Discerning my call to a puppy*

I've said quite flippantly lately that when the Kid leaves for college I might just have to get a dog. But there is an underlying seriousness in that comment; I've never lived alone, and I think I will miss some sort of companionship at home. I like dogs and I've thought on and off for a couple of years that I should get one--probably I should have done it the first year I was here when I had time to train it and the Kid might have been interested in having a pet again. But I didn't.

Somewhat out of the blue last week, the opportunity to acquire a puppy just fell into my lap. And not just any puppy, a golden doodle puppy--this one to be specific:


Isn't she cute?

As it happens, if I were looking for a dog, a golden doodle is exactly what I'd want--low to no shedding, good temperament, good with kids, smart, gentle. Just what I'd want.

BUT

The timing couldn't be worse. I have to pack and move house and start a new job and get a kid off to college. How would I have time to deal with a puppy? Yikes.

But she's so cute.

And then there's my vacation plans. I can't adopt a puppy and go off and leave her. And I don't see how I can take her with us either, for several reasons. So unless her current owner would wait until I get home, that's a problem.

But the biggest issue is this: Am I REALLY ready for this kind of commitment? For the first time in my adult life I won't have to be responsible for another person. So do I want to tie myself down with a puppy?

But she's so cute...

And I'm torn. On Friday and Saturday I was sure I would take her. But yesterday and today I'm leaning more in the direction of saying no, and at the same time thinking I'll regret it later if I do.

Argh.

Opinions, of course, are welcome.


*for you non-clergy types, a tongue-in-cheek reference to the discernment process clergy must engage in prior to ordination, e.g., "I'm discerning my call to the priesthood"

Back to our regularly scheduled prgramming

It's crazy how I blogged for more than 400 days without missing and then just STOPPED. I didn't mean to stop, but honestly, I got tired of hearing myself complain. Or thinking about complaining. And I've come to realize that there is a fine line between venting (important for mental health) and complaining incessantly (bad for mental health--for mine at least). And there were a few weeks there when I felt just too worn down to think of anything to say. But I didn't intend to quit writing. Over the last few weeks, I've composed many posts in my head--they just haven't made it out of my head...but I'm here to say that I intend to start writing again.

I can't quite believe we're moving into the end of July. Summer was slow--very slow--coming to this part of the world this year, and it's only in the last couple of weeks that it's felt like summer. And suddenly I have one week left at work, and a month before moving and just a bit longer than that before the Kid goes off to college. Yikes.

I'm so happy to be out of the limbo I was in for a while of not knowing where I was going to end up, or if I was going to have a job, but I still feel like I have an awful lot of balls in the air. When i stop and think about getting everything ready to move--and all the packing--I feel a bit overwhelmed. One day at a time, though, it will get done. I hope.

I've been saying good bye at church for a few weeks now..but that's a subject for another post. Next Sunday will be my last day, and how I feel about that is probably subject for another post as well. As is the puppy I'm thinking about getting. Hey, at least I have things to write about!

Random bits of catching up...

~I haven't blogged in 4evah! Or so it seems. It's not that I haven't had things to say; I just haven't had the energy to say them. BUT

~(As many of you know from FB) the good news is that I have a new position starting September 1 and I am VERY excited. I have accepted a call to become the rector of a parish in a nearby New England state--must come up with a pseudonym for this parish soon. My last Sunday here is July 26 and I am taking my vacation in August. Much of which will be spent packing, packing, packing.

~And did I mention that this new parish has a sweet rectory? Big old Victorian, wood floor, fireplace. Awesome.

~The Kid is all graduated and hanging out for the summer. The only downside is that the weather is so crappy he's not getting to work much. He works at a seasonal restaurant and if business isn't good, they don't need as much help. And the weather is teh sucky.

~Seriously, the weather is teh sucky in the extreme. It rains almost everyday. And it is cold. I read other peoples' FB statuses about being hot and needing a/c, and I can hardly believe it. I've had the heat on here twice in the last week. Yesterday's high was 59 and today wasn't much warmer. What happened to summer?

