Morning reflections of a different sort

12/365


13/365


14/365

How my day off began

5:45 am Alarm goes off as it always does; I turn it off without really waking up

7:15 am Cell phone alarm goes off because this seems like a reasonable time to get up. I hit snooze once, then again, finally just turn it off

8:57 am Wake with a start remembering that I was supposed to open the garage for a delivery (my!new!bay!window!) that was supposed to come Friday but they left it at the church instead(!)

9:05 am Go into bathroom to begin my morning ablutions

9:06 am Phone rings. It is always an occasion for scrambling when the landline rings because the Kid is apt to leave the handsets anywhere but where they belong.

9:07 am Answer phone. Could I go down to the church and unlock the door so that the delivery people can retrieve the window, and oh, would I mind just staying there since the office is closed for MLK day and there ought to be someone there when the door is unlocked. I agree to unlock the door but not to stay.

9:12 am I return to the bathroom to begin my morning ablutions

9:13 am The doorbell rings. It's someone from church who needs to be let into the kitchen because the key the office gave her on Friday (in order to avoid just such a scenario) doesn't work. I give her my keys.

9:45 am Having finally brushed my teeth and washed my face and put on some jeans I walk down to the church to retrieve my keys and to unlock the other door for the guys who need to retrieve my window. Since I'm there anyway I go in my office and print some things to work on for tormorrow.

10:20 am Back home, thinking I will have a latte, I put some milk on the stove to heat.

10:22 am Phone rings. The window won't be picked up til tomorrow. Could I go back down to the church and relock the door?

10:23 am Milk boils all over the burner.

Oy.

Dissed?

The scene: Me, still in vestments, greeting parishioners at the back of church at the end of the service; I get the back door because I preached today; the boss who celebrated the eucharist is at the side door.

Middle aged man to me: "Please tell the minister...."( what it was I was supposed to tell him isn't crucial here)

Me, thinking to self: What am I, chopped liver?

To be fair, this guy is the son of a parishioner and not a regular, but still...

Another thing I do

11/365

Self-portrait

10/365

More on a theme

9/365

Catching up Project 365

7/365


8/365

Ordinary day

Part of the purpose of Project 365 is to record what life is like each and every day. I'm afraid shots of my office would be pretty boring, especially since everything is piled in the middle of the floor right now while the office gets painted.

But tonight I cooked dinner. I know, most people cook dinner everyday, but I don't. Bad habit, but there you go. So while I know this isn't great photography I offer you this snapshot of what is probably the most momentous part of my day, homemade vegetable soup:

4/365

And two others I took on New Year's Eve in Maine, as a reminder of winter is supposed to look like...


5/365

6/365

I do intend to work on the other part of Project 365--improving my photography skills..doing it every day may prove more of a challenge than NaBloPoMo!

Our shame: What are we to do?

From The Guardian....

..the [Democratic] party has dedicated itself to a raft of legislative changes over its first 100 hours in power. Among other things, the Democrats will raise the minimum wage, cut interest on student loans and bring in stricter laws on lobbying - all modest, manageable, sensible and centrist. But none of them deals with the key question of the day and the principal reason why they were elected - the war.

There are two reasons for this. First, the Democrats have no coherent position on the war. In fact, most of them voted for it. Second, given that the president is the commander-in-chief and conducts foreign policy, there is a limit to what the Democrats can constitutionally do about it, beyond refusing to fund it. This would represent great political risk, making Democrats vulnerable to the Republican charge that they are putting American soldiers at risk for partisan reasons. Such a stance would demand both principle and determination - neither of which has proven to be their strong suit.

...if the Democratic Congress is unwilling to use any means at its disposal to fulfil its democratic mandate, then it will be left to the public to make their displeasure known. It is two years and tens of thousands of lives, some of them American, before the next presidential election. The American people clearly don't want this. A CBS poll last month showed that 18% wanted to see an increase in troop levels compared with 59% who want them either decreased or withdrawn completely. The question is: what are they going to do about it?

The tragic answer is probably nothing.

Read it all here.

Random Bullets of Monday

• It's another rainy, windy, gray day. It was raining hard enough at 6:20 this morning that I drove the Kid to the bus stop (but, hey, at least he was up in time for the bus!). The wind and rain make it feel colder than it actually is, but it might actually get cold enough for snowflakes on Wednesday. This despite the previously mentioned flowers by the driveway and the grass which is greening up nicely in the back yard.
  
• I wake up every morning to the news, first BBC and then Morning Edition. So usually the first thing I hear is whatever has blown up in Baghdad today, how many car bombs have gone off, how many soldiers have died. It is sobering. I wonder if GWB wakes up to a similar report? Somehow I don't think so. If he did how could he be contemplating sending 20,000 more American troops to Iraq?
• Will the new Congress have the wherewithal to stop the troop surge? What would it take? I'm not a fan of violence, but I have wondered lately if an uprising of the people, some kind of revolution, is what it would take to stop Bush from doing whatever he decides to do. I don't seriously think it will happen but it is another sobering thought.
• On a more cheerful note I am trying to learn to distinguish Downy woodpeckers from Hairy woodpeckers. I know that I have Downys who come to my feeder just outside my window, but a moment ago I think I had a Hairy. I would post pics, but they are stored on my old computer at the moment but here.....from the Cornell website is a Downy and here is a Hairy. As you can see, they are quite similar. Have to keep the camera nearby in case the larger one comes back.
  
• I really need to take down the Christmas tree today. Argh. It's a lot of work and it makes a mess. And I've been trying with not the greatest results to begin a knitting project. After restarting a half a dozen times or so, I think I've got it almost figured out, so I want to spend some time working on that, too. And I badly need to buy groceries. And do laundry. And maybe go buy another bird feeder.
  
• This is so typical of me--I spend more time thinking of what I could/should/might do on my day off than I do actually doing it. For now I'm going to make a latte and have breakfast. Oh, you say, weren't you up at 6:20 to take the Kid to the bus? Yes, but I went back to bed :)
  
• Picture of the day to come later.
  

A Year Ago Today

I was ordained as a priest. Before ordination it's hard (or at least it was for me) to imagine what it will really be like to be a priest. And now, a year later it is hard to describe it still. Years ago, before I became good friends with a priest, I was among those who tended to put priests on a pedestal--surely they must be holier, better connected to God, just "better" than regular people! But in fact, no. If anything our clay feet may be larger than those of others. Yet, being a priest is more than just a job. It does somehow change one's being in some ineffable way.

I am grateful each and every day for the privilege of being a priest. I am especially grateful for

• the children and the innocence and openness with which they come before God
• celebrating the eucharist--in solemn and beautiful settings and in places as simple and intimate as the front deck of my friends' house
• the way I am ministered to in the midst of ministering to others
• the privilege of being invited and allowed into the holy spaces in the lives of those to whom I minister, those whom I encounter regularly or those whom I meet perhaps just for a brief moment in time.

Thanks be to God.

Project 365

After seeing this over at Bright Star's I think that I am going to do a "Project 365"--post one picture every day for a year, or at least one picture for everyday of the year (so if I miss one day I'll post two the next). B* has a separate blog for hers, but I think that I will just post mine right here. Starting January 1st isn't required, but I'm thinking I might post a few extras today and tomorrow and then do one a day for the rest of the year. We'll see how it goes.

