Wedding Pictures

from The.Best.Wedding.Ever.

The setting: Outdoor Chapel overlooking the lake

















The view from behind the altar area
















The Vows
















The Homily



















The Bride and Groom
















Married...

















photos taken by The Kid

Home Again, Home Again

We drove home on Thursday, having extended our time in VT as long as we could. The Kid had been sleeping on the couch, and allowed as how he'd be glad to be back in his own bed, and he was anxious to connect with friends. As for me, I had a workshop on Friday night and Saturday to begin to prepare for a new youth program we are putting in place this fall (J2A for those who know about such things).

I knew I would feel torn about leaving--it was really wonderful spending time in City by the Lake, pleasant and relaxing, and I remembered once again why I had loved living in that area--but I didn't expect the feeling of depression that seemed to settle over both of us as we drove in the driveway. So I focused on getting busy--filling the bird feeders, unpacking, starting to think about work again, and the Kid went to the library across the street to stock up on movies, and signed on to IM to let everyone know he was back.

I've been thinking a lot about why I feel discontented here; there are lots of reasons, but the truth is, I have to find a way to make this place feel like home, since I think we'll be here for a while--a year or two more at least. I've always been able to adapt to where ever I was living, but it is proving to be more difficult this time. And we've been here a year this week.

I've also felt like I've been caught in this weird time warp. The Kid didn't get out of school until just a few days before we left for vacation, and it hadn't been very warm, so I felt like I was still waiting for summer. Now, not quite three weeks later, I'm looking at the calendar and thinking how soon summer will actually be over, since we are almost half way through July. It's warmer and the humidity of summer has arrive, and the backyard, the area between the stone wall and the pond, has taken on a jungle-like appearance.

Part of this time warp feeling comes, I think, from not being on an academic schedule anymore. Back when I was a student or teaching, summer psychologically began in May and stretched out almost endlessly ahead of me. Suddenly it feels shrunken. We do have more summer plans to look forward to; the challenge for me is to not just let all of summer slide by before I know it.

July 4th Photoblogging

Here in City by the Lake, the fireworks are always on July 3. They are set off from a barge out in the lake.

On the way to the waterfront














The boathouse at dusk














The moon over the lake














And the fireworks!

How Cool Is This?

Skype--it's very cool. Downloaded the free software, bought a headset that is "Skype certified" (although I'm not sure that certification is really necessary) and had my first overseas conversation via computer with LD#1.

I will admit that I am not much of a phone caller; call me and I'll talk but I just don't pick up the phone to call anyone that often. And the idea that one can call overseas without it being a Big Deal was still new to me when LD went to Korea last year. So our phone calls were few and mostly made by her, even though I missed talking with her. Skype makes it so easy (and free) that hopefully we'll be talking more often.

Her Bags are Packed and She's Ready to Go

Tomorrow morning I will rise at 5 to drive LD#1 to the airport for her flight back to South Korea. She's been back in the US for just three months (well, two actually because she spent most of May in South America) and she's ready to go--partly because she needs to get back to work, but more, I am realizing, because that is where she feels most at home right now. She really has her feet in two worlds--but for now, I think her heart is in Korea.

My older daughter is a beautiful, intelligent , articulate, compassionate, strong-willed woman. I am incredibly proud of her--of her commitment to the things she believes in, of the her commitment to family in a family that isn't always easy to part of, of her courage. I am happy that she is able to follow her heart. But I really miss her when she is so far away.

Looking at my children gathered here for the wedding, I feel a little nostalgic for their childhoods. I know there were times when I could have been a better mother. I wish I could go back and fix some of the things that happened; I wish I could have protected them from some of the hurts they experienced. I wish, too, that I had held tighter to some of the special moments. But I can't relive the past; there are no "do-overs" in the real world. What I can do, however, is treasure my children as adults. If I have one hope for the future it is that I will have a better adult relationship with my children than I do with my own mother.

SoI will hug my beautful daughter good-bye in the morning, and I will tell her how much I love her and send her on her way. And then I will start counting the days til she will be home again.

Godspeed and good travel LD. I love you.

A Wedding Homily

Part of my role as officiant at the wedding was to preach a short homily. I like preaching, but I am never sure how well a sermon or homily is going to "work" until it is delivered. I am always aware that what I mean to be saying may be heard very differently. Doing this wedding homily made me more anxious than usual about all this--I would be preaching both to old friends and family who know me well but had never heard me preach, and to new acquaintences and new family. Scary, and humbling as well.

Here is what I preached. It was, I think, well received.

The Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage
June 24 2006

We come here together today in this beautiful and holy spot to celebrate and bless the marriage of M and J, an occasion we’ve been eagerly anticipating for some time now—anticipating because those of us who have come to know M and J as their parents, their grandparents, their godparents, their siblings and cousins and friends see in them so much promise—promise of love and caring and hope and passion, promise of a life together that can be rich and full and nourishing. Seeing that promise we want to nurture and support them as they forge their lives together.

Weddings are wonderful occasions for celebration —celebration that brings together family from near and far and that is certainly true at this wedding where family is present in full force. Families are complicated structures—tangled webs of relationships, weaving together individuals with distinct and characters and quirks into something new, something that both preserves and enhances the best parts of each individual. These webs of family at their best provide a network of love and support, of friendship and companionship for those who are part of that web. But the frailties of human nature mean that those same tangled webs can be the source of tremendous stress—from the aggravations of everyday life, from the mixing of people with different personalities and different backgrounds, from dealing with the unexpected bumps and bruises that life can bring. Being family is not always an easy thing.