~So what's new with you?

Friday Five~Grocery shoppong

This week's Friday Five is all about food shopping.

1. Grocery shopping--love it or hate it?

Hate it. But honestly, it's not the shopping per se; it's the whole meal planning thing. I've just lost the knack, I think. Cooking real meals has been very hit or miss around here for a while.

2. Who is the primary food shopper in your household?

Me. There is no one else to do it.

3. Do you have a beloved store like Trader Joe's which is unique to your location or family?

We have a TJ's and two conventional chain groceries. And that's about it. I have to say that I'm not nearly as excited about TJ's as other people seem to be. Maybe it's because our TJ's is very small and probably doesn't have quite the selection that larger ones do. Or maybe it's just me and my general disdain for grocery shopping. I really wish we had Whole Foods. That's my favorite.

4. How about a farmer's market, or CSA share, as we move into summer? Or do you grow your own fruits/veggies/herbs?

My area is short on farmer's markets and the like. Just this year a new CSA has started up, but I didn't join b/c I wasn't sure if I'd be here all summer. I hope wherever I move will have more of both. One of the great features of the last two places I lived was the wonderful famers' markets and availability of good fresh produce, locally grown--yes, even NYC has wonderful greenmarkets.

5. What's the favorite thing you buy at the grocery store?

Diet Lime Coke; blueberries and kefir for my cereal; oj. I'm boring, what can I say?

Friday Frive~Moving and changing

Since I've never, ever lived on place longer than 8 years, and since I will be packing and moving (somewhere) before 2009 is over, this one is right up my alley!

1. A big move is looming, name one thing that you could not possibly part with, it must be packed ?

Furniture and such can always be replaced, but I have a few things that I am attached to--most of the things hanging on my walls have meaning to me, a trunk that reminds me of my grandmother, things that belonged to my dad and to my mother-in-law, family pix and the like must be packed with care.

2. Name one thing that you would gladly leave behind...

I've kept things pared down over the years, so I don't have too much. I did at one move leave all my old living room furniture behind, and was quite happy to do so, even though I didn't replace it for a whole year.

When I leave here, however, what I most want to leave behind is all the negativity that's clouded my life over the last year or so at work. I want to shake the dust off my feet and move on.

3. How do you prepare for a move

a. practically?

Packing, packing, packing. I've done this enough that I am good at it, and I like my stuff to organized when I unpack it, so I take some care about how things are boxed up. And I have LOTS of books to pack. At my next move, though, I hope to negotiate so that the movers will pack my china.

b. spiritually/ emotionally?

Saying goodbye is hard, but important, so I try to do that. And mentally prepare myself for a new place, thinking about what I have to look forward to.

4. What is the first thing you look for in a new place?

Grocery store, coffee shop, bookstore, hardware store.

5. Do you settle in easily, or does it take time for you to find your feet in a new location?

I have to unpack quickly and get the house in order--I can't stand living with unpacked boxes, and I'm a fast unpacker usually. How long it takes me to acclimate over all to a new place has varied. A couple of places I've felt at home right away, and a couple of places it's taken a year or more to feel like "home."

Friday 5 on Saturday: The big to-do

1) What home fix-it project is on your Big To-Do?

~Actually none. I live in church housing, and since I will be moving out sometime this year, the church has postponed any more projects on the rectory for now. (Last summer, if you recall, we had the great-new-floors-leads-to-new-plumbing job.)

2) What event (fun or work) is on your Big To-Do?

~Find a new position; pack and move. That pretty much says it all for now.

3) What trip is on your Big To-Do?

~My vacation plans are on hold (see #2 above) but it would be great if we could make it to Maine (although there are lots of what-if factors in that this year) like we've done the past few summers. I'd also love to spend some time in Vermont.

4) What do you wish was on someone ELSE's (partner, family member, celebrity, etc...) Big To-Do?