1/365 Christmas Tree


2/365 Christmas Fire



3/365 New Year's Eve in Maine

Global Warming

January 5, in New England. This is so very wrong.
(Taken by my driveway this afternoon)

Happy Birthday, Lovely Daughter #1

Tomorrow, January 3, is LD#1's birthday. But because where she lives it's already tomorrow, I'm going to say this now: Happy Birthday! We miss you!

LD#1 has always been the adventurous one in the family. She's the one who learned how to climb out of her crib when she was 15 months old, who learned to walk and climb with a cast on one leg, who was an intrepid gymnast from the get-go, the one who longed most for travel and adventure, who dreams of a better world and works to change the world she's in. For almost two years she's been living and working in South Korea--far too far from the rest of the family but where her heart calls her to be for now.

LD, I hope the next year (and those that follow) will bring you all the happiness you seek.

Love, Mom

Back, Safe, Home Again*

The Kid and I were supposed to come home yesterday but as the forecast had predicted, we awoke to a coating of ice on everything, and freezing rain still falling. Not wanting another hair-raising trip, I decided to stay in Maine another day even though the Kid had school today and I was supposed to be at work. We had another lovely day with our friends--brunch, playing board games, watching movies--all in all delightful. Today dawned bright and sunny with the snow and ice virtually all gone. And we had an uneventful trip home. Tomorrow it's back to school and work.

The sort of non-winter we're having ought to give pause to the global warming doubters of the world. Of course it could perhaps be just a "normal variation" in weather cycles, but January in New England with temps in the 40s and 50s and virtually no snow cover is not business as usual. We had a number of discussions this weekend about what could be done and whether we as individuals or collectively as a nation had the will to make the necessary changes to stop the warming trend. It's hard not just to throw up your hands in despair when you think about the magnitude of the problem. We need some real political leadership to instigate the large changes, and that is seriously lacking at this point.

While many have already packed away Christmas, my tree is still up and will be until the weekend at least. Epiphany--the 12th day of Christmas--is Saturday, so it may come down then. Or it may stay up longer... we'll see.


*This line comes from a Richard Scarry book featuring the Pig family. Mother Pig (Mama Pig?) would always say this as they arrived back home, and I started saying it when the kids were little. Old habits die hard, and I still say it from time to time.

Blogging the New Year

• We're in Maine visiting our friends D and J. We drove up yesterday in some of the worst weather I've driven in in a long while. When we left home it was cloudy, but well above freezing, and when I'd checked the weather forecast the day before no precipitation was called for. But as we approached the northern border of Masachusetts it began to snow--dry, swirly snow on the road, and not too he avy coming down. I was surprised but not worried. It quickly picked up and as we reached the bridge into Maine, the fun began....the bridge was very very icy. Traffic was moving slowly, but cars were sliding all over the place. We had to stop for cars ahead of us, and when I tried to start up again, I had the awful sensation of moving sideways instead of forwards. I could not get any forward traction, and I was trying very hard not to freak out. I tried backing up a little and then going forward but all I did was slide. I put on my blinkers and kept trying not to freak out. Finally a very kind man pulled up beside me and asked me if I was okay. With his advice to put the car in second gear and ride the clutch I was finally able to get going and inched my way across the bridge. The roads were slick much of the rest of the trip--what should have taken 5 hours took closer to seven and a half.

• But since we arrived we've had a wonderful time. Last night was dinner with a great group of friends--lots of good food, carol singing and conversation and laughing. Today we had a lovely brunch and this evening we went to a local first-night type celebration, although we opted to come home well before midnight. Now we are watching Garrison Keillor and (alternately) Times Square as we await the New Year.

• We also took a lovely walk in the snowy woods this morning.

I love the newly fallen snow....very beautiful and very peaceful.

• Pausing for a champagne toast at the stroke of midnight...Happy New Year everyone. May 2007 bring peace to us all.

• It is sad to see Dick Clark looking so decrepit. While it is good that he has recovered as much as he has, maybe there comes a time to gracefully retire.

• And while I love Prairie Home Companion, the New Year's show is long on singing and far too short on features like "Guy Noir". I'm just saying.
  

Dream a little dream...

The Friday Five from the RGBPs:

1) A dream you remember from childhood

My most vivid memory of a childhood dream is of a bad dream, a nightmare if you will, although I didn't use the term back then. It was a recurring dream, and it involved a giant who was coming to take me away. There were variations on this theme, but usually I was hiding or running away from the giant. What I remember clearly is one such dream in which we were eating dinner and we had Brussels sprouts--cutting them into pieces made so much noise the giant heard us, and I hid under the table. Now why I should remember that I have no idea--and I even like Brussels sprouts. But remember it I do.

2) A recurring or significant dream

I used to have a recurring dream about being pregnant and the baby always stopped moving and I never managed to give birth. I was in my first "mid-life" crisis at the time--getting divorced, dealing with mother issues, having an identity crisis-- and in therapy I worked on that recurring dream a lot. Finally I gave birth and the baby was named Emilee Ann. I believe that dream was about my efforts to give birth to the person I was struggling to become at the time. And you may attach whatever significance you will to the fact that one of those names is my mother's middle name.

Perhaps my most significant dream occurred when I was first feeling called to become a priest. My rector and the bishop were on sabbatical (yes, they were married to each other). I hadn't talked with anyone yet about what I was feeling. On a Saturday night I dreamed about the bishop; she was helping me prepare for a journey and telling me that she would be with me on the journey. The very next day at church there was an announcement that the bishop was going to retire in about 18 months. I had no idea that announcement was coming, and at first it threw me into a bit of a panic, but when I remembered the dream I was suddenly comforted. And even though she did retire, I truly felt her support as I moved through the process towards ordination.

I've only told that dream to a few people....

3) A nightmare

Fortunately I don't have nightmares too often. When I do they usually involve being in some sort of physical danger and feeling paralyzed so that I can't get away, or trying to get ready for something important and never being able to actually get ready.

4) A favorite daydream

I'm not sure I have a favorite daydream. I'm a little bit superstitious about trying to envision how I want things to be, because I'm afraid if I imagine it, it won't ever happen. Yes, silly and perhaps neurotic.

I do have the habit of mentally replaying scenes from the past and reflecting on them....but can't think of a favorite.

5) A dream for the New Year

Peace. A world in which everyone has what they need and no one has too much. Happiness for all my children.

Not going to be too specific here: see #4 above.

End of the year meme: The Year in Review

as seen all over the blogosphere, the first sentence from the first entry for each month of the year:

January Toasting you all with my sparkling blueberry juice and wishing you all a happy, healthy, peaceful New Year!

February Apparently Pauxatawney Phil saw his shadow today, so it's six more weeks of winter....such as winter has been here so far.

March Maine is on the agenda for summer and then I will have the whole east coast...

April Lovely Daughter #1 landed in the United States a few minutes ago, after almsot 14 months in Asia, mostly in South Korea.

May Today was a day off....my days off used to be Thursday and Friday (Saturday and Sunday being clergy work days) but for many reasons, Thursday wasn't working out to be a good day to be off, so now I'm taking Monday and Friday.

June The marsh by the bay...

July Skype--it's very cool.

August It seems that the turtle, she came to lay eggs.

September 1. Driving: an enjoyable way to clear the mind? a means to an end? a chance to be quiet with one's thoughts? a necessary evil? the downfall of our planet and its fossil fuels? Discuss.

October As we pulled into the driveway tonight, I caught sight of a furry critter off to the side, at the edge of the wooded area that separates the driveway from the church.

November Day one of NaBloPoMo during which I have pledged to post every day.