The marriage of M and J signals the beginning of a new family—the weaving of a web of new relationships that brings together the family webs they are already part of, but that also is new and fresh, vital and growing, one that will no doubt change and develop its own character over time. At its best this new family web is one that will nourish the lives of M and J, bringing them joy and a sense of completeness. But realistically, we know that this same new family may at times bring them pain and sadness. As Madeleine L’Engle just reminded us, to marry, to become family is to take the biggest risk in human relations one can take. One cannot take the risk of great love without also taking the risk of great pain.

The words we speak today as M and J marry remind us that we are members not only of those complicated family webs created through birth and marriage, but also of the family of God. God our creator calls us to live fully, to embrace life with all its joys and sorrows, and God our parent nurtures and protects us, supporting us as we attempt to do so. God’s love for us is unconditional, yet God also calls us to live in a particular way, a way that reflects the boundless love God bestows on us. And how might we do that? One of the best pieces of advice I’ve seen comes from one of the readings suggested for weddings in the prayer book. This reading comes from the Letter to the Colossians and it says in part “…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience…bear with one another…and forgive each other. Above all, clothe yourselves with love which binds everything together in perfect harmony”.

M and J, I give you these words as you come together today before God and this gathering of friends and family to pledge your love for one another, and your promise to live out that love in your lives together. Each of you comes as a fully formed individual, unique and special in your own way. You are choosing to go forward together in marriage, to weave a new web of family as you become partners on life’s journey—a journey that will no doubt be filled with joy and with sadness, with good times and bad, with rough waters and smooth sailing. My prayer for you as you proceed on this journey is that you may be open to an awareness of God’s presence and God’s love in your lives, not only in the times of joy but also in the times of sadness, and that that love and the love you have for each other may sustain you as you become individually and together more fully who God is calling you to be. May your life together as a new family in the family of God may be richly blessed.

The.Best.Wedding.Ever

LD#2 and SiL were married yesterday afternoon at an outdoor chapel overlooking the lake. I know I am biased, but I have to say that it was truly The.Best.Wedding.Ever. LD#2 and SiL planned and organized everything, and they did an incredible job, making a wedding weekend that was welcoming and hospitable for family members and friends who traveled great distances to be here. They cooked dinner for family on Wednesday night Friday after the rehearsal there was a pizza dinner for the wedding party followed by a dessert cruise on the lake for the wedding party and all the out of town guests--such fun and it was incredibly beautiful on the lake. And the wedding itself was breathtakingly beautiful. We could not have asked for better weather. The bride was beautiful and happy, and the groom glowed. Tears and laughter were part of the ceremony--tears in the eyes of many of us as the bride walked down the aisle and laughter as she mispoke part of her vows--she led the laughter, and it was a great moment.

And the reception was one rocking party. I am not much of a party person, and I'm really bad in large groups, but I had a wonderful time, dancing more than I've danced in years (and apparently without embarrassing my children too much!) It was my great pleasure to spend time with my dearest and oldest (not in terms of age but in terms of time) friends during the weekend festivities. One of these friends was my labor coach when LD#2 was born, and is her godmother, and she gave a very moving toast. SiL's family are warm and friendly people and I like them a lot. On top of all this, I am with all four of my children at the same time for the first time in several years, also a wonderful thing.

I filled up both my memory cards with pictures, but I don't have the right software on my laptop. So pictures will come later.

Coming Home

It's no secret to readers of this blog that there are two places in this world that lay claim on my heart, and I am writing from one of them. We arrived Wednesday afternoon, and I as drove across the Green Mountains I had this strong sense that I was coming home. My family of origin finds it perplexing that a southern born and raised girl like me would be most at home in this state far, far to the north, but in fact I do feel very much at home here, and have since I first set foot here for a job interview twelve years ago.

The weather has been absolutely perfect since we arrived--warm but not too hot, sunny with just enough breeze. LD#2 , whose apartment I am staying in, lives in the city where it is possible to walk many places, and I've really enjoyed that. Rehearsal night festivities included a cruise on the lake, and it was incredibly beautiful.

I am so full of nostalgia and longing. I knew that when I chose to go off to seminary, to follow my call to ordination, that it would mean leaving this place. Being in the city that I came to love so much made it much easier to be away from here. But now I am living in a place that doesn't feel like home to me, that I don't always like even though it is a beautiful place sought by many. I've long prided myself on being adaptable, on being able to live happily where ever I found myself, and I want to do that now. But my heart is pulled to another place.

My Bags Are Packed and I'm Ready to Go

Well, almost. House isn't clean, but it isn't going to be. The Kid has some last minute things to do in the morning, and I have to fill the bird feeders. But I think I've packed everything except toiletries which I'll do in the morning after I shower. And then, we're outta here!

Tomorrow we'll drive to Vermont, picking up elder son at airport midway between here and there. And then the celebrating begins, culminating in a wedding! Lovely Daughter #2 and her fiance will be married on Saturday afternoon, yours truly officiating. And while they are off to honeymoon, the Kid and I are staying in Vermont for 10 days to hang out and relax. My introverted self will need it after 5 days of being with lots of people, many of whom I don't know. I am so looking forward to some time off. We'll spend a few days with LD#1 who will be heading back to S. Korea a week from Thursday after almost 3 months in the states (well, 2 months here and one in South America). And we'll just enjoy summer in VT. The Kid will also be enjoying the World Cup on s-i-l's 50" HDTV--something we certainly don't have here!

I hope to post some pictures after the wedding, but I'm not 100% sure of internet access. My laptop doesn't have a wireless card--yeah I know, but it's 3 1/2 years old, and I'm not putting any money into it, because I'd really like a new one in the next few months.

Always one to procrastinate, I've spent way too much time on the computer today, following GC, responding to email, and blogging. That's probably why the house isn't clean :( I hate getting ready to travel--it makes me very anxious. Maybe that's why I don't travel that much. Once I'm there, it's great...but getting ready, not so much.

