In some ways I'm a very organized person. But my organization tends to be internal, and the outside--well, chaos might be too strong, but there tends to be a bit of clutter, especially when it comes to things that need to be sorted and filed. I've tried to be better about it, but still--I just hate dealing with it.
A small metal filing cabinet has moved around with me for the past 20+ years, holding bits of this and that. Every so often I'll take a stab at getting files in order, but it's hit or miss. And since we've lived here, I've filed papers on a shelf instead. Finally last night I decided the filing cabinet--rusty, dented, and not very attractive--had to go, so I unloaded its contents and started going through them.
Of course, it was like opening Pandora's box. Yes, there were tax forms--many years worth, all neatly filed away. And there were birth certificates and shot records and report cards from years gone by. A random paper I wrote my freshman year in college--on Southern food. (Don't ask why--I don't remember.)
Then there were the warranties for things I no longer own, the floppy disks that no computer can read anymore, old canceled checks, Mother's Day, graduation and birthday cards, a newspaper article about me when I graduated from college, random photos (the big box of photos is still upstairs, needing to be repacked!), receipts for who knows what--the flotsam and jetsam of my life.
Some of it was funny; some of it was painful--the divorce decree, the letter my dad wrote to each of us when he knew his cancer was terminal--which I ironically received the same day as my acceptance letter from seminary. An essay I wrote for the commission for ministry and my first ember letter to my bishop, along with his reply were tucked away, too.
I filled a big box with discards, shredded two big bags of papers, and reduced it all down to one neat waterproof file box. It's all in folders, but it wouldn't win any gold stars for great organization. And I don't think I ever will. Because here's the thing: Being able to file everything away into orderly folders, neatly labeled doesn't really match how my life is. It doesn't encompass the ambiguity, the ups and downs, the messy reality of my life. I expect my files, like my life, will always be a bit chaotic. But that's okay.
1 comment:
my organization tends to be internal, and the outside--well, chaos might be too strong, but there tends to be a bit of clutter
Hail, fellow, well met! I appreciate your distinction between internal and external chaos, since I fall into the same pattern you do. People are always telling me how organized I am (well, everyone but my mother!), and I always dispute it by saying, "Oh, you should see my office at home!" But maybe I AM really organized internally, even if not externally. Thanks for this.
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