Random Musings on New Year's Eve

It's about 9pm on New Year's Eve. I'm in my flannel jammies and my cozy fleece robe, nibbling on chips and salsa. It's snowing outside, and although it's not expected to accumulate much, it was beautiful as I walked home from church earlier this evening. Unlike other years, I don't mind a bit that I have nowhere to go tonight. I feel perfectly content to sit here snug and warm. I might curl up with a book in a bit, or just sit and read blogs.

Random thoughts at the end of the year:

• Lovely Daughter #1 left for S. Korea almost a year ago (a year in February). I miss her a great deal. She's teaching English right now, but her real love is the labor movement (she was a labor organizer before she went to Korea) and she spends most of her spare time working with a union for immigrant workers. On Christmas Eve she confirmed that she is definitely planning to go to grad school in Seoul next fall, and instead of being home for several months, she'll only be here for a few weeks this summer. I'm sad about that, but at the same time, I'm glad she's pursuing grad studies and since I tried to raise her to be strong and independent I can hardly complain about her choices. I just wish she could be closer to home. Happily (at least for now) we have a much better relationship than I have with my mother. I really like my daughter (well, both of them) and enjoy spending time with her.
• On the subject of my mother, she sent me a note apologizing for hanging up on me on Christmas Day. But in the same note she was quite clear that she hung up because there was no point in continuing a conversation in which I was being so unreasonable. Huh? She was doing almost all of the talking. Perception is reality, I guess.
• In a great bit of irony, the comment I made that set my mother off was about ERD (Episcopal Relief and Development, a wonderful organization IMHO). It seems that my mother disapproves of them for some reason that I don't quite understand (except that maybe she's just angry at the whole Episcopal Church). Anyway, the irony is that, not knowing this, I made donations to ERD in honor of my siblings for Christmas, and sent the cards in my mother's Christmas box (because my siblings were going to be there)--which hadn't yet arrived when I talked with her. So I'm sure there were some interesting comments made about that.
• After almost a week agonizing over my relationship with my mother, I think I understand better one of the deep sources of the most recent friction between us, which is also somewhat ironic. At a point in time that my mother, a cradle Episcopalian, has become disillusioned with the church, feels in fact that it has abandoned her, I am about to be ordained a priest in that church. Those of you familiar with the Episcopal Church (and maybe even those who aren't that familiar with the Episcopal Church) know that it has been through a great deal of turmoil over the last couple of years--turmoil having to do with the ordination of LGBT folks as well as the blessing of same sex unions. I didn't realize until Christmas day the depth of my mother's hurt and disillusionment. I am truly sorry for that, but I fully approve of blessing same sex unions, and ordaining LGBT persons, even as bishops. I don't think my mother has to agree with me, but I think there is a chasm that will be difficult for us to negotiate. It doesn't help that my sister is a "Continuing Anglican" --for anyone who cares, that means that she left the Episcopal Church for a church that not only does not ordain LGBT folks, abut also doesn't believe that women should be priests, or even read lessons in church. IMHO, they are frozen in time at about 1960. My sister hasn't approved of me for years....long years, so her opinion of me at this point is irrelevant, but I have no doubt that she fans the flames with my mother.
• The last irony (and then I'll quit talking about my family of origin, as I've probably already told more than anyone cares to read) is that my sister was much more "out there"--rebellious, non-conformist--as a teen than I was. But she is a card carrying, Bush loving Republican now. I guess that fits the stereotype of boomers who become increasingly conservative as they age. We were both raised as good liberal Southern Democrats. My parents weren't at all political, but their sympathies were firmly with the civil rights movement, the war on poverty, social programs, etc. As I've gotten older I've become much less of a conformist, and much more liberal--go figure.
• Lovely Daughter #2 is getting married in June. I always knew that she would be the first of my offspring to get married-in fact I worried for a while that she would marry too young-- says her mom who married at 19 :( She had a serious boyfriend in college whom try as I might I just didn't like. Their breakup was rough for her, but she came out of it with a stronger sense of herself for which I am grateful. I like her fiance a great deal (see, I'm trying not to say "a lot" because I used to say it a lot). I hope that their marriage will be strong and a blessing for both of them.
• I've pretty much given up making New Year's resolutions because they were always the same (exercise more, lose weight, be more organized) and I never kept them anyway. But I do have some things I want to do in the next year: As I wrote earlier, I've been yearning to do something creative. There are a few things I'd like to do: learn to throw pots on a wheel, learn to turn wood on a lathe, learn a musical instrument, learn more about photography. I am still seriously thinking about taking violin lessons. I keep playing with my camera and I might be able to learn more about photography just with experience. The pottery will have to wait for a bit because the places I've found around here have classes at times that are impossible for me.
• I want to get a pet. The kid wants a kitten, but I want a dog. So maybe we'll get both. I fell in love with a breed called Labradoodles--a cross between a lab and a poodle--but the breeder I found near here was extremely expensive--so much so that it felt almost morally wrong to spend that much on a dog, even if I could afford it. Not only are Labradoodles adorable and supposed to have a good temperament, they don't shed! A big bonus since the kid has allergies and asthma, and I hate cleaning!
• I've been referring to Sk*tr Boy as the kid tonight--he needs a new alias. He saw my blog and didn't like "Sk8tr Boy" (and I manage to mispell it half the time). What's more, he's given up his fascination with with skateboarding, for now at least. He's much more into his guitar for now, and he's improving.
• I've always wanted to write (is that a common theme amongst bloggers?). I'm a competent writer in a technical sense--I can write very good academic papers. But I'm afraid that I'm not very creative and that I don't really have much to say that's new and interesting. I have wonderful (to me at least) conversations and musings in my head (especially in the shower--anyone else do their best thinking there?), but they never come seem to come out as well on paper. I've really been admiring the writing of the blogs I read, especially jo(e) and Phantom Scribbler and Moreena. So perhaps in the New Year I will try to do more than ramble on about my family and try to get some of my reflections down on paper--or on the screen as the case may be.
• 2005 was a momentous year. It began with ordination exams, and let me say, I'm glad that was a one time event. And then there was being on the job market--less fun for clergy positions than for academia, if that is believable. But that worked out, and I got a job offer on the day before I graduated seminary. Graduation was bittersweet because I loved seminary--loved classes, loved my field placement church, loved the city, loved (most of) my classmates. But it was time to move on. I was fortunate enough to get a position with supplied housing in a beautiful place in the part of the country I wanted to stay in. I miss the city tremendously, and I hope to live there again sometime, but I really can't complain about where I am.
• 2006 will start off with a momentous event--my ordination to the priesthood. After more than five years of preparation, it is hard to believe that it is really going to happen. But that is for another post. And I will write more about it this week.
• And if anyone is still reading this long and rambling post, Happy New Year. May 2006 be full of good things for all of us.