Now it's off to bed. I'll be kicking myself for staying up so late when the clock goes off in the morning.

It's All About the Patriarchy

or why I am feeling both angry and sad about the thing I've been celebrating.

I am wonderfully excited about the election of a woman as the Presiding Bishop; she is eminently qualified to do the job, and her initial statements have been exemplary in their emphasis on reconciliation and healing in the church, something we badly need these days.

But from all sides--and primarily from men on all sides--I hear so much negativity, so much criticism, so much b***s*** about how the church isn't ready for a woman leader, we need to think more about the consequences of this action, this is a slap in the face for Anglicans who don't accept women's ordination as priests to say nothing of women as bishops.

I expected to hear this from the conservatives, who have been spoiling for a fight ever since convention began (actually ever since GC last met in 2003). But it's similar responses from moderates and liberals that I find most disheartening. At first I was just sad, but right this minute I am burning with anger. The response that put me over the top was a criticism by a male priest of the "triumphalism" of the responses of women to this election. He went on to say that it was clear that women wanted a woman as presiding bishop and didn't give a sh*t about the consequences (his words).

This is absurd beyond measure. A committee comprised of men and women made the nominations. But the election itself occurred in the House of Bishops--a body that is 99% male. 188 votes were cast; of those 188, a total of 12 were women. That's right--12 out of 188 bishops present were women. So clearly, it wasn't just women wanting a female presiding bishop.

I won't apologize for celebrating. I don't celebrate because I wanted a woman presiding bishop at any cost. No, I'm celebrating because the House of Bishops was able to discern that +Jefferts Schori was one called to be PB at this time, and they didn't let gender get in the way. I am celebrating because this is a validation of women's ministry through out the church. I am celebrating because I remember when I couldn't even be an acolyte because I am a girl, and now a woman is presiding bishop. I am celebrating because this is a glorious thing.

As for the consequences, yes there will be some. But I'm increasingly convinced that the Episcopal Church cannot stop in its tracks to accommodate the beliefs of the Archbishop of Nigeria, and other who might disagree with us. Unity in the church worldwide is important. But membership in the world wide Anglican Communion is not worth sacrificing what we as a church believe we are called to do and be. That applies to women in holy orders, and that applies to full inclusion of LGBT people in the church and the blessing of their relationships.

I've always been concerned with women's issues, but I've never considered myself a radical feminist, nor an activist feminist. But this may push me over the edge. It becomes clearer and clearer to me that despite the strides we've made in terms of rights and justice for women, we are still firmly ensconced in the patriarchy. Perhaps I'm incredibly naive not to have realized it before. And sadly, my life in the church--where women have come a long way in my lifetime--has helped me reach this point. So much of the controversy in the Episcopal Church, and likely in the larger church as well, is tied up with men--mostly white straight upper-middle class men--who feel their power being threatened. They couch it in terms of biblical and theological arguments, but it still boils down to the same thing.

Twelve years ago when I was hired for my teaching job, I was the first woman to be hired on the tenure track in my department--the department with either the second largest or largest number of majors every year. The women faculty formed a women's caucus and worked hard for equity--representation on committees, fair hiring, equal treatment in the tenure process. The response of men, especially in the administration, was 'why do you need to do this?' That they had to ask that is indicative of why we had to do it. Over the 8 years I was there, the balance shifted and women approached 40% of the faculty (shocking, I know). The balance in the student body shifted as well, and women comprised 51-52% of the student body--and they comprised the majority of the honor graduates. All of this at a college that was not coed until 1975. The last two years I was there, a great hue and cry arose about the threatened status of men on campus. We needed to recruit more men. We shouldn't try to hire women faculty. We needed special tutors for male students becasue clearly the academic enviroment was not friendly for them. I just want to shriek. And I see that reflected in the church in large and small ways. There are more women priests than ever before, and women have become bishops. Women are good at ministry. The patriarchy is threatened again. And worldwide it is even worse.

Some of you are probably thinking, "didn't she know this before?" Well, on some level I did. I got angry when I was teaching, too. But the criticism of our "triumphalism" today was like a slap in the face. I won't kow-tow to the partiarchy. I won't become like them to succeed. (and I am tempted to write...I am woman, hear me roar, but that would be cheesy wouldn't it?) :)

This has turned into a rant, and I don't have time to really edit it, but ya know what? I am going to post it anyway....and then back to packing for VACATION and the WEDDING (more on those later!)

Celebration Going On!

History was made today in Columbus OH. Meeting in convention, the House of Bishops of the Episcopal Church elected the Rt. Rev. Katharine Jefferts Schori as the 26th Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church. I never expected this to happen at this point, and I am so excited. I've been getting a flurry of emails--women--clergy and laity alike--all over the church are celebrating.

I know gender should not matter; in fact, I believe the best candidate for the position regardeless of gender was elected, but this is nonetheless very exciting. To put this in context, the Episcopal Church has only been ordaining women as priests since 1976, and the first woman bishop was elected in 1989. There are still some in the Episcopal Church who do not accept women priests, sadly.

According to the Episcopal Church website, the Presiding Bishop "is elected every nine years to serve as the Chief Pastor and Primate of the Church. In this role the Presiding Bishop is charged with responsibility for leadership in initiating and developing the policy and strategy in the Church and speaking for the church as to the policies, strategies and programs authorized by the General Convention." The Presiding Bishop also respresents the Episcopal Church in the wider Anglican Communion. Her election is bound to be controversial in that respect as the Anglican Church in many areas will not ordain women at all.

Oh, happy day!

Just Because I've Been Complaining So Much

about the weather, let me say that the sun is out today and it's (almost) 70F. Hurrah!

