Train blogging 4

Breakfast in DC with a view of the Washington Monument and Jefferson Memorial outside the dining car window, lunch at Penn Station probably and hopefully home by 4. I slept pretty well last night all things considered. When I woke up we were somewhere in Virginia and it was very frosty outside.

I have never misssed Florida since I left it to move to Vermont, but the last 10 days helped me appreciate why people like to be there in the winter. I don't thinK I'll ever be a snowbird--I would miss winter--but I might consider a week or so in the south some March.

Train blogging 3

On the way home at last. I continue to be amazed by how many people are traveling by train these days. Every train I've been on has been full. I didn't get a sleeper car for the trip home which I sort of regret, but I can generally sleep any time, any where so it should be ok.

This whole trip feels a little surreal at this point. The CREDO conference I attended far exceeded my expectations, and then my visit with my mother was totally unlike anything I could've foreseen. Before I left for the train today she let me take her to Starbucks--about a 6 block walk each way. I think the curbs made her nervous in her chair, but the neighborhood is pretty accessible and it went fine.

I've tried not to let work intrude while I've been away but I haven't been 100% successful. I have to hire a new parish administrator and my attempt to post an ad on craigslist failed not once but twice. I'm wondering if the second failure had something to do with me trying to od fit from my iPad--it shouldn't but I just discovered the other day that email isn't sending correctly. Eh. And I have a whole slew of meetings to deal with, to say nothing of sermons etc.

But it is getting quiet now and I'm going to try to sleep.

NOT the day I expected

So I spent the day with my mother.

I hadn't seem my mother in longer than I care to admit, and the last few times I did see her were rocky. And as I've written about here before, we couldn't even talk on the phone without conflict popping up when I least expected it, although since she moved into assisted living she's been more mellow (but in that mellow state we've had only the briefest of conversations).

Last night my sister prepared me for a mother who was if anything worse--older, grumpier, and not the least bit mellow. That is NOT the mother I met this morning and spent the day with. She was chipper at breakfast, kidding around with her table mates. She asked me to take her for a walk outside, and then to the bible study that was going on when we came back in. (She lives in a Lutheran facility and a pastor is around quite frequently). She definitely shows age related memory deficits--certain things she asked me over and over--but she is not as far as I can tell suffering from serious dementia.

She looks better than I expected, too. My sister said she'd gained a lot of weight--and she has, but not as much as I had envisioned. She's confined to a wheel chair, and she has to have oxygen sometimes. She doesn't wear her teeth (but she never DID like wearing them, ever since she got full dentures befor my dad died.)But for 83 it's not too bad.

I spent the morning being gobsmacked by the difference between what my sister prepared me for and what I had been expecting based on past experiences and how the reality was just SO MUCH better. We spent a pleasant day talking about old times, and she went out of the building for the first time in maybe more than a year.

Maybe I just caught her on a really good day. But whatever the reason, I am so grateful for this day. So very grateful. I don't know what our relationship will hold in the future; I don't know how her health will hold up, but we've had this day togehter without rancor or recrimination, without complaint about ANYTHING. Maybe it it will remain something we can hold onto as we let go of some of the past.

Here I am

My conference ended this morning (and it really was wonderful) and after waving goodbye to my colleagues as they departed by bus for the airport, I had lunch with a seminary classmate who lives nearby and then boarded the train for Disney City where my sister met me at the train.

Now y'all know that I have been anxious about this visit. My sister and I were never close and our relationship is all tangled up in my relationship with mother. The two of us jut don't have that much in common--other than that we're sisters. But I have resolved that as far as I can help it, this visit is going to be non-controversial. And so far it has, I think. We stopped for some dinner and we talked a little bit about our mother and a little bit about our kids.

But it just feels so weird. And my sister said one thing that really floored me although I didn't react or respond in any way. She ssaid being around mother now reminds her of why she disliked her so much when we were growing up.

Huh. Really?

I'm afraid to probe that, but I'm really curious about what exactly she meant. I mean my mother has always been challenging in different ways. But i just don't know if I would say I disliked her. On the contrary what I remember most is always wanting her approval and never knowing how to get it. I found/find her frustrating and puzzling and difficult. So maybe my sister is just saying the same thing in different words. Which is also funny in the not ha-ha way because my sister (after a few years back in adolescence) seemed to be the golden child.