December Since Sunday is the First Sunday in Advent, a FridayFive from the RGBPs:

Random Bullets for Boxing Day

• Christmas was very, very, very busy at chez Rev. Dr. Mom, but really, it was a great holiday! One of the best ever, even. LD#2 and SiL arrived Saturday afternoon, and she and I did a last minute shopping rush. We all went out to dinner and then stocked on groceries for Christmas Eve and Christmas day. At some point the tree, which I had been decorating since Monday, was finished and all the nativities set up. Before I went to bed I worked a bit on my sermon for Christmas Day.
  
• Christmas Eve on a Sunday makes for a very hectic day. Sunday morning was the annual Christmas pageant, which meant a packed church and LOTS of kids. It all went off smoothly (and you can never tell ahead of time how it will go). One of LD#2's high school friends was there with her six-month-old baby. It feels so strange to see these kids I remember as 8th graders playing in the snow, as high school seniors running track and going to prom, now as married women, one with a baby. SiL's parents and sister arrived Sunday afternoon. I was still working on finished one gift project, wrapping, and working on my sermon, but it all worked out.
• I love Christmas Eve services but I wasn't looking forward to them as much this year because the last few weeks I've come home feeling frustrated/angry/unhappy with my boss after every service. But thankfully, the tension was gone on Christmas Eve and everything went well. And there is nothing like "Silent Night" sung by candlelight at midnight to make me feel like it's really Christmas.
• As usual I was up VERY late on Christmas Eve--I only had one present to wrap, but I had to stuff stockings and, ahem....finish my sermon for Christmas morning. So no bed til 2:30 am.
• For the first time in my whole life, we didn't open presents until midday. Everyone went to church at 10 am so it was noon or a bit after before we got to presents and 2pm before we got around to brunch. A truly good time was had by all. The Kid was thrilled with his new video ipod, and I received a print by my favorite Vermont artist, Katherine Monstream. (It's the one called "Point").
  
• We had a roaring fire in the fireplace all weekend--so warm and cozy. We all took naps late afternoon, and then cooked dinner: Ham, scalloped potatoes, green beans with garlic and almonds, salad, baked pineapple and cheese, with an incredible German chocolate cake for dessert. SiL and his parents are all EXCELLENT cooks and everyone contributed to dinner. I do not want to think about the calories I've consumed the last couple of days!
• We opened Christmas crackers at dinner, and we all put on our crowns that were inside. Silly but fun. After dinner we played Apples to Apples, also great fun.
  
• All the company left this morning. It's a gray rainy day, and I'm going to do some laundry and straighten up a bit, and then play with my new computer some more.
• I haven't had much time to play with the new MacBook, but I already heart, heart, heart it. It has a built in camera and mike so when we skyped LD#1 Christmas Eve, she could see us. I walked around carrying the computer and showed her the tree and the decorations. How cool is that?!
• I have a whole week off from work! And I have some new movies to watch, some I've seen before, but one (Little Miss Sunshine) that I haven't seen but that has been highly recommended to me. And I'm going to work on my knitting project that I cast on last weekend. And who knows what else? When you have a whole week stretching out in front of you, the possibilities seem endless!
  
• Happy Christmas/Hanukkah*/Festivus to one and all!
  *yes, I know that Hanukkah ended a couple of days ago...greetings of the season.
  

Woo-hoo!

I am writing this post from my brand new and oh so cute and wonderful MacBook which arrived just a half hour or so ago. When I ordered it on Thursday I had no expectation that it would be here before next week....but here it is!

This is my first Mac and I still have a lot to learn, and software to install as well...and I don't really have time to be playing on the computer today--I still have shopping and wrapping to finish, groceries to buy, and a sermon to write. At least my house is clean--because I had someone come in and clean yesterday.

Okay, I really need to get back on task now....

Holiday Food

Festive Foods Friday Five

1. Favorite cookie/candy/baked good without which, it's just not Christmas.

Honestly, I'm not sure there is one for me right now. Is that blasphemous? Since my kids are (mostly) grown and I don't got to my mother's any more at Christmas, my food rituals have loosened considerably. At one point sugar cookies, gingerbread cookies, toll house cookeies and fudge would've been required. At my parents' it was usually pork loin at the main Christmas feast with baked pineapple and cheese, sweet potatoes in some form and green beans the way my grandmother cooked them (with country ham overcooked but yummy). And always lots of desserts: mince pie, pecan pie, rum cake, chocolate mint pound cake, regular pound cake, coconut cake. I've NEVER cooked that much, for better or for worse.

2. Do you do a fancy dinner on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, both, or neither?

I've always tried to keep Christmas Eve simple because Christmas Eve has always included church and stocking hanging and stories and me staying up late late late to wrap gifts. This is even more true now that I have 2-3 services on Christmas Eve. Our CE dinner this year is still under discussion. LD#2 and SiL are mostly in charge of menus.

Our big meal this year will be Christmas Day and will feature ham, baked pineapple and I don't know yet what else. Present will be moi, the Kid, LD#2, SiL, his parents and sister. Menus for Christmas Day have varied over the years at chez Rev. Dr. Mom: often turkey but occasionally salmon.

3. Evaluate one or more of the holiday beverage trifecta: hot chocolate, wassail, egg nog.

I've only had real eggnog once, and now the raw eggs would keep me away. The stuff out of the carton --gah! Wassail???? So I guess it's hot chocolate for me!

4. Candy canes: do you like all the new-fangled flavors or are you a peppermint purist?

I am DEFINITELY a peppermint purist: red and white peppermint stripes defined candy canes!

5. Have you ever actually had figgy pudding? And is it really so good that people will refuse to leave until they are served it?

Never had figgy pudding but I had a classmate in seminary who was a Brit and she claimed that it was in fact that good.

And what about the crown prince of holiday foods--the fruitcake.?

My mother made fruit cake every single year until just recently. She loves it and hers isn't bad; I just don't much care for the candied fruit. My dad also used to buy Claxton fruitcakes from some civic group and they were pretty good--softer and chewier as I recall.

If I were to make a fruitcake I would want to leave out most of the candied stuff and just have lots of dates and raisins and figs and nuts.

Ominous sign?

I've been planning on buying a new laptop for a while....just putting it off to avoid the expense as long as possible. But lately, my laptop has been giving me signs that sooner might be better than later...like this week when J had so much trouble with my wireless signal. This afternoon when I turned the laptop on, this weird pattern of colors flashed across the screen. Now everything is slightly off-color--my face in my avatar is greenish, and there are weird pinks stripes some places. Maybe something needs to be reset.....or maybe this is another sign that it's time to retire this baby.....

Now, however, I'm off to a vestry meeting.

Edited to add: I rebooted last night and it made absolutly no difference, but this morning (Thursday) all looks normal again. Weird.

D'oh!

Remember the wireless router I bought last July? And how I could never get it to work? And how I thought I was using the signal from the library across the street? Well....

While my friends were here this weekend, J (who is brilliant in so many ways and much more savvy when it comes to hardware than I am) offered to check it out for me. After just a couple of minutes she called me over to the computer. "This is your DSL router, right?", she asked. Yes. "Why does it say it's wireless?" she inquired. I dunno. A few more minutes of investigation revealed that I didn't in fact need the Linksys router I bought because my DSL router already transmitted a wireless signal. And the signal from the library? It was from my own computer all along. D'oh! Anyone need a like-new router?

