What's Halloween without trick-or-treaters?

~Not much of a Halloween.

~I knew not to expect any, and I didn't buy any candy, but I still miss having trick-or-treaters; I even miss going out with the Kid when he was younger. I miss dressing up, too, which I did the last couple of years we lived in VT and every year when we lived in NYC.

~I loved Halloween when I was a kid, too. I waxed nostalgic abut it a couple of years ago, Maybe the next place I lived will be in a neighborhood with kids.

~Meanwhile, I can't believe that tomorrow it's November already!

Friday Five~Positive potpourri

The busy time of year is upon us--now through Christmas; a Friday Five in recognition of that:

1) Your work day is done and the brain is fried, what do you do?

Put on my jammies, sweatshirt and furry slippers and sit on the couch with my laptop to browse the news, and of course, blogs.

2) Your work week is done and the brain is fried (for some Friday, others Sunday afternoon), what do you do?

~Sunday afternoons we usually go out for brunch and then I take a nap or read the New York Times or take pictures or some combination of the three.

3) Like most of us, I often keep myself busy even while programs are on the tv. I stop to watch The Office and 30 Rock on Thursday nights. Do you have 'stop everything' tv programming or books or events or projects that are totally 'for you' moments?

~I don't have a TV, but I do like to download Grey's Anatomy on Fridays and watch it while I have lunch or a late afternoon cup of tea.

4) When was the last time you laughed, really laughed? What was so funny?

~Watching one of the many Sarah Palin skits on SNL.



5) What is a fairly common item that some people are willing to go cheap on, but you are not.

~OJ--I like 'not from concentrate' and I prefer a particular brand. I guess that doesn't stand out as much as it used to when frozen concentrate was the way to go--do they even make it anymore?

~Will Smama's answer of TP was pretty good, too, and to that I will add tissues (Kleenex in my vernacular although they are more likely to be Puffs with lotion).

Oops, I did it again

Signed up for NaBloPoMo for November that is.

This is my third year. The first two years, I wasn't sure I could do it, but I did. But this year is different--it's more like an impetus to keep going, because I've already blogged every day this year so far. (And I hope I don't jinx myself by saying that.) So stick around. At least with the election there will be plenty to write about, the first part of the month anyway. Whether it will be a huge celebration or a pity party remains to be seen.

I forgot...

~how expensive the senior year of high school can be.

~Today I paid for four college application fees and a cap and gown. I've already paid for the SAT (twice) and two AP tests (okay, those weren't actually during senior year--but he's taking three more this year!). I saved a bundle by taking his senior picture myself (and it turned out quite nicely, thank you very much.) And tux for the prom will at least be less than a prom dress!

~All this is just warm-up for next year when the real financial pain will be felt, I suppose.

Adding my voice

Perhaps it's a truism that we don't really appreciate our rights until we don't have them. When I was growing up I played "wedding" every chance I had, I dreamed about being a bride, I knew that no matter what else I did, I'd surely get married. And it was easy (maybe too easy) for me to do so--something I took completely for granted. But for my friends who happened to grow up gay or lesbian, that's not the case.

I never really thought much about same sex marriage until I moved to Vermont, where I happened to teach with one of the litigants in the court case that led to the passage of the nation's first civil union law. Listening to the debate, the rhetoric that was often ugly, juxtaposed with hearing my colleague talk about his love for his partner and their desire to have their relationship recognized and protected like any other couple helped me realize that there really is no compelling reason why same sex couples should not marry. (Let me add that I would extend this to religious as well as civil marriage).

Beyond that belief, though, is another thing: Civil rights should NEVER be put to the vote. The oppressor is seldom going to vote to extend rights to the oppressed. If integration had needed voter approval I suspect there are places that would still be segregated. Same sex marriage is no different. The courts have weighed in and determined that the rights and protections of marriage should be extended to same sex couples, and that should not be up for referendum.

Susan, over at Crunch Granola, wrote this the other day:

Proposition 8 is a California initiative that would eliminate the rights of California's same-sex couples to marry. As the most excellent No on 8 site explains, Proposition 8 is unnecessary, unfair, and just plain wrong. Lesbians and gays want to get married for the same sorts of reasons that straight people want to get married: we want to make a commitment to our partners; we want to assert our family status; we want our families to be protected in the event of tragedy...We love, we fight, we cook, we clean, we travel, we work, we snooze. We have big families, small families, and families in between. We eat meat, we're vegetarians, we participate in religious communities, or not. We live in the country and in the city. In the United States, we enjoy far more legal protections than at any other point in our history, but Proposition 8 could be a major setback to the marriage movement.

I can't vote in California but I'm adding my voice to the cause, and urging any of you who do live in CA to vote no on 8. I'm lucky to live in the first state to legalize same sex marriage, and I will do everything I can to protect that right for my gay and lesbian friends here. What about you?

Relieved

~and grateful.

~Baby J's MRI was today, and like her kidney ultrasound a couple of weeks ago, it was completely normal. Never has that word "normal" sounded so good.

~So for now things are looking as good as they could. Baby J had blood drawn today for a genetic analysis to check for the mutation associated with TSC, but it will be a few weeks before the results are in on that, and right now I just want to live with the gratitude I feel for "normal."

One week to go

~Hard to believe that this time next week it will all be over but the counting. Scary, too, as I sit here listening to the news on NPR and hearing both McCain and Palin ranting about Obama raising taxes and redistributing wealth.

~What will there be to talk about after two whole years of campaigning?

~I'm pretty careful not to talk politics at work. Most people can probably figure out what my political leanings are and who I'm for but I don't purposely engage in political debate.But yesterday I was sitting in my office with my door open while a group of older women were meeting in the next room to knit. A member of the congregation who is a local politician had stopped in to chat with them, and I almost lost it when I heard her repeating blatant lies about Obama--the kind of stuff that gets spread around the internet. Honestly, I knew this woman was a Republican but I never imagined she would fall for such crap. I held my tongue, but it was all I could do not to go out and call her on what she was saying.

~And maybe I should have--at least suggested she go to factchecker.com and check out what she was saying. But I didn't.

~I sure hope that this time next week we are having a big ol' party!

Spin

Spin--a particular bias, interpretation, or point of view, intended to create a favorable (or sometimes, unfavorable) impression when presented to the public.

~In this year of all campaigning all the time, it's impossible to get away from 'spin'. It's troubling enough in the political sphere, but when it starts to be applied to my own life, it's even worse. In the last week or so I've become keenly aware that my boss is spinning certain details about my job to justify some decisions he's made. It's not harmful to me in the long run (and so maybe I shouldn't care?) but I feel a bit manipulated and used, and I don't like it. And it puts me in the position of answering questions about my future plans in a less than perfectly honest way, which I also don't like. But there's not one thing I can do about it.

~Part of the spin is about some details in my contract. My understanding of those details is based on a conversation I very vividly remember having with him when I was offered the position; his understanding is apparently different, although he's never bothered to actually have a conversation with me about it. What I have learned from this (and some things that have come up in the past) is the realization that every detail, every jot and tittle needs to be in writing. The irony of this situation is that there never would have been any conflict over these details but he felt the need to spin them anyway.