~Offer me a position?
~And the Kid must sort through all of his stuff as we prepare to both move and send him off to college.

5) Getting inspired? What may end this summer having moved from the Big To-Do to the Big Ta-da?

~Who knows? Everything seems to be up in the air at this point!

The times, they are a'changing

Way back in January I wrote that this would be a year of changes, and those changes are in full swing. The Kid took the big yellow school bus for the last time today, took his last exam, and finished his high school career. Tomorrow night is the Senior Prom, and a week from Saturday he officially graduates. I am feeling a bit dazed by it all, even though I've been thinking about it for months. It seems like just yesterday that we were going to kindergarten orientation, and he was talking about riding the bus for the first time.

This also marks the first time in something like 28 years that I won't have a child in public school. Does that make me officially old? It just feels weird. Of course, having my kids spread out over a 16 year period meant that I was parent to a school age kid for longer than most. But I have to say, it's hard to imagine not having a kid to get off to school in the morning, not buying school supplies in the fall, not doing all those school related things.

But that's not all the change, oh, no. In addition to the ones I expected, there's more: I'm going to be a grandmother again. NO, NSLS isn't pregnant again; it's WW. I've actually known this for several months, but between not posting much lately, and waiting to see if she'd blog about it, I haven't said anything about it. But now I will tell the story. It seems that last year when WW spent some time in Nepal before returning to the states she met someone. I don't know all the story but apparently their attachment grew and that is one of the reasons she went back to Nepal for the winter, where she fell in love and they decided to get married. Her quick trip home earlier this year was to do all the visa paperwork so that he could come to the states with her, which is no simple matter. And they are having a baby in September! If you know me on FB you probably know that WW returned to the states a couple of weeks ago, and hopefully her beloved (who needs a pseudonym) will join her by the end of the summer. Very exciting.

Meanwhile, I'm still in limbo, with only 2 months left in my current position. The job search is agonizingly slow, but I am hopeful that something will work out sooner rather than later.

True confessions

~Y'all know (at least if you 've read here for a while) that I haven't had a TV since...oh, 1996 or so. There are whole TV series that came and went and played a huge role in pop culture that I never saw, and really never minded not seeing.

~Two years ago now, the Kid borrowed the first season of Grey's Anatomy on dvd from a friend I was hooked. I bought the 2nd season when I found it on sale one day, and the 3rd season I got on iTunes. Then last year I discovered abc.com and it became my Friday routine to watch Grey's while I ate lunch--my day off treat.

~Every once in a while I would start watching something else, but nothing really caught my fancy unitl last fall and I watched an episode of Dancing with the Stars and loved it. It is a pure feel-good show for me--makes me smile. So it was added to my routine.

~One of the reasons I was glad not to have a TV is because it is soooooo addictive. I was pretty picky when I had a TV but I still watched too much. And over the last couple of months, as my stress levels have gone up, so has my TV watching--Grey's, DWTS, Castle, Private Practice, Brothers and Sisters. The last two are really cheesey and I can't believe I've been watching them, but there you go. Keeps my mind off other things.

~I've always been a sucker for a sappy love story--I remember in high school reading Love Story ("Love means never having to say you're sorry....") and crying so hard my mother came upstairs to see what was wrong. Grey's Anatomy has had that effect on my this season...I cry just about every episode, and never more than this week, which I watched twice tonight. What a dweeb I am!

~I'm still glad I don't have a TV....I guess I'd be a total junkie if I did.

I'm still here...

My blogging hiatus has been mostly unintentional. We went to Vermont for a few days, and I stayed pretty busy taking care of Baby J, and didn't spend as much time as I normally do on the computer.

Then there's been some computer weirdness: first my new bluetooth mouse quit working. I'm not sure whether it's the mouse or the bluetooth receiver thingy in my computer; none of the trouble shooting tips I've found seem to help, so I'm going to have to call apple, I guess. I can manage without a mouse, but I prefer using one. I gave my old usb mouse to the Kid who had wrecked his apple mouse by always tapping it in time to his music.