Thanks to J, not only do I know where my wireless signal is coming from now (!) but I can also use it in my kitchen. My house is pretty spread out and the signal didn't make it everywhere. But J installed a signal extender (which because of my aging laptop was MUCH more complicated than it should have been) and I am now sitting at my sunny kitchen table, blogging on my lunch break. Thanks, J!!

The Weekend at Chez Rev. Dr. Mom

It's been a full weekend at chez Rev. Dr. Mom. On Friday I went to City in Nearby Smallest State to attend the ordination of a seminary friend. Ordinations are wonderful events--always full of spirit and joy--and this one was no different. This was the first priestly ordination I've attended since I became a priest myself which meant it was the first time I joined in the laying on of hands. It was an awesome experience to lay hands on S as she became a priest.

And my friends D and J came for the weekend with their three cats and two dogs. I love having all the animals here--they are are relaxed and feel at home here, and they are so cute, each staking out a place to snooze. The dogs love to chase the squirrels in the back yard and the kittens have been exploring all the nooks and crannies of the house. D and J went to nearby city this morning for D to give a talk on her most recent book, while I went to church and led an "instructed Eucharist". This evening we've been blogging and chatting and relaxing. Having them here this weekend has been a wonderful respite from the December rush.

This week will be full of Christmas preparations. For as long as I can remember I've done Christmas prep in the last week before Christmas. Working in the church makes it a bit more difficult--I don't have that end of semester break that I used to have--but I haven't managed to reform my ways yet. The tree is in the stand (thanks to D and J!!) and it will get decorated. A few more presents need to be bought and a few mailed. A sermon for Christmas day must be written, along with articles for the January newsletter. And somehow it will all get done.

So it's not the onions?

and other random bullets...

• So now they're saying it wasn't the green onions that caused the latest outbreak of e. coli, and they may never know what did. Hmmmmmm.

• The Kid has been having a spectacularly bad school week, revolving around an English essay that took, oh, somewhere around 30 hours sitting at the computer staring at the screen before it was finished (and this was a 5 paragraph essay). Makes me want to scream.

• Yesterday as he was trying to finish it up, the powercord to the laptop broke (again!). I refuse to buy another one--it would be the fourth--but the battery is dead, so I'm sort of stuck. Radio Shack ordered a new little plug thingy which I hope will take care of it--$9.99 instead of $79. Else I will be buying myself a new laptop sooner than I planned. What's a little more debt anyway?

• At least he managed to save the paper on his flash drive before the battery on the laptop died so he could work on it on the desktop last night.
  

• But then the power went out. And he went to sleep on the floor waiting for it to come back on. But we were both asleep when it did, so we didn't notice til this morning. And when I woke up, all the clocks were wrong. At least my cell phone had the correct time!
  

• I feel completely swamped with work and Christmas prep and whatnot. Which makes me more prone to slipping into my December funk. Yuck.

• I have bought three presents and a tree (which is in the garage til I have time to put it up). One of those presents needs to be mailed to South Korea.
  

• I was on a great roll posting every day, but as soon as NaBloPoMo ended, I stopped. I guess I need that external pressure to perform. A few extra hours in the day would help, too. I'm just saying.
  

Green onions

According to the New York Times, green onions are the culprit in the latest outbreak of e. coli. I don't eat fast food as a general rule, so I am not missing Chalupa Ding Dong and I'm not usually the paranoid type, but I am increasingly concerned about the safety of our food. And this article points out how easy it is for produce to be contaminated given the highly centralized and mechanized way it is handled these days. Isn't it ironic that the very means that allow us to have such a variety of fruits and vegetables year round also increase the likelihood that those fruits and vegetables might make us sick? Talk about unintended consequences...

I haven't bought bagged spinach since the last e. coli outbreak, but I've still been buying bagged salad. Given the comments of the doctors and health officials quoted in the NYT, I'm wondering if I should give that up, too. And if it's safe to order salad in restaurants.

I already try to avoid imported produce. Looks like a road trip to Whole Foods (where I have greater confidence that the labels on their produce are more likely to be correct than at my local chain grocer and where I would have a few more choices) is going to become a necessity. Then I'll have to feel guilty about driving so far to shop. It really feels like you can't win at this point.

Outside my window

I'm sitting at my desk in my office, and outside my window a few....a very few...snow flakes are falling. I love snow flurries. I love snow. When I first moved to Vermont (where there are more snow flurries than here) I used to sit in my office and watch them fall, and it was always soothing.

Somehow that makes December feel better. I'm just saying.

Bill Moyers on War and the Military

The Sol Feinstone Lecture on The Meaning of Freedom was delivered by Bill Moyers at the United States Military Academy at West Point on November 15, 2006. This excerpt, while lengthy, is worth the read.

Moyers locates his comments on the war in Iraq in the broader history of the Amercian military and its wars since its beginnings in the American revolution. In that context, he is unflinching in his critique of Bush, his decision to go to war in Iraq, and his prosecution of that war. He lists ways that the President has violated his duty to the troops of which he is Commander in Chief.

"Most dangerously to our moral honor and to your own welfare in the event of capture, he has likewise ordered the armed forces to violate clear mandates of the Uniform Code of Military Justice and the Geneva Conventions by claiming a right to interpret them at his pleasure, so as to allow indefinite and secret detentions and torture. These claims contravene a basic principle usually made clear to recruits from their first day in service—that they may not obey an unlawful order. The President is attempting to have them violate that longstanding rule by personal definitions of what the law says and means.

There is yet another way the chickenhawks are failing you. In the October issue of the magazine of the California Nurses Association, you can read a long report on “The Battle at Home.” In veterans’ hospitals across the country—and in a growing number of ill-prepared, under-funded psych and primary care clinics as well—the report says that nurses “have witnessed the guilt, rage, emotional numbness, and tormented flashbacks of GIs just back from Iraq.” Yet “a returning vet must wait an average of 165 days for a VA decision on initial disability benefits,” and an appeal can take up to three years. Just in the first quarter of this year, the VA treated 20,638 Iraq veterans for post-traumatic stress disorder, and faces a backlog of 400,000 cases. This is reprehensible." (This failure to provide adequate access to mental health care for veterans was the subject of an NPR report this afternoon. It is a real tragic failure).

Among other advice to future military leaders, Moyers says, "don’t let your natural and commendable loyalty to comrades-in-arms lead you into thinking that criticism of the mission you are on spells lack of patriotism. Not every politician who flatters you is your ally. Not every one who believes that war is the wrong choice to some problems is your enemy. Blind faith in bad leadership is not patriotism. In the words of G.K. Chesterton: “To say my country right or wrong is something no patriot would utter except in dire circumstance; it is like saying my mother drunk or sober.” Patriotism means insisting on our political leaders being sober, strong, and certain about what they are doing when they put you in harm’s way."

Back in time?

Monday the Supreme Court will hear two cases that test the constitutionality of school integration. This feels to me like going backward in time.

I wish I could believe that schools would remain racially and ethnically diverse without any kind of intervention on the part of school boards, but sadly, I don't. And I fear a world that is becoming more polarized, more divided, more compartmentalized. Perhaps I am being overly alarmist, but I am worried about what a Supreme Court newly filled with Bush appointees is going to do with this.
And perhaps I am naive, but there are some issues I didn't expect to have to revisit. School integration is one of them.

A day in the life...

• I just looked back in my archives to this time last year and found a post about 'life in the rectory' in which I lamented the frequent interruptions of my days off....funny about that because it had tapered off, but started up again this week. Could I come unlock the church for this or that group? Could they use my garage for preparing greens for the Christmas fair? Could people park in my driveway? Etc..... I really don't mind any of this but I wish people could plan ahead instead of ringing my doorbell at indecently early hours on my day off yesterday and again today.