But boy, do we ever have water problems at church. Yesterday we had one drain cleaned out because we believed that it was backing up and causing part of the library flooding, and things were looking good. Today when I arrived at church, water was spewing out of the toilets, yes backing up into the bathrooms in the undercroft. Apparently the water table is really high (should we be surprised?) and forcing water back into the church. Ready Rooter was there when I came home, but I don't know what the final verdict on a solution is.

Moral of this story: don't build on a wetland. Wish they'd known that in 1888.

The Sound of Thunder

coming from the Weather Channel icon on my desktop is not a good omen, and it just rumbled again. Each rumble indicates an update in the "severe weather" watch in effect; this week of course that is for rain and flooding. So the good news (NOT!) is that heavy rain is expected late this afternoon and evening with the potential for more flooding. And the weather system producing that rain apparenlty will be centered right over my neck of the woods.

And the 10-day forecast? The sun is expected to come out on three of those 10 days, and the temperature will get above 70 four times. Hello....it's June!

Lest you think I am a weather wuss, I lived in northern Vermont for 8 years, and June was never this cold. I can handle blizzards--bring em' on! I can deal with late spring. Chilly falls are fine. I love it when it is cool at night. But this is JUNE! School will be out in a week. People are coming to the beach. Temps in the 70s with some sun is all I ask. Sheesh.

And LD#2 will be married in two weeks--outdoors. Could we please have some nice weather in New England by then?

Yes, I'm feeling a bit curmudgeonly today. It's been one of those weeks.

The Calm after the Storm

As the pixies over at Phantom's know, yesterday's rain and wind caused a little excitement here at Chez Rev. Dr. Mom. I'm happy to report that the tree




that caused most of the excitement has been removed, leaving behind some fire wood for next winter, and a couple of small dents in the gutter. It could have been much worse.

I didn't get a picture of the flood in the parking lot yesterday, and luckily, by this morning it had subsided, so no flooded church nursery or office. Yet more rain is forecast for tomorrow and Saturday but hopefully not as much as we got yesterday.

I should add that the church is built on a wetland. It was built in 1888, before such things were regulated, but it means that drainage is always and forever a problem on parts of the property. The rectory, where I live, is on a hill above the church, so I don't have to worry about flooding. I know that what we've dealt with is so minor to what other parts of the state had a few weeks back, I really shouldn't complain.

But it really would be nice to have some warm, sunny weather for a while.

Book Lust

Madeleine L'Engle has long been one of my favorite writers, and about 10 years ago, I began to collect her books. It began innocently enough...wandering through a used book store one summer afternoon, I found a signed copy of A Severed Wasp for the very reasonable sum of $10. I'd read it previously and enjoyed it, and how cool to have a signed copy, even if it wasn't signed for me!

Of course, this wasn't my first L'Engle purchase. I already owned some of her children's books bought to read to/with my own children, along with some of her adult non-fiction. But I'd never thought about intentionally acquiring a collection of her books. That summer I spent a lot of time in used book stores. The Vermont city where I was living has several good ones, and they were a wonderful way to spend a summer afternoon. Mostly I was browsing, always on the lookout for an interesting old psychology volume (at the time I was collecting books by B. F. Skinner, as well as books on child development). And I began to look for L'Engle books as well, and bought a few, nothing rare, nothing valuable. Over the next year or so I picked up a few more of her books--some I'd read before, and some I hadn't. I began to look at her list of published books and count how many I owned. The book lust was growing.

A year or two later I discovered on-line used book sellers, and my quest became serious. I began to look for L'Engle's more obscure works, and over time I acquired a few of them. But there was one--Ilsa--that seemed to be totally unavailable, no matter how hard I looked. It was her second book, not very successful, and according to the few people I've encountered who ever read it, not very good. But I still wanted to have it.

When I started seminary, I gave up my L'Engle book quest--too many other books needed to be bought, and I have about 40 of her books now. Hadn't really thought about it lately. But tonight I clicked on an email from one of the better on-line booksellers and found myself searching for L'Engle books again. And what should they have listed but FOUR copies of Ilsa!

Ah, but they are not cheap, these copies of Ilsa. Nor should they be, I guess. One is a signed first edition--for $900 dollars. Not terrible for serious book collectors I suppose, but way out of my price range. The least expensive is a little over $200--still out of my price range this summer, which means, I guess, that I am not really a serious collector. But oh, I would like that book.

Living Vicariously

LD#1 just returned from a month in Bolivia, and she put up a fascinating photo essay on her blog. I figure the only way I'm going to see most of these places is through her eyes. Luckily she is observant and smart and funny.

Friday Photo Blog--A Walk in My Neighborhood

The marsh by the bay...




































Shells on the beach








































Flowers in the 'hood...
































































And a Red-bellied woodpecker in my yard....

Time Warp

As I make my rounds through the blogosphere, I keep seeing references to....SUMMER. And beach trips. And hot weather. And I'm thinking, it just doesn't feel like summer; in fact, to me it feels like it's barely spring. I feel like I am in some sort of time warp.

Yes, it's the end of May. And I live in a tourist area that was inundated this past weekend with folks starting summer. But it's barely warm--it's only been above 70 a couple of days. And the leaves just came out. And the water won't be warm enough to swim in until....well, it never will be for me, but last time I checked the paper (last week) the water temp was a chill 53F. Brrrr.

Besides the weather not feeling like summer, this is the first year in more than 20 years that I haven't been on an academic schedule either as a student or as a teacher. So there's been no rush of papers and exams to signal the end of a semester, no extended break, no plans for summer school. Yes, the Kid will be out of school in a few weeks, and things will slow down at church a bit, but I'm still missing some of my familiar signals.