~Yes, I feel a little bitter about this and I need to get over it. It's not worth wasting any more of my energy over. But it's hard not to be really, really annoyed.

Note to self

~When you sit down on the couch with the lap top to write a blog post, and wake up an hour and a half later to find yourself lying on the couch, computer still on lap, it's really time to go to bed.

Another time waster

Your result for The 4-Variable IQ Test...

Verbal

Your strongest type of intelligence is Verbal. You thrive on words, word games, and languages in general. I'm feeling insecure as I write this, because you are reading it. You see, language demands a certain level of recursive thought, and, as someone who just scored highly on it, I'm guessing you already noted the intentional dangling modifier I just put in this sentence. Didn't you? Smarty pants. 4-eyes.

Your specific scores follow. On any axis, a score above 25% means you use that kind of thinking more than average, and a score below 25% means you use it less. It says nothing about cognitive skills, just your interest.

Your brain is roughly:

20% Interpersonal

20%Visual

45%Verbal

15%Mathematical

Matching Summary: Each of us has different tastes. Still, I offer the following advice to the world.

1. Don't date someone if your interpersonal percentages differ by more than 20%.

2. Don't be friends with someone if your verbal percentages differ by more than 5%.

3. Don't have sex with someone if their math percentage is over 50%.

Take The 4-Variable IQ Test at HelloQuizzy

Friday Five~Location, location, location

~If I count correctly I've lived in 21 different houses/apartments in 10 states and 2 countries. I've posted about some of my favorites before, but here are my top five locations:

1. New York City--The Kid and I lived in an apartment in NYC for three years. It was a seminary apartment in a nice location across the street from the Close (the campus) and we loved it. It was just the right size for the two of us, it was comfortable, it had big windows and good light and wood floors. More important it was in a neighborhood that felt like a community, and it was in the city, which I loved. At heart, I think I am an urban person. I loved walking or taking public transportation, loved sitting in the corner cafe and watching the world go by, loved the green market and the parks and the museums. Just loved it.

2. Vermont--I moved there with a two year old and two teenagers to take my first teaching job after grad school. I feel in love with the area when I went on my interview: it was in March, there had been a big snow storm just before I arrived, and my first day there was a crystal clear cold day--cold but bearable to be outside. Something about being there still soothes my soul, and although I have no regrets about leaving academia for the priesthood, I am sorry that we could not go back to Vermont after seminary (no jobs, alas...). I lived there for 8 years; both the girls graduated high school and WW graduated college there. Both girls live there (NSLS full time and WW part time) and it's as close to a "home" with roots as I have.

3. Iceland--Lived there for three years in the early seventies. Gave birth to my firstborn there. It felt like an adventure, and it was, in fact, my first real time away from home. It's a beautiful place and I'm grateful for my time there.

4.Roanoke, VA--the location of the best three years of my childhood. We lived in a big brick house in a comfortable but not fancy neighborhood with lots of kids. We kids had the run of the neighborhood and could walk to school, or to the local swimming pool or to the movies. Kids would congregate at our house on summer evenings or after sledding in the winter. My best friend lived just one street over, and her dad taught us to play poker on her front porch--the same porch where we had marathon Barbie sessions. It truly was the most idyllic part of my childhood.

5. Charleston SC--lived there for 8 years. We moved there when TFoMC was stationed there on a submarine. NSLS was born there, I returned to school there and graduated with honors. I grew up there (finally) in many ways, and left to go to grad school in a different southern state. For a long time I though I'd like to return there, but I think that despite my deep southern roots, my heart is in the northeast now.

Are we outraged yet?

~The wardrobe is bad enough; this morning the NY Times is reporting that the highest paid person in the McCain-Palin campaign (at least during the first two weeks of October) is--are you ready--Sarah Palin's makeup artist. Who pulled in a cool $22,800 for that two weeks.

~I'm speechless. Really.

Will the real Sarah Palin please stand up?

~Ever since she received the VP nomination, Sarah Palin has represented herself as an average working class American, a hockey mom, someone who knows what it's like to sit around the kitchen table and worry about how to pay the bills. But more and more information trickles out that belies this image.

~Much has been written about the $150,000 spent on a wardrobe for Palin and her family.* No doubt they needed a wardrobe boost, no doubt Palin needs to look professional. But as the NY Times points out, her "look" has changed little--it just comes with designer labels these days (be sure to check out the slide show.) Why? What's more, according to NPR a Salon reporter went out to see what you could get for $150,000 and realized that she wasn't up for the task--she couldn't easily spend that amount. Could there be some excess involved, you think?

~NPR also pointed out that Palin is not without her own resources--she and her husband have assets worth aroung $1.5 million. In this day and age, it's unlikely that anyone will get very far in the political arena with out considerable financial resources; what galls me is the way Palin portrays herself as "ordinary", not an "elitist", a working class person. Excuse me? That just doesn't work anymore.

~What I don't understand is why people continue to cheer her on. If anything she is a mockery of the average working class people she claims to reprsent.

~*I don't think the clothes issue is particularly sexist, either. I would be equally critical of a male candidate who spent THAT MUCH on clothes, expensive men's suits not withstanding.

In the meme time...

It feels like there haven't been many memes circulating lately, but I have seen this one a couple of tines.

I rather like Katharine Hepburn; as for the descriptors --well,many of them are totally me, but a few are totally not.

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Katharine!

You are a Katharine -- "I am happy and open to new things"

Katharines are energetic, lively, and optimistic. They want to contribute to the world.

How to Get Along with Me

• * Give me companionship, affection, and freedom.
• * Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.
• * Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
• * Don't try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.
• * Be responsible for youself. I dislike clingy or needy people.
• * Don't tell me what to do.
  

What I Like About Being a Katharine

• * being optimistic and not letting life's troubles get me down
• * being spontaneous and free-spirited
• * being outspoken and outrageous. It's part of the fun.
• * being generous and trying to make the world a better place
• * having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures
• * having such varied interests and abilities

What's Hard About Being a Katharine

• * not having enough time to do all the things I want
• * not completing things I start
• * not being able to profit from the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career
• * having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies
• * feeling confined when I'm in a one-to-one relationship
  

Katharines as Children Often

• * are action oriented and adventuresome
• * drum up excitement
• * prefer being with other children to being alone
• * finesse their way around adults
• * dream of the freedom they'll have when they grow up
  

Katharines as Parents

• * are often enthusiastic and generous
• * want their children to be exposed to many adventures in life
• * may be too busy with their own activities to be attentive

Will the real Americans please stand up?

As seen at Angry Pregnant Lawyer's

In the closet

~Prompted in part by the aforementioned rummage sale, along with the realization that some time in the next year or so I'll be moving to a new place, I've been thinking about getting rid of things. I'm bit of a pack rat, but what I hold onto generally has some sentimental value or memory attached (which means it's all the more difficult to get rid of). But I've also learned the hard way that it's not good to let too much accumulate, and in this big house, it's very easy to let things accumulate.

~So this morning I started going through my closets, pulling out stuff I don't often wear. I was actually glad to get rid of some things I bought when I graduated from seminary, but never really liked. Then, in the very back of the closet, I found a stash of dresses that I had completely forgotten about--things I used to wear when I was teaching. And haven't worn since I started seminary in 2002. Ought to be easy to get rid of, right? But for some reason, I felt an unexpected attachment to those dresses. I know I won't wear them anymore--they still fit, but they are really out of style--but I found myself wavering about whether to hold onto them.

