~My sister had surgery yesterday for a brain tumor. That's not my fault.
~Every single time something happens in my family the fact that we are largely estranged and don't communicate well becomes an issue; that, it seems, is my fault.
~If you've read here long, you may recall that my relationship with my mother and my sister is, well, difficult. There is plenty of fault to be had on all sides. I'll take my share. I have chosen in recent years not to be very involved with them. But it goes both (all) ways. And it's not helpful to have it thrown up at me how awful I am. Just. Doesn't. Help.
~To make it all more complicated, it was Elder Son who was taking me to task about it this time. I've never posted much about Elder Son--for different reasons, we have a complicated relationship, too, and he has a different relationship with my mother and siblings than I do. But him going off on me at 11 pm after a long and hard week--um....not helpful either.
~The good news is that my sister came through the surgery fine. I don't know what the prognosis is, nor what kind of tumor it was--still waiting to hear that.
~I'm really tired of being the Evil Awful Person in the family. It's not a role I sought, nor one I enjoy. And I'm not sure that it's one I can get rid of easily--especially when everyone else just thinks that it is all.my.fault.
~Cosmic sigh.
14 comments:
i'm really sorry about your sister. glad she came through the surgery OK, and hoping for the best.
also very sorry about the strained family relations -- can relate to that, and it is particularly stinky to be on the end where you get blamed.
(((rdm)))
not evil at all, I'm sure
It does suck to be the scapegoat for everything. I'm so sorry. Hugs and blessings!
I'm so sorry to hear about your sister's brain surgery.
There's nothing like stress to bring out all of the semi-related family stresses.
prayers for you, your sister, and your family
((((rdm)))))
I'm glad the surgery went well--and wishing you all peace amid the fractures, somehow.
Sympathy and lots of it. ((((rdm))))
Blech. Sorry that this is adding to your already full plate. Peace to you.
Dear Rev Dr Mom...
I hear you. This is fierce, but I'm glad your sister came through the surgery all right. Prayers for her, and your Mom, and you in the eye of the storm...
((((((RDM))))))). Hang in there. Families are tough.
Well, I don't know you all that well, but I've met you a few times and it is pretty clear to me that you are not an evil awful person. I've met a few of those lately and you are very obviously not one.
I don't know why so many families, churches, offices, groups of friends, schools, and other gatherings of people need to villainize one of the group. It just seems to be so unhelpful in just about every situation to put so much energy into being angry at one person for things that are imagined (or real). But, it does seem to be a common coping strategy.
Maybe this is your gift to your family. It might not be the gift that you chose to give, but maybe it is the gift that God is calling you to give. You be the rock. You be the scapegoat. You take the anger, fear, frustration, anxiety, and general craziness and you take that to God. Just take it from them and bring it straight to God. Think of it as re-gifting. They give it to you, then you just rewrap it and give it to God. Don't take it in, don't personalize it, don't allow it to fester in your house, just rewrap it and bring it straight to God.
Love and prayers to you.
Good tidings that your sister's surgery went well, but I'm so sorry to hear about the family strains, especially now that they are being visited on another generation of the family. Prayers for you, RDM, in this difficult time.
I'm sorry to hear about your sister's tumor. My best wishes for the best possible news. I'm very sorry to hear about your family interactions. unfortunately, when people are stressed and in emotional pain, it often feels "better" to blame someone for anything. I'm betting that is what is going on and that you are NOT an evil person. (I'm a fairly long-time reader, and you seem like a thoughtful, caring person.)
On New Year's Eve, my husband had a seizure that led to the discovery of his brain tumor. He went through surgery and radiation this spring. While obviously a different situation, I still offer you my support in that brain tumors cause an unbelievable amount of stress in the family. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Sorry about the tumor.
Sorry about the angst.
So sorry that you are the family scapegoat. It's an awful role to play, not to mention unfair.
Hugs. Lots of them.
Families really can suck rocks.
(((You)))
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