Up until tonight, no one in my family except the Kid has known that I have a blog (and as far as I know, he's not interested in reading it). I haven't purposely kept it a secret, but I didn't send out invitations, either. But tonight Lovely Daughter #1 was standing behind me and saw me commenting on another blog, and saw my name and url. "Mom, do you have a blog?" Well, I wasn't going to lie, so she'll likely be reading if she doesn't find it too boring.
When I started reading blogs, I had mixed feelings about the whole anonymity thing--I've used my real identity on email lists for years, and at first thought it wouldn't matter if I did on a blog too. But over time, reading various blogs, I started to get why anonymity could be a good thing at times, and when I started blogging, I decided to be anonymous--well, semi-anonymous because anyone who knows me and found this blog would quickly recognize me, and I've told a few people about it, so they know who I am. And I've appreciated that I could write and not worry that someone in my parish was reading it --not that I've said too much about anyone there. But I never told my kids...why? And when LD said she was going to read it, it made me feel squirmy for a minute, which may be sort of silly.
I've been thinking about it, and I wonder if part of it is that I come from a very non-self revealing family? Self-revelation in my family of origin has never been encouraged, and when it has occurred, it has usually been met with disapproval. So in a sense I've been conditioned not to reveal too much about what I think or how I feel to those who are closest to me. Sad, huh? Somehow it feels safer to have anonymous people read,or people I've gotten to know through blogs, or people whom I've selected because I trust them not to be judgmental.
What remains to be seen is whether I will feel the need to self-censor more if I know one (or more) of my kids is reading...if it were my mother, or sister, or boss I surely world. My kids--not sure yet.
At any rate, Lovely Daughter #1, welcome to my blog.
7 comments:
Self-revelation was a baaaad thing in my family, too. If I knew my sister or parents were reading my blog, I'd probably struggle with the self-censoring impulse.
I write with the idea that my kids will read my blog someday, and I do self-censor a little bit because of it. (I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, though.) But still, the possibility of being read by their future selves is very different from being read in the here and now.
But then, Songbird's kids read her blog, and they're all ok with that.
I didn't tell my family about my blog at first because I wanted it to be a space of my own. But eventually, they all found out because I live in small house and everyone is always on top of me. My college-age daughter is the only one who reads my blog, and I like her reading it. I don't feel the need to edit at all for her.
None of my hometown friends or my extended family know about my blog. Well, actually, two siblings stumbled on it, but both said that they planned not to read it in order to give me my space. I think it would probably be okay if they did read it.
I think I wanted to sort of find my voice and feel comfortable with blogging before letting anyone I knew read my blog.
Oh, I don't think YOU have anything to worry about. I mean, you've even always called her "Lovely Daughter", right?
Now, if my mom found my blog on the other hand, I'd make it all go away immediately.
Would you believe my entire family knows about my blog and NONE of them seem to want to read it? What does THAT say? LOL!
I think you're okay here. Your posts are thoughtful and sincere and maybe we see a lot of what you're thinking inside but none of it is mean or cruel or anything you should want to keep from your children.
You're golden with what you've already written but I wonder how it will affect your future posts?
My kids and husband do read mine, or rather my boys do. The Princess uses the Internet exclusively for making and dressing dolls at this point. I don't think either of the boys or Pure Luck are what I would call avid readers. In fact, now that #1 Son has a girlfriend, he hasn't read it at all, as far as I can tell. I admit there are some things I won't blog about, generally, knowing they might be read. There are times, for instance, that I have been ticked off at my ex and not mentioned it because I don't want my kids to see me criticizing their dad in a passionate fashion on the Internet. I did write once about being angry after an encounter with him, but the emphasis was on my own response to a disagreement rather than on blaming him, I think. (I hope.)
There are a few more "real life" people who know about my blog than used to, but unless they are regular Internet readers/surfers, I think it's unlikely I have become a daily stop on their routes. And that's how it is for my family, too. My husband reads regularly when he's working out of town. My sons tend to read it when I point them to something. At 15 and 20, their mother's blog is an item of curiousity, not a source of fascination.
Sorry, but Lovely Daughter number 1 has just revealed to Lovely Daughter number 2 that you have a blog. We do not endorse self-censorship, and really there is no need because this is the first time I've actually browsed through your blog since I found out that you have it. But beware, I have it bookmarked now...
Maybe you should start telling your kids the same sort of personal stuff that you tell the rest of the world. We might judge you, but really, we'd just love you more for it. Besides, I don't edit my blog for you...
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