~Good sense did prevail, and most of them are already down at the rummage sale. One I washed because I really might wear it Two others are still hanging there but I think I will get rid of them tomorrow. But as I took them off the hangers and folded them, I had to ask myself, why the attachment? The dresses were nothing special--casual because that's how profs at my school dressed, and comfortable and warm because it was Vermont--and I've never once thought to wear one since I started working here. On reflection, though, I think perhaps I feel attached to those dresses because they are one of the last links to my life as a professor, a life I relished even though I gave it up after less than 10 years. When I started my job in Vermont, I thought that I would be there for the rest of my career, assuming I got tenure. I liked the college and I loved the area--something about living there just suited me. But by the time I got tenure, I already knew that my heart was being called elsewhere. Funny how these things work out.

~I loved teaching, but I don't really miss being a professor. I loved being on a college campus and I think I'd enjoy living in a college town, but I love working in a church, too. I think I made the right choices. I liked those dresses, but they are gone now, on to their next owner I hope, useful to someone, as I hope to be in this path I'm on now.

Blogiversary

~Three years ago today I posted my first blog entry. Who knew that I'd keep writing, or that blogging would introduce me to such a great community and so many interesting people--most of whom I know only in cyberspace, but some of whom I've had the pleasure of meeting in real life. And who knew that blogging would be come a family activity, or that it would become one way to keep up with friends from real life? Although I'm sure I spend way too much time on the computer, I am equally sure that blogging has enriched my life in ways I'd never imagined possible.

~So have some virtual bubbly on me, and thanks for being here!

Score!

~Twice a year the church has a huge rummage sale. The amount of stuff that is contributed to these sales is truly astounding. I confess that I'm not much of a rummager so although I usually take a peek at what's there, I rarely buy anything, or even get very excited about it. (And to be even more honest, for lots of reasons, the rummages sales are a huge PITA and I'd just as soon avoid them altogether if I could, but that's not possible). Any way, the fall sale is next weekend, and that means that starting today, people are dropping off their treasures. One of the first things to be dropped off was a stereo system--one with a 3-disc changer, dual tape deck, AND a turntable--vintage late 90s I'm guessing but in like new condition. The Kid took one look and said, "Sold!" Because, you see, in our hall closet was a bag of vinyl--yes, a dozen or so of my old albums from high school and the years shortly afterwards that my daughter found in my mil's house shortly before she died. I'd forgotten they existed, but boy, were they a walk down memory lane--John Denver, Carly Simon, John Lennon, Elton John, the Beatles, and Tommy by the Who. And the Kid had longed wanted to hear them.

~So we are now listening to Elton John and the Kid is marveling at the technology--how you have to listen to songs in order rather selecting individual tracks when you want them, how you have to be careful lifting the stylus up, how you can still hear the record playing faintly when you turn the volume all the way down, and so forth. He's also vowing to start looking for old records to buy now.

~All this reminds me of my dad who had a huge record collection dating back into the 40s. When Daddy was in high school he worked for a juke box company changing records, and he was allowed to keep the records that were no longer going to be used. So he had some really cool stuff. And he kept buying records right up until shortly before he died. After he died we had a discussion about what to do with his record collection, and my mother agreed not to get rid of it without allowing us kids to have some of it. But when my mom's house was emptied out, things were a little chaotic and there's no telling what became of the records. I'm guessing they are either packed up somewhere at my sister's house, or more likely, were sold. I sure wish I had them.

Wow. Just wow.

Colin Powell has endorsed Barack Obama for President. And take note of this quote:

Mr. Obama is a lifelong Christian, not a Muslim, he said. But, he added, “The really right answer is, what if he is?”

“Is there something wrong with being Muslim in America? No, that’s not America,” he said.

Amen to that!

Doing it the hard way

~I'm not much of a sports fan, but this time of year, living in Red Sox Nation, I get sucked in. So I've been sitting here checking the scores and they pulled it off--won game six to tie up the ALCS at 3 games each after being down 3-1. Go Sox!

Friday Five~Coin toss edition

1) When was the last time you flipped a coin or even saw one flipped in person?

Honestly, I can't remember.

2) Do you have any foreign coins in your house? If so, where are they from?

Oooh, let's see--Korea, Canada, England, China...maybe a few others.

3) A penny saved is a penny earned, they say. But let's get serious. Is there a special place in heaven for pennies, or do you think they'll find a special place in, well, the other place?

I keep a big basket full of change on the pantry counter. We use the quarters mostly, but the others, including LOTS of pennies, will get rolled up and turned in one of these days, or put in my United Thank Offering box. They are pretty useless otherwise, I guess, but I wouldn't consign them to "the other place." I remember too well penny candy and trick-or-treating for UNICEF and getting a box full of pennies to think of them negatively.

4) How much did you get from the tooth fairy when you were a child? and if you have children of your own, do they get coins, or paper money? (I hear there may be some inflation.)
Ha! Back in the dark ages I think I got a dime. My kids didn't get much, either--maybe a quarter or fifty cents. Cheap, I know.

5) Did anyone in your household collect the state quarters? And did anyone in your household manage to sustain the interest required to stick with it?

Yes, the Kid and I have been collecting them. We're only missing one from 2006 (Nebraska maybe?) and then Alaska, Hawaii, and Oklahoma from this year.

My laugh for the day

Indulge me

Live blogging the debate....sort of

~Taxes are not inherently evil. Taxes are the dues we pay for being members of society. They are meant to provide us with services. McCain seems to lose sight of this fact. At least Obama started to say that he didn't mind paying more taxes for himself.

~What are you going to cut? A freeze on spending is not the same thing.

~Songbird is live blogging, too, and I'm torn between commenting there or here....or both.

~Obama is so much more reasonable...and keeps his cool.

~Can you balance the budget? Ha!

~McCain: I am not Bush. ... I will balance our budgets. Americans are angry.

~What "conduct of the war" did McCain oppose that his party supported?

~I don't think Obama's campaign has been nearly as negative as McCain's...

~Ten town hall meetings? Spare us!

~So is McCain's tagline for tonight "I can prove it?"

~Enough already about Joe the Plumber!

~Okay--John Lewis--Obama is laying it out very well. And I still don't hear McCain repudiating the terrorist claims Palin keeps spouting.

~Oh puh-leeze..."the people who come to my rallies are the most patriotic...." So that makes it okay? There is no where near the level of vitriol at Obama rallies.

~McCain is over the top here about Ayers.

~I love that Obama is absolutely unflappable.

~Why would the country be better with your running mate? There is NO WAY McCain can get through this one!

~Sarah Palin is a role model for women? I think NOT. A reformer? Under investigation for an ethics violation? A breath of fresh air? Now he's playing the "special needs" card.

~I wish Obama had been harder on Palin's qualifications.

~Why does McCain ALWAYS get the last word?

~Obama hit the nail on the head when he said we had to cut costs AND provide more healthcare. McCain's $5000 tax credit is just not enough.