• Today was my church's annual holiday extravaganza--crafts, wreathes, baked goods, very nice lunch, LOTS of people. Given my grinchly state of mind, not where I would have chosen to be, but I put on the happy face anyway.

• I do like looking at all the crafts. Some of them are more kitschy or "cute" than my taste runs, but there were some beautiful knitted things. I bought a bag made from felted Icelandic wool. Very nice.

• Besides helping at the extravaganza I felt like I spent much of the day putting out the metaphorical fires--one snafu after the other when it came to preparing the church for Advent. All worked out eventually but it took a lot of running around. The director of the altar guild is in the hospital and her absence leaves a huge vacuum to be filled.

• It scares me a bit that I'm the most computer savvy person on our staff. So I was called on to fix a computer snafu, too. Unsuccessful at that one, I'm afraid. The real computer tech will have to be called on Monday.
  

• Came home midafternoon to prepare for tomorrow's forum and got very sleepy. Managed to get it done, but then dozed off for a bit. At least it's not my week to preach.
  

• I can't believe it's only three weeks before Christmas. I am so not into the whole shopping/cooking/decorating frenzy. But I should think about Christmas presents and buying a tree while there are still some to be had, I guess.

• I had a case of what B* called grumps yesterday. Honestly I don't want to spend the whole month of December complaining and in a bad mood, but I woke up yesterday and as soon as I realized it was December 1, it descended on me. But I am better today, even if it isn't so apparent in this post.

• My house needs cleaning SOOOO badly. Yuck. I am missing the domestic goddess genes, that is for sure.
  

Adventfully Yours

Since Sunday is the First Sunday in Advent, a FridayFive from the RGBPs:

1) Do you observe Advent in your church?

Of course!

2) How about at home?

Of course!

I remember celebrating Advent ever since I was a very small child, before it was common to see Advent stuff all over the place. We had a wreath, but I'm not sure we used purple candles until much later, and we never had a pink one. I think we used all white candles

3) Do you have a favorite Advent text or hymn?

Long time favorite: O Come O Come Emmanuel, with different verses for the different Sundays in Advent.

New favorite: Comfort, Comfort ye My People

4) Why is one of the candles in the Advent wreath pink? (truth or ficition)

Because Mary wanted a girl.

Honestly, I know about "Gaudette Sunday" now, but it is not something I grew up with. And I use four blue candles in my wreath at home (liking Sarum blue better than purple).

5) What's the funniest/kitschiest Advent calendar you've ever seen?

I'm totally boring and I'm not sure I've ever seen a really funny one. But I collect Advent calendars, something I started quite unintentionally when the Kid was little. I bought one that has tiny books you take out each day. And you can put them back in and use them again next year...and the next. That one had the Christmas story, and then I found one with A Christmas Carol.

I also have two that are so beautiful that I just push the little doors shut and use them again--or at least display them again. One is an icon of Mary and the other is nativity by an artist whose name escapes me at the moment.

Last year at the church rummage sale I bought a small quilt that looks to me like it was meant to be an Advent calendar, and if I get my act together (who knows if I will?!) I am going to sew a small ring on each number and use some of my (too many for one tree) Christmas ornaments on it.

And this year I bought a sort of kitschy one I guess; it's a quilted globe and each day you velcro on a little doll representing a child from different places.

When I unpack my stuff, I may even find one I've forgotten about.

I made it!

Today is November 30, and with this post, I have made it through NaBloPoMo with a post each day. Nothing profound, I'm afraid, but it was an interesting experience for me. mc noted some things she learned by participating in NaBloPoMo, and my experience has been similar. My traffic did increase; my comments less so, although I have noticed a few new commenters. Mostly, I think it was good for me to take on the discipline to write something, anything everyday. Maybe I'll keep it up.

And if I win a prize, so much the better!

I'm just saying....

• Wednesdays are enough to make my head expwode. Too fireplacing many meetings. Meetings all day long. Argh...

• It's awfully warm to be almost December. Not that I'm totally complaining, but still, it's weird. I sort of wish it would get cold and snow.

• Yesterday the Kid was really psyched for school today, but it turned out to be a terrible, horrible, not-so-good day for him. Sigh. Every fall he starts out strong, and every year by about this time he's begun the downhill slide that ends up with him just eeking by. Not because the work is too hard either, but because he forgets assignments, loses assignments, is sloppy and not well organized--despite many efforts to help him be more organized.

• So there's bird flu in South Korea. Lovely Daughter #1 is in South Korea. Yeah.
  

• Blue. It's the color of the season. I'm just saying.

Time

I am usually a punctual person, and I know how to get out of the house fairly quickly in the morning. I've managed 8:00 am classes when it meant getting kids to daycare and commuting 30 minutes beforehand. I can be ready for a 7:00 am communion breakfast, and I 'm often the first one to arrive at social events. So why, if I don't have a definite time to be somewhere, does it take me fireplacing forever to get out of the house?

Like today. I had to drive to City in Smallest State to make a hospital visit, and I thought I would leave early, have lunch with a friend after my visit and still be back by mid afternoon. But for no reason that I can see, (okay I answered one email and read one blog, but that's it!) I couldn't seem to get myself out of the house until 10:15 and then I had to put gas in the car which of course required me to go in the opposite direction of where I was heading. It all worked out fine (had lunch first and then did the visit; got home before 5) but I still found myself wondering about it as I cruised along.

Perhaps this is related to whatever it is that makes me unable to write a sermon until the very last minute. Maybe I need a firm deadline looming to get my act together. And artificial deadlines don't work. I've tried.

Anyone else like this?

NaBloPoMo is almost over....

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

A new way to waste time

On-line trivia quizzes.....

But right now I rank #537 out of 10,000 in my "class".
(edited to add: now #350)

Further update: As requested, trivia quizzes found here

I am a dork.

Short on words

Having spent several hours today writing a sermon, I am feeling somewhat short on words. That can only mean one thing for today's post: random bullets.

• The downside of not cooking Thanksgiving dinner is no leftovers. We did bring home the leftover dressing and cranberry sauce, but the Kid polished those off in no time. I do kind of miss leftovers.

• Of course, the plus side of no leftovers is that I can't overindulge. But pie for breakfast sounds really good!

• With the exception of going to get my hair cut, I've managed to stay away from any and all shopping centers this weekend. Sales or no sales, I cannot imagine the attraction of being at the mall this weekend.
  

• My optimism stemming from the elections is waning with each stupid thing the Democrats manage to do before they ever take control of Congress. Enough with the in-fighting already. The Dems have less than two years to demonstrate that they can accomplish something and they can't afford to squander any of that time.

• Growing up in the south means the when I hear the word 'squash' I think of yellow crookneck squash--you know, summer squash. So all this talk of 'squash soup' and 'baked squash' takes some getting used to--although it all sounds good.

• Growing up in the south also meant that I never tasted pumpkin pie til I was an adult (maybe that was just a peculiarity of my family). We always had sweet potato pie but I prefer pumpkin. I like almost anything made out of pumpkin.
  

• We also had pecan pie and we pronounced it "pea-can"--none of this pe-cahn' stuff for us. I love pecan pie, but I've discovered that it's even better if you substitute some maple syrup for some of the corn syrup.

