Moving on

No, I'm not going anywhere. Not geographically, anyway; I've already done that. But in reflecting on the new year, and the hopes that I have for it, and inspired once again by profgrrrrl I have chosen "moving on" as my theme for 2010.

That might seem like a strange choice, given that I just went through the upheaval of accepting a new position and moving to a new place, and I'm beginning to feel at home here. But the thing is, the longer I'm here, the more I realize that I didn't just move geographically, I didn't just start a new position--my whole life has changed (see last year's theme!) and it's affected me in all sorts of ways, some I anticipated and some I didn't. Some of the changes came off just as I thought they would, but others --well, they took twists and turns I never expected; I went down a dark hole before I came back out in the light.

Now I am in a good place--literally and figuratively. But I have to figure out how to BE in this place. The job part, as challenging as it is to become a rector for the first time, will work itself out, and I am grateful to have a good support system in place to help me with that. It's all the rest I have to work on. For years I defined myself as a mother--and as a single mother at that. It wasn't my whole identity, but it was a large part of it. Now my kids have all flown the nest. They are still around of course, and they still need me (I'm relieved to know) but in very different ways. I have space now to "do my own thing"-- I just have to figure out what that thing is!

So I'll be moving on--in part I hope that means I'll get my body moving more. I've NEVER liked exercise. As a kid I wanted nothing more than a good book and a quiet place to read it, and that still holds true. The one time in my life when I was actually fit (and trim) was 20 years ago when I took up running. And found out I actually liked it. But after the Kid was born, I never went back to it, for lots of (mostly bad) reasons. I'm not sure my knees and back would take to running these days, so I tell myself I'll walk. I walked a lot when I lived in the city, but I'm less motivated elsewhere. Beyond walking, what? Yoga? Pilates? Weights? Theoretically, I'd like to try all of those, but the thought of going into a gym and exposing my ineptitude (and my body) gives me chills. That is something I need to overcome.

Moving on might mean trying out something new. I've wanted to learn to throw pots for a long time; maybe now is the time to find a place to do it. Moving on might mean rediscovering things I used to enjoy. I've let my photography go in the last year; it was something I really took pleasure in for a while, and I've been toying with the idea of resurrecting my photoblog. I used to do a lot of handwork--mostly counted cross stitch. Or there's knitting, which I've said for the last few years I'd like to do.

Moving on means continuing to figure out how to parent adult children, and how to grandparent We all have demanding jobs and tricky schedules, but I want to find ways to stay in touch and involved. Moving on means finding ways to develop new friendships, too. I have lots of friends, but most of them aren't around here. Boundary issues with my congregation makes developing friendships difficult, too--how do I cultivate friendships outside of church?

Moving on definitely will include learning to use my time better. I've never been one to strictly structure my time; I'm much too much of a "P" (as in INFP, mbti) for that. But the rhythms of the workday and work week are much different here--staff schedules are different, work demands are different, home demands are different--and I've struggled to figure out how best to take advantage of the time I have. I've already thought about planning to set side one day for reading and study, a day without scheduled appointments, and I need to figure out how best to use that day productively. And as "head of staff" I have to learn to think and plan farther ahead than I ever have. I'm a "big picture" person, so that appeals to me in some ways, but as a "P" it's also difficult to make too many concrete plans far into the future, so that will be a challenge.

And moving on might mean finding ways to indulge in my nerdy passion for taking classes, being involved in educational pursuits. Geographically I'm situated 20 minutes from one seminary and a doable train ride from another. I need to take advantage of that, not just dream about it.

There are more ways I can be moving on, I'm sure. But this is a good start. Now I just have to follow through.