~Whoa--McCain just lumped coverage for cosmetic surgery and transplants into the same category of "gold-plated" health care. Really? And how can being taxed for my health care benefits be helpful even with a tax credit?

~Roe v. Wade and the Supreme Court: McCain--no litmus test, but qualifications important. But does anyone REALLY ignore ideology when it comes to supreme court justice nominations? Ah...here's the rub: anyone who opposes Roe v. Wade wouldn't have proper qualifications. Obama: no litmus test but RvW rightly decided. Strong support for choice--supported by constitutional right to privacy. Not really sure that Obama and McCain differ on this point about how they'd pick justices; clearly they differ on the issue of abortion.

~You go Obama: provide good education about sex and contraception.

~McCain: pro-abortion movement? Umm...not the same as pro-choice.

~Choice and competition in school...not so much. And when did we ever get to choose our elementary and high schools? The Kid went to school in NYC where there is choice, but the choice means cutthroat competition, and doesn't result in everyone having access to better schools by any means.

~At least Obama is willing to say that programs must be funded to work. Seems like a no-brainer to me, but it seems to have been overlooked all too often.

~Ooops. Doesn't McCain know that Palin's son has Down Syndrome, not autism?

~McCain, quit interrupting! And really, why does McCain get to diss Obama at the end of every question?

~Someone must've coached McCain not to say "my friends" tonight.

~Obama: We need fundamental change. Amen.

Fall goodness

Back safe home again

~Why does it always seem like it takes longer to get home from a trip than to get there? At least that's how it always seems to me. Or maybe I'm just fooling myself about how long it really takes to get from NSLS's to here. At any rate we pulled back in the driveway around 9:00 this evening.

~I'm really glad we went, even if it was a bit of a whirlwind trip. I really needed to get away from here for a few days. And it was good to spend time with Baby J and to see how wonderfully normal she is, how healthy and happy she seems to be. There is no doubt in my mind that developmentally she's right on target.

~Her renal ultrasound is this Friday morning---on of the things that needs to be checked out after the TSC diagnosis. Keeping my fingers crossed.

~I also really loved seeing all the fall splendor that New England has to offer. And driving through the mountains. And seeing the lake. It was great.

~I would be remiss if I failed to mention that the Kid thoroughly test out the Wii Mr. LS received for his birthday last week. And I, the one with no coordination, managed to beat everyone at Wii bowling.

~I have a full week ahead of me, and I have half a bushel of apples I need to use up--pie? Applesauce? Apple butter? We'll see.

~Meanwhile, here's another picture from our apple picking trip:

Apple picking and other treats

~Today was a gorgeous day--as only fall in New England can be. To celebrate the day we went apple picking, where Baby J enjoyed her first taste of apple--and she liked it. The apples were as gorgeous as the day, and we picked two big bags full--Golden Delicious, Cortlands, and Macintoshes. Yum.


















Late this afternoon we had another treat. NSLS, Baby J and I had a bloggy meetup with Crunchy Granola, Politica, and Curious Girl. If jo(e) had been there, one of us would've had to get naked; if Phantom had been there it would've been feet (and of course we wished you both had been there), but instead, we did this:

Road trip

~Fall in New England is really lovely. I was reminded of that today as we drove up to Vermont. Where I live in southern New England the leaves have barely started changing and the ones that have changed are dull colors. (Not sure why--too wet? too dry? just an off year?) But we were only 30-40 miles from home when the trees began to be the bright golds and reds that I love. Although the leaves were clearly past peak on the last half of our trip, they were still lovely. I realized that I haven't been in Vermont, or northern New England in general during the fall since I started seminary six years ago. So there's another reason I'm thankful for this trip.

~And it was a splendid day--clear bright blue skies, brilliant sun and warm temps. The drive up was great -- all except the hour plus we spent going 15-20 mph in the Granite State. Not sure why the traffic was so backed up, but it was annoying, and made the trip longer than necessary.

~I can't drive and take pictures, so no fall pix tonight. But tomorrow there should be outdoorsy pix--and baby pix as well. Baby J is cuter than ever, and it's amazing to me how much she's changed since we last saw her Labor Day Weekend. She scoots on her tummy and rolls to get things that are out of her reach and claps her hands when you ask her to. Clearly smart and happy as well as beautiful.

Packing

~WW went off to Nepal for several months with what she could carry in her back pack and a carry on. I'm going away for barely three days and packing for that seems like a monumental task. What's wrong with this picture?

Looking forward to the weekend

~It was a long day. Not a bad day, just very long.

~I have this weekend off, which is a very rare occurrence, given that it's not my vacation or anything. I asked for it off for a family thing that ended up not happening. But once I had it off, I decided that I would keep it off, having gone 28 straight days (until last week) without a whole day off.

~Having this weekend off also means that I get out of a task that I really didn't want to do, one that got set up while I was on vacation in August, one that no one consulted with me about even though it was just assumed that I would take care of it. And now I'm not, and I don't feel badly about that AT ALL.

~So Saturday morning the Kid and I are heading north for the weekend. It will be a quick trip, returning on Monday, and I'm hoping that traffic won't be too bad given a holiday weekend and leaf peepers. I just needed to get out of here, so we're going to Vermont to see NSLS and Mr. LS and of course, Baby J. I want to see some fall leaves. Maybe pick some apples. Take some pictures. Relax.

~Tomorrow is my normal day off, and I have errands to do and laundry. I also keep remembering things I needed to do today that didn't get done--phone calls to return, emails to send (both of which need to be taken care of before the weekend) so I guess I'll spend some time at the office, too. But hey, I still have the weekend!

Radom bullets of tiredness

~Long day at work, came home, ate dinner, drove the Kid to a meeting, stopped at the store, came home and baked bran muffins and pumpkin bread for tomorrow's breakfast group.

~I can list the things I find scary about John McCain--his attitude towards the war, his health care policy, his lack of judgment as reflected in his VP choice, among others. But what do people find scary about Obama? Really? That he's educated and articulate? That he's even tempered and not easily ruffled? That he's willing to be honest about the need for tax dollars and to place more of the burden on those who can most afford it? Or is it that he's a black man?

~WW is on her way to Kathmandu--a 40 hour trip. Yikes. I'm hoping she'll blog while she's there, but she didn't take her computer and will be depending on internet cafes.

~While I baked tonight I was listening to an NPR piece on all the ways people have tried to disenfanchise voters this year. Do we need to call in Jimmy Carter? Of course, after the 2000 debacle I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

~What does it mean for a whole country to go bankrupt? Is Iceland going to be the only one, or just the first?

~Now I should go to bed. I have to be up early, and I have a 12 hour day ahead of me. BUT I have the weekend off, and I am really, really looking forward to it.

I don't know if I can sit through this

~I have the debate on but I just don't know if I can bear to listen to it. I am really starting to dislike John McCain as much as I dislike GWB. Just saying.

~ETA: I made it, though I did doze off at the end and missed Obama's closing statement. Heard McCain's though--gah. Songbird did a great live blog; check it out, along with the comments.

Grief

~When Songbird wrote this post about grief just a week ago, I had no idea how soon I would be feeling some of what she described. I must say that what I most feel today is sadness, a sense of loss with a bit of denial and a smidge of anger--which just reinforces for me what I learned about Kubler-Ross' stages when I was teaching--often they're not stages per se, but emotions experienced in no set order.