I upgraded my software (Leopard, iLife 09 and iWorks 09) when my new hard drive was installed, and then I had to buy a new version of Photoshop because when I went to reload my old one, it said some files were corrupt. Now nothing works quite the same and I have to figure all that out. Trying to post a picture here doesn't work right; again not sure if it's my computer or something else--bloggger wouldn't let me upload any pix the one time I tried to post while I was away, and now it's trying to upload my whole iPhoto library instead of lettting me select the picture I want. Craziness that I have little patience for.

I had lots of fun with Baby J who is a very active one-year-old; if I can ever figure out what's going on with my computer I have more pictures to post.

Now it's back to the real world, I guess. Laundry beckons along with other work duties, domestic and ecclesiastical. (For some reason I just felt like throwing in a big word.) More interesting stuff later, I hope.

I know I'm biased

but is this not a beautiful baby? (in the church library the night of the baptism)

Meta bloginess

I went some 400 days without missing a blog post, but I have fallen off the bandwagon the last couple of weeks. In some ways that's really okay. I know that I haven't had much to say, and really, is a boring post better than no post? Eh.

On the other hand, daily blogging had become a discipline, and in some ways, it was good for me to committ to writing something every day, no matter how banal. So I'm rethinking the whole blog thing and how I write. Once upon a time I started a blog using my real name to post sermons and reflections on, but I didn't maintain it very long. And then there was my photo blog on which I faithfully put a daily picture for half of 2008. Sadly, I haven't taken any pix lately, and even more sadly I lost most of what I took last year when my computer crashed (yeah, I'm still trying not to think about that.) Maybe I need to roll that all together again, whether as RDM or as the "real" me. We'll see.

In the mean time, I've been "recovering" from Holy Week and Easter. Work doesn't really take a break (although if I'm ever in charge, I will ban all meetings the week after Easter--really, everyone needs a break), but I've been vegging out evenings, reloading software on the laptop and watching Dancing with the Stars and Grey's Anatomy (even if it is reruns). I have the next week off (yippee!) and the Kid and I are heading out Sunday for a few days in Vermont. I am ready to just relax for a bit.

Apple store, how I love you

I made a trip to the Apple Store about an hour away today, and they were able to install a new hard drive right away, so I am back on line. They also replaced a piece of the casing that was cracked. Thanks to Apple Care, I could've walked away without spending any money, but given my propensity for crashing hard drives, I decided to upgrade to Leopard so that I could use Time Machine (which will do automatic backups as long as I plug in the external drive which I also bought). Since I had to spend the Christmas money I've been holding onto for something special, I bought myself a bluetooth mouse, too. I am truly a computer addict--it's a good thing I was so busy this weekend, or I would've had worse withdrawal.

I am however, trying not to think about all the data I lost, because it might make me cry. Some things were backed up, but not everything. Most of my job search materials still exist in my gmail sent folder. All my sermons are also on my work computer so I have them. And many pictures were shared around various places so they still exist. But many more were lost. Ack. Maybe I really will learn my lesson this time.

I also got to go to Whole Foods since it is in the same shopping center as the Apple Store. That was a bit of a treat--I had lunch there and then did some grocery shopping. I had the best tofu I've ever eaten--barbequed. I need to learn how to make that.

I'm not nearly as tired as I was, but I wish I had another day off....or a week. I'm actually off next week because that is the Kid's spring break, but I could really enjoy being off this week, too.

Happy Easter

So my hard drive died yesterday morning....before I printed the sermon that needed to be preached at noon--the one I'd been up til 1 am writing. Can we say rewrite in 1 hour? First one was better, but it preached.

Easter Vigil tonight was AWESOME. Lots of work, but worth every bit of it. Really. Baby J was amazing; she wore the dress I wore when I was baptized.

I am EXHAUSTED and going to bed. More when I get my computer fixed. I'm sneaking minutes on the Kid's now.

