Sunday afternoon

~It is cold and rainy here...a miserable kind of day, and I am currently snuggled on my couch in my flannel pants and comfy sweatshirt. It's getting dark, reminding me that indeed, winter is upon us.

~In truth, I really like November. I like that it's cold, and the trees are bare and the trees are in stark contrast to the grey sky. I like the first snowflakes (which we don't get so much in November here but we always did in Vermont). I like the shortening days, and the rhythm of the year unfolding. And I try to hold onto all these things as we move into the "holiday crazies" which I don't like so much.

~Today was another good day at church. Although having to cover everything myself (boss is still on vacation) can be a little crazy-making, it all went well, and everything fell into place. It struck me again as I was locking up how much this congregation feels like "my people", how much good will and care and compassion there is in this group of people, how sad I will be to leave them when the time comes.

~We went to Borders for a bit after lunch, and I was surprised by how very little interest I have in shopping. I've never been much of a shopper, but right now, I'm less interested that usual. Not sure why. I have in mind some special things for special people, but beyond that---eh.

~Happy Advent!

A very long but satisfying day

~My day started when I sat down to work on my sermon at 7:30 this morning. I tried to write last night; I thought I had a start--lots of ideas had been percolating--but I ended up starting over this morning. Normally I have until early afternoon to finish, but I had a funeral at 2:00 and needed to be finished writing before noon. Happily I finished up about 11:30 and was showered, dressed, and at church by 12:45.

~There are always lots of details to attend to before a funeral, so I was busy from the moment I walked in the door. It was a big funeral, and people started arriving quite early. Fortunately I managed to be ready when the family arrived.

~I live in a place with lots of "old familes"--I guess every place has these, but where I am now it seems more pronouced to me. The woman we buried today was the matriarch of one of these old village families, and had led quite an interesting and accomplished life well into old age. She was a woman with strong ideas and her funeral clearly reflected her wishes. Very traditional and straight forward.

~The church was packed with people who clearly loved and respected this woman. There is something about a service done in such a group that feels---well, satisfying, proper, right, and that feeling was definitely present today. It was truly a celebration of a life well lived.

~In the congregation was someone I blogged about meeting here. I probably shouldn't notice such things but what can I say?

~My day was only partly done when the funeral was over. I had to proof my sermon, put together the prayers of the people (something I normally do on Thursday), and set up for the 5:00 service--which takes a while because we have lots of extra candles and a table for the altar and other stuff that has to be moved around. And after the service I had to take it all down and set up for tomorrow's 8:00 service, plus check in with the person setting up for tomorrow's workshop to make Advent wreaths.

~By the time I gave the acolyte a ride home and chatted with his parents for a few minutes, it was 7:15 when I walked in the door. Thank goodness for leftovers for dinner! The Kid is out, and I'm relaxing on the couch. And soon going to bed!

Friday Five on Saturday~For whom I'm thankful

~I intended to do this yesterday, but ran out of time....but here are five people for whom I give thanks:

1. My clergy coach and his wife who offer me moral support, sermon critique, and an ear when I need it. I'm not sure I would've stayed sane the last year or so without these two.

2. My friends, especially J who I see rarely but still feel a bond with, D & J with whom I've shared some great moments and awesome vacations, and the many friends I have connected or reconnected with on-line. What is life without friends? You are all dear to me.

3. My little granddaughter who reminds me what is really important in life.

4. My children who have all become wonderful individuals in their own right.

5. The people in my congregation who make my work such a joy, especially M who is my surrogate mother, the bible study group, the Wednesday group...well, I can't list them all, but I am blessed to be among them.

Thanksgiving~Part 2

~The cheesecake turned out really well, if I do say so myself And before that we had turkey (well, the Kid did), cornbread dressing, mashed potatoes with rosemary and garlic, gravy, cranberry sauce and roasted green beans. We have enough leftovers for a small army--but the Kid likes leftover, so that's a good thing.

~Dressing or stuffing? I grew up with dressing (always cornbread with sage, onions and celery) that never saw the inside of a turkey but was delicious nonetheless. Now the Kid wants ot call it stuffing even though it still doesn't see the inside of a turkey. So is "dressing" just a southern thing?

~I missed family and friends yesterday, but it was a relaxing, low key day. I was in the kitchen much of the day, but I didn't feel pressured, and if dinner was an hour later than we'd planned....well, so what?

~And what would Thanksgiving be without some mention of what I am thankful for? This year I am of course profoundly thankful for my beautiful granddaughter, and as always my children .For my health, and that I am able to pursue my calling. And I am especially grateful the friends who help keep me sane (more about that in my Friday Five post to follow.)