To be fair my sister has shouldered the burden of dealing with my mother since daddy died 8 years ago, and that has become a big responsibility. Huge actually. And she has her own issues to deal with. So I don't blame her a bit if she has negative feelings about dealing with our mother.

I hope when/if my kids ever need to take care of me it's not this complicated and sad.

I'm meeting my mother for breakfast in the morning. So I'm sure there will be more to say tomorrow.

Sabbath time

A completely free Sunday morning is a rare thing indeed for clergy, but that is what we had this morning. Nothing at al was scheduled. Although we had tasks to work on if we chose, how we spent the morning was entirely up to us. Some went to the beach, some read the New York Times or worked the crossword; others watched the Sunday morning new shows. I chose to sleep a bit later than usual, have breakfast on the patio, and then work on my end of conference project a bit.

Tomorrow we all head out. Eight days seemed like forevah when I got here, but now it seems like it went by incredibly quickly. This time tomorrow night I should be at my mother's place where I'll be until mid day Wednesday when I leave for home. Where it will be crazy busy from the time I get back--Thanksgiving week will be upon us--and Christmas won't be too far behind. Yikes.

Another day goes by in a blur

A short and boring post (because it is NaBloPoMo) just to say it's been another crazy busy day here at CREDO. I'll likely have more to say about all this later, but for now suffice it to say that it has given me lots to think about, and I've met some wonderful new friends. AND we went to the beach, and tonight we had a party, so it's not all work and no play. Tomorrow is our last full day; always mixed feelings about something like this ending. Ready to go home and sorry to say farewell. But now it is late and I must sleep.

Friday Five~~Winter is coming

I am currently in sunny Florida (and it has been SO pleasant) but I know that when I arrive back home next week, winter will soon be upon us. Apropos of that, here is this week's Friday Five:

1. What is your favorite movie for watching when curled up under a wooly blanket?
I love a good romantic comedy, some thing like Sleepless in Seattle or You've Got Mail

2. Likewise, what book?
Harry Potter (any of the 7) or a great historical novel like Winds of War.

3. What foods do you tend to cook/eat when it gets cold?
A big pot of soup.

4. What do you like to do if you get a "snow day"?
Sleep in, read, sit by a roaring fire.

5. Do you like winter sports or outdoor activities, or are you more likely to be inside playing a board game? Do you have a favorite (indoors or out)?
I might take a walk in the snow, but otherwise I'll be inside playing Apples to Apples or Scrabble or Bananagrams if there's a crowd, or a computer game if I'm alone.

Living in another world

I've been here at the conference center since Monday evening.It's a great conference--one where our every need seems to be anticipated and taken care of. We are working hard, but we are also well feed- three delicious meals a day , chocolate and healthy snacks in the meeting rooms, wine and snacks at the close of the evening session. I feel quite pampered.

It's easy to forget about the 'real' world out there. I realized tonight that I haven't even glanced at the news since I arrived--no New York Times, no NPR, nothing. it's not for lack of opportunity. I have my iPad and iPhone ( and indeed we are a wired bunch; there are 22 of us and at least half a dozen iPads, and many, many iPhones here. is it a bad thing to feel completely insulated foam whatever is going on out there?

Seriously?

Bristol the Pistol Palin STILL hasn't been voted off DWTS? Despite having the lowest scores for the last four or five weeks? Craziness.

I know it's all about having a fan base but come on--it's past time for her to go.

Thumbs up for the train; the taxi...not so much

The train got me here right on time late yesterday afternoon. I spent a lot of time gazing out the window at the ever-changing landscape as we went first west to Tampa and then back east and south. There were miles and miles and miles of citrus groves, followed by some pretty barren areas dotted with palms and pines and scrub oakes, but very little sign of human habitation. There were a few fields of cattle grazing so there must have been farms but they were not very visible. And then you emerge back into civilzation which grows increasingly congested.

Once I was here I needed to taka a taxi to the confernce center. I had google mapped it, and it was about a 5 minute drive. So I gave the address to the driver, who seemed to know wehre it was but then proceeded to get lost and drive around for about 30 minutes looking for it. It turned into a very expensive taxi ride. I paid it, but I wish now I'd been a bit more assertive about saying that I shouldn't have been charged so much.