~I do really appreciate all the kind comments on my previous post, and the good thoughts and prayers. And I am holding onto hope that things will be okay in the long run.

~Meanwhile NSLS sent me a cute picture of Baby J today--napping with the blankie I got for her a few weeks ago. NSLS herself had a beloved blankie, the story of which I told here . When NSLS was working to get Baby J to sleep better at night we wondered if a blankie would help, so I bought her a Taggie blanket . I have no idea if she'll become as attached to it as her mommy was to hers but we'll see. Isn't she sweet?

In the blink of an eye, life changes

~When Baby J was born, there was a small white mark on her inner thigh. The nurse noticed it and suggested that NSLS have her pediatrician take a look at it, which she did. At first I think they thought it might fade with time, but it didn't, and in fact, they discovered a few more small white spots on her body, so they were referred to a dermatologist who then referred them to a geneticist.

~On Friday NSLS, Mr. LS and Baby J saw the geneticist and the white spots were diagnosed as tuberous sclerosis complex. Because there is no history of this condition on either side of the family, the doctor is assuming that this is the result of a random mutation. Although this condition can be linked to autism, developmental delays, and seizures, Baby J has so far experienced no other symptoms, and has met all appropriate developmental milestones. In three weeks she will undergo a MRI to check for tumors--the primary result of this condition. Tumors, almost always benign but still dangerous, can grow on any of her organs. Many times they can be surgically removed, but will often reoccur. She will also see a pediatric ophthalmologist since her eyes can be affected.

~Many people with TSC live with few or no symptoms, but others can be seriously affected. We are, of course, hoping and praying that Baby J will be one of the former. It is still a blow, though, to hear that a seemingly thriving baby has a condition that has the potential to affect her for the rest of her life.

~So, in the blink of an eye, life changes. Of course, my first reaction was "It's not fair! Not our sweet Baby J!" But why should it be fair? And why not us? I think of all the others I know of who have things potentially much worse to deal with, and in my heart I try to be grateful that it is not worse. But it is hard.

~When I talked to NSLS yesterday and today she seemed to be handling it well. She and Mr. LS are of course worried, but at the same time, they remind themselves that Baby J is the same baby she was before they received this diagnosis, that she's not sick, per se. She'll require lots more monitoring. Their challenge, and mine I must admit, is to make this new reality "normal" as much as we can, not to disrupt Baby J's life, not to define her by this condition.

~Because I can catastrophize with the best of them, and because Dr. Google is right there to help me, I can picture all of the possible grim outcomes. But I don't want to go there. I want to picture that precious baby growing up to be a strong and vibrant woman. I want her to a have a normal and happy childhood. I want everything to be okay. Just what all parents and grandparents want. It just doesn't always turn out that way. But for now I am trying very hard to focus on how healthy and happy Baby J is now, and how blessed we are to have her.

More debate redux

~Lots on my mind tonight, but not ready to articulate it; in lieu of real blogging, take a look at this--spot on, I'd say.

Debate redux

~I know there is lots of commentary out there about last night's VP debate, but I'll quickly add my own two cents worth.

~I didn't really know much about Joe Biden and was lukewarmish about him as a running mate for Obama, but I came away from last night's debate feeling much more positive about him. His answers seemed thoughtful, he is knowledgeable about a wide variety of topics, he wasn't afraid to poke a little fun at himself, nor did he hide his emotions when he spoke of being a single dad.

~Palin, OTOH, came across as too cutesy, too folksy, and quite annoying. While she didn't stumble as badly as she' done in her interviews, her refusal to even attempt to address the questions asked seems inexcusable to me and I kept hoping Gwen Ifill would call her on it. And what's with the winking at the audience?

~I'm also surprised that no one (at least that I know of) in the media has called Palin on her "tolerance" towards gays and lesbians who have "chosen" a "lifestye" that she (Palin) wouldn't choose. Has she not been paying attention? Does she not realize that one's sexual orientation is more than choosing a "lifestyle?"

Please Don't Vote !

Random bits of Wednesday

~I don't know where September went, but here we are in October. It doesn't really feel much like fall here yet--it's cool, but it's also wet and only a few leaves are changing color. Yet I know winter will be here in the blink of an eye.

~I'm working on putting together a new parish directory and it has turned into the project from hell. Murphy's Law rules--if it could go wrong, it has. And I don't really have time to just work really hard on it for a day or two and get it done. So it sits there mocking me. Argh.

~Woman Warrior is here for a short visit before she leaves for Nepal next week. Seems like she just got home from Korea, and now she's leaving again. But what can you say--you raise them to be strong and independent and adventurous and when they turn out that way it hardly seems fair to complain.

~I've been watching more snippets of the Sarah Palin interview. Although I wouldn't have thought it possible, but she just keeps sounding worse--less intelligent, less informed. How can anyone take her seriously? The debate tomorrow night should be interestig.

To sleep, perchance to dream

~Yesterday morning after the Kid left for school I turned off the alarm and went back to sleep. And proceeded to have a dream that was both lovely and unsettling in its loveliness. Hard to describe, but when I woke up it was with a sense of deep yearning and a feeling of being slightly--well, the word that came to mind at the time was unhinged. Not in the sense of mental instability, more in the sense of being thrown out of equilibrium, normal order being upset.

~I don't often analyze my dreams. I know that I've had some dreams in my life that have felt significant, but far more often my dreams are random or reflect some aspect of my daily life. I have some recurring dreams, too, that are stress related. But this dream was different. I'm not wont to look for Jungian symbols or Freudian themes. I do wonder though if this dream was related to feelings about my life that I'm slow to acknowledge.

~All this sounds slightly more mysterious than it really is, although I don't feel like talking about the details of the dream. But I will be thinking about it for a while.

~How about you? Do you remember your dreams? Do you analyze them?

Update on the rodent front

~There have been two more mouse sightings--both Saturday night and last night I saw one in the pantry hall--kitchen area. Last night's mouse scurried under the stove, but was trying to get out, ultimate destination unknown.

~I'm still sleeping upstairs, partly because there have been no mouse sightings up there yet, and partly because I've discovered that the blow-up bed--one of the ones that is raised up so it looks like a real double bed--is amazingly comfortable, and I don't have to look at the wall paper in my own room that I am heartily sick of but can't do anything about. But I digress. I think I would've been okay --well, more okay --if it wasn't for the mouse trying to climb into my bed. That was just too much.

~ Jules in the comments to the mouse post suggested that I just live and let live--mice are cute and furry and relatively harmless. Ummm. No. I don't think so. They are indeed kind of cute. And if they wanted to take up residence someplace out of the way and stay there, that might be okay. But I realized thinking about it that it feels to me sort of like having some creepy stranger going through your things to have mice who knows where in my things (and yes, I do know that creepy-stranger-going-through-my-things feeling b/c my house was robbed many years ago and that's what happened.)