Thanksgiving ~ Part 1

~in which the cheesecake is in the oven and I tax my kitchen appliances to their limit.

~So far this morning I've made a vat of cranberry sauce--my own special cranberry sauce--and put together a pumpkin cheesecake that is now baking. It's the cheesecake that taxed my kitchen gadgets. I own neither a food processor nor a stand mixer. A couple of years ago I bought a combination blender/food processor. It's not bad, really, but the processor bowl is smaller than an average size Cuisinart would be, and making the crust (gingersnaps, pecans, butter and sugar) just about maxed it out. In fact, there was a tiny puff of smoke at the end, although the motor didn't smell like it was burning.

~And then there was the batter...I have a pretty decent hand mixer but it barely cut it mixing all that cream cheese. My mixing bowl wasn't quite large enough either, so we had lots of spatters at the end. I think if I were going to bake more often I would definitely invest in a stand mixer. I wish I had my mother's old one. She had an old Sunbeam Mixmaster that I think belonged to her mother. She used it for years; it still worked when she upgraded to a Kitchen Aid when she started making sourdough bread and rolls every week.

~When the cheesecake comes out of the oven, the turkey breast goes in. That's for the Kid, who is something of a purist when it comes to Thanksgiving. I offered salmon and was met with a resounding "No way!" (I offered to take him out, too, and got the same answer). The cornbread dressing and veggies will come later. And maybe there will be pictures.

Random bits of the day before Thanksgiving

~This was one of those days that just got away from me. I had a plan, I knew what had to be done, but everything took longer --LOTS longer--than I anticipated. Of course, the list is not finished, but close enough for today. I rushed out of work just in time to get to the bank about two minutes before it closed. Which is a good thing, trust me.

~Tonight was our community ecumenical Thanksgiving. Where I live is sort of the heart of Thanksgiving land, and the church where the service was held is the oldest Congregational church meeting house in the world today. With all that, you'd think the service would be packed--but it wasn't. Nonetheless, it was a nice service, with a reflection focused on what our kids ought to be learning about Thanksgiving in school. My part was minimal, but I enjoyed participating more than I had anticipated.

~A few years ago, NSLS made pumpkin cheesecake for Thanksgiving, and it was teh awesome. I had planned to make a pie this year, but at the last minute decided to try the cheesecake. I haven't made cheesecake in years, so we'll see tomorrow if this is a good idea or not.

~It's really hard to cook Thanksgiving for just two people--I mean, you can justify 4 or 5 side dishes if there is going to be a crowd. But for just us? Not so much. Although I laid in broccoli, green beans, Brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes and white potatoes. We don't have to eat it all tomorrow, right?

~Check in tomorrow for the final menu :)

~ I think this is the first time we've had Thanskgiving at home since my last year in seminary. I'll miss seeing family, but in a way it's nice to be home.

Really, I don't know why I'm surprised

~Recently I've been coming home from work just flat out exhausted. Bone numbingly tired. So tired my eyeballs hurt. I've chalked it up to lots of work and not enough sleep.

~Today I stayed at work until after six. The Kid wasn't home and I was working on the newsletter which I MUST finish asap, and I lost track of time. But when I got home, I realized that I wasn't nearly as exhausted as I have been lately. Haven't gotten more sleep. Still lots to do. Hmmm...

~What is the difference? The boss is on vacation. And the atmosphere at the office is completely different. And so is my mood.

~I've never been in a work situation like this before. And to be perfectly honest, if you met my boss you'd probably think he's a lovely guy--warm and friendly and outgoing. He's probably good at a lot of what he does. But the office is toxic right now, and I don't like what it does to me. I've been working on focusing on the positive and doing my job. Still....it's hard.

~The good news is that in 3 1/2 months he's going on sabbatical. And hopefully when he gets back, I'll have a new job. Keep your fingers crossed.

~In the meantime, I still need to get more sleep :)

So $70 billion wasn't enough?

~I keep listening to the reports on what kind of bailout....er, economic stimulus package will ultimately be needed. One estimate tonight--$700 billion. Does that much money even exist?

~Seriously, it all feels like so much smoke and mirrors to me. Let's just print some more money and be done with it. That makes as much sense to me as all the rest.

~Did I ever study economics? No, why do you ask? :)

~But I do like hearing President-elect Obama talk about creating jobs by rebuilding the infrastructure. Sad that it takes a depression for us to embrace that idea.

It's that time of year

~This is the time of year when I start to get really grumpy. I don't want to, I don't mean to, but it usually happens. I have a bad history with Christmas, and even though the last few years have had lovely holidays, this time of year still gets me down.