• Thanksgiving Day 1989 I ran 7 1/2 miles. That was the high point of my short running career, and the high point of my physical fitness--it's been all down hill since then. I don't think my knees or back could take running any more, but it felt good when I did it.
  

• I've been feeling especially lumpish today, which may be why I thought about running. I should walk more, but I haven't been able to motivate myself to do it consistently. Having my friend's dogs here during the summer got me walking more than anything. I've been looking into getting a puppy, but it hasn't worked out yet.
  

• This is getting kind of long, condsidering I said I was short on words. So I'll stop now.

• Except to add that Blogger's spell checker is the lamest ever. Just saying.
  

Black Friday Five

As posted by reverendmother at RevGalBlogPals, this is a "Black Friday" Five (aka Buy Nothing Day) in honor of the busiest shopping day of the year:

1. Would you ever/have you ever stood in line for something--tickets, good deals on electronics, Tickle Me Elmo?

Not stood in line myself, but tried to get something scarce for my kids.

I've never thought it essential for my kids to have whatever all the kids were getting or whatever was the hot item of the year, and I tried to talk to my kids about those things. But there were a few times when the hot item seemed to be something that would be special for my kids. The year that Cabbage Patch dolls were all the rage, even my mother who worked at Big Box Toy Store could not get any for us. (But unbeknownst to me their step-grandmother had managed to acquire two, so the Lovely Daughters didn't do without.)

My father stood in line for me twice: once to get a Transformer that was hot, and once to get Laser Tag, both for Elder Son. But even with lines, things were a little less cutthroat than they seem now.

I might stand in line to get tickets to some very very special event, but I cannot think of any thing I would stand in line to buy these days.

2. Do you enjoy shopping as a recreational activity?

Not really. Sometimes I like browsing, but it's not the same as shopping. I buy as much as possible on-line these days to avoid stores.

3. Your favorite place to browse without necessarily buying anything.

Antique stores, cool craft stores. My mil and I used to browse antique stores together. I like old things with character. And used book stores, where I do also occasionally buy.

4. Gift cards: handy gifts for the loved one who has everything, or cold impersonal symbol of all that is wrong in our culture?

Handy for people who might need/or want something I can't afford to give them, but a gift card would help them get it. Or if my kids want clothes for a gift--no way could I pick them out. Or for nephews whom I rarely see.

5. Discuss the spiritual and theological issues inherent in people coming to blows over a Playstation 3.

A sign of the crass materialism and over commercialization of our world? Honestly, what is important enough to come to blows over?

An Attitude of Gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

When I get down in the dumps and start feeling sorry for myself, I try to stop and take stock of how lucky I am and how very much I have to be thankful for. I am really a very privileged person, and I don't always recognize that. So I have been trying to develop and attitude of gratitude, and to keep that with me all the time. And what better time than Thanksgiving day to list those things large and small for which I am truly grateful.

The little things that make my life both easier and more pleasant: my icemaker, my dishwasher, my espresso maker and milk frother that allow me to have a maple latte any time I want one.

The technological things that allow me to do things unheard of a generation ago: my laptop, my digital camera, my cellphone.

The guilty pleasures: a cold beer now and then, a glass of wine, CHOCOLATE.

And lest I seem completely shallow, the really important things: my children who are all dear to me, my good health, the ability to pay my bills every month, the beautiful place I live and all the wildlife that grace my yard, my friends both in real life and in the blogosphere, especially D and J, J, S, and S, and the opportunities I've had to go to school, to reinvent myself not once but twice and to be able to follow the desires of my heart.

For all this I am profoundly grateful.

Flashbulb

When I was teaching psychology, I used to talk about the phenomenon known as "flashbulb memory." A flashbulb memory is a very detailed memory, a snapshot if you will, of a specific incident. Flashbulb memories purportedly are frequently formed of what a person is doing when s/he hears the news of some dramatic event, for example, what you were doing when the Challenger blew up, or when the first Gulf War started. or for my generation, what you were doing when you heard that JFK had been assassinated. These memories were supposedly very detailed and very accurate, but last time I looked at the literature, evidence didn't back up these claims--longitudinal studies indicated that they are often quite inaccurate.

Of course, what made me think of this today is my own "flashbulb memory" of what I was doing 43 years ago (omg does that make me feel old; many/most of the bloggers I read weren't even born then!) today when John F. Kennedy was killed. I do have a very vivid memory of that day, even though I realize what I recall may not be what actually happened.

I was in the fifth grade, which in retrospect was one of my favorite years of school. All three of the fifth grade classes were gathered in the auditorium to begin practicing Christmas carols--yes, we sang them in school, and we were practicing to sing at a nursing home, It was a chilly, gray day, much like today is. One of the sixth grade teachers came to the door and called my teacher out. When my teacher came back in the room she had a funny look on her face, and she said that she needed to make an announcement; the president had been shot. We were stunned and returned to our classrooms where my teacher turned on the radio and we listened in silence as the news reports confirmed that yes, JFK had been shot, and then that yes, he had died. Unbelievable.

When I got home my mother was visibly upset. She had heard the news in the grocery store and had hurried home to turn on the TV. It felt like the world was standing still.

But, it was also the day of my best friend's birthday party. And so a gaggle of tween girls trooped off to the movies and then back to her house for pizza--the first pizza I had ever eaten, as unbelievable as that may seem in this day and age. When our parents came to pick us up, the normality of the party shifted; there was distinct pall cast over us as our parents discussed the day's happenings.

JFK's assassination was the first of three that marked my coming of age years. MLK's and RFK's were more traumatic for me, but I will always remember the deep sadness that engulfed all of us that week as we mourned the president's death. As young as I was, I can remember a feeling of optimism about the future that began to evaporate when JFK died, and that continued to seep away over the next years. I know that growing up in those years marked me in some way that I can't completely define.

Didn't you love the things that they stood for?
Didn't they try to find some good for you and me?
And we'll be free
Some day soon, it's gonna be one day

The obligatory food post

If it's Thanksgiving, it must be time to talk about food.

I don't cook much--it's actually pretty ridiculous how little I cook--but Thanksgiving dinner is always one meal I enjoy cooking. I love the traditional Thanksgiving foods but I'm willing to be flexible about the menu. Some years we have turkey, and some we don't. But it just wouldn't feel like Thanksgiving without cornbread dressing (stuffing to some folks, but mine has never seen the inside of a turkey) and homemade cranberry sauce. These two things are non-negotiable, so much so that I will fix them to have at home even if we have Thanksgiving dinner elsewhere.

What foods define Thanksgiving dinner for you?

10,000

That's how many hits I've had on my blog since I installed the site meter, about a year ago.

Now for many of you that is a small number, but for me it is huge! I was crawling along on schedule to hit 10,000 in a couple of months. But I gues there is something to this posting every day...because my numbers have gone way up.

Thanks for stopping by everyone!

Come out, come out, whoever you are!

According to Songbird, it's Thanksgiving Delurking Week. So stop in and say hello, or leave a link, or a blogstone (o) [which I'd seen before but never knew they were called that til today]. And thanks for coming by this way.

Very long answer to a simple question

Chichimama asked me how I happened to become a priest. Anyone who has gone through the process leading to ordination has had to answer variations of this question numerous times, but each time I am asked I find myself reflecting on it myself and reflecting on how to tell the story. Of course there is the short story and the long story, and I think I will tell the long one here, if you will bear with me, because the whole story makes more sense to me set in its context. But if you want the short version, just skip to the last couple of paragraphs.

