So when someone in your family sends an email chastising you for being the evil awful person you are is it better to a) respond, thus confirming what an evil awful person you are, or b) ignore it, thus confirming what an evil awful person you are?
Huh? I am running the possibilities in my head and just hope it's from an expected person- because it would suck a lot more if it came from someone I wouldn't expect to say awful things about you.
Anyway mom, you are not an awful person and at least NSLS and I are proud of you. So if you want me to verbally abuse said person via email, telephone or blog, I would be more than happy to oblige.
I can't remember who it was -- H L Mencken or George Bernard Shaw or somebody, whose response to such blasts was always a postcard on which he had written, "You may be right, at that." for what it's worth...
I am in the middle of the exact same situation right now. (Well, at least of being told you're the evil one in the family via email.) I chose to respond once, saying "It appears as though the problem no longer has to do with me, but seems to be solidly your problem. I'd be happy to discuss any issue you might be having, but as far as xyz (my involvement) I have said all I am going to say." That of course, provoked another email, to which I chose not to reply.
So perhaps a little from a and a little from b, depending on what the situation calls for?
I vote for ignoring it, myself. Better to let them hang you with their own imaginings than with your words, that's my motto. Of course, I'm all about the avoidant, these days.
Argh. I recently had an exchange like that with my mother over the summer, though hers was more about how horrible my husband is, but I got lumped in there too, somehow. I chose to respond, and then respond again when she ignored me. I've clearly gone out on the limb to be the evil person she thinks I am (shocking how having boundaries and holding people accountable for their bad behavior makes us the bad guys). And, now she is stewing in her own imaginations of me as the horrible evil person.
So, no good way out of this one. Even if you responded with grace and an apology, like I did this summer, it would still make it worse.
Ugh. I'm so sorry. I'd say ignore too. Maybe you could write a letter (or blog post!) where you describe who are the true evil ones, let it all hang out, put it out there for the universe to absorb but then not send it? Might help to relieve the spleen.
I'm with WW. You are neither evil nor awful. They still think it's 1952 and don't know what to do with an ambitious woman who doesn't take shit from her family. So there!
12 comments:
I vote c) blog about it and marvel about the ridiculousness of such a situation.
I'm so sorry. Unfortunately I've had a similar dilemma. It's absolutely no-win.
Don't respond, and blog about whatever you need to either vent or get validation from people who know clearly know you better.
Ulgh. Family no win situations are the worst. I think the best I can offer up is hang in there and hugs???
Huh? I am running the possibilities in my head and just hope it's from an expected person- because it would suck a lot more if it came from someone I wouldn't expect to say awful things about you.
Anyway mom, you are not an awful person and at least NSLS and I are proud of you. So if you want me to verbally abuse said person via email, telephone or blog, I would be more than happy to oblige.
I can't remember who it was -- H L Mencken or George Bernard Shaw or somebody, whose response to such blasts was always a postcard on which he had written, "You may be right, at that." for what it's worth...
I am in the middle of the exact same situation right now. (Well, at least of being told you're the evil one in the family via email.) I chose to respond once, saying "It appears as though the problem no longer has to do with me, but seems to be solidly your problem. I'd be happy to discuss any issue you might be having, but as far as xyz (my involvement) I have said all I am going to say." That of course, provoked another email, to which I chose not to reply.
So perhaps a little from a and a little from b, depending on what the situation calls for?
I vote for ignoring it, myself. Better to let them hang you with their own imaginings than with your words, that's my motto. Of course, I'm all about the avoidant, these days.
So, why couldn't that person CALL you and tell you how evil you are?
Chalk it up to that person's problem and let it go.
However, that is so much easier to tell than to do.
Prayers for you. Ugh.
Argh. I recently had an exchange like that with my mother over the summer, though hers was more about how horrible my husband is, but I got lumped in there too, somehow. I chose to respond, and then respond again when she ignored me. I've clearly gone out on the limb to be the evil person she thinks I am (shocking how having boundaries and holding people accountable for their bad behavior makes us the bad guys). And, now she is stewing in her own imaginations of me as the horrible evil person.
So, no good way out of this one. Even if you responded with grace and an apology, like I did this summer, it would still make it worse.
sigh. hugs to you.
Ugh. I'm so sorry. I'd say ignore too. Maybe you could write a letter (or blog post!) where you describe who are the true evil ones, let it all hang out, put it out there for the universe to absorb but then not send it? Might help to relieve the spleen.
I'm with WW. You are neither evil nor awful. They still think it's 1952 and don't know what to do with an ambitious woman who doesn't take shit from her family. So there!
See you Thursday! Yay!
blog about it and throw a bonfire ... :)
Post a Comment