~Last year I swore that I would shop and decorate earlier this year, and to that end I've been thinking about Christmas presents. Last week we had to go to the mall for the Kid to get some new earphones, and while I was there I saw something that I thought might be a good Christmas present for someone in the family. So today I went back to get it--but of course they were all out and don't know when or if they'll get more. Even when I try to shop early I'm thwarted (although I guess by many people's standards, this isn't early.)

~We're having a low key Thanksgiving--just me and the Kid. And that's really okay with me. We'll cook Thursday and then eat leftovers the rest of the weekend, because I'm sure we'll cook way more than any two people need. I like cooking Thanksgiving dinner and since Thursday is the only day I really have off I'm fine with just staying home.

~The dryer just stopped--as soon as I get the Kid's fleece out of it I'm going to bed--maybe I'll even get there before midnight!

NaBloPoMo and other random bits

~This is my third year of doing NaBloPoMo, and 2/3 way through the month, this is the first year that my number of visits per day has gone down and not up. It could be that I've had nothing interesting to say; it could be that people are twittering now instead of reading blogs, it could be any number of things, I suppose, but it has been surprising.

~I've wanted to write more this month, but honestly I just haven't had any time. By the time I get home at night I'm so tired I can barely put two thoughts together, and I fall asleep on the couch.

~Does this make me go to bed earlier, try to get more sleep? No, it doesn't. I've haven't been to bed before 12:30-1:00 am in over a week, despite promising myself I'd try to get more sleep. What I do is really stupid.

~But I think I know why I do it. I just need a period of time to myself--no one else around, quiet, and I can just be. What I' doing is less important than getting that time; it's been true for years.

~It has been COLD here the last few days, surprisingly cold for November. And that after a pretty mild fall overall. We even had a dusting of snow on Wednesday. I don't mind it being cold this time of year. When it's still cold in April, then I'll mind!

Weird night

~I have thought of a number of adjectives to describe tonight, but for now, I guess I'll stick with weird, although surreal, uncomfortable, and "I couldn't have made this up " also come to mind.

~Backstory: The church has a dinner club of sorts. People sign up and are assigned to a different group each month; goups meet at someone's home, and the groups are usually 7 in number --why 7 I have no idea. I'm not signed up, but I sometimes get invited as a substitute--which happened this week. The hosts were a couple in their early 80s (although if you saw them you'd guess early 70s at the most) who've been married a long time and really love each other and are just very nice and smart and interesting people. So when M called to invite me, I said yes without reservation.

~Of course I had no idea who else would be there but I wasn't too concerned about it. Until I got there and found out that one of the couples was my boss and his wife. Now some of you know already that in earlier posts when I talk about difficulty at work, I'm talking about my boss, although I try not to say it directly too often here. On the surface we are cordial to each other, but just below the surface is what I'll describe as an undercurrent of tension, maybe even hostitlity. Recently he barely speaks to me or looks at me directly except when we're having necessary work discussions.

~And the other couple are nice people, although a bit eccentric. She is somewhat demanding and has in recent months taken to sending me emails at 1 am complaining about this that or the other--which I mostly ignore.

~So it was a weird mix of people. Really. But I know how to be nice, so I put on my happy social face and had a lovely glass of wine before dinner.

~And then there was dinner. I don't make a big deal about being a vegetarian, and I generally eat whatever there is (always hoping it won't be steak or some such). And tonight it was some kind of meat stew--sort of like stroganoff with cauliflower and served on brown rice. So I just took lots of cauliflower and avoided the hunks of meat and it was fine. Until I was helping clear the table and looked at the open cookbook in the kitchen. It was veal stew. Veal. The one meat I didn't eat for ethical reasons even before I became a vegetarian. I am SO glad I didn't know it was veal beforehand.

~So I made nice and ate food that I otherwise wouldn't have, and then I blew my cover as a vegetarian when Eccentric Lady and her husband started talking about how unhealthy all the vegetarians they knew looked and Boss and his wife chimed in. Without thinking about it I blurted out, "I'm a vegetarian." And then hastened to reassure my hosts that it was okay, I easily made exceptions for reasons of hospitality. And felt a little bad, because I really like the hosts and thought I might have been rude. Sigh.

~The evening ended about 9:15 and I drove home. When I got in the house I reached in my pocket to get out my phone to check for messages--and I didn't have it. I left it at the hosts' house. And I needed to call the Kid--whose phone number I never memorized because it's programmed in my phone. Fortunately I found it in caller id in the house phone. (It's a little alarming how bereft I feel without my phone, which I hope I have time to retrieve tomorrow.)

