Three years in

The Kid and I had a conversation this afternoon that led me to go through my blog archives and as I did, I ran across this post, which made me realize that I had completely forgotten that Wednesday was the third anniversary of my ordination to the priesthood (January 7). It's not a big deal, but I am still a bit surprised at myself that I didn't think of it at all, because I usually remember things like that--although apparently I forgot it last year, too (at least I didn't mention it on the blog.)

When I was ordained I alternated between feeling like I was finally really ready, and being freaked out because I was afraid I actually wasn't ready (just like so many other things you spend years preparing for) And in truth I was ready and I wasn't. Some things I thought I knew I had to learn (or relearn), and some of the situationsI worried ahead of time about NOT knowing what to do or say came easily when the time called for them. And of course, there have been plenty of occasions that nothing can prepare you for. You just have to live through it and hope God has your back.

One of the things I've had occasion to reflect on this week is how certain people who for the most part are pains in the tushes can also be vehicles of grace, given the chance. There's one guy who has been mad at the church for years and who could harangue you over the least little things--but he's mellowed and it turns out that he has the heart of a pastor in certain situations, reaching out to people who otherwise might be overlooked. And there's the woman who is soooo anal, and such a control freak, but who, if you can just go with the flow with her and play to her strengths, is generous to a fault and more than willing to use her talents where they are needed. Discovering those things--things I could never have predicted or planned for, or even intentionally worked on--has been a learning experience, and definitely a grace-filled thing.

And so, three years into this vocation, as I prepare for my boss' upcoming sabbatical, and for moving on, hopefully to become a rector, this reminds me, that although I still have those moments when I wonder if I will be up to the task, deep insde I know that what I really have to do is let go--let go of my need to be in control, let go of my expectations, let go of my insecurites, and grace will abound. Life won't always be easy, but grace will abound.