Middle of Holy Week slump

Holy Week isn't a sprint, it's a marathon, and I've been trying to pace myself accordingly. I've done 5 services so far this week (one Monday, 2 Tuesday, and 2 today) and it's been good, but this afternoon I definitely lost some steam. Unfortunately a nap was out of the question.

I still have two sermons to write, and I've been trying to do some laundry in the evenings so that I don't have a pile of it for the weekend when I usually do it. But I'm behind. Tomorrow NSLS and Baby J arrive for the weekend--yay! I just wish I didn't have so much work to do. And on Saturday, many more people will be arriving for the Easter Vigil and Baby J's baptism.

It's definitely not a sprint, it's a marathon.

Proud of Vermont

I'll always be a flatlander, and I don't live there anymore, but I am so proud of Vermont today, and so happy to be even remotely by adoption a Vermonter.

April 6

Nineteen years ago today I met the Kid's father. It seemed like a star-struck night, the beginning of something wonderful, and it was, for a while. A short while, as it turned out, but the Kid came of that relationship, and I can't imagine my life over the last 17 years without him, so I can't be sorry it happened.

Seven years ago today my dad died. He died after a valiant struggle with lung cancer. I wrote about my dad here a couple of years ago. We all still miss him.

For some reason I thought about the juxtaposition of those two events today. They're not related; it's by mere happenstance that they share the same date. Yet they both mark my life in indelible ways. It's funny, too--when I met the Kid's father, his best characteristics, and some of his manners of speech (calling people "sugar," for example) reminded me of my dad. I took that as a good sign, but as it turned out, the only things he really had in common with my dad were things that were not their finer qualities (including a fondness for bourbon and cigarettes.)

Memory is such a funny thing. It's painful at times, yet would I want to be without it?

Today I'll be thinking of Daddy, and wondering about things that might have been.

A pretty good day

~The sun was out! It got up to 60! It felt like spring might really be coming after all (of course I know better than to think this will last).

~Palm Sunday liturgy went well. The youth were the readers for the passion narrative and they did a great job. We started out palm procession across the street and even had a bit of incense.

~The adrenaline was still pumping when I got home, but as soon as I sat down to eat my lunch, it was like someone punctured a ballooon--whoosh--the energy was completely gone.

~Busy, busy week--at least one service everyday this week. Three sermons to write. Company coming next weekend. But a week off in just 12 days!

~If I get off the computer RIGHT NOW I can be in bed before midnight....g'night!

Friday Five~Holy cow, it's Holy Week

Beginning with Palm Sunday and ending with Easter Sunday, I will have 12 services to participate in (but only 3 sermons which is actually fewer than some years). While I love Holy Week, there is no question that it is exhausting. This week's FF asks faced with such a busy week:

1. What restores you physically?

Naps will be important this week. In seminary I mastered the five minute power nap, but I don't take advantage of them often enough. And I need to make extra effort to get to bed on time (something that sounds so simple, but as regular readers here will know, something I'm not good at.)

2. What strengthens you emotionally/ mentally?

Preparing for liturgies is hard work, but participating in them is often restorative. Being part of a loving congregation helps, too. And having a mentor and friends who understand what the week is like (and the extra stresses I have right now) is immensely helpful.

3. What encourages you spiritually?

Same as # 2. And trying to remember what this week is really all about--not all the details that make us crazy, but celebrating new life and all that means for us.

4. Share a favourite poem or piece of music from the coming week.

This prayer is not for Holy Week, but it is one I've been praying a great deal lately (and I think I posted it earlier.)

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
~Thomas Merton

5.There may be many services for you to attend/ lead over the next week; which one are you most looking forward to and why? If there aren't do you have a favourite day in Holy week if so which one is it?

The Great Vigil of Easter is always my favorite part of Holy Week, and this year it will be even more special because I am baptizing my granddaughter, the wonderful Baby J.

To be or not to be

Not gone

Just thinking....