~One of the ironies of my freakedoutedness (and one that I'm surprised neither of my daughters has pointed out yet) is that I spent a year and a half working in a neurobehavioral psychopharmacology lab(don't ya know I loved saying that when I answered the phone!)where my primary job was handling mice--feeding them, changing their cages, injecting them with various things (moslty alcohol or saline solutions) and running them in operant conditioning chambers (Skinner boxes). And I got so I was pretty comfortable doing it. But this is different--refer to the creepy strangerness. above.

~During the time I was working in the lab my friends started giving me mouse memorabilia. So I have mouse Christmas ornaments and mouse figurines and a stuffed mouse, and even a Swarovsky crystal mouse the lab director gave me when I went off to grad school. But real mice in the house? Not so much.

Priceless

~I'm not a Saturday Night Live person (no TV for 12 years will do that) so I didn't even know who Tina Fey was until Sarah Palin was nominated for VP. The resemblence is uncanny--but the voice! Wow. She's a dead ringer--and just as annoying as the real SP.

Totally freaked out

~Sitting on the sofa last night with my laptop, I thought I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. Looking up I didn't seen anything, so I went back to reading commentary on the debate. A few minutes later I saw it again--and then I saw a little grey mouse run across the floor in front of the fireplace. Mildly freaked, I nonetheless realized there wasn't much I could do about it at the time and, hoping it would go hide for the night, I went back to the computer.

~A little while later I got up to get ready for bed. My bedroom, bathroom, and a small office are off a short hall from the living room. As I was closing the bathroom door I saw the mouse run under the computer desk in the office. Expletives ensued, but I was still only mildly concerned. When I went in my bedroom I firmly closed the door (unusual for me) hoping to keep the mouse on the OTHER side. Alas. I was reading in bed when I heard some scurrying and saw the mouse trying to get OUT of my room under the door. More expletives. I screamed, the mouse made it under the door. I decided I might as well open the door since the mouse had been in my room anyway. It began to occur to me that perhaps there was more than one mouse.

~Too freaked to turn off the light to go to sleep I read for a little longer. Then I heard more rustling, and that's when I seriously freaked out. A mouse was climbing up the side of my bed right there beside me. Much screaming and more expletives. The mouse was as freaked as I was, I'm sure, but I wasn't feeling much sympathy for the mouse--or mice, I was realizing. At that point I grabbed my pillows and went upstairs to sleep on the blow-up bed in the spare room.

~Normally I fall asleep quickly and sleep well. But I lay there for a long time last night, listening for mice I suppose. I don't know what I would've done if they'd made their way upstairs at that point. Yikes.

~It rained really hard much of yesterday. I'm theorizing that they might have found their way inside to get out of the bad weather. I'm hoping that's it. I've never in three years had any sign of mice in the house before. Suffice it to say that as soon as my sermon is written I will be off to the store to buy mouse poison. I don't want to get traps because ewwwww--I'd have to empty them. Ewwwwwww. Supposedly with the poison they go back outside to die. And I have no pets or young children to worry about.

~Now I really must go write a sermon. I meant to get up early and start but I left my alarm clock downstairs, and after I finally fell asleep, I slept past my normal wake up time.

~Mice in the house. Ewwwwww. Maybe I need a cat.

~ETA--I clicked over to the comics and the very first thing I saw was this. LOL.

I just have to say

~how refreshing it is to listen to a candidate and potential president who is articulate, intelligent and confident but neither arrogant nor too "folksy"--he seems real.

~It would be naive to believe that everything would or could change if Obama is elected, but I still have hope--and we'll be missing a great opportunity turn things around if we don't elect him.

~Meanwhile, I've been listening to snippets of Palin's interview with Katie Couric. Truly frightening. As one commentator said, it's pretty bad when GWB starts to sound intellectual in comparison.

Friday Five~Johnny Appleseed

Raise your hand if you know that today is Johnny Appleseed Day!

September 26, 1774 was his birthday. "Johnny Appleseed" (John Chapman) is one of America's great legends. He was a nurseryman who started out planting trees in western New York and Pennsylvania, but he was among those who were captivated by the movement west across the continent.

As Johnny traveled west (at that time, the "West" was places like Ohio, Michigan, Indiana, and Illinois) he planted apple trees and sold trees to settlers. With every apple tree that was planted, the legend grew. A devout Christian, he was known to preach during his travels. According to legend, Johny Appleseed led a simple life and wanted little. He rarely accepted money and often donated any money he received to churches or charities. He planted hundreds of orchards, considering it his service to humankind. There is some link between Johny Appleseed and very early Arbor Day celebrations.

1. What is your favorite apple dish?

~Apple pie or apple crisp, or how about Ben and Jerry's Apple Pie Ice Cream (which sadly may not exist any more)?

2. Have you ever planted a tree? If so was there a special reason or occasion you can tell us about?

~For several years running when we lived in Florida we bought living Christmas trees and planted them afterwards. They were Leland cyprus, if I recall correctly, and they grew very quickly. The first year the girls and I were living in an apartment complex, and the landscaping crew planted it for us; five years later before we moved to Vermont we rode by to see it and it was already very tall. I wonder if it is still there. Amazingly that was 19 years ago.

3. Does the idea of roaming around the countryside (preaching or otherwise) appeal to you? Why or why not?

I wouldnt' mind taking a trip and visiting lots of interesting places, but otherwise I'm ready to put down some roots.

4. Who is a favorite "historical legend" of yours?

Molly Pitcher--although I'm not sure I would've remembered that if Songbird hadn't listed her. I do remember reading one of those kid biographies of her and loving having a heroine like that.

5. Johnny Appleseed was said to sing to keep up his spirits as he traveled the roads of the west. Do you have a song that comes when you are trying to be cheerful, or is there something else that you often do?

~Whenever I drove distances by myself I used to put on Carly Simon or Linda Ronstadt really loud and sing along...but I haven't done that in ages and ages. Now when the Kid and I travel we often listen to Harry Potter or whatever music he has on his iPod that we both like.

~When I'm trying to be cheerful, there are phrases and bits of pieces of favorite hymns and chants that come to mind lately. But really, no one favorite--depends on the context.

~Bonus answer: When the Kid was in fourth grade his class did a play and he was Johnny Appleseed. He wore a pot on his head and carried a pack and had a solo which he did very well. So when I think of Johnny Appleseed, that's what I think of.

Blogging for the MDGs

~I was at work for 14 hours today, and this is my 24th day without a whole 24 hours off, and I'm really tired. But it's also the day that representatives of the countries who signed on to the Millennium Development Goals to end extreme poverty in the world eight years ago met in NYC to review the progress made meeting those goals. And months I ago I pledged to blog about the MDGs today, and to do something to support them. I'd sort of decided to skip it, being so tired, but then I clicked over to my friend the caffeinated priest's blog and read this, which prompted me to go over to the Episcopalians for Global Reconciliation blog and read this, which made me realize that my tiredness is really nothing compared to what much of the world has to deal with, and I need to honor my pledge. Not that me blogging about the MDGs is going to change the world, but if each one of us speaks up and affects even one person, and that person affects even one more, maybe...just maybe it will matter. So here goes.