So I'm trying to adjust to the idea that it is, in fact, summer. And it promises to be a full one. The Kid will finish his first year of high school in a couple of weeks. Lovely Daughter #2 will be married in 3 1/2 weeks. Lovely Daughter #1 will be heading back to Korea. Elder Son will begin his new coaching job at Formerly-an-animal-name-University. The Kid and I will explore the local beaches, and maybe take in some baseball games. I will actually take some vacation time, and not just stay at home. Perhaps there will even be some blogger meet-ups!

Now if it would just warm up a bit....

Memorial Day

Our parish has many retired folks, and a sprinkling of WWII veterans. For them, understandably, Memorial Day is an important holiday. It's a long standing tradition for one of our veterans to bring the American flag to the front of the church and wave it while the congregation sings "America the Beautiful" at the end of the service. The man who did this today is an 83 year old (still going strong--I want to be old like he is!) who flew in B17s during WWII and was shot down over Germany and spent time in a German POW camp. He is a wonderful guy--great story teller, warm, friendly, interested in all the kids. His presence makes this ritual all the more meaningful for the congregation.

But I have to admit, I have a hard time with it. I don't think national flags belong in church, and I don't think nationalism has a place in church, either. I realize that I have many advantages, many rights and privileges that come from being an American, but I am not particularly proud of the way this country has acted--in Iraq, in the so-called war on terrorism, in the way civil liberties seem to be evaporating, in the way the environment continues to be desecrated for the sake of cheap oil and unlimited use of it--I could go on and on. And I'm not proud of the arrogance that often accompanies shows of patriotism. The United States has much to answer for.

I hold today's flag waver in high regard, and I respect his feelings about his war service. I'm not sure war is ever justified,and I don't want to glorify war but does that mean we shouldn't honor those who fought in the past?

Today because I was afraid my face would give away my very mixed and mostly negative feelings about the flag-waving, I concentrated on the words of "America the Beautiful" and one part caught my attention:

America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!

Oh that we would pay more attention to mending our flaws, and showing self-control. And would that we use our laws to uphold liberty and not undermine it, as the current administration seems to be doing.

Early Morning Visitors

The one thing I love most about where I live now is the birds. In the morning the air is full of the music of birdssong--the melodies surround you. This morning after I drove the Kid to school (because he missed the bus yet again) I stopped to fill the bird feeders and listen the the birdsong. After replenishing the oranges and grape jelly in the oriole feeder I glanced up at a large tree behind the stone wall and notices something orange on the branch. As I watched, a squirrel scampered up the tree and out onto the branch--to retrieve the orange that he had apparently stolen from the oriolde feeder last night and left on the branch til later. I quickly went inside and grabbed my camera:




I've been trying to get a picture of the orioles, so I stood quietly in the back yard midway between the feeders. It was calm and peaceful and here is some of what I saw:

I can't seem to get a really good oriole picture. The orange is brilliant, much brighter than a robin. Twice they have flown by the door when I was looking out and they were just beautiful.

In My Yard

I had just finished filling the bird feeders and was inside looking out the kitchen window when I spied this:



Two geese and three goslings. Luckily the camera was right there. I snuck out the back door and followed them back across the yard as they ambled back toward the pond.

Lo, what light through yonder window breaks?

Could it be....gasp!....the sun?

I'm sure it's just a temporary aberration, but I'll enjoy it while I can. We haven't had as much rainfall as some parts of New England, but it has been consistently cloudy, gloomy, and wet for more days than I care to count. And more of the same forecast for tonight and beyond.

Time to fill the bird feeders while I can....

Random Bits of Monday

Today was a day off....my days off used to be Thursday and Friday (Saturday and Sunday being clergy work days) but for many reasons, Thursday wasn't working out to be a good day to be off, so now I'm taking Monday and Friday. I give up having two days in a row, but I still think it is a good move...Monday was never a very productive day in the office, and it feels good to be off after Sunday, which is invariably a crazy busy day.

Friday I wasted most of the day doing nothing. That would've been okay if I'd felt relaxed at the end of it, but I didn't--I just felt irritated with myself for not accomplishing anything, so I tried to be more productive today. And I managed to:
--call HP about my almost new printer that prints gorgeous pictures but won't print documents for anything. With very little conversation they agreed to send me a new printer, and it will be here tomorrow!
--make an eye appointment for the Kid whose eyes are alarmingly bad--even with his glasses he can't see lots of things I can see.
--confirm the Kid's camp registration after trying to cancel it last week--he is, shall we say, a bit ambivalent about going. A friend yesterday convinced him he had to go, and there's no turning back now! It's just one week of sleep-over camp, and I know he'll have a good time once he gets there.
--mail a shower gift for my daughter's bridal shower coming up on Saturday that I am not able to attend because of work. I am notorious about not mailing things on time, so this is good thing.
--go to the "bird store" and lay out big bucks for a couple of new bird feeders. In the last month the squirrels and grackles have destroyed all four of my feeders. So I sprang for two that are supposedly squirrel and grackle proof. We'll see. And I bought a feeder designed for Baltimore Orioles (the bird, not the team). I've never seen an Oriole, but they frequent this part of the country, and now, apparently, is the time to attract them.
--read through some liturgical notes from seminary to help me plan two weddings and a baptism coming up.
--completely blow my top when I found out that not only did the Kid get an abysmally low grade in algebra, but also he failed to give me his report card for more than two weeks (and when I asked about it over the weekend told me it hadn't come out yet). Can we say GROUNDED?

And in the larger world, I've been listening off and on to reports on demonstrations by immigrants today (Ianqui has a post on one such demonstration in NYC). The fact that some businesses (like Tyson and Perdue meat packing plants) shut down because of threatened employee absenteeism speaks volumes about the role immigrants (legal and illegal) play in our economy. NYC would not be the only place that would shut down without the hard work of immigrants.