~Overall, it wasn't a terrible night. My hosts are interesting people and told some great stories. They live in a funky old house, filled with her artwork. But really, I couldn't have come up with a less likely group to spend time with. And now my introverted self is exhausted and needs to go to bed.

Another quiz

Because I'm just too tired for anything else...

You Are Chess

You are brilliant and shrewd. You can often predict what people will do in the future. You thrive in complex situations. You deal with contradictions well. You can have many streams of though going on at your mind at once. You keep track of things well. You are very patient. You have lots of endurance, even when your energy dwindles

What Board Game Are You?

I wish I had her hair

This is the second quiz I've taken where I've gotten Katharine Hepburn as my result...interestingly enough, the questions were quite different. Now if I just had her hair... i always loved the way she could just pull it up in a knot and look so elegant.

Your result for The Classic Dames Test...

Katharine Hepburn

You scored 14% grit, 19% wit, 48% flair, and 29% class!

You are the fabulously quirkyand independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.

Setting things straight

~Terri Gross interviewed Bill Ayers on Fresh Air today, and it was fascinating. I don't think I'd ever heard of Bill Ayers before Sarah Palin brought him up during the campaign. Yes, I'd heard of the Weather Underground, but I was a tween/young teen in the sixties, and just didn't pay that much attention to the details of the anti-war movement.

~Ayers is thoughtful and well-spoken, and he raised some really excellent questions about what "terrorism" means, and about EVERYONE needing to take responsibility for what the roles they played during the war. I was prepared to be a little hard on him, becasue I am a pacificst at heart, and he readily admits that he endorsed violence (although he maintains that it was always directed at property, not people)*. But I'm also the mother of an activist dughter and in his explanations for the decisions he made, I hear echoes of her thinking. Ayers didn't excuse what he did, and he didn't apologize--but he did put it in a context that made Palin's and the McCain campaign's characterizations of him, and the implied slurs on Obama for being associated with him seem all the more overblown.

~I won't rehash all of Ayers' arguments (listen to the interview--it's worth it). But the thing that impressed me the most, I think, was his calling for a truth and reconciliation commission (similar to what took place in South Africa after the end of apartheid) so that everyone involved in the war in any way might come to terms with their roles, that an honest look at what the war in Vietnam--and those in Iraq and Afghanistan--really mean, what they cost in terms of human life and erosion of the human spirit, so that real healing migth take place.

~I don't think that Obama and Ayers "palled around" in any real sense, but I have to say that after hearing this interview, if they had it would've been a good influence, not a bad one.

*and he maintains that he supporst non-violent resistance these days, which I fully endorse

Lost and found

~So the whole blogging the lost thing hasn't worked for me yet. I've looked EVERYWHERE I can possibly imagine the discs being and then some, to no avail.

~I hate losing things like this when I know where I had them last but can't imagine where they could be now. Now I'm debating whether I should just replace parallels--I was going to upgrade it anyway. But the other missing disc is Bibleworks, and I can't afford to replace that right now.

~I had to go in the crawl space today to find something else--we have crawl spaces tucked under the eaves in a couple of different places, and I have moving boxes and other things I don't need on a regular basis stored. But in moving things around to find what I needed (some pieces of flooring for the construction guy who is finally finishing the work started last summer) I found two more boxes of baby stuff I'd saved. NSLS and I went through some earlier when she was here, but I had the feeling I had more somewhere--and I do.

~I wonder what else I'll find when it's time to pack up and move again? Probably my software, long after I need it.

Blogging the lost

~It seems to work for other people...so here goes. After my hard drive crashed last spring, I never reinstalled my Parallels program, but a couple of months ago I got it out to do so. I carried it back and forth to work with me a few times, and left it out for a while but never got around to do doing it. But this week the computer guy at work fixed it so I can have remote access to the network, so I really need Parallels to set up Windoze --and now I can't find the software. Argh. I found the Windoze disk and the other software I was going to reinstall but no Parallels anywhere. And I have no recollection of what I could have done with it.

~The irony of me losing something like this now is that my house is probably cleaner and more organized than it has been at any other time in my adult life. And I've been pretty careful about keeping computer stuff together.

~The cleaning person could have stuck it somewhere if I left it sitting out--she occasionally moves things around. Or I guess I could have left it at the office...but I don't know why it got separated from the other software I had with it.

~Piffle. I really wanted to get it all set up tonight. Here's hoping the "blogging the lost" charm works for me!