~Like many people of faith (and those of no particular faith as well), I have complicated feelings about poverty and my obligation to others. Before I went to seminary I volunteered for an organization supported by a number of local churches that provided what we referred to as "band aid help" --we had food vouchers and gas vouchers and bags of groceries and diapers and formula, and we could give referrals to local social service agencies and knew where the best thrift shops were--we tried to fill in the cracks in peoples lives were in a pinch. We had regulars--people who came month after month when their food stamps ran out or their bills were due--and we had drop-ins who came once or twice for an emergency and that was it. My job was basically to sign them in and then be hospitable while they waited their turn since there was always a crowd. So I heard their stories--how hard they worked, how grateful they were for help, how unfair life could be. Some were resigned and some were angry. Some were trying everything they could to make their lives better, to get out of the poverty trap and some were beaten down and defeated. Some were embarrassed to ask for help and others felt entitled. But the one thing they all shared was their poverty.

~The question of where God is in all this poverty was never far from my mind, but there are no easy answers. I suppose I could rail against God for allowing people to live in poverty, for not making a more just world. Or I could write God off entirely. Although both of those impulses have flitted though my consciousness at times, neither of them is really a satisfactory response for me. Nor do they help make anything better. I'm a Christian though, so I hear Jesus calling, saying "Whenever you feed or clothe or care for the least of these, you do it to me," and that moves me. But not only Christians are called--people in other faith traditions also have the holy obligation to care for the "other," to make the world better. Sometimes this feels like an impossible task, and it is for each one of us individually. But together, together we can make a difference, can't we? Mustn't we?

~If you've managed to read this far, you might be saying, "But what does this all have to do with the MDGs?" Here it is: Most everyone reading this blog occupies a place of great privilege, no matter how deprived we might feel at times. It is up to us to make the world a better place. And we can make a difference. We did make a difference in our little organization; we did in some small way alleviate the suffering from poverty for a few people for a little while. But there is so much more we can do. As bad as it was, the poverty of the people I encountered was still insignificant in the face of the abject poverty prevalent in some parts of the world. Eight years ago the United Nations pledged to do something about that abject poverty and some of the factors contributing to it by 2015. Many people and many organizations have worked to achieve those goals; the Episcopal church has made them a mission priority. But we are nowhere near achieving them.

~It's ironic perhaps that as we focus on these goals--all aimed at reaching out to the world's poorest, least privileged people--our government is embroiled in figuring out how to salvage our financial institutions, institutions that have supported some the world's most privileged. I could tell you all the reasons that feels so wrong to me, but I've rambled on too long already. So just think about this: What might the world look like if we took that $700, 000, 000, 000 and instead of using it to save Wall Street we used it to feed hungry children and support schools for those children and buy medicine for those children and provide health care for those who need it. What might the world be like then?

~That isn't going to happen. But each one of us can do something: make a contribution to an organization working to achieve these goals (such as Episcopal Relief and Development) Each one of us can pledge to live on a little less so that others might have a little more. That's not asking too much, is it?

Eats shoots and leaves*

~Apparently today is National Punctuation Day. Who knew? As it turns out, I spent much of the day editing the church newsletter, and realizing again that punctuation is not a strong point for many people. Of course, I knew that, having spent much time grading first year college students' writing in my past career.

~I've always been a little bit of a grammar geek myself. I loved diagramming sentences when I was in seventh grade, like solving a puzzle. And I liked figuring out the intricacies of correctly punctuating a complex sentence. I understood that commas, not colons preceded a quote, that exclamation marks were best used in moderation, that semi-colons weren't an excuse to run just anything together. Somehow those things (mostly) stuck with me.

~My personal pet peeves? Confusing it's (it is) with its (possessive), you're (you are) with your (possessive), using 's to make things plural, and too !!!!! many !!!! exclamation marks !!!

~How about you? Do you have punctuation pet peeves?

*yes, I do have the book

No words necessary

Shouldn't we be outraged

~that the government is prepared to spend $700 billion to bail out financial institutions? The same government that doesn't believe in regulation of the private sector?

~that McCain can STILL consider cutting taxes for the wealthy?

~that McCain and Palin lie with impunity about things large and small, and even when the media call them on it, people believe them?

Ch-changes, they are a-comin'

Woman Warrior leaves for Nepal in just a little over three weeks. The Kid has a folder full of paperwork to fill out for college apps, letters of recommendation, and yearbook stuff. I'm discerning where my next position might be. Life is changing so fast my head is spinning.

Of course, life is always changing...what's that old saying? Nothing is so constant as change? But somehow it is hitting me harder right now than usual. I was laying in bed the other night and it suddenly hit me how soon it was that the Kid would be leaving. And when a planned family get-together before WW left didn't work out, I took it worse than I might have other times, because it is getting hard and harder to gather us all in one place, and I just don't know when it will happen again.

And maybe small things are looming large for me right now because of the enormity of the changes that are coming. Here's the thing. I've never lived alone. I've had at least one kid at home for close to 34 years. While no one could ever accuse me of being a helicopter parent, and I've enjoyed the brief periods I've had when all the kids were away, their presence was still always palpable in the house, and they were never gone more than a few weeks (and rarely that long). I never thought that I would worry about being an empty-nester. Nonetheless, realizing that this stage of my life--being a mother with a kid at home--is about to come to an end gives me pause. I've had that identity longer than I've done anything else in my life.

Here's another thing--one I've never really talked about here. I've been single for 13 years, and I've not had a single date. Not one. Not that I've tried very hard. When I first separated from the Kid's father I thought about it--strategized with my therapist even about what it would take to find another relationship. But I was always bad at dating, and it was too much effort somehow to try and as time passed I thought about it less and less. But now, when I think about growing old alone, it makes me kind of sad. When I see people my age with partners, people to share their lives, I feel a little envious. On the other hand, I've lived on my own so long, I'm not sure what it would be like accomdating another person, learning to live with someone (other than my children). So I feel ambivalent, too.

And finally, at some point in the next year and a half I will be moving someplace new. I've done it lots of times, I know how to move, to pack, to settle in, to learn about a new place. But this is the first time I've ever done it all alone. I don't have to think about schools, or where I'll be when the bus comes, or kids' activities. That ought to be freeing, but it doesn't really feel that way right now. Of course, I'll be excited to go to a new place, and hopefully it will be one where I'll feel at home, and have a position I'm excited about. But it will be very strange not to share it with anyone.

So I have to mentally prepare myself for all these changes--I need to look for all the positives. And there are many. And my kids will still be around. And maybe I'll get a dog. Or who knows, maybe I'll even go on a date. But right now, it all seems a little be overwhelming.

Life's journey

I wrote this last spring for a church publication with the theme of "renewal" that apparently is not going to be. This weekend I've been pondering all the changes that have been taking place and will continue to take place in my family. I have a blog post brewing on that, but in the mean time, I thought I'd post this, which is certainly related to the theme.

“Mom, I have something to tell you—I’m pregnant!” These words heard via my cell phone as I walked down a hot New York City street last August ushered me into the world of being a grandmother. I wasn’t supposed to hear them over the phone—NSLS was supposed to meet me in the city but bad weather had caused her flight to be canceled, and she couldn’t wait any longer to give me the news. I responded with all the right words, and of course I was thrilled, but I was a little relieved that she couldn’t see my face, because along with the excitement there was a somewhat incredulous little voice inside that kept saying, “Me? A grandmother? But I’m not old enough!”