Phantom wrote eloquently about her grandparents who came to the United States just before restrictive immigration policies were put into effect--policies that helped doom hundreds of thousands of European Jews. Even though I learned about the Holocaust in school as a child, I never learned about the US immigration policies that kept Jews attempting to escape Europe out of the US until I was teaching History of Psychology. In a good example of how social science can be badly misguided, psychologists played a role in immigration policy by pushing the notion of eugenics, and the notion (completely false) that immigrants from eastern and southern Europe were of inferior intelligence. If we allowed such inferior types in the country, so the reasoning went, and if they reproduced at a higher rate than people with more superior pedigrees, it would spell doom for the US. Of course, no one openly endorses eugenics these days, but sadly and scarily, I hear hints of the same sort of thinking when I hear laments about how our culture is threatened by large numbers of immigrants. Phantom hits the nail on the head when she says, "The best way to limit immigration [if you are worried about it] is to work to end poverty, war, and suffering wherever they are found." I would add that most of us are descended from immigrants, and that it was immigrants who built this country. I'm more than a little embarrassed and disturbed by the anti-immigrant attitude that is in the air these days.

Priorities

All of us make moral decisions (consciously or unconsciously) when we choose how, when and where to spend our money. Likewise, when the federal government submits a budget, it too is (implicitly if not explicitly) making moral choices. What's more, the federal government is spending OUR money. The budget submitted by the Bush administration for FY 2007 is 2.77 TRILLION dollars. I can't even fathom that that much money exists in the world, let alone for our government to spend. And I think that the enormity of the numbers involved works in favor of the spenders because it does seem so unreal to many of us. Once again, large increases for military spending are included in this budget while social programs are again cut. Even more unbelievable to my eyes is the continuation of tax cuts. I'm no economist, but how can taxes (income) continue to be cut while spending continues to increase? I don't get it.

But I digress...I am a believer in social programs to care for the less fortunate. I believe that those of us who are blessed with plenntiful resources are obligated to share those resources and I think that obligation extends to the government. I grew up in the era of Johnson's War on Poverty, and however misguided some of his policies might have been, the intent in the War on Poverty was a good intent. The Bush administration has slowly and surely attempting to dismantle social programs--not only Johnson's but also programs dating back to the New Deal (look at what Bush wants to do to Social Security). In my perhaps naive view, these social programs were the government's way of meeting the obligation to take care of the less fortunate. If one purpose of government is to serve the people, then this seems appropriate to me.

But are we saving $$ by cutting social programs? NO. Every penny that is taken away from social programs and MORE now goes to military spending, largely to fund a war that a majority of tax payers no longer favor. As a pacifist, I find this morally reprehensible. That's not how I want my tax dollars spent.

Again, I digress; I don't want to start ranting about the war. What I am concerned about is world hunger. In a world of plenty, it is inexcusable for so many to be hungry--in the US and even more overseas. Check out this link to learn more. The article points out that despite Bush's own commitment to fight world hunger, the effort is being undercut by the need for increased military spending, and it outlines ways domestic programs are being cut back.

Bread for the World is a liberal Christian organization devoted to fighting world hunger. I get really impatient with the way Christians are generally portrayed in the media--often as narrow minded, homophobic, and unfailingly right wing--and with Bush's appeal to the Christian Right as reprenting all Christians. All of that is antithetical to my understanding of what and who God is calling me to be; Bread for the World (what I know about it so far) is far more representative of what we should be about in the world. Christians are called in the gospels to feed the hungry, to care for those in need. This imperative is something I believe that we share with other faiths; it's a moral imperative that transcends religious differences. Can't we do something about it instead of fighting more wars?

Just Outside My Window

as I ate lunch today...

Found

Up until tonight, no one in my family except the Kid has known that I have a blog (and as far as I know, he's not interested in reading it). I haven't purposely kept it a secret, but I didn't send out invitations, either. But tonight Lovely Daughter #1 was standing behind me and saw me commenting on another blog, and saw my name and url. "Mom, do you have a blog?" Well, I wasn't going to lie, so she'll likely be reading if she doesn't find it too boring.

When I started reading blogs, I had mixed feelings about the whole anonymity thing--I've used my real identity on email lists for years, and at first thought it wouldn't matter if I did on a blog too. But over time, reading various blogs, I started to get why anonymity could be a good thing at times, and when I started blogging, I decided to be anonymous--well, semi-anonymous because anyone who knows me and found this blog would quickly recognize me, and I've told a few people about it, so they know who I am. And I've appreciated that I could write and not worry that someone in my parish was reading it --not that I've said too much about anyone there. But I never told my kids...why? And when LD said she was going to read it, it made me feel squirmy for a minute, which may be sort of silly.

I've been thinking about it, and I wonder if part of it is that I come from a very non-self revealing family? Self-revelation in my family of origin has never been encouraged, and when it has occurred, it has usually been met with disapproval. So in a sense I've been conditioned not to reveal too much about what I think or how I feel to those who are closest to me. Sad, huh? Somehow it feels safer to have anonymous people read,or people I've gotten to know through blogs, or people whom I've selected because I trust them not to be judgmental.

What remains to be seen is whether I will feel the need to self-censor more if I know one (or more) of my kids is reading...if it were my mother, or sister, or boss I surely world. My kids--not sure yet.

At any rate, Lovely Daughter #1, welcome to my blog.

Back to Work

Tomorrow my eight days off end and I go back to work. I really like what I do, so I don't exactly dread going back, but I will admit that a few more days without any real demands would be nice.

