Comfortable

Over the last few weeks I've been straightening and organizing, little bits at a time. I tend to let closets and cabinets and drawers go from time to time, but I really like them to be organized at least a bit. So I bought new dividers for all the kitchen drawers and redid them, and cleaned out the closet that doubles as a linen closet and a place to keep my sweaters, and one cabinet in the pantry that had become a repository for things I just wanted to get out of sight. And I boxed up stuff for the spring rummage sale at church. In the next week or so, I'll have to finally deal with all the Christmas stuff (yes, my tree is still up and the creches are still out) and organize the closets where it is all stored.

Because I've always lived in relatively small quarters, I'm good at maximizing my closet space (just ask anyone who saw how I had my hall closet in NYC packed). But here I have lots of space--more space than any two people need--and the temptation would be to let everything spread out. I have taken advantage of having plenty of closet space, but knowing that I wouldn't live here for more than a few years, I have tried really hard not to acquire too much more stuff or to let it take over. I may never live in a house this big again (and really, in most ways that would be okay; I was perfectly happy in my 700 sq ft NYC apartment). Mostly I've been successful at this.

But as I've moved through the house recently, I've realized how very comfortable I've become in this house. Things are settled in; it feels like MY house. And when I leave I will miss it.

It feels like something similar has taken place at church. I'm at home there. The congregation feels like MY people, if you know what I mean. I'm comfortable with them and with what I do there, and there is still enough challenge to keep me on my toes. Today I taught a bunch of middle schoolers about the Nicene creed--teaching that age group has never been my forte, but I have a good rapport with those kids now (from other contexts) and it went okay--better than okay, actually.

So even though I'm ready to move on, to not be the assistant any more, I'm still sad at the prospect of leaving this congregation. I know their foibles and they know mine. We are good together. As I've moved through the Christmas season, I've thought "next year we'll do this" or "maybe we should think about that" and then I catch myself, realizing that it's not likely that I'll still be here this time next year. Ready or not, it's time to move on.