Suffering from a short memory

~It's impossible to miss all the gloomy reports lately about the economy and concerns about energy (even with dropping oil prices) that have filled the news, especially since the election. But as I've listened, I've been dumbfounded a few times by what short memories Americans have, and by how we've failed to learn from our past. Two examples:

~Today on NPR in a report talking about the real estate and mortgage crisis, someone argued that it came about (at least in part) because those making risky loans were convinced that in American real estate prices always go up and real estate is always a good investment, even with high interest loans. But one has only to look over the last 25-30 years to see evidence that that's not always true, nor is this the first time people have ended up holding mortgages greater than the value of their homes. When we bought our first house in 1979 the interest rate was 10%, and our real estate agent told us it would likely never be lower. And indeed, over the next few years it continued to climb--as high as 16-17%. When Ronald Reagan came into office he immediately canceled a number of programs that helped lower income people afford houses with those rates and house prices tanked. We were living in an area with lots of military families who had been encouraged to buy homes as good investments, and who needed to sell those homes when they received orders to a new posting, and suddenly those houses were an albatross rather than a good investment. Sound familiar? (It's not lost on me that just as in today's crisis the first victims were those who could not have afforded to buy without special loan programs.) And when I moved to Vermont in the mid 90s, I could afford my condo only because real estate prices had stagnated for several years and condo owners in the area just wanted to get rid of them. I know that the mortgage crisis this time around cuts deeper and perhaps has more complicated causes, and of course I'm no expert. But I just don't see how people who ARE the experts could believe that real estate is always such a sure thig. Were they naive, greed, stupid--or all three?

~During the energy crisis in the mid 70s, Jimmy Carter had solar panels installed on the White House. I remember that energy crisis well--when there were lines at the gas pumps, speed limits were lowered to 55, and Americans were urged to conserve energy at home--but I don't remember the solar panels. At any rate, again after Reagan was elected, the energy crisis abated and Reagan not only had the solar panels removed, but he also pulled the funding from the agencies that were working on developing solar energy and other sustainable energy sources. This little tidbit was in the context of a report on fears that since oil prices had decreased so dramatically the pressure was off for developing more fuel efficient cars and alternative sources of energy.

~The philosopher George Santayana said, "Those who fail to remember the past are condemned to repeat it." Perhaps we should pay greater heed to that notion.

This may be my favorite silly quiz...

The Ultimate Color Test

When you are at peace, you are: Deeply stable When you are moved to act, you are: Unorthodox and idealistic When you are inspired, you are: Creative and productive When your life is perfectly balanced, you are: Totally in the moment Your life's purpose is: To change the world

The Ultimate Color Test

Work--the unbloggable

~I have started, in my head and on the computer, at least forty eleven different posts about work in the last few months, but none of them have been published. As much as I want--really, really want--to blog about all the cr@p sh1t, um, stuff going on, actually doing so makes me very uneasy, so I don't.

~But really, it gets ridiculous. More ridiculous, I should say. The tension that is floating around just below the surface is affecting everyone--the staff, the congregation, everyone I think except the one person at the center of it.

~In all this, there are some moments of grace. A support system has emerged, after I despaired of ever having one here. I know that they are willing to listen, and to give advice when it is sought, and just to be there. They have helped me to realize that some of the things I worry about are not just my imagination, or me being difficult, and I greatly appreciate that validation.

~And my day to day work goes on, mostly just fine. Because I do love what I do. Even when there is more of it that I can keep up with. Well, I mostly love it then :)

~But I also worry about becoming bitter, about developing a bad attitude or learning negative things that will affect my work here or later in another place. Gah. And I worry about all the energy being sucked right out of me. OTOH, I'm too stubborn to let this get the best of me. So there.

~Remind me of that last bit when I need it, okay?

What's next, American Idol?

~I haven't owned a TV in going on 13 years, so there's lots of programming that has come and gone without me ever seeing it. But about a year and half ago, I discovered Grey's Anatomy, first on DVD and then on-line. Recently it's become my habit to download the newest episode on Friday and watch it while I eat lunch.

~So a couple of weeks ago when GA was over, I idly clicked on the list of available shows, and then clicked on Dancing with the Stars--sort of fun to watch in a mindless sort of way (and I really need mindless these days). Cloris Leachman was a hoot (but no more, alas) and Susan Lucci dances nothing like I'd imagine Erica Kane would. She's really pretty restrained.

~Over the course of a couple of days, I managed to catch up with this season so far. And have been checking weekly to see who is the next to go. Silly really, but as I said before--mindless at a time I really need it.

~So is this the beginning of the end of my "no TV" life? And what will come next? Stay tuned!