I don't have an exotic vacation to describe, but here are some highlights of my time off:

1. I spent several wonderful days in NYC seeing friends, having a blogger meet-up, and relaxing. Also wore a huge blister on the bottom of my right foot that kept me from doing much the last day there, but I still can't complain. The weather was absolutely gorgeous, too.
2. Lovely Daughter #1 arrived only hours after we returned from the city. I hadn't seen her in 14 months, so it is great to have her around for a few days. We went to the beach (see pics below), ate some seafood, cooked Thai curry (or rather, she did), looked at her pictures from Korea, Japan, Vietnam, and China. She'll be here a few more days.
3. I slept at least 8 hours every night--unheard of for me, because I often stay up too late no matter what time I have to get up.
4. Skipped church, which I guess priests can only do on vacation. Not a highlight, exactly, but a break from regular behavior.
5. Spent some time reflecting on my job after being here 3/4 of a year--what I like, what I don't like, what I didn't expect, what I might like to change, how I see the next few years. Talking with friends in the city helped me gain some perspective, and time away is always good.
6. Enjoyed the various stages of spring in the city, here, and at points in between. We are definitely behind other places here, but the daffodils and forsythia are in bloom,and shrubs are starting to green up.
7. Started looking for something to wear to Lovely Daughter #2's wedding in late June. I am not a dress-up person, and I hate looking for "semi-formal" clothes, whatever that means!! Guys have it much easier in this respect. (and I am open to suggestions....keeping in mind that I am a short pudgy person...sigh...)

ABCs

As seen at Ianqui and Scrivener...


Accent: Generic Southern. Or perhaps I should say conglomerate Southern, as I have bits and pieces from different parts of the South.
Booze: Wine occasionally. Beer not so much. Hard liquor rarely.
Chore I Hate: Cleaning in general.
Dog or Cat: Love both, have neither at present.
Essential Electronics: Laptop. Digital camera. Palm Pilot. Cell phone.(Am I the last person around without an ipod? Thinking about getting one, though).
Favorite Cologne(s): Lemon Tea Oil or Vanilla Oil from Body Shop.
Gold or Silver: Silver.
Hometown: Always hard to answer because I've lived so many places.
Insomnia: No. Staying awake would be more of an issue.
Job Title: Assistant rector. Episcopal Priest.
Kids: Four--three grown and a teenage son.
Living arrangements: In the Rectory.
Most admirable trait: Responsibility? Perseverance?
Number of sexual partners: At the moment? None. TMI? Well, you asked...
Overnight hospital stays: Four times for childbirth.
Phobias: Spiders, snakes, and flying.
Quote: "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"--Gandhi. That may not be my most favorite, but it's the one I can think of off the top of my head. I have several Gandhi and Einstein quotes I like, as well as Robert Frost, and some scripture passages.
Religion: Episcopal.
Siblings: One older sister, two younger brothers.
Time I wake up: 6:00 am unless I don't have to go anywhere or the kid doesn't have school, then 7:30.
Unusual talent or skill: Can I get back to you on that?
Vegetable I refuse to eat: Mushrooms (do they count as veggies?).
Worst habit: Procrastination.
X-rays: Dental. Lots of them.
Yummy foods I make: Guacamole, sesame peanut noodles, pineapple and cheese casserole.
Zodiac sign: Sagittarius.

Beach

Yesterday we came home from the City, and last night Lovely Daughter #1 arrived for a few days. It was warm and sunny this morning and we decided to take a drive out to the beach at the Point Farthest Out In the Ocean from here. By the time we arrived, the sun was blanketed by clouds, and the breeze was chilly but when we walked up over the dunes, this is what we saw.


Whales! The pictures aren't very good, but it was still so cool to see them.




And LD #1, now officially the shortest memeber of the family, took advantage of that with her baby brother. Oh, how they grow up!

Spring on the Close

Glorvina, the resident turkey on the Close, also seen here chows down on the newly scattered grass seed.











Meanwhile, the apple tree next to the Deanery is in full bloom.

Blogging from the City

All last week I kept thinking about things I should blog, but honestly, there was not a spare minute to actually do it. Holy Week meant a service every night, plus the Easter Vigil Saturday night and two services on Sunday. It also meant writing three sermons over a five day period, as well as last minute liturgical planning. In the end it was all good--some wonderful moments and some not so wonderful, but overall good. But also exhausting. Very exhausting. And on top of that Good Friday was the last day for our parish administrator who has been there nine years. While we are all happy for her since she is following her dream and beginning to work as a sous chef, it's a hard time to lose the person who knows everything there is to know about keeping the place running.

Now that Holy Week is over, I get some time off, and since The Kid is on break this week, we are spending a long awaited few days in the City. We're staying with my friend who blogs here and just enjoying relaxing and being here. Last night we were treated to an incredible home cooked Indian meal, prepared by my friend's partner, who is a fabulous cook. Today, the Kid hung out with one of his friends, and I spent most of the day walking--to Chelsea Market this morning to pick up a few things, to Chinatown midday to shop for a Chinese jacket with a friend (she got one, I didn't), back up Broadway through Union Square, then late afternoon back to the Village for a blogger meet-up with Ianqui, who is every bit as smart and interesting in real life as she is in her blog. And finally to dinner also in the Village at a favorite eatery.

I have two more days to enjoy the City before we head back home on Friday. Other than meeting another friend for coffee in the morning, and taking our hosts to dinner tomorrow night, I have no real plans. Maybe I'll go to the Met. Maybe I'll go to Central Park and take pictures. Maybe I'll just sit outside and soak up the wonderful spring sunshine. It's just great to be here.

Hope everyone is having a good week.

Mr. President, how do you sleep at night?

The Indigo Girls, via Karen at Kinesis,

Check it out...