The conference has beeen great so far, with a really interesting mix of people. The day has been long, but I can say that I was never bored, nor did I feel like my time was being wasted or manipulated. And the weather here has been perfect--warm and sunny with a gentle breeze. So far so good.


On an unrelated note, I'm typing this on my iPad. Using both a touch screen and an external keyboard is different--I have to stop and think occassionally about doing something that would be obvious with a mouse. But I'm sure it will soon be second nature. It's funny to see how many iPads are here, too--at least half a dozen spotted so far among 22 people.

Train blogging 2

I've lived up and down the east coast, and it's funny how this train trip is passing by or near the places I've called home. Right now we're in northern Florida, where I spent seven years. The view brings back so many mnemories...some good, some not so good. But it is beautiful county in it's own way--the spreading live oakes draped in Spaninh moss, the scrub pines, the lakes and springs and rivers, the palms and palmettos (not the tall impressive kind, but the lower scrubby ground cover kind.)

I've never been south of Tampa, and I only briefly visited there, so I'll be seeing some new country before the day is out. I'm looking foreword to seeing a broad southern beach and beautiful clear water.

We've passed a lot of fields covered with black netting supported on poles...I've never seen anything like it before and I'm wondering what they are growing. Tomatoes?

Okay we are in Winter Park now, farther south than I thought. It looks like a lovely town. Often on the train you see only the outskirts, not always attractive, but not here.

Sleeping on the train wasn't bad...but once the bed is made up you can barely move in the compartment. I'm not sure that two people could easily share this space although it is supposedly designed to fit two. I went to sleep at a ridiculously early hour for me (around 10) and slept until after 7, only waking up a couple of times, and I feel really well rested. Breakfast was grits, scrambled eggs and a biscuit-wonderful Southern fare!

I really do like traveling this way. It takes time for sure. The Kid and I were talking about this--we've both recently (re)read The Winds of War, a novel about the two years leading up to WWII. The characters all travel a great deal, but they take it as a matter of course that it will take them days if not weeks to get where they are going. Now we expect to be there in hours or it's not worth it. We're so rushed. I am grateful for being able to travel at this slower pace.

Train blogging

On the train to Florida...

So far so good. The compartment is smaller than the Amtrak website made it look, but it's okay for one person. We'll see how it sleeps; the food in the dining car is not gourmet, but it's not bad either, and because I have a compartment it's included in the price.

I had a lzay, dozey kind of day; read the NYTimes on my iPad, did a little last minute CREDO paper work and relaxed, and I'm tired enough to go to bed very early.

I like traveling this way.

Leaving on a jet plane....um. train

I'm leaving at o'dark thirty in the morning to board a train that will take me to Florida. I know that people think I'm crazy to take the train for such a long trip, but I HATE to fly. And the stress of having to deal with airports and take-offs and landings would completely undo any relaxation I might get from this trip. As it happens, Amtrak goes right to the place where my conference is, and it stops in the city where my mother and sister live, too, so it works out.

I splurged and got a sleeper for tomorrow night.The conference starts about thirty minutes after I get there, so I thought having a place to really sleep and change clothes might be a good idea. I didn't get the sleeper for the way home, but I've slept on a train before and ti wasn't too bad. Overall, I like traveling by train; I can read and watch movies (even as I type I'm downloading Toy Story 3 and Lost Season 6), and I have a little bit of prep work for the conference left to do, so I won't be bored.

I'm pretty sure I'll be able to keep up with NaBloPoMo because I splurged a bit and got an iPad this week--with 3G and wifi. In fact, I'm typing on said iPad right now with a spiffy wireless keyboard--so much easier than the built in one, on which (like on my iPhone) I make multiple and stupid typos. I can justify the iPad because I will be able to use it for work and the keyboard makes it that much easier. The only thing I can't do is download any pictures I take because I didn't buy the adapter I need for that (which at this point seems silly but whatever.)

So I still have a stack of ironing to do--ironing before packing is always at least a partial exercise in futility, but I do it anyway. Glad tonight is fall back night!

Friday Five~~It is well with my soul

From kathrynjz at the RGBPs:

We lead privileged lives.