I’ve long taken the metaphor of life as a journey seriously, but I’ve made my own journey down a long and circuitous path, often doing things out of the normal or expected order. I was on a developmental path, but it was not one shaped by chronological age. Beginning a new career at a time when many of my peers were starting to look forward to retirement meant that I ignored some to the milestones they ticked off. And it meant that I often identified with people who were closer to me in interests and career trajectory than in actual age.

So the news that I would become a grandmother jolted me a bit. I might not have felt old enough, but in fact I am, whether I think of it that way or not. Slowly I began testing out that identity. What did it mean to be a grandmother? I wasn’t a little old lady with blue hair and sensible shoes, the way grandmothers were when I was a child myself. I wasn’t approaching retirement and ready to spend my time baking cookies and quilting the way my own mother did at this stage in her life.

As the months of NSLS’s pregnancy unfolded, I tentatively began to try on the identity of “grandmother.” I picked my granny-name, “Amma” (Icelandic for grandmother) both because I like the way it sounds and because it allows me to shape my own grandmotherly persona in a way a more typical name might not. I began sharing the news with others—all of whom were thrilled for me, and who began to share their own stories with me—their joy at becoming a grandmother, their anticipation of when they might assume that role, memories of their beloved grannies. I shopped for baby clothes, and was drawn to the kids’ section of Borders like a magnet to iron filings.

And yet, there was some part of me that still resisted the notion that “I” would be a grandmother, that I was actually at that stage on my life’s journey. As wonderful as taking on that role seemed in some ways, as joyful as the anticipation of the birth was, I couldn’t quite grasp that it was really me who would be the grandmother. Because acknowledging that, fully accepting that would mean recognizing where I was in my own life journey—no longer a young mother myself, but becoming a “senior”, not just in chronological age but in status. Acknowledging that required me to face my age, and not just my age, but also my mortality. And I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to hold on to the mythology of being ever young—as laughable as that might seem with my silver grey hair!

I don’t believe in a “puppeteer” God who has everything all planned out and is just pulling the strings, but I do believe that God acts in and through the fabric of our lives to offer opportunities for redemption and grace at every turn. And so it was that this expected child—a granddaughter!—was due to arrive in the spring, just a week after Easter. In the dark and somber season of Lent there were plenty of opportunities to ponder my life journey, my spiritual path, what lay behind me and what lay ahead: on Ash Wednesday when I murmured, “Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return,” as I made the dark sooty sign of the cross on the heads of those kneeling before me; while praying the stations of the cross each week, and contemplating the loss Mary suffered; in the midst preparing for the Great Vigil with its multilayered celebration of new life. Lent prepared my heart for Easter, to be sure, but it also brought my impending grandmotherhood into focus.

In what will always be for me both a moment of irony and fodder for a great birth story, my granddaughter made known her imminent arrival on the day before Easter. Anyone who knows me at Saint Somebody’s knows that the Great Vigil of Easter is the highpoint of the year for me—a wonderful celebration of rebirth, new life, renewal—starting with the new fire, the lighting of the Paschal candle, the joyous alleluias and resounding music, and me dancing down the aisle for the gospel procession. I was still on my adrenaline high from the vigil when I received the phone call. “Mom, I’m on the way to the hospital!”

And so, fittingly we welcomed our Easter baby—my granddaughter, born on Sunday evening. When I held that precious little girl, that gift from God in my arms, being a grandmother became a blessing realized. How appropriate it is to welcome a new life on the day of New Life, the day of the resurrection. Suddenly it felt just exactly right to be at this point in my life’s journey. Somehow it all fit in a new and wonderful way.

Friday Five~Fall equinox

Five favorite things about fall:

1) A fragrance

~The smell of the wild grapes that grow between my house and the church--heavenly.

2) A color

~The red and gold of the maples leaves, the intense blue of the fall sky

3) An item of clothing

~A warm sweater--I always love putting sweaters on in the fall.

4) An activity

~Apple picking in Vermont

5) A special day

~We have birthdays starting in November, but that seems like winter to me. No other special days in the fall--but I always loved Halloween as a kid.

I could get used to this

~Tonight when I came in from work, the Kid had dinner all cooked. Macaroni and cheese (from scratch) and broccoli--yum. That's the third night this week he's cooked. I've been working long hours, and it has been so nice to come home to a meal I didn't have to think about. I really could get used to this.

Could someone please explain to me...

~...this whole messed up economic situation we're in? I mean, what does it mean for the feds to "take over" or "bail out" a bank or other financial institution? Does the government run it forever? Do they sell it to someone else? Just loan them money so they can keep on what they were doing already? Or what?

~And where does all the money come from? Seriously.

~And why is it okay for the government to bail out private businesses, but the idea of the government helping out just people is an anathema? Or doing something useful, you know, like universal health care.

~And if oil is down considerably ($99/barrel from $140+) why is gas going back up?

~And why did this event not get any media coverage? Go look at the pictures--they're great!

~And why do I have to go back to a vestry meeting tonight? Oh, wait, I know the answer to that one :)

End of summer blooms

~There's a feel of fall in the air, but still the last vestiges of summer linger, too.

Being productive...

~I've been so busy at work ever since vacation ended that in the evenings I've just sort of collapsed and done nothing. Which is alright in the moment, but eventually makes me feel like a slug. So the last few days I've been trying to do more non-sluggish things.

~Saturday night the Kid and I baked 8 dozen cookies-- four dozen orange chocolate chip and four dozen oatmeal raisin chocolate chick--for Sunday's ministry fair. Of course we sampled some and they were tres delicious! It's just as well there were no leftovers to bring home---I would've been hard pressed to stay out of them. It did make me want to bake some more. I haven't baked much in years!

~This afternoon when I got home from work, I finished going through the piles of mail that accumulated while I was on vacation--so much mail, so little substance. And stacked up all the (months worth 0f) recycling in the garage for the person who takes it to the dump for me.

~And at work today I updated the web site, something I fear I don't do as frequently as I should, and I worked on service leaflets for our two new services that will begin this weekend.

~Tonight we planned meals for the next week and bought the necessary groceries. In a moment I need to finish straightening things up for the cleaning person who comes tomorrow. And then I'm going to bed--I'm tired. But it has felt good to be a bit more productive.

Palin redux

Another great piece on why Sarah Palin is not a feminist and not a good choice for VP.Thanks to Deirdre at On Not Being a Sausage for the link.

Remembering Johnny

~Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of Johnny Cash's death. I'm not a big country music fan, so this isn't something I"d normally remember, except that Roseanne Cash happened to be a member of my field placement church when I was in seminary and so we prayed for him when he died. And a year later, I atteneded a requiem mass held for him there on the first anniversary of his death.

~So tonight the Kid and I were baking cookies and the radio in the kitchen was on NPR as usual, and a program was on featuring Johnny Cash, which reminded me of the anniversary. I actually enjoyed listening to his music, too. My dad used to listen to Johnny Cash as did my mother-in-law, but I'd forgotten a lot of the songs I used to hear. And tonight I learned something I'd never known: Shel Silverstein wrote "A Boy Names Sue," Johnny Cash's biggest cross-over hit.

In his memory, two clips of Johnny singing with classy ladies:)