Thinking of Daddy

Yesterday marked the fourth anniversary of my father's death from lung cancer. He died a little over a year after his initial diagnosis, and after more than 50 years as an unrepentant smoker. I think on some level I always expected one of my parents to die of lung cancer--they were both heavy smokers--but still, when Daddy became sick, it took all of us by surprise. He had the genes and family history to live well into his 90s and he'd always been healthy, while my mother had long seemed more fragile. Today, at 78 however, she is stilling hanging in there.

My father exemplified for me a "good death". He fought his cancer for as long as it seemed like he might extend his life in a meaningful way, and when it was clear that was no longer possible, he finished up those things that he needed to do, and then faced death, which came quickly. He did so with sadness for not being able to be with us longer, but also with gratefulness for the 75 years that he had.

My father was a child of the depression, the only surviving child of my grandparents' marriage. My grandparents eloped, and from what I can piece together, were somewhat estranged from their families. My grandmother used to tell us stories of her childhood, and of my father's, but now as an adult I recognize that they were carefully edited, and she took many family secrets to the grave with her. Daddy didn't talk much of the past, and he had been raised not to talk about feelings or problems either, so there is much of his life that I will never know about.

I do know that my father was a person of integrity. My father was a good liberal Southern Democrat, and a gentleman in the best sense of the word. He was kind, he was gentle and he cared about people, and these characteristics helped to form me and inform the way I see the world. His views of women, though,--his wife and his daughters--were old-fashioned. Although he never said it straight out, it seemed to me that when my mother was depressed and sometimes irrational, he excused it as "just the way women are." He expected my sister and me to do well in school, and to go on to college, but marriage (of course!!) would be our ultimate goal, and our husbands would (of course!!) take care of us, so there was no need to think of career goals. He was delighted when I married young to a "responsible young man" who could take care of me as my father had, and he was disturbed when we divorced 12 years later. Although he was proud of my accomplishments as I put myself through school, I don't think he was ever really sure that I could manage on my own, and my perception that he didn't see me as competent was a source of great sadness. In my early adult years I longed for my father to talk to me as an intelligent and independent person, but that rarely happened. Why, I wondered, could my father have these conversations with my female cousins, with family friends, but not with me? Years later I try to understand that his view of women, especially of me, was a product of his generation, of his up-bringing more than a real reflection of my intelligence and capability.

My father was the fastest reader I've ever known. On weekends he would sit down with a thick novel, and he wouldn't leave his chair until it was finished. Daddy was also one of the smartest people I've ever known, although he didn't excel at school, and dropped out of college before graduating. On the day of his funeral, one of his high school classmates came by for a visit. He said to my mother, "You know, I was the valedictorian of our class, but we all knew that Joe Bennett was the smartest one in the class."

When my dad retired at 55 (mandatory for his job) he and my mother returned to the same small Southern town where he was born and raised, and ultimately lived for all but 20 years of his life. He remained close to his high school friends, and had gathered a group of them to meet for lunch once a month the last 10 years or so of his life. He took on the task of making sure that each of them received a birthday card each year, and after he started using a computer, he made the cards himself. When he died, he left on his desk a box of cards, already addressed and in chronological order for the next year of birthdays for his remaining classmates.

He also left an anniversary card for my mother--he died just two weeks before their 53rd wedding anniversary. My parents' marriage was rocky, and they came close to divorce at least once. Their worst period began when I was in high school, and I sometimes wished they would just divorce and end the constant underlying angst and unhappiness that permeated our family at that point. I will never know, I suppose, the depth of their problems, nor why they ultimately stuck it out, but in their later years they did seem happier, and I believe that they loved each other.

In an ironic twist, I received my acceptance letter to seminary the same day that I received the letter my father wrote to each of us kids when he realized that he was dying, and that time was short. My parents were not happy with my decision to go to seminary and to seek ordination. On one level I understand their concern--I was giving up tenure and financial security for a less certain future. I think he was still uneasy with the idea of women's ordination. But it also hurt, because it reflected my father's continued concern that I wasn't really competent, and worse, that I made foolish choices and that I was selfish. It revealed once again the gap that seems to exist between how I see myself and how my parents see me--a gap that we'd closed just a little bit when I finished grad school, but that had reopened.

It is a great sadness to me that Daddy died before he could really see what my life at seminary would be like, before he could see me take on this new part of my life--because I think he might have been proud. I'd like to think that we might have attempted to reconcile the difference, and that he might have seen just a glimpse of the me that I think God is calling me to be.

Daddy, I'm still thinking of you.

About Time

Did you know?

This Wednesday morning, at two minutes and three seconds after
1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't ever happen again.

Wikipedia

In another forum I've been engaged in a discussion of Wikipedia. I've been intrigued and a bit dismayed recently by the extent to which people are relying on Wikipedia for information. I mean, if you need to look something up quickly, it's fine. But as your only source or main source of info? What really surprised me is the response I got when I said that if I were still teaching I wouldn't let my students use Wikipedia as a source. "Why not?" is the somewhat incredulous response I got back.

I'm all for using electronic sources and all the internet has to offer, but when it comes to research assignments and papers, shouldn't college students have moved beyond encyclopedias and things like Wikipedia? High school students, too? Do we really want to rely on a source that is anonymous and that ANYONE can edit at any time? And shouldn't we be encouraging students to use primary sources?

So, you academic types, what do you think? Am I hopelessly behind the times? Would you/do you let your students use Wikipedia when doing research?

The Traveler Returns

Lovely Daughter #1 landed in the United States a few minutes ago, after almsot 14 months in Asia, mostly in South Korea. She's horribly jet lagged and in need of sleep, but it was so good to hear her voice again, and to know that she is at least in a neighboring state. We are way excited to see her, but I don't know when it will be....sigh.

Funny how you want nothing more than for your children to grow up to be independent and follow their hearts, and then when they do, you just want them to be home again.

Meanwhile, here's one of her pictures from China...