I am one of an increasingly rare breed, a cradle Episcopalian. Some of my earliest memories involve being at church. I remember the church of my childhood as a comfortable place, a nurturing place, even as a fun place. I remember playing in the pew during services when I was very young, and later Sunday school, Christmas pageants, singing in the children's choir, vacation church school in the summer. For a while my best friend was our priest's daughter. I spent many hours at the rectory and playing on the church play ground. We shared the same first name, and her mother called us Pixie and Dixie....I guess that reference really ages me....but I digress.

We moved from the town of my birth when I was 9--the first of several moves, but we found a new church each place we lived, and being involved in church remained important. I was confirmed when I was 12; at that time one had to be confirmed to receive communion and I wanted that very badly. In retrospect, whatever we were taught at confirmation classes went right over my head, but it was important to me at the time. My family quit going to church when I was in high school, and I was disappointed,actually. When I began dating my high school boyfriend who became tFoMC later, we went to church with his mother right up to the time we got married.

Despite this history of church involvement, I wouldn't have characterized myself as overly religious. I believed in God. I prayed, but mostly self-serving prayer (God, please help me pass this quiz--that type). I would've liked to have been an acolyte, but that wasn't allowed. And because women weren't ordained at the time, it never occurred to me that I might think about being a priest. But there was always some sort of God-connection.

When we were newly married tFoMC and I let church go by the wayside. Like many young couples, we took Sundays as time for ourselves. And because he was in the Navy we didn't settle down in one place. When Elder Son was born we returned to my mother-in-law's church where we were married to have him baptized, and we did the same when LD#1 was born. But about that time, I began thinking about going back to church. Being part of a church had been such a positive experience for me as a child that I wanted that for my children as well. I wanted them raised in a religious tradition even if they didn't choose to embrace it for themselves later. So when we moved to a place where we thought we would be for a few years, we began looking for a church.

And found one, in a most unexpected way. We were living in a place that had many Episcopal churches, and we intended to try several of them. But driving home one day from grocery shopping, I took a wrong turn and ended up on a road that was completely unfamiliar. When I finally found a place to turn around I saw a sign saying "Future home of Saint Somewhere's Episcopal Church" and giving a phone number. Intrigued I wrote the number down and called it when I got home. The congregation was meeting in a local school until its building was completed and we decided to try it. And it was a wonderful experience.

In the five or so years I'd been out of church, a new prayer book had come out. The language was suddenly comprehensible. And women were allowed to have liturgical roles--unimaginable in my childhood. What's more the congregation was welcoming and it quickly became our community. As we got involved I noticed something else. These people took their beliefs seriously. They discussed the Sunday readings. They prayed seriously. They believed all this really mattered in their daily lives.

The time I spent in that parish was life-changing for me. My faith grew. I learned to engage in theological conversations. I thought about what it all meant for my real life. I became friends with J, and her husband W who happened to be the parish priest. I found out that priests were real people like the rest of us. When my life became increasingly stressful I learned what it was like to be part of a supportive community and to have supportive friends.

During those years LD#2 was born, I had an identity crisis and went back to school to earn my BS and I was divorced from tFoMC. Life was complicated but my faith and my community held me in good stead. As I began to find my own voice I took on new roles in church--I read lessons and administered the chalice. I taught an adult Sunday School class. Once or twice I wondered what it would be like to be a priest, but I wasn't ready to let those thoughts go anywhere.

When I finished my BS I moved away to attend grad school. Friends had suggested a church we might like in Gradschool City, and I dutifully took us there as soon as I had all the boxes unpacked. It was without a doubt the most unfriendly church I have ever attended. And I was overloaded with class reading, having naively signed up for five classes my first semester when most of my classmates took only three. So we stopped going to church. It didn't help matters that my grad program had a distinct anti-religion bias. I never meant to give up church entirely, but that is what happened. Oh, I went to a Sunday night folk mass sometimes, but the routine was gone. I rationalized to myself that I didn't really need to go to church every Sunday. When I met and married the Kid's father, we talked about going to church but we never made it. The lovely daughters began to attend the local Baptist church because that's what kids in our small town did (something I really regret, but that is subject of another post perhaps) but I could not go there.

I still thought about God though. One of my office mates in grad school was a vocal atheist. She always maintained that it was just easier NOT to believe in God, any god. We had lots of long thoughtful discussions about God-related and religion-related things. I came to realize that unlike my friend, believing that God is was my default position--easier for me that conceiving of a world without God.

Fast forward a few years. The Kid was born, I finally finished my Ph.D. and took an academic job in Vermont. It was a good move for me, and for my kids, but it was the straw the broke the back of a very weak marriage, and a year later I found myself single-parenting a three-year old and a couple of teenagers. I was working to get out of the financial pit we'd gotten into during that brief marriage and working to get tenure. I was exhausted and stressed out. Having failed at marriage for a second time was very hard for me. It was a very dark period in my life. By this time I had been mostly out of church for 10 years. And for the very first time in my life the doubts about God, about religion, about faith that were sown in my grad school years began to sprout. I didn't question my belief in God, but I certainly questioned the relevance of religion, the validity of what I thought I had believed in.

Lovely Daughter #2 met someone who had a house church and agitated to be allowed to go; something about it set off my alarms, and as she continued to challenge me I thought about finding a church. And I thought about wanting the Kid to have that in his life, too. But I was so full of doubts that it was very very hard to actually do anything about it. Finally we made it to the local Episcopal church on Christmas Eve and I really enjoyed it. But I continued to struggle with what I believed, and it took me until the next summer to get back.

I don't know what finally made me decide to go, but one warm July Sunday the Kid, LD#2 and I went. To my great surprise the priest was a woman--the first time I had ever encountered a woman priest. And I still knew all the words. And the music was great, and people were friendly. We went back the next Sunday. And the next. Inside, however, I was still kicking and screaming. It felt good, in many ways it felt like I had come home, but at the same time I was engaged in an extremely critical inner dialogue.

I've long loved Madeleine L'Engle's writing, both fiction and non-fiction, and I was reading a lot of it at this point. She has a very cosmic theology that really speaks to me. In one of her books she talks specifically about finding God in the world around her, and that really spoke to me. Coincidentally, the first Sunday I went back, the young woman priest preached on finding God in the world around us. Gradually I began to think about God in new ways and to feel God in my life again.

Here's the part that could sound hokey to some people I guess. But it was very real for me. I found myself enfolded in a congregation the could handle my doubts. And gradually almost every one of those doubts was addressed in some way, usually in a way that took me by surprise. I began reading about theology and spirituality. I began to feel like that deep dark hole that had eaten its way through my soul might actually be filled. I felt like I had come home. I was in a congregation that was both politically and and theologically progressive and as I became involved with outreach and social justice ministries I realized how deeply my values were rooted in the social gospel. I felt God acting in my life and I began wondering what I was supposed to do with all this.

This all happened over a fairly short period of time, and it took me by surprise. I was getting ready to go up for tenure, and I thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. But gradually I began to feel like there was something else I was called to do. I never had a dramatic moment, a bolt from heaven that said, "you should become a priest" but as I tried to figure out what all this meant for my life, that was the dawning awareness that came to me. It started to feel like something I couldn't not pursue.

My parish priest was on sabbatical which gave me time to mull over this for a while. But as soon as he returned I made an appointment to talk to him. I wasn't sure I could say the words "I think I am called to become a priest" out loud, and I was sure that if I did he would laugh. But in fact, I did and he didn't. He took me quite seriously.