True, some are more privileged than others but the fact that we are communicating right now via technological devices puts us in the privileged category.

There are many perks in my life for which I give thanks and then there are some that make everything right in the world during the moment I am enjoying them. I'm wondering what a few of those things - five to be specific - are for you.

1. I can pay my bills every month and have something left over.  That sounds pretty basic, but honestly, I've had times when that wasn't true, and those times suck--not to put too fine a point on it. So knowing that I can support myself (and I live not luxuriously, but really pretty well) feels great.

2. I have techy gadgets that make my life easier and more fun. An iPhone. A great camera. And, now thanks to some sweet perks at my job (see below), an iPad.

3. I have a job that is not only just what I want to be doing but also has some sweet perks.  Like a fund for professional expenses. And time and money for continuing ed. And four weeks vacation. And health insurance. 

4. I get to live in a cool Victorian house. Also related to number 3 above.  I've always wanted to live in an old Victorian house.

5. Dark chocolate with ginger.  Available at Whole Foods.  And salted caramel hot cocoa at my neighborhood S*bux.

So.....going to see my mother

On the way back from CREDO, I'm stopping in Disney City to see my mother.

I'm sort of embarrassed to admit how long it has been since I've seen my mother...eight years. There, I said it. The biggest reason is that I live at one end of the east coast, and she lives at the other. Or maybe that's the second biggest reason; the real biggest reason is that we don't get along all that well. (See this post ....and this one...for details).

Ever since my mother moved into assisted living, our interactions have been brief. When I call her, she only wants to stay on the phone for a few minutes--just long enough to say that we're both doing fine, and the kids are all fine and then she says she has to go. On the plus side she sounds reasonably content to be where she is--in assisted living and confined to a wheelchair. I sort of think that they must have her on some good drugs. Dunno. And there are no arguments. But it also feels like I'm talking with a casual acquaintance, not my mother.

Apparently what I didn't realize is that my mother has some dementia going on. When I emailed my sister to tell her that I was coming, she was very surprised because my mother not only didn't remember that, she didn't even remember that she'd talked with me.

So the mother I'll be visiting is not the mother I last saw. I'm not really sure what to expect. I know it will be sad on some level. I just hope it is not contentious.

Not as bad as it could have been...

...but still bad enough.

The mid-term elections, that is.

I am mightily relieved that we don't have the (former) head of WWE wrestling as our senator--what an embarrassment that would have been. She spent something over $40 million on her campaign, about $15 million from her own pockets, and yet dared to say in her ads that she "understood" how regular folks live....really?

I'm also relieved that some of the most rabid Tea Partiers lost as well--like the nutcase running in Delaware.

But elsewhere, things look more grim. I guess I should have known that all our optimism of two years ago would evaporate before it came to anything. I don't blame Obama so much. I haven't agreed with everything he's done, but for the most part, he's done as well as he could with what he's got to work with. And the economic mess we're mired in isn't his doing--he was just left holding the bag. Not sure it's going to get any better any time soon.

30 years ago today....

NSLS was born. That makes me OLD.  Although I was younger than she is now when she was born.

NSLS was double footling breech. I've joked that she wanted to walk out, and that she continued to want to do everything the hard way. She was born by C-section though, because the ob thought it was too risky to even try a natural delivery. And she was my biggest--9 lbs +

Now NSLS is expecting her second baby! When we skyped this afternoon Little J was wearing a "Big Sis" shirt, and proudly informed me that she's a "big sister." So cute!

NSLS was born in a large Navy hospital on a Sunday afternoon. I'll never forget all the doctors walking around that Tuesday (election day) shaking their heads and saying, "I never thought Reagan would get elected." Hmmmmm.

Happy birthday, NSLS!!

NaBloPoMo

Despite the fact that I've haven't posted in almost two months, I just signed up for NaBloPoMo again, for the fourth year. I decided I needed to either sign up, or just admit that my blogging days are over, and I wasn't ready to do that. So here we go. Keeping up this month will be complicated because I'm leaving town Sunday for 11 days--on my way to Florida for a CREDO conference (clergy wellness conference sponsored by the Church Pension Fund) and a quick visit to my mother and sister. Long time readers will know that I'll have LOTS more to say about THAT.

