.

Going back to school was for me about so much more than just getting a degree--it was about finding myself, facing my identity crisis and reclaiming my self-confidence, something I had lost somewhere along the line. In some ways, I guess these are things most college students do, but maybe I appreciate the significance of what I did more because of when I did it. I went on to grad school, taught for a while, and then went to seminary--but even with all that I can hardly believe that 20 years have gone by.

Random bits of my not-really-off day off

~In theory Friday is a good day for clergy to be off--respite for the working weekend coming up, and if you're lucky enough to have Saturday off as well, a shot at a real two day weekend of sorts. In theory. In reality, not so much. Too many things come up that need to be attended to, and too often meetings and funerals and such are scheduled for Fridays. So today, like many Fridays, I'm getting half a day off.

~This afternoon we will have the funeral for a prominent parishioner, a woman who succumbed to ovarian cancer very quickly. C was many things in life--a nurse, a floral arranger, a representative to many diocesan committees, a vestry member, but most of all she would tell you she was a wife, a mother and step-mother, a doting grandmother, and someone who liked to "mother" others, including me--in a good way. She will be missed. Her funeral will be the largest one here since I've been here, and although I'm not in charge, I still have to attend to the details. So in a bit I will go over to the church and make sure everything is in place.

~Yesterday was my last Fresh Start meeting. FS is a program for clergy "in transition," support for newly ordained clergy and those in new positions. As a newly ordained person, I attended for two program years. Like most programs it gets mixed reviews. For me, and many others, it's greatest value is giving us time to be with friends and colleagues and to discuss issues that we really can't talk about in our work settings. It's at FS that that I can get a reality check on my perceptions of my boss and our working relationship, a reality check that is very useful for me. I will miss the camaraderie, but some of us plan to continue to meet next fall, and that will be a good thing.

~I am still pretty sure that the decision I made last week is the right one for now, but talking about it yesterday I realized that I really do need to work hard to make the next two years more than just bearable. On the work front that probably means asking my boss to renegotiate some parts of my letter of agreement--or more precisely to negotiate some things that were left out originally. Not looking forward to that, but I need to do it. I also experienced a few pangs as the people with whom I was ordained were all talking about their plans for moving on to possible new positions in the next year. I know my time will come, and I need to make the best of what I have now.

~While I've been sitting here orioles have come to the feeder several times. They seem to be more "shy" than the other birds and don't stay at the feeder very long. Makes it very hard to get a picture!

~Yesterday was the 20th anniversary of my college graduation--not that significant a milestone in many respects, but significant to me. I started a post about it the other day, but it's still in my draft folder. Maybe I'll finish it later. Now I need to get ready for work.

Random bits of spring~Wildlife edition

~It is a most gloriously beautiful day here today. The leaves are coming out on the trees, daffodils and tulips are blooming, it's reasonably warm--just lovely, really.

~I've known for a while that we have raccoons (they can take apart the best squirrel-proof bird feeder made, given the opportunity) but I'd never actually seen one--until last night. I fell asleep on the couch, and when I woke up (far too late) and got up to put myself to bed, I looked out the window. A big fat raccoon was standing up on his/her hind legs trying to reach the oriole feeder. Fortunately it was just out of reach. The raccoon sniffed around the hummingbird feeder, eyed the suet, scrounged among the seed droppings under the bird feeder and then ambled off.

~Yesterday I saw my first hummingbirds of the year--a male and a female--and today I had my first oriole at the feeder. I put the oriole feeder closer to the house this year, and I'm hoping to get a good picture--my camera is right beside the back door, waiting. I love Baltimore orioles.

~Grackles are really annoying birds, but they do have beautiful iridescent feathers. My squirrel-proof feeders are spring loaded so that the weight of the squirrel closes off access to the food. The grackles are heavy enough that they too cause the feeders to close, but one or two of them have figured out that if they shift their weight just so, they can get some seed. Very clever.

~Feeding the squirrels does seem to keep them away from the bird feeders, but they can go through an eight pound bag of sunflower seeds in no time. Watching the squirrels eat has made me realize that they definitely have pecking order. One squirrel has claimed the big squirrel feeder as his own, and the others stay away from it if that squirrel is anywhere around. It's funny to watch one of them try to be sneaky and get up there when it seems the alpha squirrel isn't around--usually they get chased away anyway.

~The geese on the pond have been quite loud lately. This time last year I had goslings in the yard but I haven't seen any yet this year.

~Right this minute there are two HUGE crows high in the trees at the back of the yard. I don't think I realized just how big crows were until I moved here, which seems silly since I'm sure there have been crows everywhere I've lived.

Party time

In honor of Songbird's birthday, a Friday 5 on parties, birthday or otherwise.

1) Would you rather be the host or the guest?

~The very idea of hosting a party makes me so incredibly anxious that I've rarely done it. In my mind I would like to have a 12th night party next year, but I don't know if I will follow through or not. I've come to enjoy having house guests; maybe I could enjoy giving parties, too. Maybe....

~I have to confess that my kids missed out on the big birthday party thing that so many kids seem to have these days. When they were little and we lived closer to family, we had parties with grandparents. Later we had a few parties at McDonald's and Chucky Cheese (and that one was a disaster!). The one time I tried to host a sleepover for LD#1 she got strep the day of the party...and again on the day we rescheduled it--seems like it just wasn't meant to be!

~I also have to admit that being invited to parties for a co-worker's kids when the Kid was little turned me off kid birthday parties a bit--big ones at least. This co-worker was fairly well off and her kids were pretty indulged. On their birthdays, she had these ginormous parties where she invited EVERYONE she knew and all their kids. On the one hand she was trying to be very hospitable (and in a way, compensate for having no grandparents or aunts and uncles) I think, but on the other hand--the excess! Here are kids who already had more stuff than they could deal with getting 40-50 birthday presents. Ai yi yi. Maybe that is just another sign of my grinchiness, but that really bothered me.

2) When you are hosting, do you clean everything up the minute the guests go home? Will you accept help with the dishes?

~If I were hosting I would be glad to accept help with the dishes, and I would also want everything done before I went to bed. I'm not an obsessively neat person by any means but getting up to a big mess that has to be dealt with is depressing.

3) If you had the wherewithal, and I guess I mean more than money, to throw a great theme party, what would the theme be?

~If I had access to a plethora of costumes, I think I would love a dress-up costume party--but only if I could be sure to provide truly wonderful costumes for everyone who wanted one, so that no one felt left out or overshadowed.

~Or if money were no object, I would rent a big house at the beach and invite all my friends for a long weekend with lots of good food and just hanging out.

4) What's the worst time you ever had at a party?

~Going to a large party with lots of people I don't know well and not being able to produce the proper small talk and "schmooze" and feeling really left out. And parties in my early married life that ended up with a lot of drunken sailors (as in Navy guys). Ugh. Can you tell I'm not much of a party person?

5) And to end on a brighter note, what was the best?

~Small to medium sized gatherings with good friends and no pressure to feel "on." Probably the best big party I've ever been to was LD#2's rehearsal party--a gourmet pizza dinner for family followed by a lake dessert cruise for a larger group of extended family and friends. Lots of fun and no pressure.

Strays

68/365

When my house and yard were being cleaned up before I moved in the slate patio was expanded without too much prep work (it needs to be fixed). Now I have these strays, popping up between the slates. I love the flowers, but soon it will just be weeds growing up there.