In the Episcopal church one cannot just decide to become a priest. There is a long period of discernment during which one must elaborate on one's sense of call with the parish priest, with fellow parishioners, with a diocesan committee and with the bishop. It's a long and sometimes painful process. Mine took place at the same time I was preparing and submitting my tenure file and that felt a bit schizophrenic. I received tenure before I was approved to go forward towards priesthood. People asked me how I could give that up, and it did give me pause because it had been the focus of my life for so long. But when the time came, it wasn't actually all that hard.

I was approved as a postulant for Holy Orders in September 2001--just days after the attack on the World Trade Center. I started seminary in September 2002. When I started grad school 15 years earlier, someone had told me that those would be the best years of my life and I often thought about how much that was NOT so. But seminary was different. I so felt like I was in the right place doing what I was supposed to be doing. I sometimes wish that all this would've happened when I was a bit younger, but I really think that I needed to go through everything I went through to be ready to do what I am doing now. And I feel really lucky, really blessed to able to do what I am doing now.

A Crass Political Ploy

The lame duck governor of this fair state has decided to press forward on a controversial issue to advance his own political agenda. Mitt Romney is asking the state supreme court to order a referendum on same-sex marriage (a constitutional amendment prohibiting it) on the ballot because the legislature failed to vote on the measure before adjourning until January. This is in a state where same-sex marriage is already legal--because the courts ruled that it was a justice issue, that it was discriminatory to deny marriage rights to same-sex couples.

I don't know whether such an amendment would pass in MA after several years of legal same-sex marriage. But really, matters of justice shouldn't be put to a popular vote. If the southern states had been given the opportunity to vote on civil rights in the sixties I hate to think where we'd be now.

Moreover, Romney is doing this just to garner attention from conservative Republicans as he tests the waters for a presidential run. Gack. I don't know how he was elected governor of this liberal state (I wasn't living here then), and certainly hope his presidential ambitions are thwarted.

I might as well get it out of my system now....

Arghhh....it's starting already. Tonight driving home from some errands I spotted the first Christmas decorations on houses in the neighborhood. Before Thanksgiving. Bah!

I'm a bit of a Scrooge about Christmas. On several levels. I hate the commercialization of the holiday. I hate the materialism. I hate that things have to start earlier and earlier each year. I hate that what was a religious holiday has been co-opted and then foisted on the world in a way the makes it devoid of its original meaning. I hate the way a Christian feast day (and not the most important one at that) is promoted as THE HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR for everyone regardless of their religious tradition. I hate pseudo-Christmas music (Jingle Bells is NOT a Christmas song. I'm just saying) and Christmas carols played non-stop beginning at Halloween.

All that is the macro level of my Scroogishness...

On the micro-level, the personal level, I have a history of stressful Christmases...Christmases where tFoMC was at sea (three in a row) and I had to do it all on my own. Christmases after we separated when I wasn't sure how I was going to afford even modest presents for the kids, and I still had to do it on my own--it always worked out, but it was always stressful. Christmases when I had to share the kids with their dad, including the Christmas I spent all alone all day because my car needed an unexpected repair the day I was supposed to go away, and there was an ice storm (in Florida!) the next day. And there were the Christmases I spent with my parents (because isn't Christmas the quintessential family time?) each marked by at least one huge blow up with my mom that left me feeling awful.

I'm trying to get over my Christmas baggage, to adopt a new model of Christmas. I don't go "home" for Christmas any more, even though staying away just adds to my status as the blacksheep in my family. I've minimized the whole gift giving routine--I enjoy buying gifts when there is less pressure about doing so. I try to embrace Advent as a season--I have Advent calendars and an Advent wreath, and I continue my tradition of not putting up tree until Dec. 22 or so. I enjoy the memories involved with our large collection of Christmas ornaments--one bought for each child for each year, perhaps my favorite family tradition. This year for the first time in a while I will have a large family gathering at my house, and because Christmas Eve is on Sunday (the worst possible day for clergy), some of them will take over the cooking chores. I'm looking forward to it.

Nonetheless this time of year, when all the hoopla starts I get cranky. The stores are full of Christmas stuff, the decorations are sprouting, the bad music has started, and it's not Thanksgiving yet. Sigh.....

Draft??

The news today is reporting that Rep. Charles Rangel D-NY will introduce a bill to reinstate the draft when Congress reconvenes next year. Not everyone would have to serve in the military--there would be options for community service as well. But Rangel believes that having a draft would deter politicians going to war. He argues that Bush would never have invaded Iraq had a draft been in place.

I am adamantly opposed to the draft, and I think this notion that it would be a deterrent to war is based on specious reasoning. Rangel says that no one in Congress would vote to support a war if there wasa chance that constituents or children of constituents might be killed. That certainly hasn't been the case in previous wars.

I wrote my high-school senior term paper on why we shouldn't have a draft (at the time we did). For a while I thought that a universal draft in which the military was just one option among many might be okay. When I was teaching I met many first year students who might have benefited from a year or two off before starting college. A year of community service of some sort might provide an opportunity for growth, a time off from studying for a while, a time to gain some perspective and to think more about the future.

But I'm not sure the draft is the answer. I don't think ANYONE should be forced to serve in the military against their will. And I'm not sure I trust our government at this time to set up a system that would make military service truly optional, truly one choice among many.

What think you, readers? Should we have a draft of any sort? Why?

Convocation

I spent yesterday and today at the annual Convocation of the Episcopal Church's Province I, which is comprised of the dioceses of Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine, Massachusetts, Western Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and Connecticut. These gatherings are theme based, and this year's theme was "Our Story, God's Story." Unlike many big church meetings, this one was designed to be completely intergenerational, with activities appropriate for all ages, and with children completely incorporated into the liturgy. Our time together was filled with greeting of friends (including at least one blogger on my blogroll), provocative talks about how to make the church a place that truly welcomes children and youth, browsing displays and the bookstore and sharing joy-filled worship, complete with gifted story-tellers, toddling babies, drumming and song.

It was really wonderful to spend time with a group of Episcopalians who are positive about the church, who are focused on the mission of the church rather than all the controversies the church is embroiled in. The Episcopal Church in New England is small compared to others--especially the UCC and Roman Catholics. But it is remarkably energetic and progressive. The seven New England dioceses have elected five women bishops since 1988 (including +Barbara Harris, Bishop Suffragan of MA and the first woman bishop in the Anglican Communion ever, and +Mary Adelia McLeod of Vermont, the first woman diocesan bishop).

I enjoyed hearing some of the bishops talk about how they see teaching as part of their vocation--and was I ever impressed with Bp. Knudsen of Maine; I've heard good things about her before, but never met her until this weekend--and hearing teens talk about how we can help them feel more a part of the church. But perhaps the most fun session I went to was one about how to put on a U2 eucharist (U2charist). Given the age of my congregation, I'm not sure we'll ever be able to do, but I hope I can attend one sometime.

And the Episcopal Church really is a small world. It is impossible to go to an event like this without making all sorts of six degrees (or less) of separation connections between people you know--always fun.

Now I'm going to peruse the books I bought there...

Happy Birthday...

to the Kid, who turns 15 today....

who celebrated by seeing the new James Bond flick last night with his friends....

who spent the afternoon playing poker with said friends....

who is now IMing said friends while working out new guitar riffs.

My little boy has grown up.

Because I Don't Have Time for a Real Post

and this is kinda funny.....as seen at Quaker Pastor's

What is your inner musical instrument?

You're an Oboe. Girl power?
Take this quiz!








Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code