Needless to say, I've been busy the last couple of months. Work has been.....well, work. With lots to do. So I come home often well after dinner time, sit down and watch an episode of TV on HULU or read, and that's about it. I spend some time on FB and reading blogs--although Blogrolling completely
disappeared for a couple of weeks, and because I never used a feed reader I was scrambling to find my links.

There are a few things going on around here, but I'll save them for future posts....I'll need something to talk about for the next thirty days!  :)

Existential angst

This week marks my one year anniversary in my current position. It's been a pretty good year, overall, and I'm still happy to be here. But during my vacation (most of August) and since I've been home, I've been experiencing some existential angst.

Part of it, I know, is just realizing I've been here a year. I've moved often enough to know that at the year milestone I have to readjust myself somehow. I'm not "new" anymore; I have no excuse for not knowing how to get around or who people are. But I'm not "seasoned" either--I really haven't had time to learn everything I need to know about a place. And inevitably at the one year point I realize (again) that all my friends are somewhere else--not only have I moved (again) but I'm slow to make friends in most circumstances, and my job makes it even harder to have real friends as opposed to people I am friendly with.

Another factor is missing other places I love. Every time I go back to Vermont, I get homesick. I really loved living there, and at one point I thought I'd live there forever. I can't be sorry I left, because I wouldn't give up having gone to seminary, or living in NY, or all the friends I've gained, or the work I do now, but oh, I do still miss Vermont. And I miss being closer to my grandchildren and my daughters. I love spending time with Little Miss J and Baby M, and they are just far enough away that I can't go for just a day. It does help that I am closer to my other favorite place, and can hop on a train to the city almost any time I want to, but if I had the opportunity to move back to Vermont, I think I'd jump at the chance.

Then there's my job. I'm not unhappy, and I think things are going well for the most part, but it is lonely sometimes. I'm grateful for colleagues, both in real-life and in cyberspace, and for my clergy coach, because there are aspects of where I am that are very challenging, both in positive and negative ways.

And part of it is just me. I never planned to live my life this way, but I've ended up as a bit of a tumbleweed. I've always had one eye on the present and the other on the next thing to come, and that almost always involved being somewhere else. The one exception was when I moved to Vermont to take my tenure track job. I quickly fell in love with the place; the next thing to come was tenure but it would mean staying, not leaving.  Of course, the huge irony is that at the same time I got tenure I was discerning my call to become a priest, and that did mean leaving, at least for a while. And now it's not clear if I can go back, at least in the forseeable future.

Lest this come across as whiney, I'm not meaning to whine, and I'm not unhappy. More reflective, and perhaps a bit wistful at times?  I know this is part of my process of being in a new and different place, and it's not a bad thing. And honestly, I can't imagine what it would be like to have always lived in the same place. I'd bet that creates its own angst.

Friday Five~~Storms of life edition

The east cost has been riveted on Hurricane Earl this week, and in that light:

1) What's the most common kind of storm in your neck of the woods?

Snowstorms and nor'easters of the rain or snow sort. And truthfully, having had to do both, I'd much rather prepare for a blizzard than a hurricane.

2) When was the last time you dealt with a significant power outage?

The last place I lived (one right in the track of Earl) was prone to power outages; the old oak trees that lined the road I lived on not only made it lovely but were also likely to blow down with every big storm, taking power lines along. At least three times in the four years I lived there we were without power for 24-30 hours. And I guess I'm a little slow (or overly optimistic) because I was never really prepared.

3) Are you prepared for the next one?

Eh. I have a good flashlight/lantern and plenty of candles. I have a corded phone, which I learned was a necessity when I lived through the Great Blackout of 2003 in NYC.  I try to keep my cell phone and laptop charged. But I don't keep extra food or water in the house as a general rule.

4) What's the weather forecast where you are this weekend?

It was supposed to be rainy tonight, but as Earl has gone further west than originally forecast, I'm not sure we're actually going to get much rain at all. It is a little breezy now, and supposed to be windy tomorrow and sunny. Thankfully the stretch of 90+ degree days seems to be at an end, too!

5) How do you calm your personal storms?

Stew for a while, think about the situation from all angles, talk to a friend, and then try to let go of it.