Where in the World....cont.

3. Charleston SC--like Iceland I ended up here because of the Navy--my then-husband was by that time in submarines, and stationed in Charleston. But I had family ties, too, because my mother's family was from Charleston. Charleston is a beautiful place, and its history and air of romance appealed to me. But Charleston is a special place to me more because that is where I finally "grew up" and found myself.

Being a crew member on a submarine meant that my husband was home for three months and gone for three months. When he left the first time, it marked that first time I had lived alone--well as alone as you can be with a preschooler and a toddler. He'd only been gone a few days on his first cruise when a hurricane hit Charleston--a very minor hurricane, but still scary. That was just the beginning of my adventures as a single parent in practice if not in reality. My third child was born there, while he was at sea, because the crew rotation schedule was such that unless you were very lucky, home for conception meant away for birth. Unlike my first two children, she was a C-section (double footling breech and nine pounds) and his absence made that whole process even more challenging.

It was in Charleston that I turned 30 and began to say to myself--omigod, what am going to do with the rest of my life? That led to my return to college (I'd gone for one year before getting married). I LOVED being back in school, and although my goal had been to become a kindergarten teacher, my mentors convinced me that it really was reasonable to pursue a graduate degree. Unfortunately, the last threads of my marriage unraveled shortly after I returned to school. So there I was, reinventing myself as a college student and single mom of three (3, 6, and 9 at the time).

It was in Charleston that I returned to church as an adult, and took some baby steps on my spiritual journey. It was in Charleston that I forged my first adult best-friendship, with a dear person I still stay in touch with. It was in Charleston that I spent hours in therapy with a wonderful woman who helped me not only find myself but also to understand my (even then) troubled relationship with my mother.

I went through difficult times in Charleston. My friend and I often joked about wanting to grow only to find out how painful growing actually was! But despite some regret about a failed marriage, there's not much I would change about those years. I had good friends who cared about me and supported me, and I came into my own as an adult I mostly liked.

As much as I love Charleston, it's not a place I aspire to return to live. Both in terms of the church and in the political world, SC has become much too conservative for me to feel comfortable. I left Charleston for a state even further south to attend grad school. I won't blog about that place, at least not now, because it is NOT among my favorite or special places.

4. Vermont--When I refer to northern New England, this is where I mean. When it came time to go on the job market as I (finally) finished grad school, I limited my job search to the southeastern states. That's where I'd always lived, and I thought that's where my family would be happiest. Except that there was this great ad for a position at a liberal arts school in Vermont--it sounded too good to pass up, so I sent in all my stuff. I mean, what were the odds of getting an interview there anyway? Turned out the odds were pretty good. And so in March I took off in 80 degree weather for an interview in Vermont, where the day before it had snowed 18+ inches.

Well, the job was all I wanted, and the folks who interviewed me were great, and my free day in Vermont was brilliant and sunny and gorgeous as only winter can be in New England. As I rode up the hill on a city street lined with old Victorian houses and saw the lake and the mountains in the distance, I fell in love. And lucky for me, I was offered the job. I spent the whole summer before we moved not only rushing to finish my dissertation, but also listening to the lovely daughters telling me how I was ruining their lives by moving to a place most of their friends had never even heard of, and couldn't locate on a map (now how sad is that!?!). But they came to love Vermont as well.

I loved my job for the first few years, but life (or something) intervened and called me in a different direction. As I was discerning my call to the priesthood, the hardest part wasn't thinking about giving up tenure, it was thinking about having to leave Vermont. I've lived so many places in my life, and when I got tenure, I thought I would stay in Vermont forever. And I would return there in a heartbeat if the right kind of position there became available. Does that sound contradictory with my love for NYC? I can't explain it either, but my love for both places is about equal. I couldn't, I think, live anywhere in VT, but there are a handful of places where I would be very happy indeed.

My life in Vermont was not all a bed of roses. The first year there, my second marriage (ah, another story!) fell apart, and it was very painful. Working towards tenure is not easy anywhere. Finances were pretty tight for a while. But I never tired of the place, of the view of the mountains, and of lake views when I could get them. I loved that when I went for a cup of coffee or to my favorite shoe store I was just as likely to run into our senator or lt. gov. as anyone else. I loved the wild flowers and the farmer's market in summer, and the snow in winter, and the politics and independence of Vermonters. I miss Vermont just about as much as I miss NYC.

Okay, I need one more place....have to think on that one....